Jinri is drained by the time they arrive at Himchan’s apartment. She’s tired, physically and mentally and emotionally and probably in any other way that it is possible to be tired. But it’s more than just being exhausted. There’s a sort of helplessness now, something that she can’t quite shake, something that sort of bathes the whole world in a weird glow, that makes time flow in disjointed stream.

She’s still barefoot, so, when Himchan scoops Jinah into his arms along with what he’d bought at the store, she lets Yongguk scoop her up into his arms without comment. She even rests her head on his shoulder as if she’s given up, allowing him to carry her up into the apartment.

Himchan dutifully fixes Jinah something to eat and then settles in the floor of the living room with her, playing with some of the toys that he keeps there for her. Yongguk leads Jinri back to the bathroom in the bedroom.

“What are you doing?” Jinri demands flatly when Yongguk pulls her shirt over her head, wincing. Her entire body is sore from the beating earlier; she’s fairly certain she’s got several bruised ribs or maybe worse.

Yongguk’s mouth is set in a grim line as he helps her out of her sweats, the bottoms frozen from where she’d been walking in the snow. “You need to take a hot bath,” he says softly. “You’re frozen to the bone.”

“Why are you doing this for me?” she demands, leaning against the counter as he turns the taps in the tub towards hot.

“Jesus, Jinri, can’t I be a decent human being?” he demands.

She snorts derisively. “Yeah, like you’re being a decent human being by protecting Jinah from me being a .”

Yongguk doesn’t answer that, just tests to make sure the water’s temperature is to his liking. When the tub is most of the way full, he turns to Jinri. “Get in,” he orders.

She gives in without a fight. She’s too tired and beaten down by the world to disobey. She slips off her bra and underwear – it’s not like Yongguk hasn’t seen her before, after all – and steps into the tub. The water is warm, almost verging on too hot, and it makes her frozen fingers and toes tingle. She sinks down in the warm water, allowing the heat to soothe her tense muscles.

Yongguk retrieves a cloth from under the sink and, after lathering it up with soap, perches himself on the edge of the tub and begins to gently clean the bruises and cuts marring her skin.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks gently, being especially careful not to hurt any of her many wounds.

She shrugs with a helpless sort of chuckle. “What’s there to talk about?” she asks listlessly.

“Why have you stayed so long?” he asks. “This obviously isn’t the first time something like this has happened.”

Jinri looks up at him helplessly. “No court would give me custody of Jinah. I couldn’t leave her there alone.” She looks down at her knees. There are tears in her eyes again, tears when she’d thought for sure that she had no more to shed. “It’s only a matter of time before my mom reports that I’ve run away and then the police will be looking for us.”

“Tell them what happened,” Yongguk urges, rinsing the cloth and starting in on a new part of her body, careful of the bruises there. “They’ll have to act in Jinah’s best interest.”

Jinri gives him a sad sort of look. “With my track record, I doubt they’d decide that I’m in her best interest.”

Yongguk looks at a loss for a moment; she’s right, of course. “Well, we won’t let them find you then,” he says stoically.

Jinri barks out a laugh. “If you care about Jinah so much, why don’t you adopt her? Then you won’t have to deal with me anymore.” She takes the cloth from him. “I’ll take it from here. You can leave.”

Yongguk has no choice but to do as he’s told, leaving her alone in the bathroom.

Jinri stays in the tub probably longer than she should, until long after the water has gotten cool and her fingers and toes have pruned up. She just lays there, everything submerged from under. All she wants is to be able to forget for a little while, to be someone else, someone who isn’t ed up like she is. Someone who isn’t running from her entire existence. She thinks wistfully about how nice it would be to be a person like that.

Eventually she gets out of the tub and dries off with the towel sitting on the counter. In Himchan’s room, she finds a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that have been laid out for her. She pulls them on, reveling the comforting, familiar smell of Himchan – already his apartment feels more like home than her house ever has.

When she wanders out into the living room, she finds Yongguk lying on his back on the couch, watching television with his head turned to the side. Jinah is sprawled on his chest, her chubby little arms wrapped around his neck, fast asleep.

“Where’s Himchan?” Jinri asks, her voice sounding thick and hoarse and utterly exhausted, even to her own ears.

“He went out for a bit,” Yongguk answers, glancing up from the television. “Jinah was tired so I let her take a nap. I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s fine,” Jinri says wearily, sinking down into the armchair. “It’s her naptime anyway, and she’s had a rough morning.”

“How about you?” Yongguk asks, and his lips are twitching up in what could almost be a smile if Jinri hadn’t been convinced that he doesn’t have normal emotions. “Do you need a nap?”

“A long one,” Jinri mutters, a bit more darkly than she’d intended.

Yongguk’s face clouds over, but if he’s worried he doesn’t mention anything.

She tries to watch the soccer game playing on the television but her exhaustion finally catches up with her and she nods off. When she wakes up, it’s dark outside and she’s tucked neatly into Himchan’s bed.

There are voices coming from the front of the apartment, so she drags herself out of bed and goes in search of the noise. She finds her friends in the kitchen, where they’re actually trying to cook something for dinner. Not just Himchan and Yongguk, but also Daehuyn and Youngjae and Jongup and Junhong. Jinah is in the midst of them all, laughing delightedly as she’s passed from one uncle to another, each one trying to out-do the others by making her giggle and squeal in delight.

“Ah, you’re awake.” It’s Himchan who notices her sudden appearance in the doorway, all crazy bed hair and sleepy eyes.

“Sorry I slept so long,” Jinri mutters, wrapping her arms around Jinah when the little girl runs to give her a hug. “I didn’t mean to make you guys babysit.”

“It’s no problem,” Youngjae replies with a grin. “We were having fun. Right, Jinah?”

“Right,” she agreed decisively, pudgy little arms wrapped around Jinri’s thigh.

“We’re making dinner,” Junhong announces rather proudly. It’s easy to see that Himchan is doing most of the cooking, but Jinri doesn’t point that out. “We’re making japchae because we know it’s your favorite.”

“How did you know it’s my favorite?” Jinri asks in surprise.

“Yongguk told us,” Junhong replies, already distracted because he’s started a game of hide and seek with Jinah.

Jinri looks over at where Yongguk is getting plates out of the cabinets. His back is turned to her, but she can see that the tips of his ears are red. She can’t remember ever telling him what her favorite food is. In fact, she can’t remember that they’ve ever really had much of a conversation. Mostly they just have .

Her first night at Himchan’s place sets the mood for the following few days. She skips school, staying at the apartment and taking care of Jinah. She’s getting old enough now that she’ll be starting kindergarten soon, so Jinri uses the time to work on Jinah’s letters and vocabulary and other skills she’s going to need when she starts school next year.

After school, Himchan and the whole gang come over. It’s like they don’t even go to their own houses anymore, just come to Himchan’s to hang out with Jinri and Jinah. Even Yongguk is a constant visitor, more than the others.

“I’m spending the night,” he announces Tuesday night. It’s getting late. Already Jinah is passed out in Yongguk’s arms – her favorite place to be these days.

“That’s cool,” Himchan answers, stifling his own yawn. “You and Jinri can have my bed. I’ll crash on the couch.”

Jinri feels a little perturbed that they’re making this decision without even consulting her first. “Hey,” she grumbles. “Don’t I get a say in it?”

“You and hyung are dating, aren’t you?” Himchan asks with a little wink. He quickly hurries on when Jinri begins to splutter indignantly. “I’m only kidding!” he assures her. “Be quiet or you’ll wake Jinah.”

So she ends up going into the bedroom, following Yongguk and Jinah. The toddler is still asleep, so Yongguk gently lays her on the bed and changes her into her pajamas. Then he tucks her into the middle of the bed, making sure she’s got her favorite stuffed animal, and when he looks back up Jinri is staring at him.

“What?” he demands defensively.

“Were you a father in a past life or something?” she demands, changing into her own nightclothes.

He blushes. “I like kids, okay?” he grumbles. “Just go to bed.”

“Why are you doing all this?” Jinri asks once they’re both tucked into bed on either side of Jinah. “Being so nice to us and taking care of us and stuff? Is it just because you feel sorry for Jinah?”

He’s silent for a while. Then he turns his back on her. “Just go to sleep, Jinri.”

She sighs but does as she’s told. She’d never really expected a straight answer from him anyway. 

Ugh their relationship is so frustrating sometimes.