warmer than coffee

อุ่นกว่ากาแฟ

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Rain pouring against the glass without any mercy, leaving her in her current state, was just bumming her out even more.

As if she hadn't been crying her eyes out before...

She was sad, she was hopeless, she was melancholy — and she craved after him. She just craved after him so badly. Her heart felt like it had been torn apart into small uncountable pieces or like there was something of her heart missing. Usually she happened to be a bright and cheerful person, or at least, she presented herself like this. Little did people know how sensitive she was on the inside and in what kind of way, and how much people could mean to her. It was just that she didn't like to open up this side of her because whenever she did so, she thought she could be attacked and insulted much more simply. She told herself she'd be misunderstood if showed this side; so she hided it.

But, wasn't it bad if she continued like this? Shouldn't she finally make a step to open herself up a little more before she would collapse of the fact that people didn't get to know her entire self? Well, she did open up, the problem was though that exactly this person who got to know Mina as a full package had left her for 'several days' — as he had written in his farewell letter for her.

Dear Mina

I'm sorry for doing this. I'm sorry for not letting you know earlier. I'm just so, so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. Latest when I'm back again.

Did I cause you too great anxiety after you found the place next to you empty where I used to sleep with you in my arms all night long? Hopefully not, I didn't intend to. While writing this letter, I really wished I could do so. But I can't.

My flight to Beijing is today, I'm unable to cancel it any more, and I even wouldn't if I had the opportunity to; and I won't return before September 19, I guess. It's only for several days, you can survive, can't you? :)

I'm aware of how much you need me, especially now, and heck, you can't believe what I'd do to stay by your side. I'm even sure that you can't believe how happy you'll be when I tell you the good news; although I was being cold to you the last days, I didn't mean it, please understand. Being busy with the scheduling and organization of my time in Beijing is quite a lot, and I was just too stressed. Once again, I'm so sorry, and actually I really have no idea what I could do to cheer you up (except for my return).

One thing I can promise you though: Things will get a lot better by the time I'll be back. Anticipate it, just as much as I already anticipate having you around me again. I love you.

Sincerely Yours

Luhan

Reading the letter for the uncountable time made her cry again although his words were supposed to make her feel better, to make her feel that he was still by her side when he actually wasn't. If he hadn't loved her, he wouldn't have written a letter at all. Still, his quite formal words hurt and ached her heart like stabs with a knife, because in the end, for her it wasn't. Not if Luhan wasn't with her.

She didn't even know where he was or whom he was with, she was clueless about his state of health and had no idea whether he wasn't kidnapped already. What if he had broken his arms? What if he was in hospital? What if he returned later than intended because he lacked money? What if he had fallen for another girl? — So many questions were left unanswered, and it drove her nuts.

He had never been good at expressing his feeling through words, and still he did write a letter to her, leaving a piece of himself behind although it couldn't replace his presence at all, he knew that. But rather than leaving her without anything, he had decided to leave at least something. Yes, he had probably known how much it would hurt her just because of the fact that she had received something of him (but not Luhan himself), and yes, it hurt him too, but anyway, he needed to do this, his decision of going to Beijing was the correct one and he would never ever regret it, truth be told.

It was for their own sake.

But by then, she didn't know a thing about Luhan and his destination, in fact she knew nothing and it drove her crazy like hell; and the worst thing was that she hadn't even prepared for this.

Luhan and her used to live a life where everything was neatly planned, where they knew what would come the next day, so they wouldn't have to be afraid of unfamiliar situations surprising them when they awaited them least. Their life was secure and safe just the way they liked it. Perhaps before they'd have searched for adventures or doing dangerous and dumb things having fun by themselves and whatnot, simply enjoying their life and caring about nothing. In the end they'd been young, and they still were, but since something stepped into their lives messing it all up, they wisely chose a completely different lifestyle. Not forgetting to mention that this 'something' had apparently been surprising and unexpected to her, but still she gathered all her courage to face this issue and live with it, making the best out of it since life was life and even if they used to plan so many things for the future now, there would always be something ruining everything because this was what life was about.

Slowly, she swirled the cup in her hands which was filled with a certain coffee flavor, Luhan's favorite. The drink was still steaming and hot underneath the grip of her fingers although she had been sitting in front of the window doing nothing for approximately half an hour.

Luhan's favorite..

She would do so much only to see her lover again, being held in his strong arms which used to protect her with all his love he had for her.

Despite the fact that she should better ingest no caffeine because of her current condition, she raised the cup to as the warm fluids were heating up. Still, it wasn't the kind of warmth she desired to receive; in the end she would only want him and nobody or nothing else.

While the wind was howling loudly -and disgustingly, she had to admit-, the rain heavily poured down against the windows, making her more desperate.

How much she hated this fifteenth of September, how much she hated autumn and how much she hated these circumstances. How much she actually hated Luhan for leaving her like this. How much she hated herself for becoming a fragile, stupid self when she used to be a strong-willed and cheerful woman who always knew how to make people smile and laugh.

How much she hated the fact that she changed a lot in the past days only because of her still-boyfriend's absence. Was this supposed to be natural?

Little was she aware that his absence would be nothing but pure bliss for not only the both of them. Since Luhan had intended to explain everything to her once everything was already set and arranged after all, he didn't want to cause her anticipation and hope if he had to cancel it unintentionally, which would definitely sadden her in any way. He himself wouldn't be able to take a broken Mina, he wanted her to feel great and blessed, so he could feel so too — and he only would do if Mina did.

Now, when her deep thoughts began to fade away slowly and inconspicuously, she wondered if it was even possible for him to return earlier than he'd stated. In the end, she got no answer — as usual — but the unusual part of it was, she was somehow satisfied with it. Something deep within her told her, yes, he would return very, very soon. He would hold her in his protecting and caring arms again. He would show her his love. She would be loved.

¨Jagiya, wake up..¨

His voice seemed to come from afar although he was so near in reality. He was closer than she had ever imagined him to be.

¨Jagi, I'm home....¨

When the called one finally opened her eyes, he chuckled and gave her a smile which she gladly returned.

¨How long have you stayed like this?¨

The figure of his cautiously pulled back until he arrived at the couch were he took a seat whereupon making himself comfortable on the subsiding dark blue fabric beneath him.

Mina wasn't sure how long she had slept, truth be told, she hadn't even known that she'd been indeed sleeping.

¨Was an exhausting day, wasn't it?¨ Another question.

Luhan leaned back in the couch, his gaze meeting hers this intensely she thought she might not have seen ever before; or maybe she hadn't paid really attention to these things before since he was offering her his loving glares every time, from the beginning they had been together till now.

Still unable to realize that he happened to be no fake, no treacherous brainchild or whatsoever, she just opened slightly to respond but failed. Too unrealistic, notional it seemed to her that she couldn't comprehend that he was with her again. In her view he might be a fantasy of hers her mind created due to her fatigue and confuse that she just couldn't get the current situation.

Luhan got her questioning expression immediately and chuckled another time by thinking about how much she must have suffered.

¨Yes, I'm real,¨ he said and, as if he really wanted to prove it, he stood up, walking up all the way to the kitchen table again to pull her into a loving embrace.

Finally, Mina turned around to face the guy she had yearned for for so long, for those several days she'd never forget. And yes, still, she couldn't understand all of this despite the person in front of her had entered their home about twenty minutes ago. And now, she felt nothing but pure bliss and love, that she wanted to share this feeling with him by getting closer to his face, closing the tiny gap between them. The kiss arrived out of the blue, without a warning, still they weren't surprised or anything; it was correct what they did albeit so different and, actually, unexpected. It was so sweet and delicate that it couldn't help but sending chills up and down their spines, making both of their hearts flutter at such a high and unbelievable pace that they felt like they were going to explode soon. Everything around them was forgotten long ago when in Mina's world there only happened to be Luhan and in Luhan's world only Mina for now.

After the long time of loneliness, this was what both of them needed in this moment and they would have lied if they had denied that they were fully enjoying it.

Just as suddenly as the kiss came, it vanished when Luhan pulled slightly back due to the issue of air loss, his hands still cupping her soft cheeks though.

This was the guy she used to love, this was the person she'd do anything for without any regret, and this was the one who had returned to her after all these hopeless days and nights she was supposed to go through, continuously filled with frustration and hopelessness, but after all, fear had been dominating.

As Luhan fondled her cheek lovingly, she felt her heart melting and her self getting weaker underneath him time by time.

"How was your.. trip?" she asked shyly.

Luhan blinked a few times before he sat down on a chair next to her, their fingers intertwined. "I guess I have to clear thing up, right?" Earning a comforting nod from Mina, he continued. "Well, how about we discuss everything while drinking a cup of coffee?"

They smiled at each other before they raised from their seats and made their ways to the kitchen.

After the long time he hadn't been here, he truly felt happy to be surrounded with all the familiar things again; he loved the sounds and noises the coffee maker created, he loved listening to the birds' tweets coming from outside, he loved the alluring fragrance of the food Mina had cooked earlier. He inhaled the scent amazedly as he shut his eyes for a moment. Everything just matched.

Once both of them were provided with a cup of coffee each, they sat down at the kitchen table, their gazes not breaking contact for even once. Then, he wouldn't be able to explain why either, he looked away and took a sip carefully.

"It really tastes good," he admitted.

"That's not what you intended to talk about, am I right?" she encapsulated, causing him to chuckle.

"Smart, smart, that's correct."

Silence was filling the room (except for the quiet sounds of slurping they made whenever they took another sip).

Luhan cleared his throat again before he continued to speak. "Well, you know.. you certainly remember when you asked about marriage, and how my family and especially my parents reacted back then?"

Immediately, she froze. She hadn't awaited such a topic.

"Y-Yes.."

"And now, I've been to Beijing to arrange some things."

Instead of being surprised or deeply shocked, he smirked slightly when her cup fell to the floor, filling the kitchen with a loud crack-noise.

"You what?"

She couldn't believe it. No, not in her current condition. She was unable to believe anything. Her mind went completely blank and messed up that she couldn't think straight at all. What? Actually, — what? Had he just confessed to her?

"I sort things out. With my family," he explained.

To well he remembered the reaction both of them received when they had asked for marriage. While Mina's parents had agreed eagerly and immediately since they loved Luhan as their own son, his parents were just in shock for some weeks because they simply couldn't get that their son wanted to marry a girl he 'barely' knew at such a young age (well, they might have been together for only four months by now, but they've known each other since early college days). How could their son dare committing a sin like this? They had even been questioning whether he was out of his senses.

"Boy, what are you talking about? Do you guys know how young you are?"

She flinched as she dug her nails into his arms. "Luhan, I guess this wasn't a good idea..." she muttered.

"Yes," he responded calmly, so calmly that they were just shocked already how much confidence their son actually got. "We're 19 and 23."

"See? What do you wanna marry a girl who's only 19? Above all when you're only 23 yourself? What has happened to you?"

Luhan clenched his fists as he narrowed his eyes. How did they get the courage to talk to him this way...

"I do see. But apparently, you don't." He grabbed her wrist, signalizing her that they should leave. Before they stepped out of the room though, he turned around and confronted them with a last sentence, his teeth gritted.

"Talk to me again when you both cleared your minds."

Then they left.

"Luhan.. you did what?" she repeated as the guy wouldn't waken.

Luhan felt the blissful shudders running down his spine as he stated: "We're going to marry soon."

Now, he wasn't surprised either when she dropped her spoon as well. Everything broke into small little pieces in front of her eyes, her imaginations, everything turned into a chaotic bunch of thoughts and feelings like expectation, hope, joy, but fear, and also those feelings you couldn't explain — just like these ones which caused you to get belly ache or to do merely nothing for a couple of hours but your mind going crazy as everything inside tries to take advantage of your brain. In the end particularly these feelings were the greatest ones, because sometimes, you needn't explain anything.

Mina's eyes seemed to pop out of her head as she began realizing the meaning behind his words. It wasn't true. It can't be true. Luhan's parents who had a very conservative view of life would never accept their wish to get married, would they? And if they did, they would never stand behind them or support them, she was sure about that.

"Luhan, you can't—"

But she was cut off. "I could. As you see. After I had a long, and yeah, maybe stirring conversation with my family, we finally came to terms. They accept it. They accept you, after all; and that's what makes me happy the most." The man chuckled as his thoughts drifted away to what would await them. "Didn't trust your soon-to-be husband?"

Her heart melted once again at his sweet and loving words. Now, she knew that she had been right all the time. Luhan was hers, her heart had made the correct decision to 'choose' him, because she was pretty confident that she'd never find a person like Luhan, so caring, so kind, so intelligent and so perfect. In her view, yes, he was perfect. For her.

And if she had been aware that Luhan was thinking, feeling the same way, who would've known how happy she might be then?

"Mina, I love you with all my heart. I want you to marry you as much as you want it- I assume. Yet, our wish, our desire has become true."

And when he leaned in to place a lingering kiss on her lips, she fully ascended to heaven.

Kindness in your eyes

I guess you heard me cry

They had been lying on the couch for awhile now, her buried in his arms, both with their eyes closed. For her, it felt like they had lain for ages now, and truth be told, she really wouldn't care if someone told her the time of day.

I'm blessed I know

Heaven sent and heaven stole

Mina felt glad that her lover was by her side again to protect her and love her. Enduring the pain was thoroughly dispersive enough for her, so that she just wanted to hold and keep the precious moments with him, as long as they were together.

And what have I learned from all this pain

I thought I'd never feel the same about anyone or anything again

In the end, he was there now. He was there to struggle together with her, to cheer her up and make her smile. He was there to fix her broken self and her loss at confidence.

But now I know when you find love, when you know that it exists

Then the lover that you miss will come to you on those cold, cold nights

Even if she told herself otherwise, it couldn't be denied that he would always be by her side. That he endured so much pain as well. That he did everything only for their own bliss. Because he loved her from the bottom of his heart.

When you've been loved, when you know it holds such bliss

Then the lover that you kissed will comfort you when there's no hope in sight

His love so, so pure. He was there to keep her alive.

With your last breath you saved my soul

Her love so veritable, so genuine.

And what have I learned from all these tears

I've waited for you all those years

Their love indestructible. His parents eventually grasped. They were willing to accept their love, their physical and mental bond.

For every single memory has become a part of me

You will always be... my love

Mina looked up at his silhouette, as she saw that Luhan was just as pleased as her. Nothing could ruin their hopes now, nobody would be able to destroy their lives.

She reached her hand to merely touch the soft skin of his chin. "I love you..."

Well I've been loved, so I know just what love is

And the lover that I kissed is always by my side

"...Luhan."

The sun had already risen when they woke up from their innocent sleep. While Mina found herself still in Luhan's arms, her head resting on his stomach, he was left in surprise. He had held her the entire time?

The woman sat up and turned around to him, a sly smile on her face. "Tell me, what did you dream of?" she curiously asked as she pinched his cheeks slightly before pleasing him with a sweet kiss.

"Of you." Indeed, he did.

Contrary to his expectations, she was left satisfied with his answer since she smiled even more brightly. "Nice," she commented when they both burst out laughing.

Mina was so beautiful whenever she laughed, whenever she showed him her love, whenever she touched him, simply every time and he wouldn't deny it. Lust grew inside of him — he wouldn't deny this as well.

Now, when he couldn't bear it any longer, he pulled her onto his lap with a swift motion. Although she felt a bit confused due to the man's action, this feeling immediately vanished by the time he gave her a longingly kiss, signalizing her that everything was alright. He wanted to seduce her slowly and not giving in to his own tension yet, so he left it with only nibbling on her lower lip. The moans escaping from were more than only the most beautiful music he had ever heard, it was like they proved him that he did right and that she actually wanted this as much as him.

Still, he didn't intend to be rough; he wanted her to feel comfortable underneath him.

Mina didn't fail to notice the playful smirk on his face as he kissed her more demandingly this time, and as if she had understood, she parted her lips to give him entrance. Gladly he took the chance she was offering him whereupon they shared a long passionate French kiss, the lust in her building up as well. It was not long before she had touched every spot on him she could reach, notwithstanding that it would be his hair, his bare arms or the sensitive skin on his neck.

For her, he was at least as beautiful as he considered her to be; he was beautiful whenever he eye-smiled, whenever he showed her his love, whenever he touched her, simply every time and she wouldn't deny it. His entire appearance staggered her — she wouldn't deny this as well.

Getting immensely by her actions he suddenly broke the kiss, leaving her in a startled state, but before she was even allowed to protest he wrapped his arms around her body to pull her closer.

¨You waited so long for this, didn't you?¨ Mina half-laughed despite being breathless.

Luhan, who had just played with the hem of her blouse, stopped for a moment to answer. ¨Don't tell me you didn't.¨ His gaze reflected obvious lust, and truth be told, she was so fine with it.

As she slowly leaned in, coming nearer to the guy in front of her, she whispered seductively, ¨Continue where you let off,¨ while she placed her palms on the thin fabric of his shirt through which everything could be seen.

He would have hated himself if he hadn't obeyed to her oh-so alluring wish — no, you'd better say command.

She watched him ing the first button of her blouse, then the second one, then the third one..

¨Luhan, don't tease me,¨ she desperately whimpered because this guy apparently thought he had the right to make her wait even more by slowing down his pace dramatically.

If he had waited for this so long as he'd claimed, so why didn't he come to the point straight away?

Yet, she felt secure, for he was so, so cautious and tender.

A little surprised of it he found her hands above his before they particularly helped him with his work he had been accomplishing so lamely before.

After she had quickly pulled off the piece of clothing by herself, he couldn't help but eye the beauty in front of him amazedly that was left in her chic gold-brownish bra only. Of course, he had seen her like this before, but this time it was kind of different since he hadn't had the opportunity to do so the last days and even, during his journey he had learned how much he actually loved her. Either he had been around her or conversely, they had never been apart for more than approximately two days. In their view it would've been impossible- being by themselves, being without the other one. But to be honest, they had just feared that their love wouldn't last if they were apart. Yet, they had been apart and, see? Because of this they apparently grew even closer; they and their love got incredibly stronger.

His gaze went up and down her upper body, down and up.. Such a beauty beneath him.

¨Show me how much you love me," a whisper demanded.

The man looked at the woman who had just spoken out these words. No words of his were needed as an answer, no confirming 'yes'. He just obeyed due to his own pleasure. He would show her how much he loved her without even hesitating for a second, for his wish was to make her feel blessed as fast as possible.

And yes, she had never felt better during the following hour.

He showed her how much he loved her in such an amazing way.

"Luhan, you remember when you informed me about the permission to marry?"

The called one didn't get straight away what her point was, so he left it with a quiet 'mhm' as he snuggled closer, causing her to giggle.

Luhan and Mina had just gotten up the next morning, September 16. They were lying in the king-size bed where he put an arm around her shoulder and softly her back.

She couldn't have a better, more beautiful present than his presence. For her, merely Luhan himself was enough to turn her birthday to the greatest one she'd ever had.

"I also have to tell you something," she confessed with a chuckle and gripped the fabric of his shirt.

"Hm?" He couldn't help but let a silly grin creep over his face. Afterwards, the man slowly pulled back but took her hands. Although she still might hurt on some spots of her body because of their love session earlier, she just put it off since she didn't regret a single thing she had done with Luhan.

"I'm pregnant."

No, his eyes didn't widen. He didn't flinch in surprise. Neither did he frown, nor did he laugh her out of court. Actually, he had such a relaxed and angelic expression on his face that it was simply unbelievable — just as if he had known it all along, somehow. Conversely, Mina was pleased with his reaction, because, truth be told, she had really anticipated it to be like that.

"I'm so happy."

Before she could make any move to respond, Luhan had already bent down over her stomach as he placed his hands on it, it lovingly. She was left completely mesmerized when he finally planted a soft, lingering kiss onto the skin of her belly.

¨Have you been missing your father?¨

These words touched her like nothing had ever before.

When a woman was pregnant, she wished for nothing else than for the father taking care of the baby, showing his cute and responsible side while saying such things. Mina would have lied, if she'd denied that this was the sentence she had craved to hear since the beginning of their relationship. And now, once just these words were spoken out, she felt like the most secure and loved human being in the world. Nothing more she would avoid than not showing her lover exactly the side of hers only he happened to know. She wanted him to participate at her incredible joy and bliss, and she wanted to know whether he was feeling the same way because maybe they would never get to experience as precious moments as these in the future.

¨I bet so,¨ the woman chuckled, an angelic smile curling up her lips which urged Luhan to do so as well.

After he had gotten up, his hands still resting on her upper body, he leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on her head.

¨Earnestly, you shouldn't have drunk coffee, it's not good for both of you.¨ Despite the happiness and pride which got reflected in his eyes, she didn't fail to see the solicitude and apprehension in them too. And she exactly knew what he meant with 'both of you'.

¨I won't any more.¨

As Luhan wrapped his arms around her frame and laid his head on her shoulder, slowly dotting almost subtle kisses on her nape, she closed her eyes before the following words escaped her lips accompanied by a content sigh.

If the father talking to their unborn child was the greatest moment in a woman's life, then it was doubtlessly the most blissful one for a man hearing pure words like these by the the person he loved more than his own life.

¨Now that I have you, nothing will warm my heart more up than you can do so, Luhan, not even coffee.

Because you're the reason why I wake up and get out of bed.¨

´A/N;

Yes ma'am, I did it.

Alles Gute, Mina. สุขสันต์วันเกิด <3 You deserve a beautiful birthday, and you deserve this story :D Stay healthy, celebrate hard and have fun ok.

There's so much written between the lines, and I'm curious if you get the meaning of the chapter's title in relation to the story :')

´—Bonus cuz I just lub ya too hard:

Just imagine he looked like this the next morning

Actually I have the urge to spam this with Luhan gifs orz