"You found me, you found me

Lyin' on the floor

Surrounded,

surrounded."

The phone rang. I jumped, suprised, and exchanged a look with Seungho hyung. Who would call us? And, less likely, who would all us, idols reduced trying to save one of them from an abyss, with good news? The old-fashioned ring was startling loud in the quiet kitchen, the two of us frozen by the obnoxious ring. Seungho hyung, his eyebrows pulled together, slid off his stool and cautiously picked up the phone, handling it like it was a bomb instead of a phone. 

"Um. Hello?" He asked the phone, his tone more stiff and formal than I had heard it since we've been here, and I dog-eared my book, closing it with a muffled thud as I listened to one side of the conversation. 

"Ah, hyung," he said, his breath whooshing out quietly, but his careful words, formal bearing even though the other person couldn't see him, was ridged. 

"Who is it?" I whispered to hyung, but he only mouthed, Cheondung, wait a minute, irritation flowing off him like sweat, so I snapped my mouth shut and just watched. 

"Ah. No, but it's only been four-" Hyung pressed his fingers to his temple as he was cut off. "Yes, but you have to under- Ah. Yes.

"I understand, hyung." Hyung closed his eyes, his lips pushed out, as the person in the phone continued to talk, nodding like they could see him. "Yes." 

A minute, and I started to loose attention, my gaze straying back to my book. It can't be so important that hyung can't handle it. Just as I started to look down, Seungho hyung slapped his palm on the granite counter, hard enough to make a cracking sound. I jumped again, and raised my eyes again to hyung, whose eyes were narrowed, lips thinned, his jaw tightened like he was trying to supress those harsh, cutting words that I so knew he could bring. 

"WHAT? Hyung, you can't!" He burst out. The urgency, the pure feeling in his voice was so different than his appearance that a knot tied itself in my stomach, and my book closed itself, the spine cracking, without a second look from me.

"No. Wait. This is harder than you realize, hyung. Mir isn't- 

"He can't-

"You can't- 

"Hyung, you can't do this to us!" Seungho finally yelled, his temper running loose for a line before he reeled it back in, steaming. But the voice on the other end just got louder to match, so even I, across the kitchen island, could heard the sound, but not the words. 

"Hyung, we're meant to be," he finally said when the furious voice paused, his voice softer, and as the kitchen light hit his face I realized that tears, big and glossy, were gathering under his dark eyes. And because I had always been this way, I started to feel water rise to my eyes, because if Seungho, strong Seungho, is crying than I can cry too.

"Hyung," he said, and I can hear the catch in his words, the throatiness in his voice that proves even more than the tears weren't an illusion. "Please. Give us longer. We can do it, just don't..." He couldn't finish. He put his head in his hands, trapping the phone to his ear, and turned to face away from me, the silent shake of his shoulders speaking more than he would ever tell. I stood up, concern for my hyung overriding my urge to cry, but I didn't move any further, afraid of hyung's temper. Even though now, he just looks heartbroken. 

"Please," he said, but nothing more. The phone dropped from his boneless hands, and landed with a clatter on the counter, but hyung didn't seem to notice. He stood still, his breaths tight and long, his muscles clenched, and I still didn't move. And then he takes a deep, deep breath, wipes his eyes, and turns to me, bracing his hands on the edge of the counter like he was waiting for the storm to blow, to knock him off his feet. He lifts his eyes to mine, and I am struck by the darkness of them; not like Mir's endless, blackened eyes, but more hopeless, more real and weary than anything. I wonder how hard these days have been for the leader. 

"Cheondung," he said, and presses his lips together as if to supress a sob, but I know the leader of MBLAQ and he doesn't cry, not like this, and I'm scared, so scared of what he'll tell me I want to run, I want to hide. 

"Cheondung," he says again, but he can't go any further, because he's crying, and I can only cross the kitchen to him and wrap my arms around my hyung, who is the strongest of us, the one that would always be there to cry on, but now he's crying on me and I don't know what to do, what to think. He's sobbing, and he's unable to stop, so I just wait, and breathe, and hope. 

"MBLAQ's gone," he says first, and since his words are muffled by my shoulder I pray that I heard wrong, but something tells me he's just going to go on, and on, and tell me so I can hear and I'm crying now, without tears, just empty sobs that match Seungho hyung's. 

"We're not MBLAQ anymore," hyung says, and I'm crying too loud to hear what he says next but that's okay, because I don't want to hear it, I don't want to because MBLAQ's gone, gone. I don't understand it, but I hear the ring of truth, and that's all I hear.

MBLAQ's gone

My dream. My life. It's gone. My dream, my dream of singing and dancing and being an idol, gone. My years of training, hoping, wishing for a chance to stand on those stages, gone. It's gone. All gone. 

gone.

And now I'm boneless, and I'm falling and I'm crying and it's just gone.

~~~

I found them on the floor, crying, and Seungho's crying and I know that's not good, it's never good, and I see the sadness like a physical thing, thick and clotting and I'm dreading it,

I'm dreading what will come

next.

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Guiissssssssssss...... I really loved it when you commented and it really made my day but not a lot of people are commenting lately which makes me sad:( And I know that this is getting annoying, me saying COMMENT every chapter but if you readers comment then I'll stop saying it...

I just really loved it... And I'm very thankful for all of you, and very thankful for the commenters that comment fairly often. But I would just like knowing what you guys think, cuz, after all, I'm writing this for you...

and I killed off MBLAQ.... SEE I TOLD YOU THERE WOULD BE MORE ANGST EVEN THO THIS ISN'T A LOT BUT THERE WILL BE MORE