I had been staring at my cell phone for about two hours now. The number was completely dialed and all I had to do was press the talk button, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My heart was beating out of my chest and my pulse was racing. It had been a routine for me-- staring at the cellphone for hours but never call her. I sighed for the nth time, I knew how this gonna end. It would end up with me still can't bring myself to call her just like before.

I wanted so badly to be able to call her and tell her how I felt. I wanted to tell her how much I wanted to be with her again. I never agreed with the break-up for starter. Why was this so hard? All I had to do was call her and tell her how I felt. That's it. It didn't matter if she didn't felt the same way about me, at least she would know and I wouldnt keep asking myself "what if?"

Another hour passed, and then another, and then another. Why couldn't I just do it? I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I could do this. I had to give myself courage. I got up off the bed and rummaged around in a drawer in my dresser. I found a picture of Taeyeon and me sitting on a couch. It was one of the happiest momen in my life. She was giving me a peck on the cheek while I beamed my eye-smile at the camera. My mind flashed back to that night. We were goofing around on her couch with her camera. All we did was laugh that night. I couldn't help but smile when I thought of her-- her dork smile, her ahjumma laugh. That was the night she told me she loved me.

We had been dating for a year at that point. Our relationship had been going great ever since she asked me out during our freshman year. We had so much fun and being a dorky person she was, spending time with her always made my day. It was March on our sophomore year when our relationship started to collapsed. 

She started to drifted away from me, and stop spending time with me. I didn't thought much about it and assume that she was getting busier with study, I never imagined that she would cheated on me. I was on my way to surprise her when I received a text message from her saying that she had met someone else. "I think it's best if you just move on," she had said. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read it.

I felt so many emotion all at once. I was angry that she didn't have the decency to tell me to my face, upset that she didn't love me anymore, and scared of what I was going to do without her. I end up on my bed that day, crying my heart out.

I came back to the present and felt  a tear rolled down my cheeck. I wished I could crawl into her warm arms and have her hold me tight, I wished she would wipe my tears andd tell me everything was going to be okay. I knew I was wasting my time crying over her. I had always known, but I didn't mind. I wanted to waste my time over her. I didn't want to get over her.

I wiped the tears from my eys when I heard the doorbell ring. I walked to answer the door and when I opened it I saw the face of the person who had caused me pain all these months.

"Hey Tiff," she said awkwardly.