Despondence. —Present

He remembered that day like it was yesterday. It wasn’t the kind of day where he just knew something would go wrong—it actually felt like a great day. And at first, it really was. As he stared at the tombstone, he sighed. If moss actually grew, would she like it? Or would she silently scream?

            The Japanese song was unfamiliar, but he didn’t mind. She went off key often, but he didn’t mind. All he knew was that the way she blushed every time was adorable, that the small dances she randomly started were enchanting. Her voice was perfect in his ears, and he pursed his lips. If she were to be right on tune would he be able to handle her perfection? Smiling, he shrugged the thought away and focused on the girl before him.

That had actually been a week before that fateful day. He remembered things they did together like they were printed on his mind and he put his hand against the stone. Daehyun missed the girl’s rosy cheeks, her wide eyes and pale complexion, and last but not least her pink lips. He wanted to her brown hair so bad, to put his forehead against hers and lace their fingers together but he couldn’t. All he could do was sit next to what remained of her.

            He knew she was staring at him. He had been listening to her calm breathing; the simple sound that he’d managed to single out despite the wind and tried to remain expressionless. It was hard, and he finally opened his mouth. “Are you going to keep staring?” Her small gasp only proved him right, and he smirked.

She was the one who’d taught him how to listen to the simple music of nature. He learned from her how to feel the Earth’s heartbeat, to enjoy the sound of the grass dancing to the wind. Without her by his side, he assumed he would never do it again. But sitting beside what remained of the girl of his dreams, he found himself closing his eyes and letting himself do it again.

            “I know it’s been only two months into our relationship, and we’ve only known each other for… four months? But I feel that special circumstances brought us together, and they will keep us together.” He paused, and looked up. The pounding of his heart was crazy, none like he ever felt before but beside her, he always felt special. He felt like he was extraordinary boy, able to do anything. The way she suddenly blushed and bit on her lip told him she knew what he was getting at, and he tried to calm his racing heart down.

Daehyun tried to relax. He told himself over and over again that it was all in the past, and that the perfect moment could never return. But he opened his eyes, realizing his vision was getting blurry. A tear trickled down his cheek, and the man snorted. He was supposed to be strong, not just for himself. He wanted to be strong for her.

“The worst part is that I haven’t gotten a ring yet. But,” he smiled softly, running the back of his finger down her flushed cheek. The girl’s skin was soft to his touch. Her beautiful lips were parted, her eyes wide with shock and he took the simple expression in. “Dania Oh, will you marry me?” He watched as the girl’s shocked eyes returned to their normal size as the gears turned in her head.

They used to make flower crowns, and claim themselves as king and queen of the land. Staring at the rose in his hand, he smiled. The girl was easygoing and crazy, but above all, selfless. She tended to put others’ priorities before hers, and that was one thing that annoyed him the most. But maybe that was what had attracted him in the first place. He hadn’t noticed that quality at first, what with her antics but he slowly found out.

“I’m touched, Jung Daehyun. But I can’t.” The words sounded forced, and he wondered if it was his problem. What had he done wrong? He tried to remain expressionless, but he couldn’t help but let that disappointed look show. “I’m losing my hearing in a month. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to be upset. I didn’t want you to have to make me feel better all the time. I don’t want to… to burden you.” It dawned on him that this girl was putting her own happiness aside, for the sake of his. What she didn’t realize was that his happiness could never exist without her. That was the very moment he knew he’d found the right person.

“There, wife-to-be. It’s a flower ring and it’s for you, since we never managed to get married.” He smiled a wistful smile, gasping for breath. Even now, his heart hammered in a wild manner and he closed his eyes. Stop. Don’t think about it anymore. Yet, it was so hard. Memories weren’t something you could simply press ‘pause’, unlike the recorder she’d left him.

            “Yes. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I’ve spent 19 years of my life, only knowing to follow the norm. I had everything planned out. But then you came, knocking all the chess pieces over like it was nobody’s business.” He laughed, embarrassed at having to admit something like that. “But then, it all became clear. Will you, Dania Oh, marry me?” She didn’t hesitate. Her reply came immediately, and he wanted to throw a party right then and there. “Yes. I’ll marry you, Jung.”

His breathing came in short pants, as he forced the scene to the back of his mind. He didn’t want to forget. He didn’t want to remember either. Unconsciously, his nails had dug into his forearm and he gasped for air, feeling like he was drowning. The funny part was, everyone else seemed to breathing fine.

            “I need to do something, so can you go get our stuff first?” “Wear your mask, or someone may take my girlfriend from me.” Fine, you little—” The girl grinned, her black top and jeans entirely soaked. He knew he was too, and when she rolled her eyes he leaned in to steal a kiss. He simply had to.

Having pulled his hands off his own arms, the man now had his hands clenched into fists as he tried to force the thoughts out of his all too packed mind. He was going crazy, and she was the cause of it. Though if that were to be the case, he wouldn’t mind—not one bit.

            He paced about the shelter, frowning. She was taking a really long time, but he knew she wasn’t stupid enough to get into trouble. She was 19, a mature enough age. Yet, this was Dan. Anything was possible, when it came to her. That was the girl who decided to simply ‘ it’, all because she wanted to see a possibly hot guy’s face. Sighing, the boy realized she actually brought an umbrella with her. He realized she merely wanted to take a shower in the rain with him, and couldn’t help but laugh. Walking to where they originally were, he felt his blood rush to his head when he realized she wasn’t there. She wasn’t at the bridge, or the lake. She wasn’t playing with the flowers, or recording the sound of rain hitting leaves. The rain continued to pour… even heavier now and his heart went way too loudly, way too fast for his comfort. The train tracks—she had to be there.

His nails were again digging into his palms, and it hurt badly but he didn’t mind. If pain was what it took to take that painful scene out of his mind, he was willing to do anything. The man brought his legs up, putting his arms around them as he panted, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden. He wasn’t supposed to cry. He was supposed to show her he was fine, and that he would live her life for her.

            As he proceeded to make his way up, he noticed a body on the ground, close to the lake and directly below the train tracks. The sound of ambulance sirens in the vicinity alerted him that something was off, and he told himself over and over again that it couldn’t be her. The girl on the ground, blood everywhere around her couldn’t be her. But it was.

He stared at the small crescent-shaped prints in his palm, and the ones made by his middle fingers seemed to be bleeding, just a little. He didn’t care. He hadn’t noticed the salty tears trickling down his cheeks until thunder roared. The man looked up, wondering if the girl wanted to have a shower in the rain with him. He hoped she did.

            He stood beside the body of the girl, ambulance sirens getting closer and closer and forced his eyes away from the sight. It wasn’t Dan, he told himself. It couldn’t be. But the recorder a few meters away gave her away, and the boy felt dizzy, the panic and pain screaming at him. He fell to his knees, staining his jeans with her blood and wondered who was the one sobbing so heartbreakingly. He wanted to touch her one last time, but he couldn’t bear to. As the paramedics brought him away, he picked the recorder up. The rain continued to pour.

Just like that day, rain began falling down in small drops and he closed his eyes, letting the rain wash away his tears.

“I hope you’re happy, Dan. I’m not, but I’ll try.” He smiled, knowing he was already soaked. I still love you. Standing up, he looked around to see that there was nobody anymore.

“Remember the song we started and nearly finished? I finished it. It’s not perfect, and it changed from a happy one to a sad one, but I think it’s good. Here,” he put his own recorder down next to the flowers, and stood up.

“I’ll come back again soon.” And with that, he turned. Each step was one painful carve to his heart and he stood still, back facing what remained of the girl. He was drowning, but he knew everyone waiting for him was breathing fine.

For her sake, he would grow gills. With that thought in mind, he continued his way. The rain continued to pour.

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Hello! The story has come to an end :3

Thank you to my sole upvoter [LOL] shoosha4, and my subscribers [LOL, again], AlwaysAnElf, zai9225, OnTheJourney, Little-Red, hyosong, jokergyu, sakura19, thatpaperplane, nia_missright, shoosha4.

Thank you! If I write another story starring BAP [not just involving], I would post the link to this story, and to Troublemaker. (it stars Yongguk) :D