“I have my own preference toward somebody that I eventually chose to be a friend. Because it means I’m willing to make that person stay forever in my life, and I never love him less than my significant other.”

A day just passed, Jaerin was still in the hospital. She tried to go home last night, and then went back straight away after five minutes being in her own place. The idea of might be losing him forever just because she wasn’t there for a moment, frightened her so much. She didn’t even go to sleep, although Himchan’s mother and older sister told her that he’s going to be just fine. Now, it’s like she didn’t want to even lose any second. She never thought that young man would mean this much.

               That afternoon, Himchan’s father just departed after stopping by before going back to work an hour ago, while his mother and noona were about to having lunch in the cafeteria. Jaerin said no to go with them, but she promised she would eat something later. And then, Youngjae was thoughtful enough to bring a sandwich and coffee to her. He observed that girl was here all the time since yesterday. Well, so did he. He didn’t even left the hospital after the end of his work shift. The next one wasn’t even started until four p.m.

                 “To be honest, it’s a miracle that he succeeded through a day.”

               Youngjae handed Jaerin the meal as they watched the patient lying, seemed peacefully, with tucked tubes on his chest for the cardiac tools. His words made her heart stung. That was a reality she didn’t want to admit. She thought it’s very cruel for someone going through a day by miracle, just to reach inescapable passing away.

                 She offered him the sandwich, he refused it politely. Then, none of them were speaking. Up until,

                 “Are you really that close to him?”

                 “Yeah… I hate the fact that finding heart donor is like thousands times harder than blood giver.”

                 She just replied that with a bitter smile.

               “You know, I wish I could make you see how excited he was after meeting you. It was like he just got another reason to wait for that Goddamn donor…”

                Right now, Youngjae’s in his true self. He threw away the professionalism of someone who was willing to work with many deceases. This is him, who couldn’t cover the sorrow about losing a friend, whom he has been accompanying for months, inevitably waiting for the end. He was the only person that Himchan could speak openly about anything. But, mostly about death.

“We called it Epidural Hematoma.”

                That was what Mr. Jung heard from the doctor that handled his son. Daehyun was rushed to the hospital after he kept complaining about a pain above his left ear since the night before. The crash from the previous day turned out to be something serious. His fatherly instinct brought him to Daehyun’s room, where he found the son lying unconsciously on the bedroom floor at five in the morning.

                The doctor explained that some of these cases occurred from simple collision but ended up being fatal because the buildup blood inside the head, with no visible wound. It requires a surgery for medication, but Daehyun’s case might be tougher because the blood accumulation already being immense. Mr. Jung was about to settle for the surgery, when out of the sudden his son called him. Apparently, Daehyun has awakened for a while. He also heard the doctor’s explanation. Mr. Jung approached his son immediately, as it was only God’s wonder that could make Daehyun conscious, the doctor said.

                Mr. Jung held his son hand so tight. He never felt terrified like this before, even when his wife passed away when Daehyun was a baby. Daehyun’s grip was so weak, he barely could even talk, yet he requested his dad for paper and a pen. He wrote some kind of letter that shortly he put on the table next to the bed.

                “Dad…”

                “Yes, son?”

                Daehyun exhaled heavily, it was a struggle for him to talk. “T-that’s for Jaerin...” He pointed at the letter. “Don’t tell her until it all finished.”

                He just answered his son with a smile.

                “I-I… I love you, Dad.”

                Mr.Jung wiped some tears that already pouring from his eyes, he couldn’t reply what his boy said. Daehyun smiled as he grabbed his father’s hand.

                “And…”

                “Son, we should take you to the operating room.”

              Daehyun shook his head nevertheless. “My wallet,” He sounded very frail, but still resisted to continue speaking. “It’s in the… S-small pocket, behind my ID...”

                Mr. Jung did what his young man demanded him to. Somehow, his feelings tangled about the card that his son asked to be found. He questioned for certainty, “What is it, son?”

                Daehyun didn’t give him any replies. Mr. Jung realized his eyes were already closed again, then directly pressed the intercom to call the doctor. A few minutes after the hour hand reached six, he has gone to the state of brain death. The nurses straightly added some more supporting equipment on him, as Mr. Jung and the doctor reconsidered for the final decision.

A little boy went home, sobbing, in the first day of primary school to his father’s coffee shop. The father, who found his only boy barged in with puffy eyes, gave the boy a warm hug immediately before asking for the reason why he wept. The boy told his father that he envied all his friends that got to the school with their mothers. The father couldn’t say the actual cause of why the mother passed away for the little one at that time. The six-year-old won’t get the point of what heart cancer was.

                By the time the boy got into his adolescence, he examined about the disease that took his mother away. He found a way to cure it by a heart donor, but it couldn’t be done anymore to his deceased mother. That was why when he turned twenty, he convinced himself applying to be a donor. So that when his time was up later, he could provide an invaluable part of him that might fulfill someone’s need for lifetime sake.

Some said that light would conquer the darkness when we thought there’s nothing left to hold it invade the beauty of luminosity. Himchan’s heart beat was getting weaker as the second day went through. Then, it was nearly seven in the morning, when his father got called from his doctor while the mother and older sister was still sleeping in the room’s couch. In the meantime, Youngjae was rushing to approach the sleepy Jaerin in the hospital hallway.

                   “We found a donor.”

                   That really lightened up their day. The procedure would start at eight.

Jaerin left the hospital on the late afternoon. She fell asleep like a tired-working laborer after finishing a year full of work. The next day, she went straight to the coffee shop, wanting to tell a friend about what miraculously happened a day earlier. Unfortunately, the shop was closed. But, she went in as she knew someone was there. It was Mr. Jung, looking exhausted, still welcomed her with pleasant smile. She asked for his son, but then, he took her on a drive.

                They traveled for quite a while, she even fell asleep again because she hasn’t enough for a couple days. They arrived in front of some huge greenery complex, with tall black gate entrance that turned out to be a cemetery. She thought Daehyun was visiting his mother’s grave. But, as soon as Mr. Jung and she stopped in front of one modest tomb, she fell on her knees. Even the grass seemed wet, it’s still fresh. Daehyun’s name was written on the gravestone, it tore her heart so much. How could this happen? Didn’t you take enough from me, God? She really mad, yet miserable at the time.

                “H-how… Daehyun-ah…” She squeezed the grass. “No, it can’t be you… You can’t leave me!”

                She couldn’t continue to speak, she looked at the old man on her side. Desperately hoped he would say that it was just a dream, or her world would crumble if it wasn’t. She never thought of living without his best friend, Daehyun, for the rest of her life. He always had been there every time she felt like she had nothing left to keep living.

               Mr. Jung kneeled next to her. “Sorry dear…” He tried to hold the tears while brushing his hand gently on the girl that he considered as his own daughter. “He told me not to bother you… Not that I didn’t try to make a call, but…”

                Yeah, her stupid phone was broken, she reminded.

                She thumped her fist constantly to the ground. Her face was already soaked on tears. There was a pain she never felt before on her chest. Daehyun could never leave her, she always believed of that… He always succeeded to make her come back to life, even when she thought death was the only answer to all the sufferings.

               "Why Daehyun-ah? Why?!

               Death wasn’t supposed to take you away from me… I forbid it if I could.

               God, how could you do this to me…?

               I’ve always thanked You for having him in my life….

               Doesn’t that enough?

              What should I do to make it enough?

              Why did you take him away? Why him?! Why not me…?"

           Jaerin stared at Mr. Jung, who seemed trying to accept all of this with an open heart, before he said, “I’m sure he doesn’t want you to be like this, dear.”

Jaerin-ah… I know I won’t be there by your side anymore when you read this. I’m so sorry that I should leave this early. But, I have some kind of present for you, and I hope it’ll cheer you up… Of course, you’ll be happy because of it. Please grant me a smile, won’t you? I hate seeing the only girl I love keep wasting her tears. Now, if you wonder about it. Yes, Park Jaerin…. I love you, I always did, and I’ll always do.

Your forever best friend,

Jung Daehyun

                “I don’t get what present he talked about…”

                Jaerin was in the coffee shop, just finished the letter that Mr. Jung gave away when they arrived. The old man himself, didn’t get what she said. But, then, he reminded about something from his pocket.

                “Maybe this will explain…”

                He handed Jaerin the donor card that belongs to his son.

Jaerin was dealing with a very demanding customer that late afternoon in the coffee shop.

                “Hey, I ordered Americano!”

                The customer was displeased because she brought him an Earl Grey Tea, Jaerin just sighed.

                The other guy, who accompanied him for his daily afternoon coffee just laughed, although he witnessed it every time in this place since almost a year ago. He still has another week to see this scene before finally attending the medical school. Then, the persistent customer made his killer move.

                 “Park Jaerin, please…” Followed by an aegyo, that was his best forte.

                 The barista girl rolled her eyes, “For a hundred times, Kim Himchan, no.”

               The guy looked at his amused friend, while pointing at the girl, “Yoo Youngjae, I hope you won’t have a crush for such tough girl in…”

               Jaerin hit his head slowly so that he stopped talking, while trying to hide a smile. Himchan never failed to make her blush, although this wasn’t the first time he openly showed his affection toward her, in front of other people.

                 “How many times should I tell you that caffeine is not good for your heart?”

                Himchan, then, fell in silence as Youngjae tapped his shoulder and giving a thumb, approving that what she said was right.

            Jaerin walked back to the front counter as Mr. Jung was struggling with the customers because one of the barista couldn’t make it today by a severe cold. Few moments passed, a young man was standing in front of her in the counter. With a black hat, sunglasses, and jacket that she knew it was belong to Youngjae. She grinned as she noticed this person was narrow-minded enough to fool her.

                 The man cleared his throat, she knew that raspy voice well. “One Americano, take-away please.”

                “You really think you can fool me, huh?”

                She leaned over and took the hat off his head. Himchan’s eyes got bigger, he couldn’t believe this girl’s tenacity.

                “Now, go back to your seat.”

               Jaerin’s surely a stern girl. She looked at his back as he reached the table with Youngjae laughing so hard at him. She says on her mind,

              "Sorry, Kim Himchan… I treasure you so much that’s why I can’t help but being this strict since I don’t want to get terrified of losing you again. Not only because I start to love you, it’s also to protect what Daehyun had given to keep you alive. So that you can go along with me, as we live happily and hopefully, without any ruthless thing gets in our way in the future."

-FIN-