Acrimony.

written by BABY_ZELO15

review by -misspeculiar

Title - ★★★★★✮

You got a five and a half stars out of six! I gave you full points for originality and creativity because this isn't a cliché title, full points for appeal because in my eyes it is interesting enough to make me want to click on your story, and one and a half points for grammar because I'm not one hundred percent sure if you're supposed to put periods in titles (I think exclamation points and question marks are okay, but titles with periods look just fine without the ending mark).

Description & Foreword - ★★★★★✮

You earned a five and a half stars out of six! I thought that the description was laid out prettily and it was also interesting to read, so I gave you full points for appeal. It may be hard to find out a reasonable amount to put out in your description, but I think you were spot on and gave you full points for presentation. I gave you one and a half points for grammar because my OCD thinks that you don't need a comma after ‘people’ and that the fifth sentence should read ‘Have had enough of the drama.’

Plot - ★★★

You got a three stars out of four! The plot isn't totally original. It seems to revolve around the two main characters who don't like each other in the beginning, but steadily become closer. Also, there is a death of one main character's loved one where the other main character is there to support them and they bond through that. That's been done before, therefore I gave you a one and a half for originality and creativity. The story is only in the beginning, so it's probably going to get much better as you progress, which means it'll be more interesting. For now, at its current state, I gave you one and a half points for enjoyment. I think you could do more to make the story intense and creative. Don't be afraid to let out your own ideas because the base of your plot is kind of cliché. You never know how great your ideas could be unless you try, right?

Characterization - ★★★

You earned a three stars out of four! Your characterization area is out of four because I took Ahri and Myungsoo as the main characters and they both are out of two points. Let's start with Ahri. I felt like you explained her well enough. She's a , but she still gets straight As. You also told us about her background with her grandfather raising her, the fact that she has siblings, and more. The same goes for Myungsoo because you said that he's handsome and y, which makes all the girls fall head over heels for him. He has this cold personality at first, but—shown through his actions towards Ahri—he will soften up if he feels like a person is deserving. I don't think you've gotten into as much detail for Myungsoo as Ahri, but that's fine because you're focusing on her. I gave both characters a full point for presentation.

As for originality, I took half off for both characters. I think it's a bit too coincidental that Myungsoo went to that funeral, how they go to the same school, etc. I would've been fine if the story started off with them going to the same school, but the fact that they find out they go to the same school is too good to be true. I know it's so that they'll have more time for interaction and bonding, but I'd really like to see a story out there where the two main characters don't see each other in school and they have to find another way to have their characters become closer. Of course, I'm not saying to change how your story is because I couldn't have written it any better even if you gave me a thousand years. Anyway, I suppose I just like realistic stories.

Spelling & Grammar - ★★

You got two stars out of four. Occasionally you would spell words wrong, so it's always a good idea to go back and reread your work to check for mistakes and then fix them. I believe there's a better way to reword some of your sentences, but I can't really explain it outright; it's just something I feel from having English as my native tongue. Even other people with English as their native tongue could think that my way of revising it is wrong because we all have this certain feel to the way we write. For these two things I took away half a point each. Anyway, what I can explain to you are some things about your punctuation. I took off a whole point for the mistakes because you tend to make run-on sentences. That means that when you should be ending a sentence, you use a comma instead of a period. To avoid that, you can use your better judgement to see whether or not your sentence is too lengthy and where you can cut if off if you can. Still, that can prove to be a little hard because you don't want your sentences too choppy either as if they are fragments, so I've found a website that might help you understand run-on sentences better—since I am horrid at explaining—and how to avoid them (here). If you want to know when to simply use commas, I also found two websites on the topic and it's really up to you to pick the one you use because it's all decided on which one explains it better to you (1, 2).

You also seem to be punctuating the end of quotations wrongly. For example, if you write “Kim Myungsoo is hot.”  I said, that would be incorrect. You need to make the period a comma because the phrase ‘I said’ is basically attached to the words in quotations, and ending the sentence with a period is like saying the phrase is its own seperate sentence, which it's not. Of course, there are exceptions when you don't need to end the quotation in a comma. If the quote is asking a question or is exclamatory, you can use their corresponding end marks and do not need a comma. Also, you can end a quote in a period as long as the following words aren't “phrase,” character-name-or-pronoun said/any substitute word for said (ex: “Kim Myungsoo is Infinite's visual,” she told her.) Of course, I probably just confused you even more, but don't fret—I also found a website on the topic (here). I took one point off for the repetitiveness of these errors, but don't stress over it or anything. Please do ask questions and/or look at the websites if you still don't get it because I didn't find these sites for me. I found them for you in hopes that you'll use them to make your story more grammatically correct.

Flow - ★★★

You earned three stars out of four! I'll cut to the chase by saying I deducted half a point for transitions and another half a point for presentation. The transitions weren't perfect in my opinion because there were times where you didn't need to put those three little asterisks. It sort of bothers me, but I'm particularly picky, so don't mind it that much. I took off half for presentation because at times I thought you moved quickly, too. Slow it down and give us the details. I love when I can imagine a story as a movie because it's so realistic.

Comments

I want to thank you so much for waiting. I have school to attend to, so I have been putting off this review. I hope you understand. So basically your story isn't bad at all and the flaws it has can be fixed as your story goes on. You're only in the beginning anyway. Feel free to leave feedback in the comments on my format and/or my explanations. You have to comment anyway so I know you've read this (it's in the rules). xD Haha, have a lovely day, sweetheart.

Total - 22/28 or 79%