The blaring speaker were the only thing I could here at the moment as I was pressed between the mass of sweaty people on the dance floor. The alcohol finally got the better of me as the smell of cigarette intoxicated me even more.

This is freedom in its finest.

After I arrived home hours ago my mother had already left for work, leaving a sticky note in the fridge stating; “Dinner is on the fridge Bummie. I’m off to work. Be a good boy ok?”

I remembered myself smiling after reading it but not eating the said dinner rather went directly to my room, got dressed and went out, went here.

I don’t find my every night here as rebellion, I could consider it as just having a little fun. I don’t fail school and don’t go home drop drunk like other people (only waking up on some people’s place) so it’s not a bad thing at all.

The night continues to fade as my mind did the same.

Fatigue was slowly crawling into my limbs as I plop myself down to the nearest leather couch I stopped. Drink still in hand; I scanned the pack room for someone interesting but no avail.

I took a sip from my drink as my ringtone went off. It was barely noticeable compared to the bass speakers but the persistent vibration on my back pockets made me fumble with the device.

“Yoboseyo?”My words tumbled between my lips as I answered the phone without bothering who was it.

“Umma, I knew you’re at it again.” the disappointed voice echoed from the static on my phone. I knit my brows together as I raked my mind for the owner of the voice.

“Oh Taemin-ah.” I cooed with a rather enthusiastic voice as I found myself triumphant on my said task a while ago.

“Are you at the bar again?” he bluntly ignored my greeting as he went to his scolding mode again. This kid can be too nagging at times but I nodded nonetheless despite of the fact he can’t possibly see the response.

“I’m coming to fetch you.” he presented as I heard shuffling from the other line, probably him getting ready to fetch me here. The sentence was a statement.

My mind was too clouded but not clouded enough for me not to be able to decline his offer in the instance it got out of his lips. Taemin should understand I can manage myself already.

This is freedom, not rebellion. This is happiness, not something wrong.

“But umma~” the little brat whined as I heard his stomps from the other line, a habit he has for years now.

“I could handle myself Taemin-ah.” I told him, voice steady as I could for the last thing I wanted is a worried Taemin. He doesn’t need to be dragged into this, this that is not a big deal, for me at least.

After a good 30 minutes of convincing Taemin and promising him that I’d definitely end up in my bed later this night we finally hung up or he finally did so.

I pocketed my phone back after the call. The rooms still pack, the night, still long enough.

Times like this where I just stay still in one place and look at space bring backs memories. Memories I wished I never have. I don’t know why but maybe I just developed this weird complex of flashes in front of my eyes, blurry images and voices from the past.

“Hey, Min.” I remembered the 3^rd grade middle school-er me chirped as the anxiety on my mind back then was making me too nervous for my liking. I can’t even look straight toward the boy in front of me, Minho. It was the last day before summer break and before moving to Seoul I decided it’s time to confess my almost three years one-sided love for him.

I remembered myself taking a large amount of breath in, larger than the one I took in before as I tried my best to lessen the shaking of my hands that was grasping at the cake I had baked that morning.

With no avail, I held the cake in front of him, trembling badly as I did but still I remembered I was not embarrass back then, I’m somewhat happy. Nervous, yes but happy to finally be able to confess my bottled up feelings.

“I…” the words got stuck in my throat as our eyes met back then but I remembered swallowing the lump and continued saying; “ I… I- really like you.” I did spoke it out. “I really… really do.” I remembered the beating of my heart. It was almost impossibly fast but still I was happy as I smiled.

The sunset was watching us with interested gaze. Minho stayed silent for a minute. Then it became two minutes or three if I remembered it correctly before he spoke.

I was still smiling at him, eyes longing and filled with love. I was not expecting something amazing but neither did I expect the worst.

“I don’t like you.” it echoes to every corner of my mind. The winds carrying it back in forth my very eyes. His voice was cold as ice.

“People like you.” I remembered him continued. “I don’t like them.”

I remembered his retreating footsteps as the tears in my eyes hindrance my sight. I remembered the smile in my face quiver as my lips tremble with tremor.

The cake in my hand didn’t reach him rather it hugged the soil beneath it as I lost grip on it and let it slip my grasp.

I remembered being heartbroken, devastated; torn as I fall onto my knees at the same time the sun hid behind the hills.

And as I open my eyes and shook that nightmare away I remembered why I told myself not to love again. Not again, after what happened to me and everything became a complete different story.

A/N

okay, i know its been forever but please forgive me.

anyway heres a chapter i cant really focus for im still spazzing bout SHINee's perf yesterday.

i mean. the live, the live is so heavenly~

i was like...

well i'll try to update frequently so please comment and more~ :)

till then