Friday. Like others I always looked forward to this day. No, it wasn't because I was looking forward to hanging out with friends and having a social life. The weekend for me was a way to get out of this hell hole. I didn't always have negative thoughts about school, that is until everybody found out I am gay. When that happened I instantly knew what was going to happen. People for some reason feel uneasy with the thought of a guy liking another guy. They were all naive idiots. Blind to the fact that love was love. Ever since everybody found out I am gay all the guys act as if I'm going to follow them into the bathroom and their asses. Such idiots, never would I touch someone so damn naive. They shouldn't flatter themselves, I would rather drown myself in the Han River than try to come on to one of them.

"Xi Luhan."

"Present."

"." I heard one of the guys whisper and I heard the others snicker. With unemotional eyes I stared out the window. I wasn't going to let them get to me anymore. I wasn't going to satisfy them, especially not after satisfying those strangers at my parent's funeral.

"I heard his parents died."

"They probably died from how much of a Luhan is."

People are cruel. People are heartless creatures who feed off of pain. They laugh and laugh at your pain, they laugh as they see their words get to you. I didn't say anything though. I didn't defend myself or my dead parents. What was the point? The bastards are still going to make fun of me and bully the out of me. There was no point. I'm a junior already in high school. After graduation I can kiss all their sorry asses goodbye. 

"Hey bucket do you miss your parents?"

"Don't be a little Luhan. I know you can hear us."

So much cruelty in the world and I was experiencing it. I didn't have friends to defend me, nobody wanted to be my friend. They were scared my homouality was going to spread to them. They were scared of being seen with me and be the target for bullying also. They were all afraid and insecure of themselves, that's why they bullied me. They couldn't own up to their own problems and instead placed their frustration and pain onto me. I was being dumped with their emotional baggage. 

Class continued on as normal. And of course I had paper balls thrown at me. I got notes given to me to tell me to kill myself. And sometimes I wondered what would happen if I did. I'm sure nothing would happen really. Suicide in Korea wasn't a big deal despite it happening all the time. It wasn't an important issue. There was never news about a student committing suicide, people shrugged it off. If I were to kill myself would I end up in heaven or hell? Probably hell. But did I even believe in heaven or hell? What did I believe in? Was there a God? If so, where was his mercy for me? I guess I don't believe there is a God. I guess I don't believe in a holy being that created the universe and everyone in it. But who cares. I'm insignificant compared to others.

"Scientists have said that we are made up of star dust. All thanks to the Big Bang." My ears instantly perked up when I tuned into the lesson. Star dust? How interesting. To think that people are made up of star dust. What would religious people say about this topic? Maybe they thought it was ridiculous. But it interested me. To think the stars up above, I contain some of their dust. But being me I instantly stopped listening to my teacher and continued to stare out the window, thinking up some things and questioning it as if I was a philosopher like Plato or Aristotle. 

The bell rang and it was now lunch time. This was the worst time of the day. The teacher leaves and he isn't there to witness these s torment me. But before any of them could corner me I retreated to the bathroom to get myself prepared I guess you can say. Taking steady and gentle steps, I messed with my uniform and finally made it to the bathroom. Facing the mirrors I looked at my face. Such a feminine face, it's no surprise how they found out I'm gay. I the sink and washed my face, ing my collar and seeing the multiple hickeys painted across my pale skin.

"My, my, Luhannie has been busy." My ears perked up and there he was. I knew who it was just by the steps he took. 

"Tao..."

Huang Zi Tao, goes by Tao. Like me his family moved from China to Korea. When it was just us we spoke Mandarin. Tao was a rather mysterious character, rather intimidating one also. And like me, he's gay. People knew he was gay, but no one messed with him. One guy tried to and the ending result wasn't a good one. Thanks to that scary face of his no one messed with him. Unlike me with my helpless and innocent features, everybody messed with me. Ever since it got out that I was gay, this guy has been after my ever since.

"Now who's been marking you up? And why can't I?"

"Because, go yourself Tao."

"Ouch. Such fierce words from someone with a cute face like yours."

I stood there still as ever as I heard him walk towards me. His actions were smooth like a snake. And suddenly I found him behind me, his arms wrapping around my torso. I hated this. I don't like his touches, they made me feel disgusted inside. He's come onto me so many times and each time I've successfully gotten away. I don't know about this time due to how tightly he was holding me. I could feel his breath against my neck, his fingers grazing against one of the hickeys.

"Stop it Tao."

"Push me away like all the other times then."

"Stop ing around with me Tao. Just stop."

"I'm not. You won't let me you so how is this ing around?" I felt him one of the hickeys, pure satisfaction painted on his face. My body was frozen. What was happening?

"I'll scream..." I pathetically threatened him and ony received a snicker.

"Go ahead. Who will hear you and help you Luhan? Everyone in this school loathes you anyways, so why would they help you? I can make you feel good. Give up and fall into my arms."

Tao was right, it ing hurt how much he was right. Nobody gave a damn about me, they all wanted me to die. Even if I screamed they would all just walk away and allow this abomination to touch me. Was there no help for me? Next thing I knew I was facing him, my eyes emotionless as ever. I couldn't think straight, my throat dry. I looked up at Tao and saw him smile, seeing me now giving up. His hands were under my shirt and his lips against mine. Those hands traveled to my back and dove into my pants where he d my bare rather harshly. Then he was looking at me with playful and amused eyes. This guy was like the rest, he just wanted to play with me and enjoyed the sight of me giving up.

"Oh no...Is the porcelain doll finally cracking? It's sad to see such perfection already tainted. I should have tainted you." Those words wanted to make me cry. I'm so damn pathetic. And just like that I pushed the other away from me and made my way out of the bathroom in a hurry. AsI ran away I could hear Tao's laughter ring in my ears. He almost got to me. I almost gave up. I almost satisfied him. Before I made it back to the classroom I fixed my shirt so nobody saw the hickeys and made sure that I wasn't actually crying even though I wanted to do so. Entering the classroom I saw everyone crowded around my desk. They were laughing and snickering and as I approached them they scrambled away and anticipated for my reaction as I got to my desk

'Go die.'

'.'

' Bucket.'

'Go to hell.'

'ing disgrace.'

'. a and die.'

My desk was cluttered with all these sayings in permanent marker. Never has this happened before and I didn't know why this was happening to me. Wasn't it enough that I grew up without my parents there most of the time. Wasn't it enough that my innocence was taken away by my butler who is eight years older than me? Wasn't it enough that my parents died? Wasn't it enough that I've dealt with this torment for so long? Why? There is no God if no good comes to me. Damn everyone. I tried my best to stop shaking as I went to a cupboard and got the cleaning supplies, my eyes suddenly eyeing a waste basket. Kneeling down I grabbed my books out of it. They were torn and all the pages had hurtful words. Each cover had the word 'Homo' inked into it. I held onto my books with one hand and made my way back to my desk and began cleaning the markings away.

Suddenly I was shoved onto the floor by one of the guys and everyone was laughing. They could see me breaking down, just one more shove and I would break. Like a porcelain doll carelessly tossed to the side by a naive child. Their taunting words hitting me like the multiple punches I was receiving. 

'Go ahead. Who will hear you and help you Luhan? Everyone in this school loathes you anyways, so why would they help you?' Tao's words echoed in my mind as I received those punches. It hurt knowing that he was right. It hurt knowing that truly nobody cared.

My parents, Kris, Tao, my relatives, nobody cared.

I finally broke down and began crying. Begging for those ers to stop. And they started laughing and calling me a crying little . I hated myself more than them. I was satisfying them. How could I have done this? Especially after satisfying those strangers at the funeral and satisfying Kris. Now this. I gave in, I cried, I begged, and I gave them what they wanted. They got to me and I let them in. I'm weak and helpless.

The pain coursed through my body and somehow I got up and ran out of that classroom. Ignoring the yelling from my teacher and the bell ringing indicating that free time was over. The salty tears didn't stop even though I wanted them to stop so much. Crying three times in two days. How damn horrible. I ran out of the school building and made my way to the abandoned observatory. It was my sanctuary and my getaway. Nobody could hurt me there.

When the school was built, the observatory was donated and soon left to be abandoned. Upon entering this school the observatory interested me immediately. I needed to get in there but it was locked. I came up with a plan. I started an astronomy club and put down fake names so it was only me in the club. I was granted access to the observatory and its been my secret hideout ever since. Nobody could touch me here, it was my sanctuary. Entering the old building, I made my way to one of the observing rooms where there were these bed-like chairs where I could lay down and look at the stars. But it was daytime so only the light radiating from the sun came down upon me. I hated it, I hate the light. I laid down and covered my eyes and I cried even more. No matter. How many times I told myself to stop I just couldn't. I couldn't because they finally got to me. They finally broke me down. They shattered me like a fragile porcelain doll. I might as well cry my eyes out because of this. After all those years of not breaking down, it finally it me so hard.

My body felt so weak and I felt the pain suddenly intensify as I looked at my cuts and bruises. These gross green and purple bruises against my skin, blood pooling out of some of the cuts. I knew my face was probably ed up because that's where they hit me the most. Gosh was life such a drag. I try not to be an emotional little but its kind of hard when I go through all of this on a daily basis. I wasn't trying to cry for help, I just wanted all of this to stop. I wanted to disappear.

I want to be like the stars that die but can still be seen shining up in that beautiful blanket of night. 

Eventually the bell rang for everyone to go home and nobody was out looking for me. They were all probably happy that I wasn't there spreading my homouality like wildfire. By now my tears were dried and I felt like utter and complete . How wonderful to have this happen after the day of my parent's funeral. I suddenly heard footsteps and I froze immediately. Never have I heard footsteps when I enter the observatory. Was it Tao who found out where I hide so he can finally get in my pants? Was it my classmates ready to put the smack down on me again?

"Luhan! Luhan where are you!"

No...It was my uncle. The sound of his voice made me confused and bewildered. What was he doing here? I didn't say anything until I saw the door of the room open and there he was. A look of complete concern and worry playing on his face, an expression I've never seen from anyone in my whole and entire life. And it scared me to be quite honest. This whole situation was scaring me because I never expected anyone to actually come and look for me.

"Uncle?" I shakingly called out as I sat up. The light now shining on my face revealing the wounds that I got.

"Good god." And he ran up to me and hugged me. Never in my life have I been enveloped in such a loving and caring hug. Never ever in my life and it was scaring me and making me confused. "Luhan this...This is unacceptable. I'm taking you with me now. You can't stay here and be tormented. Good god."

And for once I cried. But I didn't cry because I hated myself or because something bad happened to me.

I started crying because I was so overwhelmed by the genuine hug and words. I was crying because I'm now seeing a glimpse of hope in this dark place I'm stuck in.

Maybe there is a God after all.