“Love has its own distinctive way of probability… Sometimes it could be clear and direct. Another time it’s just blurry and vague.”

Jaerin invited Himchan to come in to her place once she surpassed some hesitation. After that guy explained about more than a month ago he came here with nobody answering the door. One of the neighbors approached him later, said that the person he searched for just passed away by car accident. But, his wife survived, might still settle here, yet returned from the hospital. With knotty feelings, Himchan left the building, and then, out of a sudden decided to come back earlier this evening.

               She headed to the kitchen, making drinks for the unexpected guest as she wondered some questions on her mind. Meanwhile, the young man strolled around the place that used to be his and Yongguk. Nothing much changed. The interior positioning, the wall color, even that one dark brown, sort of ancient shelf near the TV unit, which got caught by his sharp eyes. He put a bitter smile on his lips, reminiscing the first time he recognized it was there.

                Around five years before, Yongguk just got home after a sudden visit to a vintage store not too far from where he worked at. He bought an old-fashioned shelf that just kept drifting on his mind since the morning he saw it on the front window of the shop. And he didn’t regret any single penny he spent to finally made that old-wooden object a new member of his place.

                Himchan arrived precisely at eleven, after meeting at a snack bar with some of his fellow students for their university special year-end project. He was heading to his room when he noticed something unfamiliar standing between the TV set and the filing cabinet he purchased in Hongdae. He turned around, approaching the other bedroom near the kitchen. Bang Yongguk was sleeping on bed with the pride of his tanned-bare-torso, when the fairer one entered. He his best friend body to question what was that horrible old thing he saw. Which didn’t goes well with the other modern-style stuff.

                “Wh-what…”

                Yongguk’s voice became even deeper when he just awake.

                “Did you buy any useless thing? Again?”

                “Ah… It’s nice, huh? I got a great deal from 250.000 won…”

                Himchan unconsciously made an ‘o’ shape on his mouth.

                “… to 220.000…”

                Himchan couldn’t hold his annoyance for any longer. He smacked Yongguk’s head.

                “Hey! Why don’t you treat me hanwoo until I throw up with that? And then tomorrow, we could eat samgyeopsal, even steak for the next day after it.”

                “Kim Himchan, that’s what fine antique cost.”

                Yongguk said before he went back to the dreamland. But, even with those words, Himchan never decrease his hatred to that shelf. He even once swore when he about to depart to the States, that when he visit Yongguk someday, the shelf would be vanished. But, reality took him to another way. The object was still there, while Yongguk was the one that already gone.

                Himchan looked from side to side of the shelf, which filled with many photos of Yongguk and Jaerin. He remembered when Yongguk asked to take picture together with him, but he always refused. Because he didn’t want Yongguk to consider their portrait as a sad memory, when his time was up. But, then, life made some unforeseen shift. At the moment, Himchan was the one who stared at pictures of Yongguk with a sore heart, realizing that he’d never be here anymore.

                Jaerin put the tea she just brewed on the coffee table. She approached Himchan who seemed enjoying the tour on the shelf, observing the photos. She looked at a picture of Yongguk and her, smiling at ease wearing some fine-looking attire on their wedding day, which Himchan kept holding and stared for a while.

                “I’ve never seen him this happy.”

                Himchan said, referring to his best friend, who he missed so much.

                Jaerin, herself, remembered when she made fun of Yongguk for smiling too often that day. Especially, on the other picture when she gave him a peck on his right cheek. His wide grin that showed off the gum, which overshadowed the teeth. She yearned for it every day. She closed her eyes for a moment, her heart ached seeing that image.

                Later, Himchan fell asleep on the living room couch when they browsed through Bang Yongguk’s belongings which she already put some in the boxes. His long forgotten song writings, old photo albums when he was much younger, even his timeworn hat collections. She let the guest sleep there for a night. He told earlier that he was sneaking out from the hospital in order to come here at the afternoon. She was about to put her late husband’s stuff back to the storage, when she noticed Himchan’s calm sleeping face. He seemed sleeping so serenely, yet she knew, he has been holding such great agony when he’s awakened.

               Her phone screen went all white since last night, Jaerin put it on the drawer in her room. Time to check the guest, whom she thought hasn’t woke up, but turned out he has. She didn’t know Himchan has been a person who treasured his conscious time so much, because he might not know when his eyes got closed and it’ll never be open again. The heart was getting more severe each day.

                “So… Bread, prefer toasted or not toasted?”

                Jaerin was preparing breakfast for the both of them. She still has time to drop Himchan back to the hospital before going to work in one hour and a half.

                Himchan was looking out from the window at that seventh floor apartment. The sun seemed shine bright fully today. He looked at the girl, but not for answering her question about the bread, “Do you feel like going to N Tower?”

                She gave him a cold look, which definitely a ‘no’. “I got to work. Besides, you have to go back to the hospital, I’ll walk…”

                “Oh, I see.” He cut her lines, there was a slight of disappointment from his tone.

                She felt bad and without hesitation, she called the coffee shop with the house phone on the side of the fridge. No one was picking it up, of course, it’s still eight something in the morning. Then, she left a message on the answering machine, saying that she couldn’t get there today for a sudden important matter.

Jaerin and Himchan might be the first visitors at the capital city landmark that day. They finally chose to gone up with the cable car, after a dull argument because Jaerin didn’t want Himchan got exhausted by excessively walking. People with heart problem should be prohibited by doing activities that could increase the cardio rate, she thought. They didn’t share any words on the way to the top.

                By the time they arrived, neither of them knew what they should do. This wasn’t the first time to visit this place for any of them. Both were lived in this city since they were born. Both were already visited this place when they were much younger, many years ago.

                “You’re the one who wanted to go here.” Jaerin opened .

                Himchan kept looking around but to the girl. This is his first time went here alone with an opposite gender. He didn’t know it was her first, too.

                “Come on.” He grabbed her hand and they started heading off somewhere.

                They arrived at the roof terrace on the west side of the tower. This was one of the top spots of the place, where people came to put love locks. Jaerin wondered why Himchan made her come here. That young man went, and just got back with a padlock and paper on his hands in a couple minutes.

                “I’ve always wanted to come here with a girl.”

                Huh? Jaerin said that on her mind.

                “Although you’re not my girlfriend, er… Do you mind if I write your name with me on this?”

                He handed her the padlock. She looked at him, confusedly.

                “But, don’t you suppose to write a name of someone that you’re into?”

                This girl was so straightforward, Himchan thought.

                “Well, you’re my favorite person. At least, for the time being, when I think that I don’t have much of it… Um...” He adjusted the tone. “… left.”

                “Please don’t talk like that. I hate it.” She said, in a bit rush. Seriously, I hate the fact that you don’t have much time. That one didn’t go out loud, just in her own head.

                Then, she took it from his hand. She wrote her own name and his on it. He couldn’t do anything seeing that girl did it so impulsively. He even let her hang it whenever she likes, although this episode was supposed to be his scheme. He just sat on a bench while she was looking for the perfect place to put the padlock. She twines her fingers in front of her chest before hanging it. At last, she took a seat next to him after throwing the lock key to the bin, followed by a long silence between them.

                 “Did you wish for something then?” Himchan was the one who crack it.

                 “Do you really want to know?”

                 He just nodded.

                 “I want to you until the end.”

               As she swallowed the pain inside by saying that to him, she realized she’d never been this open to other people she just known. She could see a smile from the edge of his mouth. She couldn’t help but smile, too. The moment she was about to asked him the same question, she sensed a head bumped to her shoulder. It felt rather weak, she just thought he was fatigued. She wanted to adjust his position, when she put one of her hands on his cheek. It was like a scorching hotplate. She called his name and her only hope was that he still awake.

                 “Yes?”

                 He did, and she continued,

                 “Let’s go to the hospital.”

Daehyun was enjoying his lonely tea time after lunch on the second floor of the coffee shop. Downstairs was too crowded, and wouldn’t be less empty until the sunset comes. It’s Friday, though. He sat on the most desolated seat on the corner, near the huge window, while browsing some of his college materials. There were some courses he should redo in order of his abrupt leave for the accident. He heard his phone rang.

                “Yes?”

                For a moment, there was no one speaking across the line. Then, a voice he’s so familiar with started to natter. The caller began to explain what happened. It wasn’t clear because it have been done while weeping. He wondered why he couldn’t reach her cell since this morning. He began to panic.

                “Jaerin-ah, where are you?”

                He straightly grabbed his coat, leaving the other stuff on the table, and went downstairs in hurry. He just didn’t want something really bad take place of her while he wasn’t there. He didn’t notice the yellow sign of slippery floor, and he fell in between the first and second floor stairs gap.

                “Shoot…”

             Daehyun cursed the side of his head that stung of crashing quite hard to the wall. He wished there won’t be a bump because of it.

                “Be careful, son.”

                It was his old man, who apparently witnessed his son little accident.

                “Yes, dad.”

                Then, he stood up and persistently exits the place.

                Jaerin was sitting by herself outside a room that somehow Daehyun considered familiar. Yes, he accompanied her once here to say goodbye to the young man she met on the hospital rooftop. He put his hand on her shoulder, as he sat next to her. He didn’t ask straightly what actually happened. Because the girl cried on his arms, as soon as she noticed he was already there by her side.

                A couple hours passed, Daehyun has learned that the young man named Himchan got into his most critical condition. Jaerin had finally explained how she could be with him when he reached that state earlier before noon. Daehyun also discovered that Himchan should get a heart donor immediately, because the doctor didn’t even could guarantee another week for him keeping on this unconscious state.

                “Do you want to stay here?”

                Daehyun asked Jaerin, he might want to go home for a while because he wasn’t feeling so well. He has been enduring headache after a pang occurred around an hour ago. That girl nodded, and he chose to leave, but promised her to come back later in the evening.

                “I’ll bring you bibimbap.” He promised her favorite meal.

                She forced a smile, “Thanks Daehyun-ah.”