I watched all these people decked out in black pass by me and say the same words over and over again as I stood by my parent's caskets. All of these words went into one ear and out the other. They were proud of me? They loved me so much? I shouldn't be hearing this from random people I've never met, I should be hearing this from the two that conceived me and gave me the name Luhan. But that didn't matter anymore considering that they were dead now. I stood there calmly and could hear people gossip about how I didn't look devastated or the fact that I wasn't crying. But the thing is I couldn't cry, even if I wanted to fake it to satisfy these people I don't even know. Because for me I was at a funeral being held for these two strangers who I barely know about, my own parents. 

 

Now you may be thinking about how I'm such a cruel and horrible child but it's not my fault. You may be thinking and wondering how I'm not completely breaking down due to my parent's death. It's what I said, these people in the caskets were strangers to me. From the time I was born I was just there. I grew up never really seeing my parents since they worked a lot. They focused on their jobs more than they're own child. I got used to them missing my piano recitals, my school plays, and my graduations. I got used to seeing a small cake on our dining table and a note close to it saying 'Happy Birthday'. I got used to being a lone every birthday. I got used to coming home and only seeing my butler there handing me my snack and some tea. I got used to the empty feeling of my house, never really deeming it a home. It wasn't a home, it was just a place where I could rest and eat. I only saw my parents from time to time and most of the time I just got a quick glance of their faces before they retreated to their room to rest. I'm not trying to make my parents sound like bad people, I'm sure they were lovely people. Just wish I could have gotten to known them better, considering I am their only son.

 

I shifted my head to the left and found myself staring into my parent's caskets. This is the most I've ever seen of their faces. Now noticing I have my dad's lips and my mom's nose. Now noticing how beautiful my mom was and how handsome my dad was. But now I wondered about the warm glow that used to show on my parent's skin, but now only getting to see their sickly pale and cold skin. Wondering what conversations we could of had, wondering what it's like as a child to sit on my father's shoulders. Or holding my mom's hand. Or the missed hugs I never got or the kisses. Every year, every day, every second, I wonder about these things. But now I didn't care anymore, they were dead now. By now everyone began scrambling to their seats to get ready to hear the epilogues from the decease's loved ones. Unfortunately I was one of them.

 

I sat in the front next to my relatives, some of them I didn't even know, some of them I faintly know or heard of from eavesdropping on my parent's conversations. I was uncomfortable, I never was good at speaking in front of people. One by one people who I didn't know went up and stood next to my dead parents, reading or talking about wonderful memories and how wonderful my parents were. Talking about how charming my father was, how graceful my mother was. I was jealous of them. I was painted with envy. It was unfair that they experienced memories with my parents. It was unfair that they knew more about them than me. How awfully cruel for me to hear. This was horrible and I wanted to scream. I wanted to hide away, I didn't deserve to be here at my parent's funeral. And then it was my turn to speak in front of these unknown faces. And suddenly everything just got even worse.

 

I was nudged by some woman sitting next to me who was wearing too much makeup that was smudged from crying. Shakingly I got up and made my way to the stand and stood there facing them. Their eyes practically bore into my soul, there was so much pressure put onto me. I was the son of the dead people in the caskets anyways. My hands were shaking and my lips were dried, my eyes getting even bigger than they already were. I didn't even prepare an epilogue, deciding to just wing it.

 

"H-Hello...I'm Xi Luhan as some of you may know. I am the son of _ and _. Thank you for coming today to remember my parents who died in a fatal car crash." My voice was shaking and I just wanted to disappear. They were all staring at me, some of them crying. It was too uncomfortable and I felt like I was choking. "My parents were my rock, they were my support. They were always there for me through thick and thin. They loved me with all their hearts and made me the person I am today. They cared for me so much and enveloped me in their love. I miss them and it hurts being here today, seeing my own parents being buried. But even though they aren't here with me anymore, I have their everlasting love and memories. My parents will forever be remembered by loved ones and I hope to continue my family's name proudly. I hope to be strong like my father and caring like my mother.Thank you for everything and thank you for everything you taught me. Thank you for bringing me into this world. I love you mom and dad. Rest now."

 

I started crying as I finished speaking and began walking back to my chair. I wasn't crying because of my now dead parents. I was crying at all the lies I spoke. I was crying because of that. I was crying because I lied at a damn funeral. I lied to satisfy these damn people I don't know. I lied about the memories, I lied about them caring, I lied about them being my rock. I lied about continuing our family name since I'm a ing homoual. I'm a god damn disgrace. I felt hands on me as I buried my face into my own hands as I cried. These people's hands made me feel disgusted and I just wanted to push all of them away. I didn't deserve their sympathy, I didn't deserve to be here. Why was this happening to me? Why? 

 

After crying with these random strangers I threw some dirt onto the closed caskets in the ground and watched as a couple of men shoveled dirt into the pits. Then they were sealed. My parent's bodys ready to be eaten away by bugs and ready to rot away. And I was ready to get out of here and question how I'll live now. Though I suspect nothing will change much really since I'm used to the absence of my parents. I made my way down the grass covered hill and towards a car that was ready to drive me home until I was stopped by some man I've never seen before. I was confused and waited for the elder to speak.

 

"Luhan. I'm your mother's brother. I'm your uncle. I know you don't know me since the last time we met was when you were a mere child. It's rather unfortunate for us to meet again at this funeral." The old man spoke in such a soothing tone that it made me relax almost instantly. It rather surprised me that he wasn't saying how sorry he is for my loss and how my parents loved me. 

 

"Oh...Hello..." I answered back rather awkwardly. I was never good when it came to one on one talking. I knew the man in front of me could sense my uneasiness and only began smiling tenderly at me. My uncle has some similarities to my mother, except for the masculine qualities of course.

 

"When you were born your mother and I talked about your future. She told me that if her or your father both died, I would now be your guardian, to take care of you. Seeing as how you're still under aged and in high school I'll be taking care of you now. I know I'm a complete stranger to you but I hope I'll be there for you." My uncle spoke those words which made me uneasy. Another stranger going to take care of me. I didn't even know anything about this man who is supposedly my uncle. I don't know, but it's not like I have a choice. I don't have a job or a way to support myself. How utterly pathetic of me.

 

"Okay...So what will happen? What will happen to my house? What will happen?" I questioned, weary of what was going to happen in the future. My uncle smiled at me and calmly placed a hand on my shoulder. The touch of his hand didn't disgust me like the other hands that were on me as I cried.

 

"Your house will be up for sale. Everything is planned out. You will come to live with me and you will go to a new school. I know it might be hard adjusting but I just can't leave you here in Seoul." He spoke with hesitation in his voice. I didn't know how to feel about any of this all. Going to a knew school? Living out of Seoul where I have been my whole life? But then again I didn't have a choice. I was still underaged and naive about the adult world. I couldn't possibly stay in Seoul and  live by myself. Trying to support myself. I felt like a helpless child. But I was one.

 

"Okay uncle, when will I be living with you?" I asked in a calm tone, not wanting the elder to sense my uneasiness. 

 

"Starting next week Luhan." And with that he left and I watched him drive off into his car. There was nothing alarming about the male so I wasn't really afraid of him. Though looks could be deceiving. But I'll find out once I start living with a stranger and hopefully I'll get to know him unlike my parents.

 

I started walking again towards my car where my butler, Kris was waiting for me holding the door open for me. I've had multiple butlers that tended to my needs while my parents were away, but Kris was the only one we kept for so long. A handsome character with dazzling messy brown hair, sharp features and everything. Being the homoual I am, I find him extremely attractive.

 

"How are you feeling Master Luhan? You must have felt uncomfortable speaking in front of those people." The elder male cooed towards me. Kris was probably the only one who knew what I was feeling all the time considering how long we have been together as I grew up. I loosened my tie and closed my eyes for a minute.

 

"Horrible." I plainly answered.

 

"I thought so. Don't worry Master I have made preparations once we get home. I'm sure you'll feel better right after."

 

Those words rang in my ears and I know what was going to happen. And I was going to allow it.