“Taengsic is dead”

“ Taeyeon’s so mean”

“ Jessica’s hurt”

I’m used to it….. But never say “Taeyeon hates Jessica” Because I will never do.

“Why do you always ignore me all the time?” – she said

“ No, I don’t”

“You don’t? Now you don’t even look at me”- her eyes become teary.

“ I’m looking now. Are you happy?”- still no emotions

She can’t take it anymore. No more. No more.

“ Stop it!!!! Tell me what did I do to you? Why do I have to deal with the coldest? Why am I always the one who try to be close to you? you Taeyeon. I have to say it now. Stop being a ing Bicth”- she yells at me

“? Haha You call me a ? Really? Thanks a lot”- I turn my back and get away.

“You don’t even care when I curse you.What am I to you? Really… Kill me please” – And what I don’t expect,  happens. She cries. Again. Because of me. Please stop it. Don’t make me weak. Just leave me alone. Keep it, Taeyeon! Just go away without turning back. There’s nothing there to lose. Let her go! Set you free. This forbidden love is killing you, her and other people. “ I don’t hate you…don’t cry” – you mumble not want her to hear. I’m leaving now and not coming back anymore.

…………………………………….

“ Split it now. I’m your bestfriend and so is she”

“ Nothing to say”

“ Stop acting like you’re fine with it”

“Really I’m fine”

“You hurt her. You know”

“ Do I ? I don’t really know”          

“ Like she said, you’re really cruel….to her” – Tiffany walks away and shaking her head.

I know how her feel. I hurt her. All the others think I’m not hurt? Nobody knows what I feel. You will forget me and live happier, Jessica . Let me be the one being blamed in this messy relationship.

………………………………………

“ Move on. You deserve to be happy. Let’s date someone. And forget everything”

I heard it a lot. But if you can forget someone easily, you know, it’s not love. I can move on, of course. The thing is there is something I still don’t get it. We were so in love, we used to be happy. Why all the good things have to come an end? Suddenly, everything was gone.

“ Just take a break”

“What? You’re kidding, right? Stop it Taengoo ah. It’s not funny”

“ Do I look like I’m kidding? Forget this . We’re done”

That’s it, with the coldest face you said those words to me. No reason. No fight. “ We’re done”  I will never accept it. At least you should tell me what made you change…Did you? Or did I? No matter what I still need an answer. Be fair with me, Kim Taeyeon.

“ Why? I will let you go if you tell me.”

“ No reason”

“Stop the cold acts. I need an answer. I’m not weak anymore. Let’s face it. Look at me now”

Finally, she turns around. This is the first time she looks me in the eyes since the day she said those hurt words to me.

“ Ok, fine that’s what you ask for. I don’t love you anymore. Go and date another guy. It will be better for you. Please, this is the last thing I can do for you. Before I say more hurtful words to  you. JUST GO”

What did she say? “ don’t love you anymore”. No I don’t believe it. You lie Kim Taeyeon. Your eyes say it all. You can’t never lie to me. I’m not giving up on you, on us, on this love. You can call me foolish, stubborn or lost my mind. I will wait for you to come back.

…………………

“ YOU ARE DATING GD? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“ Calm down oppa. It’s nothing you have to yell at me”

“Nothing. You lose your mind Taeyeon. Why it has to be GD?”

“Geez. You know I’ve been best friend with him since ages. And you believe that we’re dating now. Poor my greatest oppa who always think he knows me too well”

“ Stop playing around. I know it all. But your members, exactly I mean …uhm… Jessica is cry over this news”

“ That’s what I want oppa. Let  her be and she will move on soon”

He sighs, Heechul is a brother I can trust and tell all secrets, of course me and Jessica secret relationship. That’s why he worries for both of us. Only him until now, knows the deep reason I break up with Jessica. Even though, he does not support it, but too love me to hate me.

“You know. Hurting people you still love is like killing yourself. Stop it Taeyeon. You’re going too far”

“ I know. She’s happy is enough. I have to pay the price”

“Stop being so pathetic. This is not a movie and you are being a drama queen too much”

Drama queen. Yes, I am. I’m so selfish. I always said like I hurt her for her but in fact just for miserable me.

Music is all for my life

I was born to be a singer

I wanna sing until the day I can’t

That’s all in my mind and what I wanna achieve in my life. Till the day she came into my life and changed everything. I was so in love and distract.

“Taengoo ah, your singing’s so wonderful”

“You’re so dorky but at the same time so cute”

“Hey, byuntae, why you always look at my ? ert!!!!”

Her word is my drugs. She’s something you want to have. Everyone can call her a cold princess but for me she’s the warmest like the sunshine for my life. Things would be always so good if there’s nothing we called “society”.

“ You know in this cruel world there is nothing called true love. Especially, when you’re an idol, you have no rights to be in love. Not even say this kind of relationship. Society will kill you and destroy all you have. I don’t want to threaten you but you’re my favorite little sister”

“ Think about it Taeyeon. Look at us. Once you made mistake, they would never forget. No matter what the good things you do. They still look at the bad sides.”

“ You dare to lose all the effort you did… for this”

“ At least think about her, she surely will be happy with a normal life after being in a singer career. Korean is a superannuated. You know it better than me”

“ What would happen if someday you find out that it’s’ just a fling between you and her? Stop it before you fall too deep”

“ Make your choice carefully, my friend”

And yes I made my decision.

“You know what’s your problem? You think about what others think too much. You live your life. So screw what others say”

“It’s easy to say but not to do oppa”

“ Unless you don’t want to”

“ I’m still a girl”

“ So what? Whatever you are You’re strong enough to fight for what you want. I don’t care anymore. Do what you want. I’ll check Jessica. Try to make it right before she loses hope for you. That’s the last thing I can say”

She’s better lose hope for me. I’m hopeless and pathetic.

…………………..

“ I never thought I would say something like that. But get over her Jessi. Even though I’m her best friend. I can’t stand the way she treated you”

“ I agree with Tiffany. I don’t know what Taeyeon thought when it comes to you. She likes…not her. So think about yourself first and leave Taeyeon for her secrets….if that’s what she wants”

“ Sooyoung, you say it just make more reasons for Jessica to believe that Taeyeons still loves her. Forgive me for being straight, she changed she’s not in love with you anymore.”

“ That’s mean, Hyoyeon. But you get some points. I don’t wanna sound like defending her. But for some reasons, I know she’s still the same. And she still cares about you, Jessica ah!”

“ Oh man care about her by being y and now dating another man. Yes that’s a great way to care about people not even say that’s the one you love. Drama effects you too much Dark Yul”

“Thanks a lot for your sarcasm. Pfff”

“ Stop it! You guys. Jessica is hurt enough. Fighting over here for their problems is so nonsense. I don’t know what’s the real reason for all of this. But listen to me just one this time. Believe in your heart and do what it wants”

You guys are right. I did nothing wrong and there’s no way I have to be this way forever.

“I will be happy, if that’s what you want Taeyeon”

……………..

“ Taeyeon ah. Jessica is my friend too. Now she doesn’t care to look at me. It’s scary as hell”

“Oh come one a Playboy like you is scared. Stop joking”

“ I’m serious. You know how crazy she is when she’s upset. I’m afraid she would even cut…mine”

“HAHAHAHA That’s why you scared. GD stop acting like in a horror movie. And believe me she will do nothing to you. I heard that she dated her ex now. Why does she  care about you?”

“What? Her ex? You mean Dong Wook hyung.  Oh  please just stop being ridiculous. I’m always hangout with him and I know for sure he’s dating someone else”

“ No way. I always see him pick Jessica up every night. They hang out a lot. Maybe you’re busy and not update about information”

“ Nope. He’s… Oh wait, How do you know about them? I got you Kim Taeyeon. You still care about her kekekeke”

“ Bull. I just random talk.”

“ Yes and you know every night wherever she went and with whom. Yeah. You don’t care”

“ Let me remind something. We’re in the same group. It’s obvious we know each other activities”

“Do you know about Sunny or Tiffany? And yes you guys are in same group but not living together anymore. Just admit it dummy”

“Dummy? Do you wanna die?”

“No, of course I don’t. You do”

“Me? What’s with me? Your talking is going to nowhere”

“ I’m never serious like this. Taeyeon, you still love her. You can’t let her go even though you want. Your heart didn’t let you do. Why you have to damn you and her? Follow your heart silly girl. Love is painful but it’s good. No one can’t escape it. Let’s face it…with her. No matter how hard it could be. Try it. True Love will make it in the end”

“ Kwon Jiyoung. Are you really Kwon Jiyoung? The one who always talks about , drugs and party now teaching me about love? Are you ing kidding me?”

“ Hey. Insulting me is not cool”

“ I’m just saying the truth”

“ I’m still human you know. I know what love is. Don’t make me repeat that you was one of  those girls who broke my heart huh?”

“ Stop it now. I know but we’re best friend now. It’s so much better.”

“ At least I live for my life. Do what I want. You should learn it from me. Look at us. If I was not trying to chase after you, do you think we still have a chance being here and talking like this. Don’t you remember why you leave me?”

“…..”

“ Because people called me a player, a wild one with drugs and . So what’s the truth?”

“ …”

“ You mute?Say somethings”

“…”

“ I say it not because I want to blame you or anything. The things is you should do what you think is right. Not what people think. Sometime you need to be a little crazy and a little wild. Not because you want attentions or what. This is all about you. About living your own life. Nobody’s perfect, Taeyeon. You have to make mistake and learn from it. Don’t run away from it and regret about something you never did for your whole life”

“But…”

“ No but. I’m not bragging about myself. But if what you wanna say about your career. it. Do you think you will be a singer forever without love? An artist needs a muse. And love is it. That’s what we called a real artist not a robot singing all the bull songs without emotions. Fame will fade. But love is not. So you swap love for fame. Is it worth? People will talk about it but who give a s about it anyway. You’re still alive and being happy is the important point.”

And now I’m stuck with those thoughts again. So what if all the thing GD said is right? I hurt her so much. Definitively, she hates me now. She dates other man anyways. I’m nothing to her. So let it be. I deserve to be in misery.

“ You regret it now, right?”

“ So what? There’s nothing can change now”

“ No. The problem is you. You are the only thing need to be changed”

“ Me?”

“Yes. And think about how to change, it’s your business. I make it clear now. I’M NOT PLAYING YOUR BOYFRIEND ANYMORE. Please let me have chance to flirt with other girls. I’m ing need someone to love now”

………………….

“ No. The problem is you. You is the only thing need to be changed”

“Hey”

“Am I dreaming or is there someone behind me, or Am I paranoid that you’re REALLY talking to me?”

“ Stop your sarcastic. I just wanna ask after you. How have you been?”

“ What do you think?”

“ Don’t answer me with another question. Is everything good with him?”

“ Him? Who are you talking about?”

“ I mean your boyfriend. Dong Wook oppa”

“ What? …Oh…ah….Just so good”

That’s good to hear. Now there is someone cares for you. Happy my princess. He will bring the smiles back to you.

“ How about with your dragon?”

“huh? Oh it’s good too”

“ So we are friend again, right?”

“ Silly girl. We’re always friend”

Yes I always love you

…………………………..

“ Jessica broke up with him. Do you know?”

What? When? Why? How? Is she hurt now? What did that ing bastard do? How dare him? . I’m going to kill you .

“ Why did you break up with her?”

“ What are you talking about? I break up with whom? I’m getting engage with my long time girlfriend.”

“ What? You have a girlfriend and you still date her. Are you ing kidding me? Don’t play with her”

She raise her fist ready to punch his face until someone hold her back. It’s Jessica.

 What’s wrong with her? He hurt her and she still cares about him. You are so generous, Sica. He doesn’t deserve it.

“ Let me teach him a lesson. He deserve this”

“ Stop it. You’re the one who deserve this”

SLAP! A red mark in Taeyeon cheek. Everything is frozen.

“You come with me. That’s a must”

With the last word she drags Taeyeon out and push her in her car. All the trip is silent. Seem like the atmosphere can’t be worse. Tae was the one who broke the silent.

“I…”

“You are stupid”

“What?” – Did she really say I’m stupid? She opens her eyes in surprise.

“ Yes and BLIND and DEAF” – with that she bursts into tears.

 “ You should let  me punch him. And you’re not here crying. Please don’t cry. You’re not pretty when you cry. Stop the car. I will drive you. There will always someone better. Forget that jerk.”

“ you. Taeyeon. Don’t you even get it?”

“Ok I know you still love him. I will not bad mouth about him anymore. Please don’t cry”

She brakes the car and suddenly , turn to face Taeyeon with more tears and start hitting her.

“WTH? If I could kill you, I would do it know. You’re a . Stupid, stubborn, slow witted and DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE. Don’t you get it that I’m not dating Dong Wook oppa. You come there and beat him is so ridiculous. I always love you and only you. You leave me for your ing reason that I don’t even know. I should and could hate you. But I don’t. I’m always trying to come close to you, trying to make things right again. And what you give  back to me is your cold back. Now you act like you care about me. You are the one that should stop playing with my feeling”

In the end, Taeyeon still doesn’t know anything about love