“Your coffee, sir.”

I turned around to see the useless productions assistant cowering behind a cup of warm coffee. He’s looking at me like I was about to claw out his eyeballs (which was 86% true), but I remained the civilized and ratherreasonable dignitary that I was and simply glared at him.

“Well I don’t want that anymore, you fool,” I said, placing my hands on my hips. “It’s nearly time for the shooting and it’s too late to drink coffee. I don’t want to stain my teeth right now! Girls love my smile!”

The productions assistant trembled. “S-sorry, sir…”

“Tch! Just go make yourself useful and make sure to disinfect those shoes that I’m going to wear for this shoot. And don’t go cheap by using soapy water. I want it done with isopropyl alcohol but masque the smell or something when you’re done. Isopropyl alcohol’s scent is too strong for my sinuses.” I instructed him. The young man nodded and bowed down really low before dashing towards the costume rack to do his task.

As I watched in satisfaction, I felt a hand slap over my shoulder.

“Excuse me,” I said crossly, roughly shoving the hand away from my shoulder. “Do I look like a lamppost to lean on? If you want to lean on someone, go to Minho. He’s the tall freak around here.”

Jonghyun laughed. “Geez, relax, Key! What’s got your $50 in such a knot?”

“My so-called assistant is not here to do her job and assist me. Turns out that she’s got some stupid funeral to attend to,” I told him, crossing my arms over my chest and rolling my eyes.

“Wow, Key, don’t be too harsh. It’s a funeral for goodness’ sakes. You can’t do much about it.”

“Yes you can,” I retorted. “If I was her, I’d tell them to postpone it or something until my famous idol boss is not busy with a photoshoot or CF recording.”

I glared ahead at nothing in particular, but from the corner of my eye, I could see Jonghyun rolling his eyes, too.

“Don’t be so full of yourself. You sound like you’re the President of Korea and stuff.”

“I could be, but I like being an idol much better. I get to wear all sorts of things, while the President wears boring gray suits all the time.”

“Yeah, that’s great to hear,” Jonghyun said, and I could tell he’s only being sarcastic. “I’m going to see what Taemin’s up to.”

Jonghyun turned to go, and as he left I heard him mumble almost inaudibly, “At least he’s not in a total menstrual mode today,” making me snort in disgust.

Well, you can’t blame me, can you? I mean, this photoshoot is seriously important for me! It’s for one of Korea’s top fashion magazines and I’ve been dying to get a spread in their pages ever since the first time my mom brought home a copy of the magazine and noticed its beautiful display of Korea’s best looking models and, of course, clothes. This day was supposed to flow by seamlessly like the Han River in a spring day, but that seems unlikely now that Ji Hyun decided to not come to work, of all days. As much as I was tempted to go ahead and text a message to fire her I retained some sense of mind. She was the only personal assistant that could actually cook (and when I say cook, I don’t mean just boiling water to make ramen) and she knew where to get really good dry cleaning services. You don’t see that every day with potential personal assistants, so she definitely was a keeper.

Plus, she was the only person who wouldn’t hang up on me when I would call at 2 in the morning to discuss my quite horrible and rather uneventful lovelife. I know she’s only paid to do that because she’s my assistant, but still. She’s a good assistant, but today she’s failed each and every one of my expectations and I have been disappointed greatly.

“Uh, Key-goon?”

I looked up from my dark, brooding thoughts at my manager-hyung’s personal assistant.

“I was just on the phone with Ji Hyun-ssi, and she’s apparently really busy at her grandfather’s funeral. She says that work has to wait,” she told me.

I sighed. I don’t even understand how she’ll survive in life without me paying her. The girl certainly doesn’t have a lot going on for her and the way I see it, she seems likely to succumb to servitude for the rest of her life. Might as well work for one of Korea’s most loved idols if you got to be an assistant forever, right?

“Grandfather’s funeral, huh? Wait ‘til she gets back tomorrow. We’ll see whose funeral she’ll be partaking in now,” I muttered to myself. Just as I was about to order my manager’s assistant to go and call upon the makeup artists to touch up my makeup, the photographer was already calling out to round everybody up for the shoot. My heart beat raced ecstatically. I always loved it when people took photos of me, and I know they love it, too. I’m like eye candy in their cameras.

***

“Wow, you looked so cool, hyung!” Taemin praised as soon as I finished my solo shots for the photoshoot. This boy always has to state the obvious – but I don’t mind. It’s kinda cute.

“Of course,” I answered, taking the bottle of water a coordinator noona was handing to me.

“Wouldn’t you want to teach me how to have that charisma?” Taemin asked, his eyes twinkling. I swear to God, he looks ten times cuter when he does that. If I weren’t so caught up with the way girls fall on their knees for me, then I wouldn’t mind dating him. But Jonghyun can’t know that, because he thinks I wouldn’t mind dating him. Tch. The day he grows three more inches will be the day I do fall for him.

“Good looks and charisma like mine don’t come through ‘teaching’, Taemin-ah,” I told him as nicely as I possibly could. What did you expect me to do? I couldn’t just tell the kid, ‘Oh, sorry, Taeminnie, but unfortunately you’re not as good-looking and confident as me so tough luck’! I’m too nice to say that out loud.

The boy pouted, but said, “Oh well, maybe if I just continue observing, then I’ll learn something.”

I laughed, ruffling the boy’s soft hair. Oh, why does our Taeminnie have to be so naïve and stupid?

I’m Key. No one can surpass my good looks and talents.

“Key-ah!” I heard my lovely name being called out by a beautifully deep voice. I turned around to see Minho making his way towards me. Hey, I wouldn’t mind dating him, too.

“Yes?” I answered, expectantly.

“I heard about Ji Hyun,” he said.

Immediately, the smile that was set on my face from the sound of his voice was wiped away and replaced by a frown. I had almost forgotten about that stupid assistant of mine. “I know. I’m pissed as well! I mean, who abandons their own boss for some silly funeral?? And plus, this day is seriously important to me! I don’t think that thick head of hers can grasp around the fact that when I have an important schedule, then she can’t just blow me off like that.”

Minho looked taken aback. “Key, what are you talking about?”

“Ji Hyun! That good-for-nothing assistant of mine – ”

“No, I know that, but what are you saying? She’s attending a funeral for goodness’ sakes, Key! I heard about Ji Hyun’s grandfather and I was going to ask you if you wanted to send a wreath or something but clearly it seems like you don’t want to.”

“Of course I don’t want to! What business do I have sending her a wreath?!”

“You’re her boss! Of course you should at least feel some sympathy!” Minho said, his voice raised.

“Hey! Watch that mouth of yours! I don’t like you using that tone with me,” I told him sternly.

Minho sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and shutting his eyes. “Sometimes… I just don’t understand you, Key.”

He walked away from me, throwing an arm around Taemin to sort of drag him away. What’s got him so strung up over Ji Hyun? I know he doesn’t like her in that way, because then that would be violation of so many different “bro codes”. And I don’t mean that one about liking your bro’s girl, because there is no way I like Ji Hyun in that way – and don’t tell me that this is just denial. What is there to deny? Besides, I’ve already got a girlfriend. I mean, sort of. But she’s like a girlfriend if you think about it thoroughly. I see her every day, text her every day, she’s number two on my Speed Dial (Ji Hyun’s number one, of course, since she’s my assistant), I talk to her on the phone every night, and most importantly I like her. So yeah, if you think about it thoroughly, you can say she’s like a girlfriend. She’s an actress so that’s got to say something about my good looks. I think I’ve trailed off my original point, and I honestly forgot what I was thinking about. That’s what Sun Young does to my thoughts, seriously. Oh, well.

“Key!” A deeper, harmonious called out my name again. I’m sure it’s just the sound of my name that makes Onew-hyung’s voice sound much more melodic.

“How may I help you?” I looked on at him as he approached me, offering one of the two water bottles he was holding out.

“It’s time to go,” he said as I took the bottled water.

“What? Why?” I looked around the studio and noticed that no one was even packing up yet. Heck, Minho and Taemin were all over each other right now as the photographer snapped photos of “2Min”.

“Well,” Onew-hyung scratched his head. “We’re just about done with the photoshoot and Manager-hyung told me to call you because we’re getting in the van right now and – ”

“What about Minho and Taemin? They’re still taking pictures!” I nearly shouted out. There was no way in hell that these guys could get more solo shots than me.

“Yeah, because they’re not done yet. You know how our photographer-noona is a big fan of those two. Besides, you’ve already got a lot of shots with Jonghyun and me,” he added with an annoying wiggle of his eyebrows.

“No!” I stomped my foot. “We’re not done taking pictures until I say we’re done!”

“Key - ?”

I ignored Onew, and trudged to the photoshoot’s setup, pushing away the obnoxious coordinators in front of me.

“Out of my way,” I demanded, walking up to where Taemin and Minho were standing in front of the photographer. All of three of them were just standing there frozen, looking at me like I was some chicken with its head cut off. “Time’s up for you two.” I told Minho and Taemin, deliberately shoving them, too, out of my spotlight. I didn’t care if I pushed them too hard, or the fact that Taemin was already stumbling backwards on his feet. He had his boyfriend Minho to catch him anyway.

I plastered on a huge smile for the photographer noona. “Okay! Ready for my close up!”

But before she could take a photo of my flawless beauty, I heard an ear-piercing screech, followed by some woman screaming, “Key! NO!”

And then, the lights went out.