She dumped her backpack on her chair and approached her group of friends in front of the class. It was Monday, the beginning of the week and ten minutes away before the bell rings; but a new rumor was spread already. Apparently, Mr Choi is dating their English teacher, as far as she managed to gather from her friends’ chattering. She was about lament about ‘how come our precious Ms Diane desire that old man’ when the door was opened and Jimin came in.

He caught her eye and said, “Morning.”
She nodded and smiled, “Morning.”

He made his way to the back of the class and she followed him with the corner of her eye. She could see him calling his pal and stopped beside his desk. Then he jerked up and shouted, “We had homework?” and set down his bag to dig for his workbook. She giggled to her friend’s dramatic imitation of their Maths teacher, but her eyes drifted to Jimin, who was now frantically writing on his book with full speed. When she glanced at him again five seconds later, he was looking up from his book straight into her eyes. Just when Nana was about to look away, he shouted across the room, “Nana, lend me your eraser!”

Eraser?

opened mid-question as he stood up and walked over to her desk.
“Where is it? Quickly!” he called.
“Uh… It’s in my pencil case,” she walked away from the circle towards him.
She retrieved it from her bag and handed it over to him. “Here.”
“Thanks,” he grinned and half-ran back to his desk.
Nana chuckled at his back, turned around and met her friends’ curious eyes. “What?” she asked as she stood next to them once more. One of them nudged the other and said, “Looks like our friend doesn’t want to lose from our teacher,” and laughed. Nana glared at them and stole another glance to Jimin. He did not seem to notice a thing, living in his own world with only his pencil, workbook, and her eraser in it.

*****

“You know, that song –”
“Yes, I’ve heard that before, but I can’t remember the title…”
Jimin cleared his throat and began sing, “Maybe I’m wrong, I’m feeling right I, feeling alive,”
Nana shook her head, “No, no. It’s ‘I'm feeling alive all over again. As deep as the sky under my skin...”
Jimin joined in, “’Like being in love, she said, for the first time’.”
Nana turned her head to the side and smiled, “’Maybe I’m wrong, I’m feeling right. Where I belong with you today, I –‘“
“It’s tonight, not today,” Jimin corrected.
“Really? Ah, I really can’t remember right now,” Nana tilted her head down and felt a hand on the top of her head.
“Trust me, I say,” Jimin  laughed.
Nana tilted her body aside to move away from his hand, which made him laugh even more. “I am two months older than you, be polite,” she tried to hide her smile, and failed.

With him, laughing comes as easy as breathing. Everything about him made her smile grew wider.  He made her happy without even trying. He made her fall into his chocolate eyes, which were looking at her with such brightness, reflecting the late-afternoon sun.

He pulled out his phone and for a second, his eyes dimmed and his smile faded. Nana thought she was seeing things because when he looked back at her, his playful expression were still intact.
“I have to go now,” he said and stood up.
“Oh? Something’s wrong?,” Nana got on her feet and followed him down the stairs.
“Nothing. See you  tomorrow!” He hopped down the last two steps and waved.
“Hm, take care!” She waved back.

Tomorrow.
There is always tomorrow, or so they thought. They have an eternity of sunsets ahead of them to spend together, to sit down side by side, debating about anything and everything, listening to the cars zooming past below them. She walked back home humming the song she has yet to remember the title.

Looking at you, holding my breath
For once in my life I'm scared to death
I'm taking a chance, letting you inside

I'm feeling alive all over again
As deep as the sky under my skin
Like being in love, she said, for the first time

For the first time… she closed her eyes and whispered the words.

Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right
Where I belong with you tonight
Like being in love to feel for the first time

The first time… First time… Ah.
Her eyes fluttered open. She smiled, “First Time by Lifehouse.”
Tomorrow, she would tell him that she remembered the song he was talking about. Tomorrow, she would tell him that she knew it all along. Tomorrow, she would about being more into Lifehouse than her, but failing to recognize their song. Tomorrow, he would protest by claiming that she was better than English than he was. Tomorrow… tomorrow.

*****

Her head turned every time she heard the door opened. She had watched all her classmates entered the class that morning, for she was the first to arrive. The class was nearly full by then, and Nana was having trouble concentrating to her book, her eyes kept on drifting from his empty seat and the door.  She then gave up reading and talked to her friend sitting beside her instead. All of a sudden, silently the door opened and he walked in. Nana’s heart leaped and fell. Just by looking at his face, she could tell that something was not right. She watched him ignoring his friends’ calls and kept his eyes straight ahead. He slumped down on his chair; plugged his earphone in and closed his eyes shut, blocking the world away. Minutes passed and he remained so.

She said, “Hey, what’s wrong with Jimin today?”
Her friend turned around and said, “I don’t know. Why?”
Nana replied, “He’s so... quiet.”
Her friend shrugged, “Ask him. You’re the one who’s close to him.”
Nana turned away as the teacher entered the room, the same time Jimin opened his eyes and unplugged his earphone. Nana wondered if it was at all, if it was just an excuse to shut out the reality.

*****

“Hey.”
Jimin looked up and smiled, but his eyes remained hard like coal. “Hey.”
Nana took a deep breath and asked, “What’s up? You’re so quiet today.”
Jimin looked around the classroom, which were a chaos during lunchtime. “Nothing, I’m just.. nothing.”
Nana said in a lower voice, “Are you sure?”
Jimin sighed and stared hard at her. She wanted to look away for his eyes were never looked so cold, it was like falling into a black and bottomless pit, but she stayed. He broke the gaze and sighed once more. “I’ll tell you later.”
She waited but he did not say anything more. She nodded and said, “Okay.”

*****

The remaining classes seemed to go on and on to the eternity until finally the bell rang. Nana hastily packed her things and looked at his seat, but Jimin was gone. She quickly exited the class and there he was, leaning against the wall, waiting for her. She smiled at him and he began walking. She followed his back to the library, of all places. As soon as the door was closed behind them and silence surrounded them, she grabbed his sleeve.

“Well?” she asked. She could not hold her anxiety any longer. She was scared.

To her surprise, he slumped down to the floor and rested his head against the door. She glanced at the librarian, who was used to them by now that she did not seem to be bothered with whatever they do anymore. She joined him on the floor.

“I punched my father in the face yesterday,” he said quietly.
Nana’s head snapped to the side and her eyes widened in alarm. He turned his head facing her and smiled weakly.
“Why? He deserved it. His blow doesn’t hurt that much, now. Maybe that was why he hit my Mom instead.”

There was such bitterness in his voice that punched Nana’s heart. She hugged her knees as he continued to talk about things he had never shared with anybody else. That day, Nana learnt that there was another side of him that was invisible to everyone at school. She had never known that a boy with such beautiful eyes has deep scars on his heart. So deep that it almost swallowed him whole. She listened to him all afternoon, only nodding and shaking her head occasionally, because she did not know what else to say or do.

When the sun met the horizon and the librarian noisily tidied her things, he has long since stopped talking and Nana was still unable to utter a word. Words seemed to leave her when she most needed it. It was a lot to take in. The librarian’s shrill voice announcing the closing time woke her up from her thoughts and blood flowed to her brain, making her a functioning human being again.

“Let’s go,” she stood up.
“I'm not in the mood to go home yet,” he replied, still sitting down.
“That’s why, come with me.”
“Where to?”
“To coffee.”

*****

She opened a can of instant coffee and handed it over to him.
He flinched when he touched it, “It’s so cold.”
Nana smiled apologetically and said, “Sorry. I didn’t know that that shop was closed already.”
Jimin smiled a little, he was more relaxed than before. “You don’t have to insist on treating me coffee right now. Tomorrow’s good too.”
Nana sipped from her can and said, “It’s okay. Today is today, tomorrow is another story.”
Jimin tilted his head back and began to gulp down his coffee. He closed his eyes and re-opened them while exclaiming, “Oah. That’s refreshing.” A chuckle escaped his lips, the first sound of real joy that she heard from him that day.
The wind played with their hair and Nana slipped a strand of hair behind her ear. “Do you want mine?” she asked.
“Nah, I’m good.”

His head turned to locate the nearest trashcan, and she watched him walking towards it, his back seemed smaller than before. There was another side of him that he allowed her to see that day. Nana sipped again and swallowed. It tasted bitter, but sweet. Looking at him throwing the empty can into the trashcan, and missed, somehow Nana was thankful that in some ways, Jimin trusted her. She clapped when he succeeded on the second time. Their eyes met and it was then that Nana realized that she wanted him.

She wanted him, with all that he was.
She will take him whole, with his flaws and all.
His other sides, she wanted to see them all.
Like falling in love to feel for the first time.

“What was that?” Jimin was already by her side. She had spoken her last thought aloud.
“Bet you still don't remember that song from yesterday," she smiled.