Tic toc

Time felt like it was dragging itself slow, tearing the boy’s heart on each frail beat. The gushing tears were on the brims of his eyes while byunghun jammed his jaw shut, holding it all in with all his might. The farewell was silent, bare on each heartbreaks they had to endure.

Leaving was never his plan. Jonghyun would never abandon the one man who would give the world to him. But was it wrong for him? To take it and give it to another person, a person he undoubtedly loved so much more. And that byunghun was just the second lead in his life.

And he had hated that fact. That even after all those smiles they shared together it was not enough, that all the breathtaking moment was just a passing sets of memories. And exactly because of that, goodbye was their corrupting cure. It was a word so painful that neither of them spoke.

Just silently staring at the hollow cups of coffee downed with bitterness and pain.

Hours and hours passed. Leaving was unbearable and staying would be just as agonizing but both of them froze silent on their chairs. Shut quiet by the shatters of their own crumbling heart.

Tears were just so underrated.

It was his birthday even. How the younger could do this to him was just too incomprehensible, that joe’s lips were trembling from mournful agony. Their hands were latched together, tight and firm. But still it was shaking, wavered from the fading time. If only that moment could halt and stay just like that, byunghun would be more than willing to sell his soul.

He wanted a delay.

Delay the farewell that was clear painted on their relationship. And jonghyun was just as heavy hearted as byunghun. There was indeed too much for him to let go.

But their love was like the faltering tree dying out of age whereas ljoe was the sun. Raining the ground with endless effort when really there was just no more hope that could be reaped.

That reality had eaten their dreamy moments together, rusting the trust they had for each other as byunghun’s heart was drenched with doubt. But what hurts most that it was true.

That dirty feeling he has within the depth of his guts was because changjo’s wavering heart. A heart that once truly believed never to be swayed by anyone. But when changhyun had ran into changjo’s arm a few years back and stayed, his heart was so shaken the young lad had sworn himself to damnation. He hated himself for betraying the pure love byunghun never failed to provide and the never ending trust the elder had granted him.

 But what was left to be done? It was his entire fault. To accept byung’s sincere love as a compensation for his disappointed heart, raw from ricky’s rejection. The child had sworn that ricky would never see him but he was so wrong.

So leaving was the only thing he could do. The one gift he could ever give byunghun was freedom and vice versa, it would be the biggest gift ljoe could ever grant jonghyun.

Acceptance

So just like that, after hours and hours watching jonghyun’s trembling sweaty hands entwined perfectly between byung’s fingers, the elder finally let go. Pulling his petite limbs away from the embrace of jonghyun’s big warm touch. It was their last time.

But tears were singing their glory as they marched down both of the boy’s cheeks. Staining it vividly with agonizing sorrow as subtle sobs started to echo across the grey painted walls. The air within their favorite coffee house had never been so thick.

Clenching the fibers of his denim pants, ljoe looked straight down as his ears reddens the moment changjo’s chair squeaked further from the table. A sign that the younger was finally able to step away. The stream of tears on his cheeks was left untouched as it would not mean anything, he would probably cry harder the moment after he wiped them away.

So with streaks of tears flooding his sight, the elder bowed low and silently held in his sobs as he notice jonghyun’s shadow started to fade.

The boy he loved was gone.