Take 1.
Sunshine to Moonlight
It begins with love. The feeling overwhelms you, caring for someone who you could only hope would return a sweet smile. It starts to overpower your mind, your consciousness, your heart. Then comes the first kiss, the next one after that, and the one after that; until you can kiss no more, until it becomes tiring, it becomes suffocating but you don't want it to stop. When it does, it's not long before you start all over again. This time, a ring binds you together, sealed with yet another first kiss.
It becomes a whole different meaning. You're not possessive anymore because every electrifying touch lasts a little longer, assuring you that they will never leave your side. 'Til death do you part.
From there another love grows. Your heart grows bigger, every day you wake up seem surreal, like a dream that you never want to wake up from. The outside world may not be able to see but your eyes open up to the life growing inside of you. The inevitable stages of uncertainty. Can you do this? Maybe yes. Maybe no. But you welcome the unopened gift, excitement building up for the long awaited, precious moment when you hold your new love in your arms.
In a sense, marriage is where life begins; the rest of yours and the start of theirs. A healthy life, a happy life. But where does love lay when life is cut short?
Death will do you part.
You hope and you pray, yet you could do nothing but hold onto the happiest moments. However small, you cherish every minute. You hold them close, hang onto them tightly but they're seconds away, a distance you could not cross. The slight curl of their lips you spot from where you stand, you cannot reach it but it touches your heart. You could only hope and you can only pray.
A healthy life or a happy life.
When healthy, you worry. A protective arm wrapped around them, tears more painful when they fall again. When happy, they forget, even for just a minute.
"Jessica?"
He doesn't call her Sica anymore. He's not playful anymore. He's not happy anymore.
"Where were you all night? I've been calling you but you weren't picking up. Jessica?"
Youth. That was what she had taken from him. She had tried to recapture it, to give it back to him but he doesn't let her.
"Are you drunk?"
Still he worries and it wasn't fair.
"Stay here," he instructed. "I'll get some coffee or something."
The room immediately becomes cold without him, it was only comfortable when he's around. From the looks of it, he tried his best in recreating what once was their dream living room. The walls were patterned with smiling pictures with hidden sadness behind them. The white sofa, the beige carpet, which they both agreed would have to be changed after a while, were still unstained, unlived. Books, that should have been stacked on shelves to collect dust, were piled on the table instead.
How to save your marriage.
"Ignore that," he came back, placing two steaming cups on the books he so despised.
"Kris-"
"It's for work," he says in a tone of assurance that they both needed.
"I doubt marriage counselling will help you in travel agency," she kept her eyes on the book, fearing that one look at him would confirm the bare faced lie. Not yet.
"On the contrary, most couples go on holidays, retreat camps and take trips to destinations where they are most likely to resolve their marital problems," Kris circled around her, dusting off here and there before sitting down, staring at nothing in particular with a far away look clouding his eyes, the drinks forgotten and left to cool. "They come to me to consult about the places best for 'reconnecting' their love."
"Such as...?"
She bravely took a glance at him, which she finds out is a bad idea. Once their eyes met, there was no coming back. It became a test of will; to get lost in each other's windows of souls. A battle between the weak and the weaker, to determine exactly how they survive from that moment on.
"Hawaii is great for newly weds." He lost. "They get to feel all that romance crap but realistically, they'd lack the financials. Older couples would benefit more, they can feel young and new again and they wouldn't have to worry so much about covering costs for a big wedding and a perfect honeymoon." Kris sat restlessly on one side of the sofa while Jessica listened to his ever calming voice. "They'd be more relaxed and that's the only way to enjoy the beaches of Hawaii and simultaneously rekindle the old flame."
He lost but she continued to look. If before she feared the truth, now she hoped for his co-operation in keeping up the pretence that it was still there.
"What else?"
"The Carribeans is perfect for the adventurous ones. Sometimes couples just need to feel more excitement."
"So... where would you recommend we go to?"
It wasn't a shock; the conversation was headed in one way and one way only. It always was now. Life is a journey and they both knew they've lost clear sights of the path and they will continue to circle around the issues that they have yet to overcome.
Kris had always used a silent approach, searching elsewhere for the answers when it's clearly hidden within them. But he's changed now. He swears he has. Because asking for help hurts his pride but it's what she wants, what they need. Even if it seems that all else had failed, if it felt like there was nothing left to save, he's going to keep trying.
Round and round they go, lost with no sense of direction. She blindly follows him. But Jessica becomes tired, restless, unable to keep up while the rest of the world moves on.
In reality, this dream house that they had created together, became an empty shell. Good or bad memories did not favour location, it only matters who they are shared with.
"I'd like to just stay here," she whispers into the thick silence.
"I want to visit Africa. And Spain, Canada, America. Just travel. Like I'd always wanted."
His declaration was the sting. The final exchange of words between them until the divorce papers hit them just as hard. Though it seems like their tears are all dried out, it doesn't stop the fresh wound from hurting any less.
They carry the bad memories on their shoulders, the weight that had broken their marriage. All that was left now was to hang on to the good ones. Like her first breath of life as Baby Sofia Wu, when Kris stared into similar eyes, when Jessica held her newborn in a gentle embrace as if she was porcelain.
Before she was taken away from their arms, before the doctors diagnose her with an incurable genetic disease that was supposedly a microscopic chance of developing in infancy, before the years of treatment, she was Sofia, their beloved gift from all that is good. It was the rare moments of her happiness that helped them through.
She danced her ballet recital for the doctors and nurses working at the hospital, she sung the lullabies Mommy taught her for the other patients. She wasn't like other kids but Sofia was stronger, and she took that strength with her, leaving little for Jessica and Kris.
In marriage, a death of a child changes everything. Until the moment Sofia stopped breathing, Kris fondly called his wife Sica, Jessica followed Kris everywhere. The cycle ends.
Death does them part.
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