I just couldn’t resist, I have to admit. But each freaking time I tried to think of something else, he just has to relate to it. I feel so stressful about that as if he’s linked to everything in my whole life. See, I’m doing it again. What else could go wrong? Oh, right, another confession in front of my eyes.

  He acts as if he doesn’t see me in the hallway whenever I’m passing by but it’s so obvious that he did because of our eye contact. I just had to act along and pretend I didn’t see him as well but cursed after I’ve gotten him out of my sight because he just keeps popping into my mind like some kind of fixed thought of something.

  I got used to be ignored by him and it really didn’t bother me as well after the countless times I’ve tried but still, my heart still aches when he ignores like a sideway stone. But seriously, does he have to keep doing it after two years and God knows how many months?

  Seven, if I counted it right according to my diary. And don’t judge me if I keep a few diaries just because I would like to read them again one day when I’m already old and have cats sprawled around my house and having my husband complaining about bingo. And it helps me keep track of time from the past since there might be some important information that’s noted in my diary.

  But nowadays, my diary is now full of Sehun’s and my adventures somewhere and also my dreams. I don’t remember my dreams completely, but I can still remember it’s remnants and those dreams had to at least have him in it. Like, can he not appear in somebody’s dream as they please? This has been ongoing since I don’t know when and I don’t think Sehun is really helping me forgetting him.

 I can still remember when he confessed; best day of my life, I would have to say since my last relationship was two years ago before my ex-boyfriend moved away. We still kept in touch though, even if he already has a better new girlfriend. I only accepted Sehun to be his girlfriend just because I thought he would help me keep my mind off him and thankfully, it did but for a while.

  That day, when he called me ‘Kryssie’ just because everyone else can, was the day where I managed to not think of him but he just had to call out my name. I think I was PMS-ing at that time so I don’t blame him if he thought he made me angry. Being a girl is hard.

  That same day, at night, when I was sound asleep, I think I dreamt the worse in history aside being chased by Chucky after he murdered the rest of my family. I think it was during clubs since not all of the students were in classrooms, and I didn’t know why but I somehow ended up being in front of Jongin and attempted to talk to him.

  As always, he ignored me in front of the whole student body and what’s painfully to remember is that everyone around me started laughing at my direction, pointing their filthy fingers at me as he just looked at me like I’m some kind of low life. I woke up soaked in sweat and tears were running down my cheeks. I was scared at that time, believed that it would happen tomorrow so I decided to call Sehun, since I know he won’t mind if he received a call from me at four in the morning.

  “Hello?” greeted a groggy voice as I tried to not sniffle because it sounds disgusting and he would surely call me a freak. “S-sehun,” I stuttered as I tried to pace my breathing. “Krystal, are you alright? Why’d you call?” his voice lit up and sounded worried about me. That’s what I like about him, he puts me first aside than everything else.

  “My dream… it’s about him again,” I then told him and I heard him gasped. “What did he do?” he asked, knows whom I’m talking about. Before this, I was actually reluctant about telling him all about Jongin since I thought he would be pissed if I told him about some other guy that has been haunting my thoughts. “He… he ignored me, and everyone laughed at me!” I then explained and he kept quiet.

  “Please, Sehun, stop me from this misery,” I then beg of him. “I would do anything to stop this,” he said and I smiled, even though he couldn’t tell. “Thank you,” I then said sincerely and heard him chuckle. “It would all be over by tomorrow, go back to sleep,” he then told me. “Just clear up your thoughts, don’t think of anything and hopefully you won’t dream anything that sad, okay?” he then suggested.

  “Okay,” I only said and before I could say goodbye, he hung off. I looked at my phone in disbelief and thought that he was probably tired as well since I called him. I just shook my head and do as he said and slowly, I fell asleep.

  Just like Sehun promised, everything would be all over tomorrow, which is the day that changed everything of my perspective in life. Skipping everything I did at home and the first four periods at school, I was just minding my own business talking with Sulli at our lockers. Then when she had to leave, he had suddenly approached me.

  Thoughts began running in my mind like, what was he going to do? Humiliate me, calling me names, or even just act as if he doesn’t ignore me? Being scared of all of the above, my expression stoned and told him to piss off because of the dream I had last night.

  So I stalked off, ignoring his calls, but then he forced me into the music room. And he said that he won’t let me out until he finished what he had to say. I then gaped at him in disbelief because obviously, we don’t have anything to talk about because Romeo here is too busy to talk to me.

  Then he started to remind me about the memories we’ve had since the past year. Oh my God, I thought; must you remind me? We’ve been there already. I tried not to groan because he shouldn’t have since those memories never even left my mind and reminding me was useless although he had a few points missing but overall, I didn’t thought that he could actually remember them since he’s so ignorant.

  I demanded him why would he tell me all of this since it would do nothing to us then he revealed that Sehun told him to settle these things with me. I then mentally face-palmed myself since that was the best kind of idea he could actually thought of to ‘end my misery’. And I didn’t know why, but then Jongin started to ask me questions why would I want to forget these precious memories if they were so dearly to me.

  I couldn’t handle it after, but I broke down in front of him and cried since the ache in my heart grew bigger. It’s not that I don’t want to forget, it’s just that I can’t forget; remembering is torture enough and having Jongin here isn’t really helping me with anything about forgetting.

  Then he promised me, for the first time, that he would try and fix everything and fill in the patches. I still didn’t know how to react since I didn’t really trust him at that time and it’s hard for me, too, for gaining him my trust. So I just gave in and let him lead the show and he was very pleased with my answer.

  That same day, at night, I dreamt of him crying. I didn’t know how that ended up, but he was standing in front of me with his tears that have stained his cheeks. I tried to reach out for him, but once we made physical contact, he suddenly blew off like dust in the wind. I then woke up by the sounding of the alarm clock and I had to give a thought to that dream for a while since I got really confused about it.

  I then told about my dream of him at school and surprisingly, he was sort of intrigued with my dreams. I then later admitted that I’ve dreamt of him a lot, but I didn’t let him know about it too much otherwise, it would totally blow off my cover about how much I’ve dreamt of him. Trust me; nothing was involved between him and animal costumes.

  “Did I just saw Jongin walking out of the class?” my very good friend, Luna, straight away asked me after she came in later after Jongin left. I then gulped and slowly nodded, expecting that she would start shipping us again. Actually, she still ships us even if I told her that there’s nothing between me and him anymore even if there was. But she kept the faith and kept on believing in us and I thought it was cute of her but still; she wasn’t helping me forgetting about him either.

  She seemed pretty upset when I started dating Sehun; she claimed that she didn’t have the right vibe about us but