A/N: Blue text- Distant Past

          Red text- Recent Past

        Black text- Present

        And these are progressive to the previous blue-red-black from the last chapter.

====================

Himchan could feel his heart beating against his chest with every step he took.

 

This wasn't very well thought of..
 

Beads of sweat trickled down his back as he walked closer to the restaurant. He wasn't so sure if it's from the intense beating of the summer sun or from the unsettling anxiousness that he's feeling. All he knows is that he hasn’t really planned this thoroughly enought for him to be doing it.

There's no more turning back, Himchan.

Himchan know that it’s best to convince himself for in a few moments he would be meeting this 'mystery person', and all he wishes is to settle this matter once and for all.

It was all thanks to his innate stubbornness, and he curses himself for it. He could have moved on in life. He should’ve just ignored that damned note. He was alive and well, and moreover, he was unharmed after all and that was all that mattered -- at least to that half of him.

But there was that other half of him, the half that doesn't like to keep lose ends, that half that wanted to know the real motives of his savior. Himchan knows to himself that no one in this day and age had pure intentions and even if someone did, he didn't want to owe anyone any kind of favors.

He’s reached his destination and he could only take a deep breath, and give out some words of encouragement.

 

This is it, Himchan.

 

The bell rang as he pushed the wooden door open. A dimly lit room filled with small star-like yellow lights filled his eyes and the faint smell of fresh bread captured his senses. 

A restaurant..

 The place was of a quaint and intimate setting. It was filled with pillows, cushions, small comfy chairs and couches and wooden tables. The walls were filled with an aurora of colors, designed to liken the night sky in the galaxy. Every table had a small bright red rose in a glass vase situated at the center of it. Himchan scanned the ceiling and there was a small cartoon rocket ship with a blonde little boy next to it. The character somewhat looked familiar, He looked at it a moment longer and his mouth formed an 'o' as he recognized the character.

"The Little Prince." Himchan mouths to himself and nods.

Himchan was so enthralled by the set up that he almost forgot why he was even there in the first place. He was brought back to his consciousness when the hostess greeted him.

"Good afternoon, just for one?" Himchan was slightly embarrassed as he approached her. She must have been looking at him the whole time.

"S-sorry about that. I was busy admiring the interior I forgot I was still on earth." Himchan scratched the back of his neck and smiled, sending the hostess in a small fit of giggles.

"Don't worry about it! You sure are not the first one." She shoots him back a courteous smile as she prepares a menu set for him.

"Well, actually I'm meeting someone..." Himchan carefully scans the other tables but he noticed that there doesn’t seem to be a table that’s incompletely seated. “But I don’t think he’s here yet. Would you mind if I go ahead and be seated?” 

“Not at all, follow me then!” She leads him to the table politely.

He was seated at a corner table set up for two. He makes himself comfortable, resting his back at the cushioned chair, letting his head hang back as he waited for the other to arrive.

After 10 minutes of waiting, he grabs his phone to send a quick text.

I’m already here...

He was so sure that the meeting time was 2:00 pm and right now it's already 2:10 pm and counting. The phone vibrates followed by a white text popping out the screen.

Oh, I'll be right there.
 

Himchan scoffs at the vagueness of the reply, 'right there' could mean in 5 minutes or more. Clearly annoyed, he grumbles to himself about how this person has no decency. If there was one thing he was particular about, it was timing. He hates it when people are not punctual but instead of being annoyed, Himchan distracts himself by scanning the menu instead.

"Ah, French." His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to read the menu. He was no French expert and he already expects himself to pick out some random thing off of it. He runs his fingers on his forehead, the weight of this guerilla meeting is suddenly dawning on him and he could hear his heart beat louder as each minute passed.

"You picked a good table.." A deep voice suddenly crept on his senses causing his heart to jump in surprise. 

Himchan was surprised to see that the man looked about the same age as he is. It definitely wasn’t what he was expecting. He looks like a normal person, and yet the man had such kind eyes that Himchan had long forgotten existed in this world. He found himself staring for a moment until he broke off the silence.

"Are you-" His words trail off but the other picks up on it right away.

"Ah, sorry about that. I’m Yongguk by the way." The man extends his hands to signal a handshake but Himchan only stares at it.

"Uh, Himchan, but I'm sure you already knew that." Himchan answers flatly and the other awkwardly took his hand back to his pocket. 

"Can I sit?" Himchan throws him a sarcastic look. But to his surprise, the other's kind eyes shifted to give out a more serious look. Himchan looked away before he gives any more meaning to what the stranger thinks.

Yongguk proceeds to seat himself on the chair across Himchan's. The tension that built up between the two of them worsened as they sat together wordlessly.

Himchan kept looking else where as he felt uncomfortable with Yongguk's presence. He knew that Yongguk's eyes were set on him and it made him feel smaller than he already does.
 

"Are you ok?" The hairs on the back of Himchan's neck rose as he heard the other. He cannot wrap his mind on how a person with such a deep voice could exist like this. He feels like he's about to get a scolding from his boss as the other continued to speak.

"Look Himchan, you had a choice and you contacted me anyway. We can do this all day, really, but I assume there are some things you want to be clear on."

Himchan fixed his eyes on his lap, biting his lip while he took a deep breath. He didn't really know what exactly to ask and it makes him feel embarrassed for acting so stupid for no particular reason.

"...alright." Yongguk spoke calmly. "I will start then. If you want to know what happened, ask me. As for me, I have other questions for to ask myself."

Himchan couldn't help but look up and he was met by a pair of stern eyes. He nods as a signal of approval and the other clears his throat before Himchan started out with his one question.

“Why did you save me?” 

“Save?” The other man’s head tilted to one side, as if not understanding the question. His eyes suddenly form crescents and the once intimidating look that he wore disappeared completely.  He smiled at Himchan and laughed softly at the question he was thrown. “You make me sound like some knight in shining armor. I wouldn’t call that saving, I think that’s what I call helping out?” 

"I didn't need help." Himchan weakly protests to the idea.

"Really? I guess it doesn't matter if you did or didn't because you're here." The man clasped his hands together, boring his eyes directly at Himchan's. "I don't know you but I know that kind of look you always wear and I know how it feels, that's why I can't really leave you like that."

"Well you're right, you don't know me." Himchan feels as if Yongguk was staring through his soul and it leaves him feeling uneasy because he's never been so close to anyone before, let alone be read and be judged. He was feeling a boiling pit of anger down his stomach because this man is out right judging him for whatever reason. "You don't know whatever it is, you simply caught me at a bad day, that was it."

"Bad day? Is today the same because your eyes are-" Himchan didn't want to hear the rest of what he had to say and he stood up from his chair.

"Look, I don't know you too! Why don't you stick your nose on your own business, I'm done here!" The scene had caused a scene as every diner had their eyes on their table, Himchan stood up from his seat and started walking away. He could feel other people's prying eyes follow his every step. Himchan tuned out the malicious whispering from all the onlookers as he completely exited the restaurant. 

Tears were welling at the corner of his eyes as he finally was able to breathe, he didn't even realize that he was shaking so badly. Himchan had to stop for a while to collect himself again.

This is why Himchan hates people. Humans are all sick, pretentious, and selfish. Everyone loves to pretend that they're good, that they have a heart and that they care but truly they're all the same heartless creatures that would never give a . It's the same reason why he chose to be by himself. There's really no one he can trust but himself. 

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His eyes were bloodshot red with eye bags becoming even more prominent as he goes through his third sleepless night. Staring at the bedside table, his eyes linger at the contents of the tabletop for was his long friend and foe, the same thing every night of his sad existence – pills and alcohol. It dances dangerously around his mind, the bittersweet taste of alcohol ever deceivingly wanting to be a part of his body and the blue powder pills whisper to make him forget the pain.
 
Himchan shifts himself to the other side of the bed, turning away from the menacing demons that have bound him for seemingly eternity, That form of quick but meaningless escape that he has cycled himself upon.
 
He closes his eyes hoping that he could just peacefully drift to sleep, to let his mind relax and conquer that poisonous cycle of escape that he has been so used upon.
 

“Himchan… No. No. Not these, you don’t need it. Relax.” Himchan has been trying his best to convince himself of breaking old habits, self-talking himself out of every impulse to give in to his habits. It’s been ruling him for so long and he knows it. Which makes it worse because he’s been so dependent that he is fully aware of his addiction. Although he knows better than that or at least a small part of him still does.
 
 

Himchan stood up hastily from his bed and walked to the bedside table. Staring intently at the glow of the brown liquid, he hesitated. Closing his eyes in trying to defeat that demon inside of him. He quickly took a step back, then walking away from the table.
 
 

“That’s it Himchan. No more.” He weakly whispers to himself. As his fingertips touched the cold metal of his doorknob, a tear fell from his closed-eyes before he abruptly turns back. Walking again towards the table and picking up the bottle of whisky.

The night fell through so silently in mere seconds, the noises that were polluting Himchan’s mind had dispersed into nothingness as he succumbs to the white fortress of his room. It was his best desertion from the truth, dreams that serve as an escape from his hellish life. It was his truth, that only in his slumber does he become free.

  ====================

Himchan had opened all the windows from his apartment, the smoke had filled all corners of the kitchen, up to the living room and even to his bedroom. Himchan was so sure the burnt smell would definitely stick to everything he owns. He sighs at the turn out of events, Yongguk and cooking never really added together. He shakes his head as he walks to the kitchen to see the damage, and although he regrets feeling it, he feels nostalgic over the events of the days of their past. Those times that it were just the two of them in the same apartment. He shakes those thoughts away, he knows he shouldn't be reminiscing on such memories, especially now that they're together again -- although in completely different circumstances.

There were two pans over the stove with completely charred stuff. He couldn't even recognize what it was. All he could see was the completely blackened color of his once silver 'stainless' steel pan. He scans the kitchen and he noticed another source of smoke: the microwave. Himchan doesn't even want to check what's inside of his microwave, he just shuts his eyes in disbelief while he runs his hands over his face; actions that didn't go unnoticed by the other person standing in the middle of the room.

"I'm.. really sorry." Yongguk spoke so softly and Himchan couldn't help but look at Yongguk's stature. The man appeared like a little kid, and Yongguk was truly like that. A man with such a pure spirit. Himchan always knew that Yongguk never held any bad intention so even at the seemingly devastated state of his kitchen, he can't do anything but tell him off and then forgive him at the end.

"It's fine, you didn't know any better." He saw the change in Yongguk's expression but still the other doesn't seem content with what he said.

"No it's not. I'll clean up the mess and I will really make it up to you, I promise." 

I'll really make it up to you, I promise.

Himchan had to stop for a moment as he was left stunned by those seemingly familiar words. They still cut deep as if he's just heard it yesterday. He gathered himself together for he knows he can't breakdown now. Not in front of this Yongguk, the Yongguk who doesn't know.

"I believe you, Yongguk. But right now there's really not much we can do until we clear out the smoke. Let's just go out and get breakfast at the corner before we get started." Himchan knows that accepting Yongguk's words is the only way to give him peace of mind, even if Himchan would rather to not be so close to the other. 

------

Before leaving the apartment, Himchan had to help Yongguk dress his wounds. The man still had bandages over his arms and chest, not to mention the stiff cast that is wrapped around his right arm, rendering it useless at the moment. While he was unwrapping the bandage, he couldn't help but eye Yongguk's body as he proceeds to clean the wound. He nurses him gently, wrapping over a new bandage on Yongguk's torso very carefully. Yongguk was silent, and Himchan didn't dare to speak for there was that unspoken longing that he didn't want to acknowledge himself.

Himchan still couldn't get past the surreality of the situation. Besides some of the new tattoos he acquired, and the injuries he sustained, every part of Yongguk is still the same -- from his back to his neck, his shoulders down to his hands, his eyes, his lips and even his intoxicating scent. It was as if he never left. Himchan would have never thought that he'd see Yongguk like this again and yet even as Yongguk had seemingly been unchanged, he knows that that isn't the reality for himself- and for the both of them.

The drive to the diner was awkwardly quiet, but thankfully for Himchan it went by fast. He had to help Yongguk get out of the car, then Yongguk had to wrap his left arm over Himchan's shoulders for support as they walked to the restaurant. When they finally got inside, they were seated immediately and they settled themselves on the booth, sitting across each other. They were each handed a menu and they both took their time in checking it out.

"Have you decided what you wanted?" Himchan asked Yongguk

"Do you know what's good here?" Yongguk eyed the variety of options on the menu curiously.

"You should just get your usual." Himchan replied, but as the other man replied, his heart stopped in mere seconds as he realized he, again, mindlessly replied out of habit.

"Well...since I can't remember what usual is, I could just assume that you do.." Yongguk chuckled teasingly and Himchan wanted to disappear behind the cover of the menu. Himchan was flustered, and yet he manages to get over his feelings and still give out a decent answer.

"Ah, yeah. I keep forgetting you're not yourself. It's Spanish omelette with bacon on the side, and hot barley tea."  The younger states it as if it's nothing, seemingly easing in the awkwardness between the two of them, at least for Yongguk.

"I sound boring, barley tea?" Yongguk makes a scrunched up face, in lieu of mocking himself, while Himchan couldn't help but laugh too. 

"Sadly." The younger comments, "Shall we order then?"

The waitress handed them their respective plates. Yongguk received a huge plate filled with bacon and omelette while Himchan was handed a simple plate of mixed fruits and yoghurt. 

"I thought I was boring, but-" Yongguk snickers at the sight of Himchan's breakfast. "but-" Yongguk lost it. He kept laughing up until he hurt himself and Himchan grinned to himself for that internal triumph over this mental battle.

"See what happens if you laugh at me?" Himchan shakes his head from side to side, clicking his tongue with every shift. "Drink up your barley tea, gramps. It will make you feel better." Yongguk just laughs off the younger's teasing and they both proceeded to eat their breakfast lightly.

Himchan tried his best to ignore the pitiful state of how Yongguk was eating, or at least trying to. 

"Do you.. need help?" Please say no.

"I feel like I shouldn't ask you." Yongguk smiles at Himchan courteously. "Don't trouble yourself too much about me." Yongguk continued on just as if he didn't hear the question.

Himchan would have never thought that Yongguk being wary of their situation would leave such a bad taste in his mouth. He thought that sparing Yongguk from details would make it easier for the man to be with him, but he was wrong.  All along, Yongguk had been mindful of Himchan too, at least in his own little ways.

Himchan sighs. Swallowing his pride and his selfish 'selflessness', he takes the fork from Yongguk's hands and cuts up a piece from the omelette.

"I'm supposed to help you right? Even just like this, at least I can stop you from starving to death." He places the fork in front of Yongguk's lips.

"I'm sorry if-" Yongguk didn't get to finish his sentence as his mouth was abruptly shoved with a huge chunk of omelette.

"Just eat. Don't talk anymore." Himchan squints his eyes, commanding the older, who just obeys him without question.

====================

Himchan woke up to nothing but dried up tears, blood shot eyes, and a heavy pain in his heart. Waking up to himself was the hardest thing to do and there was nothing more that he wished for lately but to simply forget too. He laid there in bed for a while, staring at nothing. He felt dead. He really did wish that he was, life didn't seem all the more too appealing as it never did him any good, or him to it. 

Himchan wished for the better days, but all the memories of his better days were with Yongguk. It was so ironic and pathetic that Himchan couldn't help but laugh, he was so direly ridiculous it was just sad. 

Tears started flowing from his eyes again. He is pathetic. He has always been a sad excuse of a person but somebody was able to love him and see right through him. He clutches the growing pain on his chest,  someone loved him. It was all too painfully true and now all his wishes are now sickly being tossed back to reality.

Himchan turns to his bedside drawer and he  can't help but hate himself even more after seeing that half empty bottle of poison. Disgust boiled upon him and the unsettling feeling left him shaking until all he could see is black. Himchan was at the end of sanity and he doesn't know where else to turn to.

------

There was a loud abrupt knocking that resounded from the other side of the door. It raised some caution for the doctor, especially since he was not open for duty today. The sound was quite alarming, and he didn't plan on opening it but he heard the desperate call from the person outside for him to open the door. He sighs and he stands up and straightens himself up, putting on his white coat and pushing his glasses up in place. He walks to the door and opens it slowly, but he couldn't hide the shock on his face when he saw who was there.

"Himchan- oh god, what happened to you?" His eyes widened at then man's disheveled state, he didn't look anywhere near fine and he was left speechless as he didn't expect to see Himchan like this again, and especially in just a year.

"I- help me. Please. I don't know what to do anymore- please help-" The physical and emotional exhaustion has drained the life out of Himchan and it finally took it's toll on him.

"Himchan!" 

It was a second too late for the doctor to grab hold of Himchan as his broken body quickly crashed to the ground. 

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It took a while but, hello! I just want to thank the 17 new subscribers for trusting the story. I am truly happy that you guys chose to read this even as erratic as I am!(Maybe I need to stop creating new fics consecutively) But I'll work hard on finishing it!

Well, This story is particularly hard to write because even if I know how it all goes down, it takes a lot of brooding and internalizing before I get the write feeling for the characters. There's that certain direness that is needed for the words to flow. (I'm telling you this chapter has been written since March but I wasn't broody enough to finish it.)

Also, since it's been too long, I think I've confused with myself so much with the font settings. It took me some time to sort it all out.

Just some more explanation:

BLUE : It happened in the past. (Years ago)

RED: A while ago but not currently at the moment. (It could be a day or moments ago)

BLACK: The event is currently taking place.

And these are progressive to the previous blue-red-black text. (I have to repeat myself)

The blue usually continues in the next chapter but the black from the previous chapter would be continued as red in the next. 

I think that you guys will figure that out anyway I just wanted to explain. :'))

I feel like I'm confusing the hell out of everybody so if you have question, violent reactions, comments, leave them below! (I love talking to people?) :D

PS: This doctor now is not Yongguk's trauma doctor.

PPS: I changed the gray text to red because I've had people tell me there's no difference bet the black ang gray. (Forgive the color explosion)

<3 Dani