justifyEXO

Six Plus One

written by justifyEXO

review by -misspeculiar

Title - ★★★★★

You got five stars out of six! I gave you full credit for originality and creativity because there aren't many fanfics out there with the same title. You also received all points for correct grammar because it's capitalized and spelled properly. However, I deducted one point for appeal because it isn't very eyecatching to me. Also, with the amount of EXO fanfics being written at the time, I can tell this story would contain EXO members when I first saw the title. I feel like a more unique title could've been created.

Description & Foreword - ★★★★★

You earned five stars out of six! I didn't find any grammar errors, and if there were any, they're really small and easy for the reader's eye to pass over, so you earned two points for that. I took off one point because of appeal. When I read the description, my first impression was that it'd be the cliché tale of how the girl gets to live with idols and she falls in love. Still, people love to read those kinds of stories, therefore I think you put an appropriate amount of information. You were given two full points for presentation.

Plot - ★★✮

You got two and a half stars out of four. The plot, like I mentioned earlier, isn't very original because it revolves around the fact that a girl gets to live with idols. How did the girl come to live with idols? Her parents died and her brother is part of a famous band. That kind of plot has been done before. As a matter of fact, the last story I reviewed also had a character death in it as well. That's alright, though. You just need to add in your own original happenings to the story to make it intense and juicy. I deducted one point for the originality and creativity section. As for the enjoyment, I took away half a point because I think it could've been written better in the sense that you incorporate your own original scenes. You're only at the start of your story, though, so don't worry much. You have a lot of time to improve on anything you need to. You don't need to improve on how you end a chapter, that's for sure! You've got that down. The end of the last chapter you posted is interesting. I wonder who that guy is.

Characterization - ★★★★

You earned four stars out of six. Your characterization section is out of six because two points count for Bambi, two points are for Chanyeol, and the last two are counting for the rest of the EXO members that have made some sort of appearance in general. Let's start off with Bambi, shall we? In total, she only got one point. I took away half a point for presentation because—and maybe it's just me being stupid—I didn't really see all of what kind of person she is. Of course, she tries to not be a burden, at times unstable, and friendly, but that's all the information I've gathered from her actions. I suppose she'll progress as the story goes on, but some time in the story, I think it's important to have more of her background. I also deducted half a point for originality because I stated earlier that she's unstable. What I meant by that was that because of the tragic events of her parents' death, she was kind of unstable and burst end out in tears, crying into Kai's chest in that one chapter. She is a bit of a damsel of distress right now and that makes her a bit cliché.

As for Chanyeol and the other EXO members, they both got their point for originality. They're real people, so I guess you can't have them technically “original”, but what you did was satisfactory enough for me. They got half a point deducted for presentation each, though. Their situation is similar to Bambi's because I feel like didn't really get all the information about that that I could have. There are tiny scenes here and there with different members, but they seem to go by fast and they're always out doing their schedule. It seems reasonable and realistic since they're idols, but for the sake of the story, I want to seem some interaction so I can get the gist of what kind of people you're going to make them.

Grammar - ★★★✮

You got three and a half stars out of four! I didn't really see many grammatical mistakes, though there were some. They were very small though, like you forgot to put an ending mark in this and that sentence or you forgot to add a comma/added a comma where it wasn't need in other sentences. Since I know you know how to do this, I'm not going to nag and bore you with grammar rules. Just check over your chapters once in a while and fix any mistakes you catch.

Flow - ★★✮

You earned two and a half stars out of four. The pace of your story went really fast. I think you need to slow it down and just be more descriptive. The time flies really fast and it may be hard to write scenes that don't seem that interesting, but I'd rather have a story that's descriptive and takes its time rather than a story where you have a lot of action scenes at every corner, but they go by so fast and vaguely. I love descriptive stories because I can imagine them as a movie as well. I took off one point for that kind of presentation and half a point for transitions into the next scenes because when you do that, you tend to skip time a lot. I don't really like that—it's not my style. I only took off half a point though because I thought you did well on transitions a lot of the time. The only thing I'm concerned about is you being more descriptive and that way you won't have to skip time much—you can talk about the little things. After all, there are many stories out there with a plot that's been done before, but it's the little things that make them original and so popular.

Comments

Thanks you so much for waiting. I know I took a long time. I'm not even going to make up silly excuses. Anyway, thanks for letting me review your story. It was a nice read. I love and hate you for the cliffhanger you left us with. Keep writing! You have so much potential!

Total - 22.5/30 or 75%