And you came and it took me by surprise

The power that's present in this love

And you appeared, a blessing

I still remember....when you arrived

After I deliver the last line of the song I open my eyes and meet Hyunseong ones, and the world.. the world stops because is the first time I really see all of him. His eyes have never been so honest, showing an exact reflection of his emotions and I couldn’t be happier by it. I can see everything he is, even his soul, the part I probably love the most about him, a soul clear as crystal water and warm as the sun.

Is like he is talking without words, his eyes say more than a thousand words never would. Those eyes that shine brightly, beautifully; say I am the only one in them, the only one he would ever look at. They also let me know how proud he is of me, how talented he thinks I am and how much he wants to scream to the whole world that he loves me.

The way he is looking at me right now, it must be what love looks like.

I was so hypnotized by his eyes that I didn’t realize when Hyunseong moved from the bed and put my guitar away, now he is standing in front of me. His hands placed on the armrest of the chair at each side, trapping me. He leans closer to me and I shut my eyes expecting to feel his lips on mine.

“Is it about me?” he whispers on my ear and my heart beats faster at his closeness. “Is that how you feel?” he adds and that question makes me feel incredibly shy. It is silly but is like I am confessing my feelings to him all over again.

Apparently my shyness has made me lost my ability to form words so I only nod in response. Soon my lips are being crushed by his. The kiss is not sweet or slow as I would have expected, is rough and needy. Hyunseong’s hands that where on the chair are now on my neck and hair pulling at them, trying to be closer which is humanly impossible but that doesn’t stop him.

Hyunseong hugs me tightly as he deepens the kiss and ends up lifting me from the chair, my legs meet the air and look for some sort of support to not fall down, they tangle on his and my hands do the same on his neck. I enjoy how warm his body feels against mine so I hold him tighter.

Suddenly the kiss becomes more aggressive, Hyunseong hand goes under my shirt and I can’t help but shiver in response. He is too busy trying to pull my shirt off that we lose stability and fall on my bed.

I fall on top of him and he groans in pain, his eyes don’t look dark as seconds ago now they look embarrassed which matches perfectly with his red cheeks and I can’t help but poking them and laugh.

“Are you ok?” I ask smiling and he nods. “Sorry..” he says while looking down. I match his eye level before asking “Why?”

“The song was beautiful and I loved every minute of it... I just didn’t know how to say it” he leaves a sigh out “I reacted without thinking and this happened” he brushes my lower lip and I feel a stinging pain, then realization hits me.

“YOU BITE ME?” I pretty much scream and quickly stand up from the bed searching for the closest mirror to look at the damage Hyunseong has done. My lower lip has a little crack that looks as red as blood. This is a bad joke, right? I am supposed to face my parents in a while. I can’t have a bite on my lip, this is too embarrassing.

“I’m sorry” I hear Hyunseong once again and I turn around to look at him still lying on my bed.

“Shim Hyunseong! You are going to pay for this” I declare before approaching the bed and holding onto his shoulder so he doesn’t move and I can bite him too but he shakes his head making my task difficult.

*Knock* *Knock*

My eyes open wide in surprise at the sound and I stop any movement. Did my mom already come back? Does she know Hyunseong is here with me? What if she opens the door and sees us like this?

“Jeongmin, your dad arrived”  I hear my mom’s voice coming from the other side of the door and I freeze:  He is here. “Come down quickly” She adds and seconds later I hear the sound of her footsteps slowly fading away.

He is here, just downstairs. This was a bad idea. He can’t see Hyunseong here with me. He will go crazy when he finds out we are together. Will he hit me if I tell him the truth? What if he hurts Hyunseong? I can’t let that happen.

“Jeongmin?” Hyunseong’s voice brings me back to reality and I feel so ashamed because of my selfish thoughts and fears. I won’t deny loving Hyunseong anymore, I can’t hurt him again.

“Let’s go” I say to Hyunseong before intertwining his hand with mine and pulling him to stand up of the bed.

I once heard being brave is not the absence of fear but to have the courage to face it when you are scared.

I just hope I am brave enough to do this.

.

.

.

Before I realized it dinner was over and I had already said it: I’m dating Hyunseong.

I could only catch glimpses of what came next after my confession. The screeching sound of a porcelain bowl crashing to the floor, my mom’s terrified face while she looked at my dad, waiting for a reaction, any reaction.

“Dating… him?” My dad’s face which was pink at first soon turns red, blood rushing to his once pale cheeks because of, I can only assume, anger.

He abruptly stands up from the table and with determined steps comes closer to me. He looks down at me and without another word he pulls me up from my sitting position. The collar of my shirt griped firmly by his hand, my chair knocked down on the floor and my back hitting the nearest wall in no time.

Hyunseong looks at me with worry written all over his face, dreading what my dad could do to me and moves closer but I lock eyes with him and point at my mom who looks like she is about to fall apart and somehow he understands me.

He goes to hold her but she slaps his hand away when he tries to get close, her tears filled eyes fixed on my dad.

“Are you telling me you are a ?” dad screams to my face, and I notice he is redder than before. A vein in his forehead popping constantly maybe because of the strength he is using to pushing me against the wall.

“ANSWER ME” he shakes my whole body demanding a response. I am not a magic 8 ball that you can shake until you get the answer you want, the only thing he is getting is hitting my head repeatedly to the wall, my mind becoming fuzzy.

“Sir, you are hurting him” Hyunseong says from his position, still close to my mom who is now crying uncontrollably. She is looking directly into my eyes and I can see disappointment in hers, like he feels sorry for me but she thinks is what I deserve for being this way. Sadly, she is just like my dad.

“Don’t you dare to speak to me… YOU HOMO” He screams before I receive a punch on my stomach. I lose focus of my eyes face and all I can see are Hyunseong’s wide eyes staring at the whole situation in disbelief.  Air leaves my lungs at once and pain starts spreading through my body.

It was like watching a forbidden movie. Your parents told you thousands of times its content is evil and it will corrupt you, even if you are afraid and will probably face a reasonable punishment for disobeying them if they catch you. You still desperately want to watch it until the end.

“If loving Hyunseong makes me a ” I say with the most convincing voice I can master. My mouth feeling dry and a faint taste of copper invades it. I take a deep breath and let my next words out through my parted lip “Then yes, I am one”

“YOU BASTARD! I DIDN’T RAISE YOU TO BE A QUEER” another yelling and another punch that this time I manage to avoid. He opens his eyes wide at my defiance and I try to push him away, he budges and I am set free for a while.

“I’m not a freak! I’m your son” I yell back at him while catching my breath and looking for a way to get out of this room which is not an easy task with one swollen eye and him blocking the door with his whole body.

“NO SON OF MINE IS A ” he declares before approaching me with both his fists up.

“Why is it so bad that I love Hyunseong?” I ask him loud enough for anyone in the house to hear but I never get an answer.

“LOVE? THAT IS NOT LOVE” the man in front of me yells before punching me in the face again. “YOU ARE JUST ASKING ME TO HIT YOU HARDER” he adds before another punch is placed on my stomach. The blow is so hard this time I lose balance and fall to the ground.

More yells and sobs can be heard from the other side of the door, a female voice and a male one. One pleading to the man hurting me to stop whatever he is doing, the other calling my name in a desperate way. And for a moment the pain my body feels is overshadow by the one in my heart.

I want to reply them, with what is left of my strength I try to answer but soon my stomach receives a kick and the grunt leaving my lips makes me forget about them, another kick impacts on my face and my ears buzz so loud I can’t hear their pleading voices anymore.

Like an action movie in which the main character can’t fight so he gets all the punches bravely, blood emanating from his mouth and nose while the enemy keeps attacking him until he passes out and forgets why he was being used as a human punching bag in the first place.

My eyes open when I hear a loud thud but all I can see are blurs. I just wait for another rush of pain to hit me but it never comes. Instead, I see a silhouette approaching me and with all my might I try to drag myself around and get out from there.

I look for the door so I can escape but I can’t distinguish it, the silhouette is closer now but my body doesn’t listen to me and keeps in place.

I can’t let him reach me. Not again, it hurts so badly. Just get away from me.

It feels warm, my head is placed in a hard pillow but it still feels nice. Someone is brushing my hair and after I hear quiet sobs between “I’m sorry” I understand I am on my mother’s lap.

So I do manage to get out of that room. Is he still in there? Did he left? Why is she taking care of me? Why she is not with her husband? I want to ask a thousand questions. I want to open my eyes to look at her and ask why she didn’t stood up to him. Why she let him do this to me, why she didn’t even try to stop him. Why she abandon me.

But I feel too sore, too tired to even move or stay awake.

Like an artsy movie that is hard to understand. Some parts in slow motion to empathize the transition of feelings or ideas, others fast forwarded because the words weren’t nearly as important as the actions displayed.

Or just maybe like a filled drama from beginning to end: clenching hearts, awkward silence and tears everywhere. Every character looking confused and hurt because of the other, with no apparent solution to the problem and no escape from the pain.

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I know this chapter is sad but hang in there... things will get better I promise so please keep reading the story!

KEEP LOVING AND SUPPORTING BOYFRIEND