I was woken up by someone shaking my shoulder and a loud voice screaming in my ear.

At first, I attempted to swat the annoying person that was ruining the dream I could now not remember, but I only managed to have my wrist grabbed and my hand throb in pain. My eyes fly open immediately and I try to pull my injured wrist back, but seeing Lay’s worried eyes staring back at me, I relax a little.

The voice I hear next isn’t all too comforting though.

“Luhan!” our leader yells. “Do you have any idea how long we have been looking for you? We were all worried sick and didn’t go back to the dorm until nearly two A.M.”

Not entirely on purpose, I kind of zoned out from listening to Wufan’s tirade a little after it started. I pretended to listen, making sure to nod at all the rights moments and even kept my head down as though I was repenting on what I had done. Don’t get me wrong, I felt bad that they were looking for me practically all night, but I don’t think they should have wasted their energy. Also, I couldn’t help but laugh mentally when he said that “everyone” was worried. Especially when I could bet anything that Minseok could care less right now. 

When I finally looked up, Kris was just finishing his rant. Manager Hyun and Tao were standing behind him looking intimidating even though I knew neither of them would have the courage to tell anyone off, which was why is was currently the leader’s job, not theirs. Yixing was wrapping my hand with some gauze, and I flinched as he applied too much pressure. When did he even get that stuff?

“Okay, okay Kris,” Lay says irritably, “he gets it. You guys have your practice, Minseok and Jongdae are already in their Chinese lessons and Luhan and I are going to start dance now, so maybe it would be best if you leave.”

I stare in shock at the usually even tempered man beside me, giving him a mental slap on the back for having a voice and using it, even if telling the leader what to do wasn’t the best place to use it. He ties a nice little bow with the end pieces of gauze and waits for Yifan to have some sort of retort, but it never comes. Instead, he just accepts the beating and turns, motioning to Tao, and walks out. Our manager is the only person left, but after telling us that we were leaving in an hour for the show shooting, he escapes as well.

Even if I was rooting for Lay to kick in a yelling match, when it was just the two of us, I felt a little more intimidated by the unicorn. He raises a hand to try and touch my temple, but I pull away quickly.

It was true I was still sick. I could feel it in my throat every time I swallowed and how my head pounded relentlessly. Not to mention the achy feeling my entire body was giving me. I didn’t want to burden Lay with my stupid cold problems, so I stood up quickly. I brushed the dirt off the back of my pants with my good hand and smiled at Yixing.

Immediately he stood up and slapped his hand on my forehead before I could do anything, checking for a temperature. He frowns and removes his hand slowly, shaking his head.

“I think your fever might have gone up some,” he mumbles more to himself. Desperately he looks at me and frowns sadly. “Luhan, we were really worried about you, all of us. He went looking as well.”

I swear this boy could read my mind sometimes.

“Okay Xing, I believe you.” I manage to say hoarsely, ignoring the look of pity I get. “No offense, but I don’t really care right now. How about that dance practice? We need to practice Two Moons if we are going to perform it today, don’t we?”

I can hear him sigh bitterly, but my back is already to him as I’m walking to the stereo to queue in a playlist. The music starts a few seconds later and the both of us are both in our positions. We go through the entire dance without any major mistakes, and only a few minor on my behalf. As the final note plays with Yixing finishing his spin, I feel really lightheaded and my knees buckle underneath me.

I crumple to the floor, landing on my back.

Lay tried to catch me, but he only succeeded in grabbing onto my injured wrist. I yell in pain and curl in on myself trying to stop the woozy feeling I was getting from both the pain from my wrist and the throbbing in my head. I opened my eyes after a minute and there was a nasty white cloud covering most of my vision. I groan loudly and can just barely hear the two figures beside me, one of which I assume is Lay, as they yell to get my attention.

I decided then, that I didn’t like being sick. I didn’t before. No one really does, but nearly passing out multiple times was a real pain, no pun intended. I couldn’t even move right now, I felt paralyzed and like my soul was being from my body.

A gentle hand tries lifting me up to where I was in a sitting position, but a nauseous feeling overcomes me and I wave my hand wildly trying to get whoever it was to stop. They don’t however, and the feeling gets worse. Before I know it, I am throwing up on the ground by my feet. Well, I would be throwing up, if I had something in my stomach. Which I didn’t .  So this wasn’t a pleasant experience.

I was dry heaving for what seemed like forever, and the hand rubbing circles on my back isn’t really helping. I coughed and sputtered a little, and after a while I didn’t feel as queasy. Opening my eyes, I could see Yixing and Zitao hovering over me, concerned expressions masking any other emotions they might have.

“Luhan we need to tell the manager that you can’t go to the schedule today.” Tao says worriedly. “You can’t perform like this and you’re only trying to kill yourself if you do!”

“Tao is right,” Lay chips in. “I’m telling Manager Hyun right now.”

Quickly, I grab onto Yixing before he can stand up. I use all of the power I can muster to stand up and try to pretend I’m not leaning heavily on the other.

“You guys, really I’m fine.” I try to assure them. “I’m just a little sick and the reason I fell was because I hadn’t eaten before I started dancing. I was just exercising on an empty stomach, that’s all.”

 They look as though they are about to say something to refute my logic, that wasn’t actually there, but before they can, Chen and Minseok walk in smiling.

Honestly, it was nice to see him smiling, Xiumin that is. Over the past few days and in all our fighting he hadn’t smiled once to me or anyone else. Maybe Chen, but that didn’t really count. It made me angry that I couldn’t be the one there for him anymore, and I still couldn’t accept the fact that we had… broken up, but I didn’t want him to be angry all the time either. His smile was always so beautiful.

Sadly, that smile disappeared as soon as he looked at me, but he quickly moved his gaze to the others.

“You guys okay?” he asks.

I turn around to look at them both with the darkest glare I could muster. They both could understand me even if I wasn’t talking, and they both knew. Knew that if they breathed a word that I was going to go on as if nothing was wrong when in actuality I was sicker than sick, I would probably never talk to them again. Or just kill them both.

“We’re all great,” I say cheerily, voice still scratchy but not terrible, “Right?”

Lay takes a minute before breaking into a fake smile. Standing up, he pulls Zitao to his feet as well and just nods. Minseok looks skeptical, but doesn’t question it. Instead, he looks right above me and nods.

“Okay,” he replies. Turning back to Jongdae, he is about to leave but turns back towards me. “Oh tell Luhan, that Manager wants him, something about the recording for later.”

After that he just walks out.

My mouth drops in astonishment and I really couldn’t believe that he was going to pretend as if I didn’t exist. Was he really that childish? He had always been the levelheaded eldest member that could act as if nothing was wrong even if everything was. But was this his way of acting this time? To pretend I didn’t even exist?

I decided that that was hell, but then again it was only 9.

We had been recording for almost two hours. The fans loved us. They cheered like crazy whenever we did anything. They screamed ChenMin and Taoris, and thankfully LayHan wasn’t as big of a ship. We were about to take a fifteen minute break to eat and freshen up and then come back for a half an hour wrap up.

The directors had just told the audience about the break, and the six of us all bowed in thanks to the fans, saying all our own little things about how grateful we were to them. When it was my turn, I wrapped it all up nicely and we bowed once more. As I was rising, I looked instinctively to the front row. To my shock and horror, I saw an all too familiar face.

It was that guy. The one that had been torturing me from afar and stalking me with his disturbing little love notes which I could assure anyone weren’t getting him anywhere. He was smiling creepily and staring directly at me, boring holes into my soul for all I knew.

I stepped closer to Lay, and I’m sure the younger noticed. He gave me a concerned look that asked if I was okay, and I quickly mumbled that I would tell him in a minute.

When we were out in the hallway, I knew I didn’t have much time and so help me, I was going to get this off my chest before anything else happened. Because if I was kidnapped, I wanted someone to know that I was probably cut up into little pieces to be served in whatever dishes this stalker fan wanted to.

When I finished my tirade, Lay could only stare at me in shock. His mouth opened and closed repeatedly while he tried to digest the great amount of crazy I had just unloaded on him. As soon as it looked as though he was about to tell me something reassuring, one of the cordi people started to pull Yixing into one of the dressing rooms.

Before he entered though, he turned to me and frowned.

“It will be okay.”

And then he was in the other room getting a few touch ups done, but for some odd reason, those words actually helped me. Or maybe it was the fact that I had just pushed off the biggest weight from my chest. Either way, I felt lighter and hungrier.

Which only meant one thing; that the snack table filled with nice sandwiches was now my new best friend. I didn’t have the time to stuff my face with all of the food lain out before me, but I did take a small sandwich from an overflowing plate that I was sure no one would actually miss.

Lay came out a few seconds after I was finished wiping the crumbs off of my jacket, and he linked arms with me as we walked back to the stage. I felt energized now that I had some food in my stomach and at least one ally.

My energy died when I heard that a few lucky fans would get to meet their idols on stage with a commemorative photo. Sure it was for the fans, but the “random” drawing landed me with a person I would rather punch that pretend to smile with. I think every one of the members recognized the guy as he walked up to me. They had to know him by now.

I could see out of the corner of my eye Minseok looking the other way, and I almost forgot to smile when the camera went off. The stalker turned to me with a smile that looked innocent on the surface, but probably turned more sadistic as the layers went on.

He acted giddy and actually gave me a hug, nearly tackling my now weakening body. As he pulled away, I could just barely hear the words he spoke.

“You can’t run my little deer; my love’s too strong for that.”

I seriously almost passed out right about then, but I couldn’t. We still had one last performance left before we could leave. Before I could escape this place and go cry in a corner.

I remembered just as the music started about the man’s first note, about me singing specifically to him, and I made the mistake of looking to where he sat earlier. There he was, in all his creepiness, holding an “I love Luhan” sign and waving it around like a lunatic.

Right now I was just really glad that we were lip-synching this time, or else my voice would have broken and I would have been in deep, deep trouble. As we finished the song, I knew I was in trouble, partially because my stomach was churning, and also because I had many a lot of mistakes that I knew Yifan was going to yell at me for.

I decided as we were getting off the stage that Kris could wait. So, hurrying the best my weak legs could carry me, I ran to the nearest bathroom and once again threw up the once delightful sandwich I had enjoyed earlier. I didn’t have much time to wash my mouth out because Jongdae was there and calling out for me to go.

I followed obediently outside where the rest of the members were. Because of the crowdedness of the halls, it didn’t look that weird as I clung to Yixing’s shirt. Nor did it really make a difference as we got into our van.

It was this moment though that I dreaded the most. We were sitting in traffic waiting for the light to turn green when it happened. Kris’s wrath. He may seem like some idiot leader that we all make fun of, but when he goes into leader mode, all hell broke loose. He spun around from the front seat and glared at us all. Thankfully, not just me.

“I cannot believe how terrible we all did on our last song,” he starts off slowly, shaking his head in disgust. “I realize that right now most of us are not on the best of terms with each other,” he pauses and looks between Minseok and I before continuing, “but that should not affect the effort we give to our fans.”

Now, I knew it was individual scolding. “Minseok, you were never where you were supposed to be and you nearly knocked Chen over twice. Luhan how can you be off by an entire two beats for the entire song? It was pathetic to watch. I understand you are still sick, but if you are that bad you should have told someone beforehand. And Yixing,” without saying another word, Kris just sighs loudly and shakes his head. “I assumed you would be on point, but I guess I was wrong. I am really disappointed, in all of you.”

With that, he turns back to the front to the van and plugs in his headphones. No one says a word and when I look at Lay, I could tell that Kris’s words impacted him the most. I know it was my fault for distracting Lay, and now even with that momentary feeling of ease; I wish I had never told Yixing about my problem to begin with.

As we reached the dorms, I kicked off my shoes and walked into the living room, not caring about any upcoming wrath that may occur from one of the other members. Instead, I plop down on the couch. I lie on my stomach and close my eyes, thinking it would only be for a second, but truly knowing that the call of my name from Xing would be completely ignored as I drifted into an unpleasant pleasant slumber.

A little later, Kris gently shook me awake. He looked apologetic, and before he could say anything, I cut him off with a small smile and a nod. I knew that he felt bad for yelling at us, but I know it was probably deserved. He made a point that we hadn’t put our best effort to our fans today and I was remorseful. Except I really didn’t care about that stalker guy, he could just disappear.

Despite me already accepting any apology from the leader, he still mumbles a small “sorry about earlier” and ends it nicely with dinner was waiting on the table. I nod once again, and rise, following behind him.

When we got there, I noticed that only Minseok was absent and heard Chen mumble to no one in particular—mostly me—that Xiumin would be out after he finished doing something.

Thankfully, this time our food wasn’t from any restaurant. Lay and Tao had tried making a recipe that they had found online somewhere that looked good. I was really happy for them, but I couldn’t help but look at the  food with slight disgust. In any other circumstance the smell and sight of great food would have looked delicious and appetizing, but right now they looked like something I had thrown up earlier at the television set.

Obviously from the stern glare I was getting from both the manager and Yixing, I wasn’t getting away from the table without eating the dish in front of me. Lay must have told Manager Hyun about my incident this morning.

Cautiously I grabbed my chopsticks and dug in.

I could feel eyes on me from every direction. Thankfully, Baozi still hadn’t joined us yet. I don’t think I would be able to look him in the eyes, even if he did stop pretending that I didn’t exist.

I feel a light tap to my shin, breaking me from my thoughts, and I look to my left at Lay. He stares at my food and then back at me as if ordering me to hurry up and eat. I shoot my own weak glare back, attempting to eat once again anyways.

No one left the table, even when almost everyone had finished, and I’m pretty sure everyone was being forced to stay there until I was done as well. I don’t know why but it sent a depressing jolt though my heart. They couldn’t trust me to eat my own food, which was probably wise since I would have tossed it anyways, but that was beside the point. I was a big boy and if I didn’t want to eat then damn it I didn’t want to eat!

Something in my stomach churns dangerously and I know immediately what was going to happen. Before I found myself retching on the table, I jumped up and ran from the kitchen. I heard Yixing calling out to me, but I ignored him and headed straight for the bathroom. On my way, I bumped into Minseok, who was finally making an appearance. Ignoring the look I got from him, with my good hand clamped over my mouth and eyes tearing up from the burning feeling in my throat, I slammed the bathroom door closed and locked it out of habit.

I don’t know how long I was bent over that stupid toilet bowl, but for sure I knew that I was probably going to die there. It felt like an hour before I finally stopped puking. Only then did I notice the banging on the door and several voices calling out to me. I was going to stand up, but my legs felt like jelly. Taking a minute to try and regain what little dignity and balance I could muster, I pushed myself up from my crouched position. One bad case of vertigo later and the world was spinning dangerously.

I couldn’t focus on anything. My vision turned everything bright and I felt a pounding in my head. I tried to grab onto the wall or the counter for support, but I only ended up swinging my hands wildly. The brightness began to fade and I’m pretty sure I was back on the ground. My eyes closed on their own accord and the last thing I heard was the door breaking and someone screaming my name.

I am so sorry for ANY mistakes I might have made. I wrote this in about six hours and am now off to bed. Enjoy and don't forget to comment and subscribe if you haven't already!