I lazily put on some powder as I check my own reflection on the mirror for the last time. I turned around to check the dress that Sunny lend me for this event. It’s a pink silk dress that covers only half of my thigh. The strap was flat and tiny and the neck line is way too low for me. I pulled up the neck line and pulled down the seam to cover more skin on my lower limb but it did nothing. I sighed and decided that I should still do this in spite of my bad mood. I owe Sunny a lot so this could be a payment for all of the favors she did for me. Also, there’s Jessica and Tiffany and Yuri who never leave my side. They’ve helped me a lot for a year now. They’re the reason why I’m still alive.

I stared at the mirror again after assuring my self that I’m well groomed enough for today. I grabbed my purse and coat before heading out to nothingness. Sunny set a blind date for me again saying that I should find a new boyfriend since it’s been a year since that heart breaking break-up. I’m not really in the mood for this so I guess I’d just be straight forward to whoever that guy may be. I’m not yet ready for a relationship because I’m still scared. Because of him, I now believe that every guy is the same; cheaters and pretenders.

            Walking down the street, it started raining. I stopped for a while and searched for some cover. Sunny won’t be glad if she’d know that I went on my date looking all messed up after what she’d prepared for me. I saw a convenience store and I quickly ran toward it. As I was standing in front of a convenience store, the memories of the two of us came back. I started remembering how happy I was when I was with him during these dark, cold days.

            We’d run, sharing a single umbrella. Or, if we forgot to bring one, we’d enjoy the rain together. And then, we’d buy a soup in a store, or eat fish sticks on the street vendors. We’d chase each other until we’re out of breathe. We’ll laugh at each other’s tripping and mistakes and still continue on with our childishness. He’d tell me I’m beautiful and will always be forever in his eyes. He’d tell me he loves me so much and that he’ll never leave me. He promised forever.

But I guess that won’t be repeated now, because he’s gone; he’s with another woman. He’s with that woman who acted so innocently in front of me. He’s with her.

            I caught them. I saw them hugging each other at the back of our office. I heard him telling her how much he loves her. I witnessed her telling him to break up with me. I saw them share a passionate kiss and it killed me.

            Of course, I cried. I cried for a month, for all I know. And I’m still crying on some nights, especially during our supposed anniversary. He didn’t broke up with me right away, and I didn’t dare do it myself either. I was so scared that maybe, he’s just playing her and that he’s serious with me. I was hoping it was all just a fling.

            Yes, I love him that much. I’m ready to accept him whole heartedly even after what I’ve witnessed. I love him that much so I’m willing to go through all of those just to be with him. Because I wanted us to be forever. I want our love to be forever. But that’s just a frail dream.

            “Yong-hwa oppa, don’t do this.” I cried to him that night when he finally said the truth.

            “I’m sorry Seo-hyun, but I need to end this.” He replied, looking straightly into my eyes like a cold hearted man.

            “No.” I begged. “You love me, don’t you? She’s nothing, right?”

            “Seo-hyun, I love her.” He reasoned.

            “But… But what about us?”

            “We’re over.” He said hardly.

            “No!” I screamed. “No we’re not.”

            “SEO-HYUN!” he shook me as if he’s waking me from a bad dream. I hope this really is just a bad dream.

            “Please… Please don’t…” I cried, holding onto his arms and hugging him as much as I can.

            I can’t lose him. I can’t. I won’t allow it. I gave him all. I gave him my all; love, time, money, gifts, EVERYTHING. I won’t lose him now. I can’t.

            He pulled my hands out of his arms and started to walk away. I chased him but he glared at me with those piercing eyes. Those eyes that I loved the most. Those eyes that I adored the most.

            “I don’t love you anymore. So stop this.” He emphasized, stabbing my heart a thousand times.

I stared at him and his hard expression. I saw his lips move but I can’t believe that what I just heard came from those. The lips that once told me that he loves me. Those lips that voiced out and embossed in my heart the word forever.

I crumbled into pieces that time. I took medicine. I pushed a blade deep in my skin and reached a vein. I tried to kill myself; a hundred times. I just can’t bear it. It was my friends who held me back. They forced me to live at least, for the sake of my family; for the sake of myself.

            They’re right, in a way. I should live; even if I’d be like a living dead after that. I should at least live and try to keep that love alive. Who knows? Maybe he’ll come back to me one day.

I bit my lip and tried to suppress the past on my mind. This is no time to be thinking about that. I searched my purse for an umbrella as I’ve decided I’ll be late if I’d wait for the rain to stop, but it isn’t there. I sighed in disbelief. I guess I’d be going there in a mess anyway.

            I pulled off my scarf out of my neck and put it over my head. I ran out on the rain as fast as I can, holding onto the scarf over my head. The wind blew and I yelped. It’s darn cold and my coat is already wet. Gosh, I’m really a mess now.

            “Ah!” I screamed as another gush of wind blew through me. I felt chills and I held onto my arm instead. I continued running but then my destination still seem so far. I put my hand on my head and started crossing the road ahead.

            “Oh, where is it?” I asked myself as I felt the absence of the scarf on my head. “Yong-hwa oppa gave it to me.” I murmured, looking back from where I was.

            There it is. Right in the middle of the road. Lying there innocently, as if mocking me to get it fast.  A truck passed by and the scarf was stuck on its wheel. I started chasing it.

            I can’t lose it. I won’t lose it.

            “Yah! Pabo aniya?” someone pulled me from behind.

            I turned and saw an unfamiliar face behind me. “Let go.” I ordered.

            Instead of following what I just said, he passed his umbrella to me and motioned for me to take it. I just stared at him.

            “It’s raining hardly and that truck is way too fast for you.” He stared at me from head to foot and then back at my face again. “Especially with those heels.” He pointed at my shoes.

            “So?” I asked him, rejecting his umbrella. “I don’t care, okay? That scarf is important for me. It was given to me by my ex—” wait, why am I explaining this to a stranger?

            “Your ex-boyfriend? If he’s your ex, then shouldn’t you start forgetting about him?” he stepped closer so we could fit ourselves with the umbrella.

            “You don’t have any right to tell me what to do.” I stressed.

            “I’m not telling you what to do. It’s of common sense to forget your ex and move on with your life.” He replied.

            I ignored his answer and just stared at the now disappearing truck. The scarf is still there, right? I should’ve at least got its plate number. I started to walk and follow the truck, but a hand restrained me to do so.

            “Let it go with that truck.” He whispered. “Let him go on with his life and free yourself from him.”

            My eyes widened at his words. Let him go and free myself?

            I’m not even his prisoner so how am I supposed to be free? He doesn’t even want me anymore, so what is this man beside saying? Let him go and free myself? Is that even possible?

            “You’re a prisoner of your memories with him. You caged yourself with the thought that he’ll come back. You built walls around you so that no one could ever break through, but him.” The man beside me whispered. How did he know so much? “Come out of that cage and free yourself. Are you willing to wait for nothing? Are you willing to suffer while he’s happy on his own? Do you really want this?” He pleaded.

            Our memories? It’s all I ever lived with since he left me. Cage? I don’t want to go out of this love I felt for him. So, no way. Walls around me? It’s my life, right? So it’s my choice too.

            But do I really want this?

            I stared at the man beside me and sighed. I should’ve realized earlier that he’s right. I don’t want this. I don’t want to wait forever for him. I don’t want to be encaged alone while he’s enjoying the most of his life. I have a life too and I have to live it to the fullest like I did before ‘us’ existed. I should move on.

            I snatched the umbrella from the man beside me and started walking the opposite way from where the truck went. I’ll be going to that date and I’ll try my best to be alive once again. Let this rain wash away all of my love for him, all of my memories of him. Let this day be my new birthday.

            “So, you’re coming to our date?” the man followed me after all.

            Wait. Did he just say ‘our date’?

            I stopped walking and stared at him. “Our date? So you’re the one I’m meeting with?”

            He nodded. I sighed.

            “Yes, I’m going to our supposed date.” I concluded. He just beamed at me. “So, how did you know so much about me?”

            “Well, it’s not so hard to ask about you to your girl friends.” He replied.

            “I don’t even know a single thing about you.” I shrugged and continued walking.

            “Me?” he smiled again. “I’m Kyu-hyun. Cho Kyu-hyun.”

            I laughed. I guess this date is going to be fun after all.