“Each one of us has the fate that has been chosen. They said, we couldn’t choose or change it. But, what if I’m so dying to alter mine?”

 

Himchan took a couple packs of popsicle that he bought before he visited the hospital, and offered Jaerin one of it. She refused, but she was kind of amazed looking at him. He was weird eating a flavored frosty ice on stick in cold weather like this.

                “Um… Why are you here almost every day?” She asked.

                He was too busy with the popsicle. “Er… Ah!” It suddenly dropped to the floor. He kneeled down and took the shattered pieces of the ice. “My precious…”

                She kept looking at him. “Is there someone very close to you that is a patient here?”

                “Uh-huh.” He answered, before he sat back, ripped the other pack that left on the bench, and started eating again. “How about you? I mean, when will you be out from here?”

                “As soon as I could walk normally or, at least, when I already used with the crutch. I want to go back to my place.” Then, she remembered that the place she was referring to would never be the same without Yongguk.

                “What? You look not too happy about getting back home.”

                She sighed. “Nope.”

                “Well…” He finished the snack, and got up from the seat. He covered his eyes from the sun that was finally uncovered from the cloud. “Do you want to go inside?” He asked.

 

                Jaerin looked at the guy who accompanied her getting to the room, which she had been engaged to for weeks. She noticed that he didn’t look very well.

                “Are you okay?” She said.

                He just smiled. “Of course.” And started to move out from there. “I’ll see you…” But, suddenly collapsed.

                She startled of what just happened. Her knees dropped on the floor, she tried to move his body. No response. She began to panic, and called for help. “Nurse!” Her scream echoed all over the hallway.

 

                There were two female nurses and one male nurse that came, and then carried Himchan from the hallway. Jaerin thought they would bring him to the ER, but, turned out to be just a regular room for patient, it filled with some unfamiliar equipment. When she walked in there, she recognized the black jacket that hung on the cupboard handle which Himchan wore, when the first time she saw him on the rooftop. She, then, watched the male nurse opened Himchan’s top before he put the electric tools to awaken the patient. There was quite a scar on his chest. Oh my God, what’s that? She wondered that on her mind.

                “Excuse me, but could you please wait outside?” The male nurse asked Jaerin to leave the room. She did, not so long before she saw a doctor rushed in.

 

                Several thoughts came to Jaerin’s mind when she waited outside the room, which seemed had been used for somewhat long time by Himchan. Around half hour before lunchtime, the male nurse came out from the room after the doctor and the other nurses left from there.

                “He’s awake. Do you want to come in?” He said.

                “Is there something wrong with him?” She asked.

                The male nurse replied, “Pardon me, miss… I don’t have the authority to explain that to you.”

                She didn’t have any choice, but entered the room. There was Himchan resting on the bed, he looked weak and a bit pale.

                “Yoo Youngjae, help me to get up, please.” He referred that to the male nurse. And, he looked at the girl. “Jaerin-ssi, this man here, already has been a very good company for me since…” He stared at the person that helped him to sit on the bed. “When was it?”

                “You’ve been here for almost a year.” Then, he found the bag Himchan brought earlier. “Did you plan to eat all of these popsicles?”

                Himchan wondered, “Which popsicle?”

                “I’ll be back with your lunch.” Youngjae excused himself, then, gave a nod to Jaerin.

                “Ah… I don’t know who will accompany me when he’s going to the medical school, later.” Himchan gazed at Jaerin, but, she looked kind of puzzled. “What?” He asked.

                “I’m sorry but, I…” She was hesitating to say it. “I saw the scar on your chest.”

                He sneered. “That’s for the stent.”

                “Huh?”

                “I’m currently waiting for a very generous donor that would give me a heart.”

                A heart? She wondered, yet feeling really bad. “I’m sorry.”

                “Well, don’t be…” He smiled. “Hey, I think you should go back to your room. You don’t want to miss the lunch, right?”

 

                She met Youngjae on her way back to her room.

                “Why would he need a heart donor?” Her words stopped him.

                “Are you the girl he’s meeting on the rooftop?”

                She nodded.

                “It’s a rare heart condition.” He said.

                She gasped. “What if he doesn’t get a donor?”

                Youngjae looked to the floor. “He kind of knows when will… Um,” He adjusted his tone. “The time is up. Now, excuse me, I have to bring this lunch for my patient.”

                The only thought that wandered on Jaerin’s head then was, why should Death keep seizing everybody around her?

 

---

 

Daehyun was waiting for Jaerin when she was back for lunch, with a belief that might be no good on her mind.

                “Where have you been?”

                She didn’t answer him, and just take a seat on the bed.

                “I almost eat your lunch, the grilled chicken looks good.” He arranged the lunch on the adjustable bed counter.

                “Daehyun-ah…”

                “Yes?”

                “Do you think it’s better for me to be not around anyone else?”

                He raised an eyebrow and sat on the chair next her bed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

                “I don’t know it’s just…” She sighed, before she closed her face with her hands. Tears were already pouring on her cheeks.

                He took one of her hand, wrapping his on it. That was the first time he saw she cried after the incident. She didn’t even weep because the news of losing her husband. He was dying to know what caused her to be like this. But, he didn’t ask. Instead, he sat next to her, and gave her a warm, comforting hug. That apparently made she cried harder.

                “I wish I was the one who died in the accident.” She sobbed.

                He felt a twinge on his heart hearing those words from her. “Don’t you ever say that again.” He rubbed her back with a hand. “It’s such a blessing that you survived.”

 

---

 

He was just nineteen when he found out about the aberration. No one knew exactly what caused that rarity happened. Some said that it was con. But, some also said it could be because the bad habit that occurred in the past. He thought it was just because he smoked too much cigarettes on the previous day, before he felt such a huge pain on the chest. Which made he passed out when he was about to do the entrance exam of one of the well-known art university.

                He moved to an apartment, after he finally got accepted in the university to pursue his dream as a music producer. It was a quite big apartment with two bedrooms, which already occupied by a young man, who was a lyricist. They got along very well in a short time. Maybe because they were in a same age, and kind of have dreams in a similar track. But, no matter how close they both were, he kept the illness as a secret to his roommate.

                More than a year passed, he kept doing the weekly visit to the hospital. Until one day, the doctor said that it might need more than that. As the time passed, it became more opposing to the usual treatment. The weekly visit might not be enough to hold it longer waiting for a donor. Then, his parents insisted a more intense care from a hospital in the States. He left the apartment and his roommate with just a note the next week after that.

                He was back to his hometown after more than three years taking medication abroad. Because he knew that the long wait for a compatible donor won’t come, and he realized that he was running out of time.

 

---

 

At the day that Jaerin finally left the hospital, she chose to visit Himchan’s room. Daehyun was with her to take her back to her place. There was a pretty middle-aged woman when they came, who seemed to be his mother. The woman gave them a fairly pleasant smile, before leaving the room.

                “Please don’t make fun of me for being almost twenty-five, and still having my mom came to babysit.” Himchan chuckled.

                She really wondered how he still armed by such energy and fun spirit in a weak condition.

                “Is he a friend of yours?” He asked while pointing at Daehyun.

                “Yes. Just take your time, I’ll wait here.”

                 Daehyun said as he took a seat on the couch near the door, and then busy with his cellphone. Jaerin sat at the chair near the bed.

                “Sorry, I couldn’t meet you upstairs for the past week. This stupid thing holds me.” Himchan referred that to the respiratory kit, which plunked to his chest and clutched him not to go further than the bathroom.

                “That’s fine.” She spoke, “I came to tell you that I’m out from this place.”

                He just looked at her. “Well, that’s nice.” He forced a smile.

                “So, can I visit you maybe some other time?”

                “No.”

                His answer kind of shocked her.

                “That won’t be necessary.” He continued, “You don’t need to have pity on me just because we talked a several times on the rooftop.”

                She didn’t expect this cold side of him. “Okay, then. I guess I should go.” She, then, asked Daehyun to leave that place.

 

                They didn’t head to Jaerin’s apartment straight away on that afternoon. She asked him to take her to Yongguk’s grave. That she had been dying to visit since the first day she awakened from the coma.

 

---

 

Three weeks passed since the day she got out from the hospital. Jaerin had spent her first Christmas and New Year without Yongguk, but she learnt to let it go over time.

                That morning, she was about to go to Mr. Jung’s coffee shop when she stopped to check for mails from the mail slot on the ground floor. She ran into one of her neighbors, Junhong, the high schooler whom pretty close to her late husband. She just wanted to say ‘hi’ to him, but he just gave her an unfriendly stare. He was with his best friend, Jongup. They seemed wanted to depart to school.

                “Yongguk hyung would still be alive if it’s not because of you.” Junhong said those harsh words which made Jaerin speechless, before he left.

                “I… I gotta go to school. See you later, noona.” Jongup followed his best friend after he greeted her.

 

                The next day, her evening shift at the coffee shop was finished. Jaerin arrived at her apartment. She found a person with a black hoodie, with the hood covering the face, was sleeping in front of the door.

                “Forgive me,” She tried to wake up the person. “You’re sleeping in front of my door.”

                That person moved a bit. Apparently, just changing position.

               She noticed something familiar, the black Converse that person wore. She opened the hood, “Himchan-ssi!”

                He opened his eyes, still looked sleepy. But, he shocked seeing who awakened him. “Jaerin-ssi… Why are you here?”

                “This is where I live.”

                Himchan got up from the half-sitting position. “Really?!”

                She nodded.

                “No, it can’t be…”

                “What?” She asked curiously.

                He replied her with a hesitation. “Are you Yongguk’s wife?”

                She didn’t know how he could know her late husband name. “How did you know him?”