“I’m here, mom,” Daehyun says. His cell phone is pressed between his ear and his shoulder, so that one hand can search for the key his mother had apparently hidden in the potted plant that morning. The other hand holds onto his suitcase and the duffle bag he’d dropped onto it.

“Did you find the key yet? I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to pick you up or welcome you home. Half the staff here is out with the stomach flu and they needed an extra hand.”

“Are they at least paying you overtime?” Daehyun finally finds the key taped to the inner rim of the pot and unlocks the front door.

“Of course, honey.” Daehyun’s mother sounds out of breath. She probably doesn’t have the time for a phone call right now.

“Okay, I’m in. I don’t want to bother you. Just wanted to tell you I was here so you wouldn’t worry.”

“That’s my Daehyun, the worry wart. I’m just fine, just fine.” Daehyun’s mother has picked up a habit of repeating herself, on occasion. Particularly, Daehyun has noticed, when it involves her well-being. It’s like she’s trying to convince herself of the truth in her words, too. “I’ll be home later tonight with some takeout. It’ll be just like our Wednesday nights before.”

“Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” Daehyun hangs up before his mother has time to say anything else.

The living room Daehyun stands in is familiar, but so different from his memories. His mother had downsized to a one bedroom apartment after Daehyun had moved into the college dormitory. The basic layout of the apartment is the same, but the color of the walls is a few shades off, the lights are decorated differently, and everything seems more cramped than it should be. The sofa is the same as it has been for the past ten years of Daehyun’s life, pressed to the wall with a small wooden coffee table a few feet in front. The TV rests on a sagging bookshelf of cookbooks, romance novels, and old CDs. The walls are bare, save for an antique cuckoo clock above the TV. Daehyun remembers that as a child, the cuckoo clock had been far more interesting to him than the low quality cartoons playing on the box-like television.

Daehyun wanders into the kitchen further in, hidden behind the wall across from the sofa. It’s a neat little kitchen, with clean countertops in black that should be the gray of his old apartment. The space is tiny, but somehow fits the dishwasher, a double sink, a breakfast table, a wall-to-wall window that has a full view of the street below, an oven, and the refrigerator. The clock here is made of cheap plastic and ticks noisily.

To the right of the kitchen is a rectangular space that Daehyun noticed from the living room, meant as a dining area. Their round table leans against the wall in pieces. No one has needed it, so no one has assembled it back together after the move. Stacks of unopened cardboard boxes line the rest of the wall. Daehyun guesses that they contain the remainder of his belongings and disassembled furniture.

There is a short hallway that Daehyun’s mother has covered with an old rug, and on one side is a narrow bathroom, on the other is the master bedroom. The hallway is dark without natural light, but Daehyun can still make out the minuscule tears in the plaster of the wall, as well as the black marker and scratched surface toward the bottom.

It isn’t the nicest apartment. It’s old and small, but it’s in the same apartment building, which had meant that the hired movers were cheaper and the heavy boxes could be transferred to their new home quicker. Daehyun hadn’t been there to help with the move. He had been adjusting to college life and the homework load, trying to make new friends in a city where he didn’t belong.

Daehyun’s mother finds him reading on the sofa in the living room quietly when she comes in. He stands, reaching for the bags of food in her hands. She doesn’t allow him to take them from her.

“No, no. I can do it myself. It’s okay, it’s okay.” Daehyun trails after her anyway as she places the bags on the breakfast table. His bare toes curl on the cool tile floor, and he regrets that he hadn’t heeded his mother’s old advice of always wearing socks. “You found one of your old books, did you?” His mother sets about busily unpacking the food. “They wouldn’t all fit in one box, so the rest are buried there somewhere. Are you hungry?”

“Sure. If you are.”

“I’m hungry, I’m hungry. Don’t you worry about that. Can you grab the plates up there?” she points up at the middle shelf in a cupboard that she had opened. She’s a good head shorter than Daehyun, and keeps a stool in the corner of the kitchenette for things she can’t reach.

“But these are the special plates,” Daehyun remarks, grabbing two of them.

“It’s a special occasion. My son is home, finally home.” His mother grins, holding on to his elbow gently.

They work together to plate the food, heat it up, and clear the breakfast table as much as possible. For a dinner for two, it’s just the right size. His mother wipes off her makeup before coming to eat at the table, and Daehyun takes a moment to observe the wrinkles on her forehead, around and her eyes. Her hair is dyed, but the grayed roots are showing. She looks pale in the fluorescent lighting in the kitchen.

She looks older. Old.

“I kept all of your books. Goodness, there were so many of them. All from used bookstore by the high school, aren’t they? You used to spend every last dollar you had on those books.”

Daehyun hums in acknowledgement. “The old man who owned the store would give me discounts whenever he could.” He’s never even had a proper bookshelf for any of them. They had been stacked along every wall in his room, under his bed, all over his desk and inside his closet. Paperbacks, all of them, worn and falling apart sometimes, but beautiful on the inside. Daehyun has a love for words, but he can’t say that he knows how to use them well.

“He’s retired now, I believe. I saw a young pair managing the store last time I walked past. I think they’re his grandchildren. Maybe you should go over and have a visit? The girl was very pretty.”

Daehyun lifts his gaze to meet his mother’s, chewing slowly.

He had brought home a boy once before, in middle school. His first boyfriend. It had been a Wednesday night, a rare day off for his mother, and she’d been waiting for him with boxes of takeout. She hadn’t been expecting a guest. Daehyun had introduced his guest, leaving the word boy out of friend. The dinner table wasn’t as empty that night, but the conversation was absent, stilted. After dinner, Daehyun had walked his boyfriend to his own home, and they held hands on the street. His mother hadn’t said a word to him for days later. In hindsight, Daehyun realizes that the rift between them had grown bigger following that night.

The silence between Daehyun and his mother stretches. She wipes her lips on a napkin. “The boy there was also very handsome. A good boy. I met him once in the grocery store and he helped me carry some of my heavier bags back to the apartment,” Daehyun’s mother says quietly. The corner of her lips lift just slightly. Daehyun feels a little ball roll up in his throat, and he hastily shovels food into his mouth.

“Good. It’s good. The food,” he mumbles.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full. So many years, and you’re still the same boy you were before,” his mother scolds softly. “My boy. My sweet, talented, beautiful boy.”

“I’m already twenty, mom.”

“I know, I know. It’s been so long, hasn’t it? I’ve missed you so much. My hardworking son, always worrying about his mother. I’m fine, just fine. No need to worry about me so much, honey.”

Daehyun takes a breath. “Mom, I have another break in the spring. I’ll come home again then, okay?”

“Of course. Of course that’s okay. My boy,” his mother replies. “I’m so proud of you, you know?”

“I know.” Daehyun nods vigorously and chokes down the lump in his throat with a sip of water. “I know,” he repeats. His voice wobbles just a bit.

a/n: This was supposed to have been updated saturday, but like the ditz I am, it totally slipped my mind until it was too late. So instead, here is an update in the first few hours of the new year! :D

HAPPY NEW YEARS LOVELIES, I CAN'T WAIT TO SPEND EVERY MOMENT OF IT WITH YOU!!! <333 (holy moly it's 4am wth am I doing still up?)
-Jess