(Hyukjae POV)

2 Days Later

I was at the mall cause mom kept nagging me to go out and buy some new clothes . So I finally decided to listen to her.

I looked around in different stores, nothing really caught my attention but I bought some shirts and a pair of jeans just to prove to her that I did actually go shopping.

I was done with  buying what I wanted to and was just walking around passing some time before heading home and suddenly came across a gift shop. I looked through the window and there were so many cool things , I remembered how much I used to bother mom and dad to buy me things like these when I was little.

I went inside and checked it out. There were so many awesome toys and other fun stuff.

I bought a few things and had them nicely wrapped.

On my way home, I stopped at the post office and took all the gifts inside and told the man at the counter that I wanted to parcel them to Korea.

He put everything in a large cardboard box and before he tapped it up, I placed an envelope with some money inside it as well.

I pulled out the address that Kyuhyun had given me last time and the man placed a sticker with the details on the box.

I hope Donghwa likes his gifts.

Later, I headed to the dance studio and spent a couple of hours practicing a dance routine. No one else was here right now, I had the entire studio to myself so I stayed an extra hour .

I finally finished and was sweating like crazy, I dried myself with a towel and tried to catch my breath, after drank some water to cool down.

I took out my phone and texted Donghae.

Hi,want to get started on the assignment today? If you want we can work on it at my house? I will pick you up after you get off work, see you then.

I changed into a fresh shirt, packed up my things and left.

I had a few other errands to run, which took me a couple of hours.

After a few mintues Donghae texted back.

Alright,see you then.

I went to the library to pick up some more books for our research assignment .

It was 6:30 pm now and Donghae was about to finish work so I headed to the restaurant he worked at and waited for him outside in the car.

After five minutes , he came out and spotted me.

"Hi !" He said as he opened the passenger door and got in.

"Hi ! How are you feeling ?" I asked giving him a smile.

"Good !" He smiled back , putting on the seatbelt.

"Did the doctor get back to you about the  x-ray results ?" I asked him.

He waited a few seconds before answering.

"Ummmm..... yeah everything is fine." He said looking out the side window, avoiding eye contact.

"Are you sure ?" I asked , as he seemed a little hesitant.

"Yeah , the doctor didn't say anything ." He added.

"Well that's great then ! Maybe the pain was just from overworking or stress ." I told him.

"Yeah" He said and continued looking out the window .

We reached my house . I took out all the library books from the back seat and headed towards the door, Donghae followed behind.

I realized that this was the first time he was actually visiting my house, I was excited.

As we reached the door, I remembered that I had to take out the keys .

"Here , give them to me ." Donghae said and took the books from me .

I took out the keys and opened the door . We walked in, the house was completely dark.

No one was home right now. I the lights and Donghae's mouth dropped open as he looked around . He seemed so awestruck by everything he saw.

"Oh my god ! Your house is so beautiful Hyukjae !" He said , trying to take in the surrounding.

"Oh, thanks !" I said and took the books from him and placed them on the table .

"Hyukjae, I never imagined that you actually lived in such a beautiful house like this !" He said.

"Ummmmm..... thanks I guess." I said , unsure of whether it was a compliment or he was just in complete disbelief.

We took of our shoes and jackets at the door and made our way to the kitchen.

"Let's eat something before we start working . The washroom is just around the hallway to the left , if you want to go wash up ." I told him as I took out two plates from the cupboard and served us.

After I took out two cans of pop from the refrigerator and placed our food on the counter .

Donghae came back from the washroom.

"Come sit !" I told him and he came and sat beside me and we started eating.

"Hyukjae, this is amazing ! Did your mom cook it ?" He asked after taking the first bit.

It was funny how he found everything so fascinating.

"No , Ammi prepared it." I told him and continued eating.

"Ammi ? Who is that?" He asked , looking at me.

"Oh, Ammi is our cook . She is great !" I said and took another bit .

"You have a cook ?" He asked sounding even more astonished .

"Yeah , ever since mom started her own business , she comes home late so she hired Ammi." I explained to him.

"Oh, your mom has her own business ? What kind of business is it ?" He asked sounding interested.

"She has a cosmetics business . She has her own line of makeup ." I told him.

"Wow, that's nice !" He said.

We ate in silence for a couple of minutes and then he asked me.

"So what does your dad do ?"

"He...... has his own business too ." I said.

"Wow Hyukjae , your family is very blessed ! "

I gave him a smile and we finished up eating .

After we went to the living room and cleared the coffee table and placed all our books on it . We sat on the carpet across the table from each other.

"Hyukjae, where's Sora ?" He asked .

"Oh, she must be out with Henry ." I told him.

"Henry ? " He said.

"Her boyfriend." I explained.

"Oh....... isn't it a little too late for  her to be out with a guy at this time ?" He asked, seeming concerned.

"He is a good kid, we trust him." I told him.

"Oh, I see ." He looked relived .

"We hang out often , he comes to the studio and we often practice together. He is into dancing as well. " I told him.

Donghae nodded.

"Alright , so I did some research yesterday and found some great sites where we can get  reliable information from." He said as he pulled out some papers from his bag.

I looked at him. He was really a nerd. As soon as the topic of school came up , he got all excited and thrilled.

This was going to be interesting. He wanted to actually work , while I just wanted to sit here, stare into his eyes and just and talk to him.

"Is your back still hurting ?" I asked him because he had brushed off the topic when I asked him earlier.

He looked at me  due to the sudden change in topic.

"I told you Hyukjae , I am  fine." He said and continued working.

"Did the doctor call ? What did he say ? " I asked him again because he wasn't telling me probably.

He didn't answer .

"Donghae , it's not normal to have such bad pain for such a long time . Tell me if something is wrong , ok !" I told him as I leaned forward and looked into his eyes, making sure he understood that I really meant it .

He smiled and nodded.

He continued working and I just sat there and watched him.

He looked so concentrated in his work ...... while I was so concentrated in him.

"Why are you so damn eager to work on this stupid assignment ?" I asked him , teasingly.

He stopped writing and looked up at me .

"I am sorry but isn't that what I came here to do ?" He said sarcastically.

I took the book away from in front of him and closed it.

"Hi ! What are you doing ?" He called out, sounding  aggravated.

"Let's talk !" I said and leaned back on the sofa and looked at him.

"Hyukjae, we really need to get this done ! Please focus !" He said and opened up the book again.

I took it away from him again and put it on the sofa behind me so he couldn't reach it.

"No !" I said and laughed.

He looked at me with disbelief.

"Hyukjae !" He protested.

I just watched him and kept laughing .

He was so annoyed but he looked so cute at the same time. I was enjoying watching him flip out .

I leaned forward onto the table to get closer to him.

He seemed nervous and quickly looked away.

I took his hand that was on the table and ran my thumb over the back of  his fingers.

He looked up at me again . He seemed scared . I smiled at him and held  his hand tighter .

He looked down at my hand as it held his. He didn't pull it away . He swallowed deeply and to my surprise, entangled his fingers in between mine.

I felt shivers shoot through my spine as I felt the warmth of his skin against mine.

I looked at him. He seemed lost as he watched his hand resting under mine . His eyes became watery and a tear escaped from his eyes and dropped onto the glass table.

I didn't say anything. I was overtaken by his striking eyes and the addicting sense of his beautiful skin against mine.

I couldn't speak. I was also lost ....... in him.

We stayed like that for a while. I slowly ran my thumb over the back of his hand , making circles around the defined bones of his knuckles .

His hand felt so warm and smooth against mine. His skin was so soft ,it felt like velvet .

Suddenly he broke the silence as he looked down at my fingers playing with his hand.

"Hyukjae....... I need to tell you something."

I still couldn't speak so I just nodded and showed him that I was listening.

"Hyukjae ....... I ........ I " He continued but stopped. I sat there and watched him , trying to find words to say.

He was struggling to say something. His eyes showed the trouble he was having.

"What is it ?" I finally let out. My voice was trembling , I hadn't fully grasped onto the moment. His slightest touch was so invigorating, I felt shivers run down my back from the friction between our skin.

It all seemed so unreal.

I couldn't believe it. The person that had been running away from me and had been  avoiding me all this time.....was now in front of me with his hand in mine.

He looked up at me and another tear ran down his face.

"What is it Donghae? Tell me ." I asked him again.

He took a deep breath and tried saying something again.

"Hyukjae ....... I want to tell you that ......." He said and suddenly stopped as we heard someone walk in the front door.

We jumped up from the sudden scare. We pulled our hands away quickly and opened up the books and started reading.

My heart almost bursted out of my chest . I felt terrified suddenly. Who came home ?

"Oh ! Hello dear !" Mom poked her head into the living room and found us sitting there. She was home early today.

"Hi mom !" I stuttered out quickly .

She walked into the living room and came over to us .

"Doing homework ? And how are you Donghae ?" She asked, smiling at him.

Donghae was shaken by her sudden appearance as well.

"Oh ! Ummmmm...... fine , thank you ! " He said quickly and started packing up his things.

"Well alright ! Have fun !" Mom said and left to go upstairs to her room.

"I should go now ! I will see you tomorrow !" He said and quickly left.

We didn't make eye contact. We both were  terrified right now . I didn't know what to think or what to even say to him.

I would probably be running after him right now but I coudn't . I was in a shock from what just had happened .

Thank god mom didn't see us . I felt so strange and mortified , thinking about the fact that mom almost saw us holding hands. I suddenly felt like a criminal, trying to act innocent.

(Donghae POV)

I quickly left his house . I took the bus, I couldn't even look at him right now. I felt so embarrassed .

What did I just do ? Was I mad ? Was I going crazy ?

If his mom hadn't showed up ..... would we still be sitting there holding each other's hand ?

Oh my god ! Oh my god ! No !

And why couldn't I say it ? Why couldn't I tell him what I wanted to ? Was I afraid that he would let go of my hand . Did I even want him to let go ?

I was shaking the entire way home. I was going mad, thinking about what I just did.

I came home and quickly rushed into my room. Without even opening the lights, I threw everything onto the floor and collapsed on the bed, burying my face into the pillow.

When I clearly knew that it was wrong ..... then why did I let him hold my hand like that?

When I knew that it was wrong ...... why did I hold his hand back ? Why didn't I pull my hand away from his ? Why did I do that ?

Why was I letting  this happen ? Instead of stopping him, I wanted him to keep being like this ....... why ?

Was it because the way he looked at me, the way he ran his fingers over the palm of my hand, the way his body felt so warm when I leaned onto his shoulder, the way he cared about me ...... the way he couldn't stand being away from me more than a few hours, worrying about whether I was ok or not ............it all resembled Siwon's nature.

I buried my face deeper into the pillow and cried harder. I couldn't stop myself. I felt so weak, so helpless , so guilty ....... about feeling this way towards someone other than Siwon.

I needed to end this right here , before I regretted it and before Hyukjae got the wrong idea.

That's it ! Once the assignment was finished, I was going to end  whatever was going on between us. I would stop seeing him. It was the only way to get him to leave me alone, by completely  ignoring him.

 I promised myself to end it ...... before it gets too late.

(Hyukjae POV)

I couldn't sleep tonight. The sense of his skin still tingled on the tips of my fingers . His touch was so mesmerizing , I could still feel bolts of electricity shooting through my hand.

Even knowing the fact that mom almost saw us ...... it didn't matter anymore. All that I cared about right now was that he held my hand back. He didn't pull away from me but instead he let me touch him.

I stared at my hand , imagining his fingers linked in between mine.

I know that we had only held hands .............. but it felt like so much more. I felt so happy ..... so peaceful now , knowing that he was opening up to me and finally wasn't pushing me away.

All night , he was the only thing on my mind.

Next Day

I called him to make sure that he was ok. Mom almost gave us a heart attack yesterday and he left so quickly too.

He didn't answer, maybe he was busy.

I called him again later on in the day , still he didn't answer. I understood , maybe he needed some time after what happened yesterday. To be honest , I wasn't even sure of what exactly  to say to him when we meet. I wonder what he was thinking about right now ?

.............

One day had passed, I called him and texted him but he still didn't pick up. What was going on ? I felt worried now.

I let another day pass, thinking maybe he still needed some more time to get his thoughts together. I did too.

.............

Three days had passed now and we still hadn't talked since that day, he didn't show up to class either.

I went home feeling frustrated out of my mind and was craving  to have him in my sight again and to hear his voice again.

I had no other choice but to ask Ryeowook or Kyuhyun  about what was going on.

I decided to call Ryeowook and thank god he answered.

"Hello ?"

"Hi Ryeowook, how are you ?" I said.

"Fine ! You ?" He asked back.

"I am fine as well ! Hi listen,  do you know where Donghae has been these  last couple of days ? I called him so many times , but he didn't answer . I was just worried, do you know where he is ?" I asked him.

"Oh ! He is not home right now but he didn't tell you ? He's been at the doctors a lot for the last few days. He's been busy with all his pre- surgery appointments . " He told me.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing . Pre- surgery ? What the hell was going on ?

"Surg--- , surgery ? " I asked , unable to let the words out of my mouth from disbelief.

"Yeah , he's going to be having a surgery soon. How come he didn't tell you ?" He asked me.

I don't understand why he didn't tell me. When I clearly asked him several times , whether  the doctor had said if something was wrong ? Why was he still treating me like I was no one ? I felt raged. I had to find out through someone else, that he was going to be having a surgery ? Was he serious ?

" Surgery for what ?" I stuttered out , scratching my head from the anger that was eating me up alive.

"He has had this sever pain in his back and went for a checkup a few days ago and the doctor told him that he had a dislocated spine ." He said.

Oh my god. No wonder he was in so much pain .

My heart started beating even faster as Ryeowook unrelieved more and more things that made me want to punch something.

I felt so angry at Donghae right now . What the hell was wrong with him ? Why did he lie to me ? I swear, the next time I see him !

"Wait, how did that even happen ?" I asked, clenching my fist.

"I don't know but he has had that back pain ever since I knew him. I am guessing it has been well over ten , fifteen years now." He said , letting out a deep sigh.

"What ? Ten, fifteen years ! " I asked, shocked.

Oh my freaking god ! What the hell has he exactly been doing with his life all this time ?

Now he finally decides to look after his health , after putting up with that pain all these years?

"Do you know when he will be free tomorrow ? I want to see him." I asked.

"Ummmm..... he has another appointment in the morning and he might not attend his classes tomorrow, so I guess he will be home in the afternoon or evening . You can meet him then." He told me.

"Ok, thanks so much Ryeowook ! Talk to you later ." I said.

"Alright , see you !" He said and hung up.

I couldn't believe this guy. He knew how much I cared and worried about him and still he decided to lie to me right in my face? A surgery ! He was going to be having a surgery and he wasn't going to tell me about it ?

I felt like killing him right now .

"Ughhhhhhh !" I yelled out and threw the phone on the bed with frustration.

I felt so aggravated and restless. I couldn't take it anymore . I needed to know how he was . I was aching to hear his voice.

I picked up the phone again  and called Donghae. He didn't pick up.

That's it , I was  done with him.

I felt so hurt and needless. I thought we were close now, so why did he hide such a big thing like this from me and why was he ignoring me like this again ?

I felt angry , anxious,  hurt , let down ....... I was still a stranger to him........ but that wasn't going to stop me from making sure that he was safe and not hurting.

Next Day

I waited till it was evening , so I could see him for sure . It was 7:30 pm , it was dark and freezing outside.

I went to his building and waited outside for him, he usually came back from work around this time.

I dag my hands inside my jacket pockets , it was so damn cold but I needed to see him.

I waited about fifteen minutes and he still hadn't showed up. I was about to call him when suddenly I saw him walking toward the building. He  hadn't noticed me yet.

My heart went crazy again, just watching him walk towards me.

I felt relieved to see his face but outraged from all the anger at the same time.

My hands turned into tight fists as he walked closer . I knew I was going to snap at him.

As he came closer he noticed me standing there and suddenly froze. Our eyes glued to each other.

I slowly walked over to him, my teeth clenching.

He stared at me. I could tell he was shocked to see me.

He looked down at the ground as I approached him and swallowed deeply.

"What the hell is wrong with you ? Why are you doing this to me again ? I asked you if everything was  alright, you lied to me !" I said , trying to contain myself.

He didn't say anything.

"How can you not tell me this Donghae ?" I asked him,  trying to get him to look at me.

"Tell you what ?" He finally spoke.

Seriously ? Was he going to play dumb with me right now ?

" You are kidding me right ? The surgery god damn it !" I yelled at him , unable to control myself any further.

He suddenly looked up at me and seemed scared from my temper.

"Who told you ?"

"What the hell do you mean 'who told you' ? Did you seriously think that  I wouldn't find out ? You are so damn pathetic Donghae ! You know how many freaking times I called you and texted you ? But you just ignored me like I am no one ! Why are you acting like this ? Stop it ! " I tightly grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him to get him to answer me.

He aggressively pushed my hands away and stepped back.

"Look Hyukjae , you are too much ok ! I didn't want your help in the first place ! But you forced yourself into my personal life and kept forcing me to tell you more so I gave in, thinking that you would leave me alone after but no ! This is too much , you are making me feel burdened ! You keep giving me things and caring for me and I am thankful for it but the truth is........... you don't know me. Just because I have told you a few things about my past doesn't mean that's who I am , ok ! You know nothing about me ! So please just stop worrying about me and just go your separate way. Please leave me alone !" He shouted at me and tears started running down this face .

I stood there in shock , unable to say anything back. I looked at him and saw how miserable and hurt he was right now.

I stepped closer and tried to hold him but he pushed me away again.

"Stop it ok ! Just stop it ! Just go away ! " He shouted again. He was trembling , he wasn't able to stand still. He buried his face in his hands and cried harder.

"Dong----, Donghae ....... please don't say that . I just want to help you ok ? I want to take all your pain away." I told him, my eyes were becoming teary.

"You can't ok ! I am a helpless piece of ! No one can help me ! My pain isn't something that will just go away like that !" He yelled louder.

"I don't care ! I will do whatever I can to help you ! The more you push me away , the more I will care for you ! I can't help myself , I need to see you , I need to hear you , I need to make sure that you are fine !" I held onto him again , more tightly this time so he couldn't push me away . I stared deep into his eyes.

As I pulled him closer towards me , I realized why he was acting like this and why he was so shaky . He was highly intoxicated . I could smell the wreak of alcohol on his clothes and in his breath.

My hands fell down to my sides . I let go of him. I wasn't expecting this from him. I felt disappointed and hurt.

He looked at me .

"Hyukjae ...... I need to tell you something ......." He said .

I didn't say anything back to him .

"Hyukjae........ my life is more complicated than it seems ..... you will be better off not getting yourself involved in it ..... trust me." He said , holding onto my arms for balance.

My heart felt torn , seeing him like this . He seemed so lost and helpless. He wasn't himself right now.

 All the anger that was built up inside of me before coming here,  suddenly all melted away. I didn't have the heart to stay mad at him .

"Hyukjae please don't get involved ....... you will only get hurt. I am not worth getting hurt for, please ?" He said and crashed into my chest and wrapped his arms around my neck and let himself go. He buried his face into my jacket and cried. I could feel his heart racing against mine as he sobbed harder.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to myself.

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say . I just held him.

We stood there in the cold , holding onto each other.

I didn't know what exactly was going on in his life or what he was talking about but all I knew was that he needed me right now and I would be a fool to leave him alone in his time of need. He needed me ...... but more than that I think....... I needed him.

A Few Days Later 

We finished up our assignment early, before Donghae went into surgery. He wanted to get a good mark on it , so I worked extra hard to make sure that we received it . I didn't want him to be sad.

He was admitted to the hospital , his surgery was in two days. He was in more pain now than ever before. He wasn't eating and  his skin was so pale and lifeless. I tried to get him to eat something but he kept refusing . My heart broke every time he closed his eyes and tears escaped from all the pain , but he didn't complain about it.

I brought him different kinds of foods , snacks and drinks but he hadn't even touched anything , everything kept piling up on the table next to his bed.

He didn't talk much either . I sat beside him and talked to him and tried to cheer him up.

He kept telling me that I should go home and rest but I couldn't . I couldn't leave him here like this, I wanted to stay by his side .

I was sitting on the sofa across his bed and noticed him waking up. I quickly got up and went over to him.

"Donghae ? "

He slowly opened his eyes and smiled when he saw me .

"You are still here ?" He asked looking shocked.

"Yeah. How are you feeling ?" I said and placed my hand on top of his.

" Not bad...... Hyukjae , please go home it's late now, your parents might be wondering where you are, I am fine ." He said, placing his hand on top of mine.

" But I want to stay -----" I said but he cut me off.

"Hyukjae you were here all day yesterday and all day today , please go home . I feel like I am causing you so much trouble and the surgery isn't til two days." He told me .

I looked into his eyes and smiled.

"Ok ..... I will go. But if you need anything call me, ok ?  I will come tomorrow." I said and squeezed his hand .

"Goodnight." He said and smiled back.

"Goodnight !" I picked  up my jacket from the sofa and left the room.

My heart fell into my chest as I walked away from him, leaving him on the hospital bed like that.

I drove home and crashed onto the bed . I started crying . Why did he have to be in so much pain ? Why couldn't I do anything to make it better ?

I covered my face with my hands.

I tightly shut my eyes but  tears still managed to escape. Dongahe was the one hurting , but I could feel his pain too.

Suddenly my phone rang, I pulled it out of my pocket and checked it. It was Sungmin.

"Hello ?" I answered and a sudden smile appeared on my face .

"Hyukjae ! How are you ?" He sounded excited hearing my voice.

"I, I am fine ! How are you Sungmin ?" I asked him , wiping away the tears.

"I am good ! Hyukjae , I am coming back in two days ! Do you want me to bring you back anything special from Taiwan ? " He asked.

"Oh!  Ummmm..... no , no thanks . You just come back safely." I told him.

"Don't worry, I will ! So how's everything ? Were you sleeping ? Did I wake you up ?" He said in a concerned voice .

"No you didn't , I was just laying down. And everything is fine , the guys have been missing you a lot ! " I told him.

" Really only the guys ? Not you ? My best friend doesn't miss me at all , huh ? Alright , I guess one month is enough time to find a new best friend , I understand !" He said sarcastically.

"It's not like that Sungmin, of course I miss you ! Just come back quickly ,ok ?" I said.

"I know , I know ! I am irreplaceable ! Alright, I just wanted to let you know that I will be back  in a few days , anyways I will let you sleep now . Goodnight !" He said as he chuckled .

"Alright, goodnight and I am happy that you called . See you soon !" I said.

As I was about to hang up , he spoke .

"Hyukjae ?"

"Yeah ?" I asked.

"I am glad to be coming back home." He said softly.

"I am glad you are coming back too Sungmin." I said and we hung up.

I wasn't expecting Sungmin's call . I had forgotten that he was about to come back from his trip. One month had  passed by so quickly, how can I not remember about Sungmin's return ? But I was happy that he was finally coming home, he always knew what to do. Sungmin always made me feel better cause he understood me.

I was too exhausted and didn't want to think about anything else right now.

My mind kept drifting back to Donghae . I couldn't wait until it was finally morning so I could go see him again.

I tossed and turned in bed all night , thinking about how much pain he might be in right now. His surgery date was getting closer and I felt worried for him.