Kim Jongdae is blind.

 

He was born a miracle. It was a freak accident, and his mother was barely alive when she was brought to the hospital, 30 weeks pregnant with Jongdae.

 

Born 10 weeks premature. He came out smooth and without a hitch, but there was only two problems.

 

His mother died during childbirth due to excessive haemorrhaging from her sustained injuries.

 

And, he had stage 3 retinopathy of prematurity.

 

It was an eye disease that affected premature babies like him, and the prognosis for his case was poor. 

 

At age 5, Jongdae had completely lost his vision.

 

***

 

Kim Jongin was his sweet baby cousin. The day when 2-year old toddler Jongdae laid his eyes on Jongin was the day their special bond was formed. Through his hazy vision, Jongdae watched as Jongin's mum picked Jongin up and the newborn gurgled with happiness. Watched as Jongin snuggled his face comfortably on his mothers neck as she patted him gently with a glowing smile.

 

Jongdae knew he was different from Jongin. Even from that young age.

 

As a young kid, Jongdae rarely played with friends. He didn't go to preschool because of his bad vision, and stayed at home instead, day after day, playing quietly with his toys and watching the children play happily from his window.

 

And slowly, the trips to the window grew less and less frequent.

 

 

One day, he woke up, and wondered why it was still so dark outside. He felt like he had slept for a long time. Surely it can't be that he slept for the whole day and it is night again?

 

He rubbed his eyes vigorously, staring and blinking hard. But there was nothing. 

 

Jongdae had seen this coming. He knew that one day, he wouldn't be able to see. Despite knowing this, Jongdae clumsily swung his legs off the bed and stumbled to the door, swinging it open and yelling, "what time is it? Why is it so dark?"

 

***

 

Jongdae hated his father. He had never seen his father as a caring, jolly dad like the many other dads he had seen before.

 

As a baby, Jongdae was entrusted to a caretaker, while his dad buried himself in copious amounts of work, ignoring his only son. The grief he felt towards his late wife was so overwhelming, that he could barely look at his son without being reminded of her. 

 

As a result, Jongdae saw his dad about 3 times a year - his birthday, his dad's birthday, and Christmas. That was all.

 

On his birthday, his dad would wish him happy birthday, pat him on the head and him a present. Then he would leave. The other occasions were a bit better, with his dad staying a little longer. But Jongdae could understand why. His birthday was, after all, his mother's death anniversary as well.

 

Then again, he saw his dad less than 15 times in his whole life. Before the disease consumed his eyesight completely. And the following years after that, his dad stopped coming to visit.

 

Living alone in an empty house with his caretaker, an elderly lady that cared for his every need, looked after him like a grandmother.

 

But it was different, he craved attention and love, but the caretaker couldn't offer that. She was merely carrying out her job. Busy with housework, cooking, cleaning, gardening, she rarely had time to play with Jongdae. Jongdae spent most of his childhood in his room.

 

***

 

It was his sixth birthday when he met Jongin, for the second time of his life. Jongdae's caretaker had decided to throw a small party for him, and invited several family friends.

 

"Mummy, who is he?"

 

Jongdae heard a small unfamiliar voice behind him, and he turned towards it, curious. 

 

"He is Jongdae and he is your cousin the birthday boy, Jongin. Go say hi to Jongdae."

 

He heard a pitter-patter of little footsteps, and suddenly the voice piped up in front of him. 

 

"Hello Jongdae!! I'm Jongin. Happy birthday!!!" The boy took his hand, and it felt smaller than his, soft and warm. 

 

"Wanna go play?"

 

Jongdae blinked several times. 

 

"Play... What?"

 

"Hmm... Computer games!!"

 

"I don't play computer games..."

 

"Why not?" The little boy's voice was laced with confusion.

 

"I..."

 

"Jongin ah, come here and greet uncle." Jongdae heard Jongin's mum call out, and all at once the little hand was gone and Jongdae was alone.

 

Jongdae sighed. It's so difficult to make friends, he thought.

 

***

 

Jongdae went to a school for the blind. His first day of school was tough, what with having to cross several roads to the bus stop where the specialised school bus would come and pick him up.

 

Jongdae's life at school was uneventful, mainly revolving around Braille and maths and songs and motor coordination. It didn't help that 90% of his classmates stil had an element of their eyesight, but he had none. At all.

 

He had found a buddy out of a boy with a friendly personality and large hands named Chanyeol, whom he lives near to and would go to the bus stop with everyday. Chanyeol was mute alongside with blind, so he communicated with Jongdae via a very special way.

 

Chanyeol would take Jongdae's hand with his large ones and wrote letters into his palm.

 

If he was hungry, he would slowly spell out 'H' 'U''N'... And Jongdae would nod in understanding. "Lets go eat, Chanyeol."

 

If he was happy, he would simply draw a smiley face.

 

But after a while, the sad faces grew more and more frequent.

 

One day, Chanyeol didn't come to school anymore. And he never heard from the boy again.

 

Jongdae was heartbroken.

 

***

 

One day when Jongdae was in sixth grade, there was a knock on his door, and his caretaker said in a gentle voice, "Jongdae ah, you have a visitor."

 

Visitor? Me? 

 

Jongdae never had visitors in his entire life. Aside from his dad, but Jongdae knew it couldn't be, his dad was long gone from his life.

 

The door creaked open, and a set of soft pattering footsteps came in. It stopped near his bed, and Jongdae figured the visitor had sat down on his bed. He turned his body to face the visitor, with a smile on his face.

 

"Hello, who is this?" He asked politely.

 

There was silence on the other side, and before Jongdae could begin to test out his 'broken' sign language, the person spoke.

 

"Are you really blind?"

 

Jongdae's mouth opened and closed. He knew exactly who it was.

 

"Jongin."

 

"Yeah, how do you know?"

 

"Your voice."

 

"Oh..." There was some nervous shuffling on the other end. "You can hear really well."

 

"I'm down by one sense, its natural that I sharpen my other four senses." Jongdae smiled warmly.

 

Another bout of silence ensued, before Jongdae felt a hand on his arm. 

 

"My mum told me that you got an award in your school for getting the best Math results."

 

Jongdae nodded slowly, and the other boy piped up immediately.

 

"Can you help me? My math ." The voice drooped a little at the end, and Jongdae chuckled. 

 

"Sure, wanna start now?"

 

 

Jongin came over almost every day after that. 

 

He would sprawl on Jongdae's bed or on the floor and read out the questions, slowly and steadily to Jongdae, and the other would sit with his face perfectly straight as he mentally solved the question. Jongin would watch in amazement as Jongdae processed the answer quickly and correctly in his head without so much a calculator or a piece of paper.

 

"You're so smart, Jongdae hyung, I wish I were like you."

 

"Don't wish such things, Jongin."

 

"Why, hyung?"

 

"... You won't want to be me. Nobody does." He frowned.

 

He felt small arms go round his neck in a backhug. 

 

"Hyung..." Jongin whispered in his ear comfortingly. 

 

"I'll always be here for you."

 

***

 

Jongdae had asthma. It was another side effect of his premature birth, and he hated his asthma. As he approached the end of high school, it worsened.

 

It would act up in the middle of the street, and he would collapse onto the ground, huffing and panting and fumbling for his inhaler. It would act up in his sleep and he would choke and gasp and the caretaker would hobble in (due to her old age) and quickly relieve his constricted airways.

 

One day, he passed out in school.

 

At the hospital, together with the caretaker and Jongin, Jongdae listened as the doctor told him that it was best he moved to a place with less air pollution, and more peace.

 

The caretaker declared it was too inconvenient for her, and that she was retiring.

 

Jongdae bit his lip. He would have to go alone.

 

***

 

"Mum, I want to do this!! No one is forcing me!"

 

"Don't be foolish, Jongin. What is wrong with you?"

 

"Nothing, mum!! I just want to be with Jongdae hyung!"

 

Jongdae winced at the heated argument that was brewing in the room beside his. He tried to cover his ears, to stop himself from unintentionally eavesdropping, but it was impossible.

 

"Jongin, you are NOT going to drop your studies and go to some countryside just because Jongdae is going there, do you hear me?!" 

 

"No. I'm going, and that's final."

 

"Jongin!!"

 

Jongdae clutched his head in helplessness and grief as he heard the tight slap across Jongin's face. 

 

There was a suffocating silence. Jongdae could hear heavy breathing from the next room.

 

"... Nothing you do to me will ever change my mind, mum."

 

 

 

A/N: still the prologue!! Actual chapter will start after this prologue I promise :)