A/N: Hello! I must tell you that I edited the previous chapters to present tense. I don't know why I started writing this in past tense, it's too hard to maintain. The story is still the same, you don't have to read it again. Also, this update is shorter than the other chapters, because my computer is broken and I had to write this at my cousin's house, and I had a short time. Please let me know if this is ok?

And lastly, Happy holidays to everyone!

---

"So, that's why I don't eat that, I seriously can't stand red meat," Jiyong says, taking a sip of his drink.

He keeps talking about food and drinks and he's also making jokes, but Seunghyun isn't listening, not really. He looks at him from time to time and smiles because he is polite and Jiyong is sweet, but his mind is somewhere else.

He wishes he was less complicated.

The hotel organized a gathering  to celebrate the holidays, all members of the staff were invited. Seunghyun clearly didn't want to go, but here he is. He can't miss events like this, he knows that. And he's trying to socialize but it's hard, because he's not interested.

He greets Mr. Takahiro and they talk briefly, the older man is hosting the party and he's busy, walking around shaking hands and laughing with other people. Seunghyun grabs another drink on his way back to the table, because well if he has to endure this all night, he should at least get drunk.

He pretends not to see Shinji, and the other man doesn't approach him and he's glad. Seunghyun's so upset he wouldn't be able to hold on a conversation without being rude.

Jiyong's playing with his phone when he gets back, face contorted with concentration.  His long hair isn't tied today, and he's wearing a headband. Cute.

"Where were you?" Jiyong asks, putting his phone away.

"Nowhere." the older man replies, playing with his food.

The younger man nods, looking at his hands. This is awkward. The whole situation is awkward. And Seunghyun feels bad for making it worse, for not helping at all. Jiyong's definitely trying, he should at least do the same. He takes another sip of his drink, booze always helped him to loosen up.

Seunghyun starts to speak all of a sudden, and Jiyong moves to the next chair, to sit right beside him. It's loud and there's music and Seunghyun's voice is really low, especially now that he's drinking. Jiyong moves closer and that's it, it's perfect. It's also easier to speak with him like this, when he doesn't have to face him.

"T-This is really boring, don't you think?" Seunghyun asks, and he notices a small smile on Jiyong's face.

"Yeah, it's pretty boring. But it could be worse, right? You could be alone."

It's straightforward and a bit cocky, but it does the trick. Seunghyun doesn't even bother to retaliate, he's actually enjoying the company. If he was alone, he'd probably have left by now.

The long-haired man speaks again, maybe a little too close to his ears, his breath sending shivers down his spine. "So, Seunghyun-ssi, why did you decide to move to Japan?"

Now that he's asking, Seunghyun isn't sure. He simply decided to move to Japan, he didn't give any second thoughts. At this point, he can't even remember why he wanted so badly to run away. Seunghyun remembers that his mother was pressuring him to go back to college, he remembers that he got in trouble with a bunch of guys he's met at the diner, he remembers that his friends were trying to help him.

But he can't remember why he decided to leave his hometown, he just knows that he had to.

"I don't know, actually..." He speaks slowly. Now that he's thinking about it, it was a pretty damn stupid idea. "I just---"

"Needed to leave." Jiyong finishes the sentence for him, and he's not smiling anymore.

"Yeah, something like that."

Somehow, this makes him feel a little closer to Jiyong, to know that the other man understands him. Usually nobody understands him. They were all quick to judge him, but no one actually took the time to talk to him, to ask how he was feeling.

He doesn't know anything about this man, but it's a miracle that he found him here, of all places; Seunghyun is intrigued. He wants to know more about Jiyong, he thinks that if the man is honest with him, maybe one day he'll do the same.

Trust issues.

"So what about you? Why did you move to Japan?" Seunghyun asks, but the other man doesn't have the chance to answer, as someone approach their table.

"Seunghyunnie what's up?!" Shinji sounds just as drunk as he looks, his body is slow and unsteady, he keeps pacing back and forth. Seunghyun takes a deep breath because really, great timing. He doesn't want to look like a jerk in front of Jiyong, so he greets him briefly, "Hey, Shinji."

The japanese man doesn't leave though, he keeps staring at him with that stupid smile that is nothing but cocky, and Seunghyun seriously wishes he could punch him. Shinji is stealing a few glances at Jiyong, but he's not saying anything and the situation is now beyond odd.

"Are you done?" Jiyong asks, not to Seunghyun but to the man in front of them. Shinji looks surprised to hear his voice and takes a step back, raising his hands as if to defend himself, "I'm out. Nice to see you too, Yongie."

And then he's gone.

Seunghyun's glad that he's out of sight, but he doesn't know what to do either. Should he ask Jiyong about Shinji? What was that? Jiyong clearly knows the bastard and surely doesn't like him, and Seunghyun is curious but he's also cautious, he doesn't know if he is allowed to step on this territory.

Jiyong must have read his mind, because he grabs his hand and squeezes it. "It's okay."

Déjà vu.

"Do you know him?" he asks, because Jiyong said it was okay right?

The smaller man snorts, looking at his phone, "Yeah I guess you can say that." Jiyong looks vulnerable, perhaps for the first time since he met him. Seunghyun takes advantage of this moment of weakness.

"Really? The guy's an you know that right?" and the question makes Jiyong laugh, a genuine laugh so intense that his whole body is shaking, and he's even clapping his hands, much like a seal.

Seunghyun is taken aback by the sudden reaction, he's not sure why this is so funny. But he makes a mental note to make Jiyong laugh more, because it's an endearing sight.

After maybe a minute or two, Jiyong speaks again, "Yeah, I know that." He wants to ask how does he know that Shinji is an , he wants to ask if Shinji did something ty to Jiyong as well, but then he'd have to talk about his personal experience and no, thanks.

He decides to ask his previous question again, since Shinji interrupted them. "So yeah, I asked you a question and you didn't have the chance to answer..." he offers, expecting that Jiyong would understand.

Jiyong replies with an "Oh", followed by another question. "Why do you care?"

Seunghyun doesn't know what to say. He's so surprised he feels a bit lightheaded. Yes, he has been a to Jiyong for the past few days, barely speaking and acknowledging his presence, but he didn't expect this response. It's almost rude.

Jiyong is also drinking so Seunghyun understands. He of all people should understand. And he actually deserves this kind of attitude from Jiyong. Nevertheless, he is still a bit shocked.

He clears his throat before speaking, staring at nowhere, too much of a coward to look into Jiyong's eyes. "It's ok if you don't want to talk. And you're right, I don't care. I just wanted to start a conversation that's all. I apologize if I offended you."

Seunghyun stares at his hands, then at his glass, then at all the food scattered on the table. He feels Jiyong's eyes on him, studying his movements and it's disturbing in a way that it shouldn't be. The smaller man isn't shy or awkward like Seunghyun is, and the older man feels vulnerable around him.

That's why Seunghyun doesn't deal with people, that's why he only has a few friends. Because this, whatever this is, is unbearable. He almost gets up and walks away, but Jiyong moves even closer, so Seunghyun waits.

"I'm sorry. I just got pissed, I didn't mean to be rude." Jiyong pauses to look into Seunghyun's eyes, and why does he feel all of a sudden? "Do you still want to hear my story?"

"Y-Yes?" he says, sounding a little too excited for a man who didn't care about Jiyong one day ago. Maybe it's the booze.

Jiyong's not so close anymore, he takes a sip of his drink and moves a strand of hair behind his ear. "I used to live with someone, back in Seoul. But things didn't end up well so, I had to leave."

Seunghyun immediately notices sadness in Jiyong's eyes, and that makes him feel uncomfortable. He's used to see Jiyong laughing and cracking jokes, or being spontaneous and cute, he's not ready to see this other side of him. It's too soon, he doesn't know what to do.

He decides to speak, because he does that when he's nervous. It makes him feel a bit more in control, as strange as it sounds. "But why Japan? You could, I don't know, move to another house maybe? I know that I'm not the one to talk here but---" and he has to pause to think, he's not sure of what he's saying anymore. "--- Well you don't seem to be the "runaway" type of guy."

That earned him a smile, and it's good enough for now. If Jiyong doesn't want to speak, he won't push. They can talk about something else, or maybe not talk at all, they can be just drinking buddies tonight.

Jiyong finishes his drink in one go, eyelids swollen. "This person well---" a pause. "I mean I just---" another pause. The younger man is nervous, Seunghyun can tell by the way his hands are shaking, voice weak. He didn't want this to happen, didn't mean to make the other man feel like this, he feels responsible and he wants to make everything ok again, he wants to make Jiyong laugh and maybe even dance, why not. But before he changes the subject, Jiyong speaks again, louder this time.

"Look, I had someone really special. I was young and stupid and in love, and this person took advantage of me. I-I was devastated." Seunghyun still doesn't quite understand, and maybe he doesn't have to. Girl breaks up with guy, guy runs away to Japan. It's not that complicated. But it seems a bit exaggerated, Seunghyun thinks.

He's stupid enough to say it out loud. "So you broke up with this girl and ran away to Japan? Don't you think it was a bit hasty?" The reply comes within seconds.

"She cheated on me okay?! Multiple times, with different men. I felt stupid and small and weak in a way that I've never felt before. I couldn't stay near her, I couldn't move to another house because she'd find me eventually. I "ran" to Japan not because of her. I ran to save myself. I-I was about to do something stupid, you know? God."

Jiyong covers his face with his hands, his whole body shaking. If Seunghyun could dig a hole and bury himself, he would. Jiyong is drunk and he's almost there, he shouldn't have started this conversation. Shouldn't have provoked him. He's responsible for this mess, Jiyong is probably feeling like right now and that's his fault.

.

What should he say? Is there anything he could say to make this ok?

Seunghyun has never been good with words, so in a swift motion he moves closer, close enough to hug Jiyong; the smaller man goes rigid under his embrace, and Seunghyun rubs his hand on Jiyong's back, whispering "I'm sorry."

It's the best he could ever do.

Jiyong pulls away quickly, he runs a hand through his hair and gives Seunghyun a weak smile. "It's okay," he says, voice still a bit shaky. "I'm drunk and ugh, I got carried away. I'm fine now, I don't know why this happened. this is embarrassing."

Seunghyun laughs because Jiyong's being cute again. He likes the cute Jiyong. He missed him. Before he ruins the moment with his stupid remarks, he tries to change the subject, this time with success.

"Jiyong shut up ok? We don't have to talk about this anymore. We both had our reasons, and here we are. Let's just... enjoy the moment, ok?" And he feels pathetic for trying to be optimistic, he clearly wasn't made for this.

---

They talk for hours, Seunghyun's surprised when he sees how late it already is. Jiyong's drunk so he can't drive, and Seunghyun isn't sober either, so they both decide to share a cab.

The ride home is quiet, Jiyong looks tired and Seunghyun is too. The younger man murmurs over his neck, "Would you like to come over to my place? We can have some more drinks, you know?" It's cute in a way that makes him nervous, because he just met Jiyong and he's not ready for this kind of intimacy.

They met weeks ago, and Jiyong's always asking him how he is, sometimes he even drives him home. Seunghyun lets that happen because a ride doesn't have to mean anything. He can easily get a ride with a stranger, if he had the balls for it. But going to someone else's house at this hour, for drinks? Yeah, they're both men and like this happens all the time, but Seunghyun's more cautious after what happened with Shinji.

They're closer than they were yesterday, but it's still too soon. And he enjoys the curiosity, it's cool that he doesn't know everything about Jiyong. They work together, they can hang out another time. After today, Seunghyun's ready to go grab a drink with the other man after work, if he wants to.

Plus they're both drunk, nothing good can come out of this. Best case scenario, they would woke up with a headache and very much embarrassed. No, Seunghyun doesn't need this. They don't need this.

He's starting to like Jiyong, he doesn't want to ruin the moment with his awkwardness. Seunghyun murmurs back, voice low and hoarse, "Not tonight, Ji."

The older man blushes after hearing what he said, he just called him "Ji". Is that ok? He hopes so. Jiyong sighs loudly, "Good call."

The driver drops Seunghyun first, he says a simple "Good night", and then he's out of sight, already inside the building.

In his room, Seunghyun thinks about everything that happened tonight. He went to that party with zero expectations, but now he's glad that he decided to go to this event. After the argument with Ren, Seunghyun is feeling more lonely than ever.

He still calls his friends, and sometimes they call him back. His mother always calls him, but it's still not the same. Seunghyun is feeling things he has never felt before, he's anxious one moment and then he isn't. Sometimes he's nervous and sometimes he does stupid things, and he needs to share that with someone.

Yes, he wanted to be free and independent, but never wanted to be all alone. After tonight, he realized how much he misses a friend. Someone to talk to, someone to laugh with.

He doesn't know if Jiyong has other friends, he's not sure he cares, but he's damn sure that he needs one, desperately. And right now, after thinking about it, he doesn't think this is pathetic anymore.

This is human.

Most people can't survive alone, and Seunghyun is no exception. What's the point of being independent if he can't share his achievements with someone? What's the point of freedom if he doesn't have a shoulder to cry when something goes wrong?

Seunghyun is still drunk and he is also a bit nauseous. He's over thinking when he should be sleeping. He doesn't have to work tomorrow, so he'll have the whole day to himself. And even though he's desperate for a friend, he needs some time alone to organize his thoughts.

Seunghyun is confused when he shouldn't be.