(754 AD) Hanyang, South Korea

My second life was a poor, sad, story that took place in the great city of Hanyang. The city was situated beside a huge river, flowing silently; the waters running deeply. It wasn’t as rich as the city I’ve lived in my first life, but it was more beautiful, more serene.

 
During this life, people started to seem familiar to me despite the difference in the outward appearance. In this lifetime, I was a poor, orphan boy. My family died in a terrible earthquake that probably shook the whole world, leaving me alone to fend for myself, begging along the busy streets of the city.

I remembered I was only 12 years old back then, when that day happened. I don’t think I’ve ever had more than 3 shirts and 2 pairs of shorts during that lifetime.

It was a sunny day. The giant ball of fire was high up in the sky, trying to set the world ablaze as it smiled down ruthlessly upon the dry land. Rain had probably given up on us during that year.

I was sitting under a fruit stall at the market, my hands held out to passersby busy shopping for this and that. Actually, I found myself a bit pathetic that I had to beg for food but that was life, brutal and savage. My stomach would churn and ask me for food but I had nothing to give so I would walk back to the alleyway I call home, curl up in a ball and fall asleep, trying my best to forget the bubbling inside my stomach.

Other days, when I’m lucky, the richer merchants would give me bags of food or some stuff to sell, in exchange for a day’s work. Most of them were easy task. It mostly involved looking after their stalls while they go somewhere else, or maybe deliver some mails or packages to other people around the city.

 I’ve always had the character that I get along with people really well, especially the elders. Maybe it’s because of the fact that I think more maturely than my age.

Really, I haven’t learned to recognize other souls during this lifetime yet, but it marked the start of my fascinating ability. I didn’t even know back then that I had the capability to remember. All I know was that, people seemed familiar and that I had these images playing inside my head. It was weird because I knew every emotion associated with them so I was sure I wasn’t dreaming.

I would always send them far at the back of my head because I had more important problems I needed to face. Survival being the topmost priority. I never questioned why I let myself struggle for survival when I had no reason to live. It was just… Human instinct, I guess. It was pointless to live but it was painful to die. That’s what scared me the most; the pain of dying slowly.

“Ya! Kai!”A small boy, about my age, was running towards the stall I was sitting in. Yes, in this life, I go by the name, Kai.

“Baekhyun!” I smiled weakly at him, my lips cracking in the process.

This was the lifetime where I first met Baekhyun. He became a good friend of mine. His parents died during the earthquake, too, leaving him and his younger brother, Sehun, behind. Baekhyun was one of the “Exceptions”, but during this time, I didn’t know yet. Well, what do I know? I was still confused why the memory of my first life was haunting me. It made me feel like I don’t belong to the new world which I was currently at. But I didn’t tell anyone about my emotions, not even Baekhyun and Sehun, afraid that they would run away from me, and I couldn’t gamble with that because they’re the closest thing to family I have. I couldn’t lose them.

“Hey, Sehun says the prince is coming to the plaza today. Come on! Pick yourself up.” He frantically said to me, tugging at my hands. I was hungry and weak, and my lips were very dry.

The memory of that day was so vivid. So clear that, I could even tell what shade of blue the sky had that day, or how intense the redness of the apple sitting on the stall above me is. I could even remember how Baekhyun looked like. A 12 year old kid, skinny body, pale lips, white skin. Everything about Baekhyun was dull, and malnourished. Well, all of us were.

The three of us were a bunch of filthy, ugly, disheveled, and destitute souls, often referred to as the three musketeers. If there was something beautiful within our circle, that would be Baekhyun’s eyes. They would stand out because they are bright and full of life; expressive and always smiling, despite the hunger in his stomach.

He pulled me up from the floor, eyes crinkling as he smiled at me.

Baekhyun oddly reminded me of my older brother. Yes, the commander of the troop during my first life. Their eyes were the same shade of brown. And also, Baekhyun had his way of manipulating me and Sehun, in a good way, to obey his orders, which made me like him even more, because it was comfortable to be with him.

I really had no other choice so I got up. Baekhyun placed my arms around his shoulders and assisted me towards the plaza. I couldn’t walk properly because I hadn’t eaten anything for almost 2 days, and I was sure Baekhyun and Sehun hadn’t had something too. I wondered what kept us all alive.  

When we reached the plaza, it was already packed with spectators wanting to see the young prince. I wasn’t really interested about this because my stomach hurt. Like, it really, really hurt that I winced at every wave of the pain.

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asked me.

“Yes. I think. The usual.” I answered him.

“I’m sorry Kai-yah. If only I had the money to buy you guys food.” There he goes with the brotherly instinct again.

Turning to Baekhyun, I patted his shoulders. He was looking at Sehun’s direction. The youngest among us had his eyes fixed on the platform, waiting for the prince to arrive, his eyes wide and his mouth agape, his face was filled with wonder.

“Hey, don’t be like that.” I told Baekhyun.

Baekhyun sighed deeply.

He dragged me towards the front of the platform and made me sit behind Sehun, before disappearing into the crowd. I fixed my eyes on the stage. It wasn’t a huge platform, just a step higher from where we sat. It was too hot and I felt like I was about to pass out, but I held it all in. I wiped the sweat trickling down my forehead with my palms, leaving a smudge of dirt on my face.

The people behind me were getting impatient, saying they’ve waited for a long time now. Sehun and I sat there silently. Baekhyun was nowhere in sight.

I was about to ask the young kid beside me where his older brother was when the trumpets started blaring. It was loud and the noise was annoying. Then, a parade of royal guards came, carrying something that resembled a small box house on their shoulders. My eyes were wide, anticipating what the prince looked like.

I could see his silhouette through the curtains. When the box was lowered down to the floor, the prince steps out of it. He was tall and his clothes were beautiful. He was wearing a pair of shiny boots. His hanbok was very soft-looking and bright-colored.

 When he turned to face the people, I’m not sure if I gasped or squealed or whatever noise I made but he turned to me, looking me straight in the eye.

The memories of my first life rushed through my brain the moment our gazes locked, making me feel dizzy. I remembered everything; the fire, the screams, the smell of burning flesh, and the eyes - the very same pair of round eyes. He didn’t have the same face as he did in the first life but he was the same person. How I knew? I can’t tell you, because it was puzzling for me too. Maybe it was the same as when you meet someone when they were younger, got separated, and met them again when they were old; that kind of feeling. They look like strangers to you but you know them.

 That was then I realized that I had the skill to recognize souls.

I wondered if the prince remembered me. It was impossible but I wanted to tell him I’m sorry for what I did back then. I wanted to tell him that I wasn’t able to live well after that day because my mind kept on travelling back to their place, and how his eyes looked that night had made me lose days of sleep.

The prince was already a young man. Probably around 19 or 20.

Scrambling up the stage, I grabbed the prince hands, not minding how filthy I was, I asked him, “Do you remember me?”My eyes boring into his own dark ones.
 
The crowd gasped. What was a dirty, 12-year-old kid doing asking such a nonsensical question to the young prince?

Confusion was written all over his face and I wanted to cry. That was wrong. I was too impulsive.

I was pulled off the stage by the royal guards and was tossed harshly at the side, kicking me in the rib. I breathed harshly, the pain registering in my head. The royal guard pulled on my hair and tried to drag me out of the place but the prince stopped him.

“Stop! Don’t hurt him! He’s just a kid.” The prince ordered and made his way towards us.

I didn’t notice the tears streaming down my face until the prince bent down and wiped them for me. I seriously did not deserve that kind of treatment. His hands were too clean. He shouldn’t touch me.

 If only the prince knew what I did in the past life, he would be disgusted with me the way I was disgusted with myself back then. The kindness he was showing me, I did not deserve that, not even a very small part of it. I feel ashamed, despite my young age, because I remembered it all.

“Don’t cry, little boy.” He cupped my chin and flashed me a very beautiful smile. “Take him home to his mother.” he ordered his guard.

He handed me a bag of coins and before the royal guard made his move to carry me home, I bolted out of their sight.

You see, it was really hard for me to face him after my first life. But it was also hard to hold back. One, because I still had no idea that I possess these kinds of amazing abilities. And two, was because, I feel very remorseful and sad because of the happenings in the past.

After that day, I silently wished for the prince to come visit our city as I sat on streets, begging for food, again. Years passed and the longing grew.

Severe hunger took away my life at the age of 14, not even having the chance to see him again.  

Fate was never on my side.

 Our story would always end even before it had the chance to begin.

Maybe if I hadn’t killed him before, we’d come back in another lifetime together.

But, it’s too late for regrets now.




---

(2012) Seoul, South Korea

Luhan sat inside the bus, looking out the window, deep in thought.

The landscape that he passed by was breathtaking. Mountains high up, touching the clouds; sun resting behind them. He leaned against his chair and closed his eyes. The world seemed to be peaceful. But why is my life so complicated?

Luhan was trying his best to forget Jongin, just like what he promised himself, not realizing how hard it was. Every night, when he goes to bed, he was haunted by Jongin’s face; eyes piercing through his soul, making him stare into space.

After that encounter with Baozi, Luhan was starting to lose sleep even more. He would wake up in the middle of the night, soaked in sweat, and his heart racing. He would always dream about Jongin drowning somewhere, or maybe Jongin dying in front of him. His nightmares would catch up to him, suffocating him with fear. Luhan had no idea why he was scared for Jongin’s safety when he clearly told himself that he wanted to forget.   

His own emotions scared the hell out of him and the only solution he could think of was to run. So there he was on a bus, making his way to the countryside of Seoul, trying to hide again, even if it’s just for the whole duration of summer. He didn’t even tell Lay where he was going. He wanted to be alone for now.

After moments of stressful thoughts, Luhan fell asleep.  

---

(954 AD) Kangnam, South Korea

My third life happened almost 200 years later.

My soul was left to wander for 200 years after I died due to diarrhea. I roamed from one city to another, being a bodiless entity until an older soul died inside a 17-year-old boy’s body, effectively giving me a shell to go into. The body I took lived in the mountain parts of one of the biggest cities in the history, Kangnam, working as a farmer. Our house was situated above a mountain in the southernmost part, overlooking the beautiful city that stretched around 20 miles inland from the sea.

During this life, I met one of my most brutal enemies during the first life again, Kris. This time, he was taking the role of my older brother. You see, souls tend to cluster like that, getting closer to people that had caused them pain and torment during their past lives. I remembered killing Kris in a war, but it was not after he almost cut my by body in half, leaving a huge gash of wound in my chest.

Actually, I still have that wound with me today, but in the form of a birthmark. A black, long strip, stretching from my right armpit to the end of my ribs on the left side of my body.

There was still the hint of unease and irritation in my chest whenever I see Kris in this lifetime.

The first time I recognized him, I had steered clear away from him, not wanting some unnecessary bickering get in between us. I hated him, he hated me, it went that way, so it wasn’t really a surprise to me when one day, he asked for our parent’s blessing, saying he wanted to go and join the rebel; saying he didn’t believe in the crazy of the royalties.

He was Just like what he was during our first life, ruthless and rude. I stayed behind, not wanting to repeat my mistakes.

Maybe it was really his passion – killing innocent lives.Our life worked like that, the way we think is being manipulated by our past lives. We tend to stick to whatever we loved to do during our first lives.

 Kris’ troops mission was to raid temples, stealing foods from the monks, and the destruction of small villages. Seriously, I didn’t understand why or how he was doing that. Thinking about it made me sick.

My parents called me Kai in this lifetime, again. But I prefer to call myself Jongin. It was confusing to have many names, many identities, and many families. The only consolation I can give myself was to have a permanent name for myself. In the lives that followed this, I started to stick to my name Jongin, telling my next parents that I wanted to be called like that. They were puzzled but they didn’t have any choice but to give me what I want.

 My life was a complicated thread. A story that was really, really hard to tell. The complexities of my being made me wish to give up; to stop looking forward; to just die.

But something happened here that made me renew all my thoughts. What I’m going to tell you about is the start of our story. Our love story.

It was 3 years since Kris had been gone to the rebel group. Sometimes, I would catch my mom crying because she missed her son, making me sigh. This was something inevitable when you don’t have a memory like mine; you tend to succumb to emotions that weren’t even important. Well, it was also important but not as important as the need to eat, or drink, or nourish your body.

Despite that, my family during this lifetime was a good one, Kris excluded. My mother was a nurturing soul, my father was a funny and kind man, and my younger brother was very trustworthy. We weren’t rich but our life without the presence of my older brother was peaceful and happy.
 

One night, Kris sent a messenger to our house and announced that he was about to go home, he said he’ll be bringing his wife along. I anticipated the homecoming with so much dread because I knew that the sadist bastard was going to come inside the house again with his dirty hands and dirty feet. Everything about Kris was just dirty and thinking about the lives he killed made me hate him all the more.

My father butchered our one and only calf so we could have a little celebration about my brother’s wedding. I deemed it a waste but stopped myself from saying that to my parents. I didn’t want to make them sad.

It was starting to get dark when we saw two silhouettes walking towards the house, a burning torch lighting their way. I did not expect them to be on foot, what with Kris’ riches from his work, there was no way he’d be walking, but there he was. My mother waited patiently at the doorstep and hugged her son.

Kris was irritable as he glared at me.
 

“Hyung.” I greeted him.

He only groaned and pulled his wife inside.

This bastard. I told myself.
 

When the wife entered the candle-lit room and pulled her hood down, I stopped thinking about Kris. The wife wasn’t exactly a wife, he was a husband.

Now, I need you to listen to this part of my story because this was everything that mattered.
 

I’ve never imagined seeing him again although I’ve always longed to find him. He was always in my dreams; his first form and his second form, all of it.

Up until my present life, I don’t think I’ve had any souls I recognize almost immediately as I do with him. There was this really powerful pull inside of me and I always seem to gravitate towards him. He really left a lasting impression on me and it’s too strong that not even time can take it away from me.

I completely lost my mind. I stared at him with such intensity, forgetting that there were other people in the room with us; forgetting that he was my brother’s husband. Maybe it was the surprise of seeing him again, that made me stay glued to where I was standing.

My younger brother cleared his throat, sensing the awkward cloud above us. I was pulled out of my reverie, blinking my eyes rapidly.

I shook my older brother’s hands, congratulating him just for show, while my mother took the young husband into her arms and pulled him inside her embrace.

“What is your name, you beautiful child?” She asked him, smiling gently.

I stared again, but this time, I tried to be discreet.

“Xiao Lu.”

Even his voice was beautiful. Smooth and clear, like the river water flowing, taking my sanity along its waters.

I wondered if he’d always been called Xiao Lu. The name was very pretty, just like his face.

The couple was ushered towards the dining table and we all ate. I stayed silent, studying Xiao Lu from the corner of my eye, not letting my older brother catch me.

Kris had too much to drink and he sees that Xiao Lu hadn’t eaten anything yet. He grabbed Xiao Lu’s thin wrist and pulls him closer.

“What?! Is our food not good enough for you?! Eat!” He snapped, yanking the smaller guy away.

My eyes were wide as I watched Xiao Lu’s sad eyes drift into the table and he takes a piece of meat into his plate. Even my parents were too shocked to react and help their son-in-law. Everyone were glued to their seats, eating their dinner silently, except for my older brother who kept downing glass after glasses of wine.

After dinner, Kris staggered into their room.

Feeling tired, I lied down on my own bed. Sleep wasn’t entering my system as I lay there in wonder, staring at the ceiling, thinking of Xiao Lu’s beautiful face. That time, I was sure it wasn’t love yet. Maybe it was my amazement to the role he played in my life. I wanted to be forgiven for my trespasses.

I would’ve been happy for him if Kris had truly loved him.

But he wasn’t.

I heard them through the walls. Kris’ voice was filled with abuse as he grunts again and again. I think I heard Xiao Lu cry. The hatred I had for my older brother was only fueled more when I heard him call the smaller boy a “”. I heard my name, and I realized that Kris must’ve seen me look at his husband.

 The days that followed that night made me feel guilty. I feel sad for not being able to help Xiao Lu; I feel guilty for only adding up to his sufferings.

One day, Kris had left to go back to his camp, leaving Xiao Lu behind at home.

Xiao Lu looked sad and every day, he would go to our garden and take care of the plants, watering them, and t the weeds off them. Since we share the same interests, I started talking to him. A few words wouldn’t hurt right?

But then the few words went into long hours of conversations that we would be surprised to see the sun setting on the horizon as we sat on the grass, looking over the city.

Xiao Lu laughed at my lame jokes and it made me feel good; in fact, I felt so good that I always forget he was my brother’s property. Our conversations made me discover things about him. He lived down in one of the monk’s temple; his father was a mason who created the temple which was situated in the middle of the city. They were raided by my brother’s troop, killing all the monks and taking all the food. Xiao Lu was almost killed by one of my brother’s men but Kris ordered them not to, saying he wanted Xiao Lu for himself.

 Kris said that Xiao Lu owed him for not ending his life, so he brought him back home and ordered him to be his husband.

I wanted to tell the boy to get out of here, to just scram away from Kris, but I felt like I was in no position to do so. I could only nod my head at his stories, humming in reply to every statement.

 Our friendship had made Xiao Lu feel more comfortable inside the house as the weeks passed, he would always smile, and it made him all the more beautiful - it made me fall for him even more. It had been three months and our level of friendship was that of best friends. We would always tease each other and sometimes, we’d go down the river to bathe.

One sunny afternoon, Kris came home, drunk and broke. I was sure he never saw me and Luhan talk but maybe my mother had told him accounts of my friendship with his husband. He barged in the door, screaming for Xiao Lu. Franticaly, Xiao Lu ran towards the house. I came inside with him. Kris pulled the boy away from me and dragged him towards their room, making the smaller boy trip on the small flight of stairs.

I was nervous. My mother looked weary but she remained seated. No one in our household had ever tried to stop Kris. I ran to my room and pressed my ears against the wall, listening to what my older brother was doing.

 Kris was hurling insults at Xiao Lu. The pretty boy didn’t answer, Kris continued roaring like a lion. Suddenly I heard a thud followed by a muffled scream. I went outside, not being able to stop myself from interfering, and knocked at their door.

But even before I had my fingers touched the door, it was opened. Xiao Lu came flying towards me, clutching his stomach after Kris had kicked him in the gut. I looked at his face and saw blood dripping from the side of his lips; his cheeks were red from all the beating he received and his shirt was torn in half. He looked me in the eyes. There was that expression again, just like the one he had when I burned his house down. Except now, he was asking me to help him.

Adrenaline surged through my veins at the pitiful sight of Xiao Lu, making me lose all control. I glared at Kris, my heart thudding against my eardrums.

I clenched my fist and attacked him, punching his face as hard as my thin body would let me. He fell down, and I punched him again. He was obviously bigger than me, but that didn’t matter, he was drunk and I wasn’t.

I didn’t even consider the fact that he was my brother. The only thing that mattered to me right now was Xiao Lu.

I poured all my hate and anger into hitting him again and again which made lose more focus in his disoriented and drunk state. My mother’s muffled scream was on the background but I didn’t notice it. Xiao Lu’s sobbing was more distinct in my ears and it made me furious all the more. It was good if I killed Kris right there and then but I had to stop myself for my mother’s sake.  

I wanted to hold Xiao Lu in my arms but he backed away and covered himself with his own arms. I lowered my gaze to the floor.

Our lives are sad. Kris didn’t love Luhan but he owned the boy. I, on the other hand, loved Xiao Lu so badly but he would never be mine.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered and patted Xiao Lu’s head.

Leaving Kris’ bloody body on the floor, barely breathing, I packed my belongings, begged my younger brother to take care of Xiao Lu for me. Maybe if I would be gone, Xiao Lu would stay safe, and unhurt.

Fighting Kris had probably sparked some future conflicts for the two of us. Not only this life but in the lives after this.

I never regretted anything though. If I’d have to do this again in the future, I would.



---

a/n:
Oh yeah! Finally. A freaking update. T__T I’m sorry this took too long. And I’m sorry if this one’s dumb. I hope you get what I’m trying to say~

I let Jongin do most of the talking because Luhan is still trying to figure out his life. kekeke

This is probably my last update for this year. I’m gonna be updating this fic again in 2014! Oh yey! Yey! Is that okay? I’m going to my hometown for the holiday season and hometown means, no internet connection. T___T I will miss you my beautiful subbies!! Please comment and tell me what you think~ *wink*

feel free to ask me anything alright? @kyungsooOnly

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!! <3

- girlie -