It’s been 3 years since I’ve been with my beloved Junhee. Never in those years have we ever had fight. But lately she’s kind of distance from me. I’m lost in the thought of her until a voice called for me. “Earth to Umin. Where have you been hyung?” I just let out a heavy sigh. “His mind must’ve gone home cuddling with Junhee right now.” Lay said, teasing me. “You okay?” Kris pats my back. “Junhee… she’s kind of distant lately.” “Maybe she’s tired. You know how hard a college student struggle to get a good grades right, hyung?” Tao tried to comfort me. But I know her better. She never gives me a cold shoulder no matter how tired she is.

FLASHBACK 2 MONTH BEFORE

“Junhee ah! Guess who’s here?” I walk in to our living room only to find no one there. I just came back from China promoting the new album for almost a month. And I miss her so much when I’m there. I proceed looking for her in the kitchen. “Junhee?” I called. No answer. I went straight to our room and when I tried to open the door. It was locked. So, I give it a few knock. “Junhee, you in there?” “Wait a minute, oppa” her small voice confirmed me that she’s there.

Not long after she said that, the door creak open revealing the girl that I miss. I admired her round face. I can’t help but to notice her lip is tinted red and blusher on her cheeks. Did she apply make up? She is not the kind who can put up with this kind of thing on her face. Furthermore she’s wearing a snow cap. Why did she have to wear this inside? Is she going out soon? “My, My! Are you going somewhere, princess?” I pull her into a hug. “I miss you, princess…” I whispered and kiss her forehead.

“I miss you too, oppa. Well, I’m going to meet my friend for a while. It won’t take long.” “Do you have to go when I’m here? Can’t you cancel it?” I pull her in my embrace again only to rock left and right. She used to love it but to my surprise she pushes me weak signalling me to stop. “I need to go, oppa.” She walks past me but I manage to stop her by grabbing her wrist. “Don’t this tired baozi deserve a kiss?” I said leaning my head forward for her to kiss me. I was expecting her soft lips on mine instead she kiss my cheek and left without saying anything.

END OF FLASHBACK

I’m now in a middle of practising for upcoming event when suddenly a familiar figure pops out on the mirror. We turn almost immediately to see her. Junhee is there with a fake smile, if I must say. And she still wears that snow cap since two month ago and she apply make-up too. She never let it go from the first I get home the other day. “Junhee ah!” the members called her in sync but not Chen. They enjoy hugging my princess which an action to make me jealous. I went straight to her and snake one of my arms on her waist. Is it me or is she getting thinner?

She resist on my touch claiming she’s shy. But I don’t think shy is the reason. She is hiding something from me. “Why are you here, jagiya?” “Kim Min Seok, I need to talk to you.” She said sharing a look with Chen. This is rare. She never calls me by my full name. I was so shocked and my heart beating so fast making me hard to breathe. And the way she and Chen sharing a look. I swear Chen shrugged his head signalling Junhee to stop from whatever she is doing. Why do I have a bad feeling about this? But I just shrugged it off. “Sure, princess. Let’s talk in the vocal room.” I held her hand and guide her to the now more private place.

Just when I’ve finished lock the door. She shoved our house key in front of my face as soon as I turn to face her. “What is this, Junhee?” “Our house key” she said. “I know it our house key. But what does this mean?” I pushed her hand resisting taking the key. “I want to break up with you” she said almost in whisper. Her eyes staring at the floor, not wanting to make any eye contact with me. “w-what?” I manage to stutter, can’t accept that my Junhee just said this to me. “I said I want to break up with you, Xiumin. I don’t love you anymore” she said, this time a little bit louder with her eyes still glued on the floor. This is when it hit me; she is cheating on me with Chen. Not wanting to let the thought took over me. I just smile and tilt her head to face me, making an eye contact.

“Say it again, Junhee. Look into my eyes and say it. Say that you don’t love me anymore.” She open but nothing come instead her tears is threatening to fall. “You still love me, Junhee.” I smiled “I hate you. I don’t love you anymore, Xiumin. Can’t you accept the fact?” her words become harsher while her eyes glued to mine to convince me that she is telling the truth. Somehow she succeeds in doing it. She put the key and our couple ring on the piano leaving me dumbfounded. Little that I know she is hurting more than me when she step out of the room, tears trickling down on her cheek.

“No! I can’t let you go just like that.” I decide to chase her and convince her that she still love me. I know it. I just know it. I’ve been running out of the sm building only to find a sight of Chen hugging crying Junhee. That is when the beast inside of me awakens. The negative thought that I tried to shrug off earlier become stronger. Without thinking, I fastened my pace towards them, separating them. The next thing I know is Chen received my fist straight on his face. I’m now on top of him who had his back on the ground, grabbing him by his shirt. The other member showed up and stopped me, trying to calm me who keep throwing tantrums. “I will kill you, Kim Jongdae! How dare you?!! Let me go, Luhan. I’m going to kill him!” I struggle to free myself from the member grip. PAKK!! An unexpected slap came from Junhee’s small hand. The hand that used to pats me, the hand that used to caress me and now has slap me.

It manages to drag my sense back to earth. “Contain yourself, Kim Min Seok! For God sake!” this is the first time I’ve ever heard her yelling at me. This is when I notice her long black hair is no longer the black that he used to know. It looked like a wig. Lifeless, dull not shiny like it used to. “We’re over, Xiumin”

3 MONTHS AFTER THE EVENT

Work is still going on. I need to let Junhee go. And I’m sorry to Chen about the misunderstanding. I need to focus on this upcoming event. “Take 5 guys. You’ve worked hard” Kris exclaim. “Is it me or Chen is missing, gege?” Tao asked Kris. “He said he’ll be late.” “But it’s been one hour and half for bonus” Lay in. After a few minutes of silent, we can hear a footsteps running. “Move! Move!” that familiar high pitched voice echo urgently. “KIM MIN SEOK!!! Come with me!!” Chen pop out breathing heavily sending all of us in shock.

AT THE HOSPITAL

“You’re late, Mr Jongdae. I’m sorry for your loss.” The doctor said. Chen eyes widened at his word. He can’t control the tears anymore. My cheek, it’s wet. I’m crying without me knowing. My leg move by itself to the room where the limp body lay. Her long hair is no longer there. Her bald head is covered by white cover. Her lively face now pale. I caressed her cheek, wanting to feel the heat radiating from her body, not wanting to believe that God has taken my lovely princess away. But she is cold; her cheek is cold as ice. This is when it hit me hard. Junhee is gone. She’s no longer here. I shook her cold body hard hoping she’ll wake up “Junhee! Wake up. This is not funny. Jagiya, wake up. Oppa miss you, princess.” My chest is suffocated. Sadness, angry it all flooded my whole body. I kiss her forehead, her cheek and her now cold lips, crying hard. “JUNHEE!!!”

2 MONTH LATER

“Baozi! Don’t work too hard, you’ll break yourself” her voice playing inside my head. It’s been 2 months since she’s gone and I’ve regain my conscious as time passed. I am now sitting in the place where both our heart shattered to pieces, the place where she asked to break up with me. The door creak open, stopping me from drowning with the memories. Chen came with a pastel pink envelope, Junhee’s favourite colour. “Are you busy?” he asked. “Not really, Jongdae” Chen is sad due to her loss too. I can still remember the image of him crying his eyes puffy. He looked at the envelope on his hand.

“She asked me to give this to you when you’ve gain strength.” He held out the envelope to me. I take it with hesitant. He pats my shoulder and left me alone. Slowly I tear the envelope not wanting to tear the letter inside in the process. I spread the letter only to reveal her beautiful hand writing. But it was stained with tears.

Hello my baozi, are you working hard again? Remember to take care of your health neh, oppa. My prince charming, I’m sorry for my action toward you on that day. Does it hurt when I slap you? Mianhae, oppa. T^T but you better apologize to Chen, Kim Min Seok.

“It does not hurt at all, pabo” I caressed my cheek, whispering to myself. "Arasso"

I have no intention to hurt you. I just don’t want you to know about my disease because I know you will neglect your career to take care of me. You know I never want you to do that and I don’t want you to see me in this condition, where I lost my long black hair that you used to love to play with. It’s ugly enough when I have my hair. Can you just imagine how your princess looks like without her hair? It’s ugly, I tell you oppa   >.<

“You are always beautiful in my eyes Junhee” I said to myself.

I’m sorry for everything, oppa. I just want you to know you are one perfect boyfriend and I’m thankful enough to be yours even just for a short time. I know how you tried hard to restrain yourself from touching me. You still remember right the promise I’ve made with you. I said that I will marry you and have little baozi and little princess. And we will count wrinkles that appears on each other faces ^^. Sorry I can’t keep my promise oppa. I’m happy enough just with your small touch, your sneaky peck. And what important is I’m happy I’m with you. Now that I’m gone, promise yourself that you are going to live your life happily. In fact, find yourself a girlfriend that will take care of you like I did. But don’t you dare to forget me. I’ll strangle you in your sleep if you did =3=

The last word is stained with her tears. I can feel her emotion, her pain all together in this last letter. Her stacked up love for me.

Thank you for giving me such an innocent love oppa. Farewell my love.

“Farewell, Junhee. You will always be in my heart, princess.” Tears trickling down my cheek without me realizing, dropping on the letter near to her dried ones.

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