Jieun exhaled a long sigh of worn down hopes and dreams as she handed money to the florist.

Her world, her lover of five years, her pure happiness, had all been ripped from her hands in the time frame of mere seconds. Just recalling the last words he had whispered to her in the hospital while dangling on the brink of death burdened Lee Jieun with the most painful thing one can experience.

Heartache.

It pierced her heart with the intensity of ten thousand bloody knives, but she herself had grown accustomed to the constant dull tugging of grief.

Exactly one year had passed since the day Luhan was caught in the midst of a fatal car accident.

--

He had been on the way home from work during a severe snowstorm that blew thunderous winds, baffling even the strongest of trees. One thing led to another, and his car slipped on the frozen highway causing his car to spiral downwards into a ditch.

Luhan's coworker Chen had also been in the car, but somehow he had escaped unscathed. This did not hold true for the former, however; Luhan's face had been tremendously bruised, as his airbag had malfunctioned. He suffered multiple fractured and broken bones as well as deep muscle cuts that cried out pools of deep scarlet liquid.

By the time Luhan had been placed into the ambulance, he had lost nearly a fourth of his blood.

Chen immediately contacted Jieun who had been cooking dinner. Jieun dropped her phone, shut the stove off, and sprinted to her car.

"No, no, no. Luhan, please.. please be ok." she whispered.

Arriving within minutes, Jieun screamed Bloody Mary for the receptionist to give her Luhan's room number. The woman, seeing the utter desperation in Jieun's eyes, gave her a look of sympathy before nodding and showing her the way.

Jieun flung the door ajar, only to regret it when she saw what lie in front of her.

A beaten, bloody, bruised version of her boyfriend, Luhan. She staggered her way over to his bedpan and reached out to touch his face.

"L-Luhan... Luhan? Oppa..?" she called out quietly in fear of disturbing him. He opened his eyes just so much, and then smiled softly.

"Jieunnie... you came?" he chuckled weakly.

"What do you mean? Of course I did, you... you-" she gently sobbed into his hand, "-you babo... how?"

"Don't cry, Jieun. It hurts me to see you like this," A single tear rolled down his purple cheek.

"Luhan... my Lulu.. you're going to be ok, right? Tell me you are going to be ok!" Jieun cried out with watery pleading eyes.

Luhan's smile faltered as he gritted his teeth in pain.

"Mianhae, Jieun. It hurts all over.." He winced as he moved his hand to place it over Jieun's. "And I'm just going to close my eyes soon, and not wake up."

"N-n-no..." she whimpered," you're going to stay here.. with me."

He couldn't do anything but grin bitterly.

For Jieun, he thought.

After all, Jieun always did comment about how much she loved Luhan's smile.

"Oh, Luhan.." Jieun cried endlessly.

However, in as much pain as he was in, Luhan's eyes continued to glimmer in the dim room light. This was because the girl he loved so dearly was here, with him.

"Jieun," he said quietly, causing her to glance up.

"Ne, oppa...?" she answered.

"Never forget me, okay? Always think of me, because that's what I'll do- think of you... Jieun, I love you. So much, you don't know, you couldn't know, how much I love you. And don't be sad or depressed over this; as you know, we've known each other for our entire lives. We dated for five of those years, and I've enjoyed every single moment I have ever shared with you. What I'm trying to say is that even though I won't be here, next to you, I'll always be... around." he finished.

Jieun had no words to say, so she kissed him. For the last time, very softly and lovingly.

"Sleep now, Luhan. I love you so much. I'll see you in the next life.." She kissed his hands once and placed them in her lap. Jieun saw one last drop of water leave Luhan's eye before she felt his hands fall limp; she understood what this meant. She didn't need the screaming heart monitor to tell her that Luhan had just passed away.

"... Sweet dreams, Luhan."

--

Staring blankly at his grave, Jieun grew restless inside.

“Why him? Why not me, or Chen?” she thought.

Then she paused and stared onwards with widened eyes, her hand covering her face. Jieun was then angry with herself, for thinking of such things at the site of her boyfriend's burial. She slowly kneeled down until she was level with the tombstone engravings, traced the "L" in "Luhan", then stopped herself again.

"You know, oppa, you never really liked your name, did you? You always complained to me about why you couldn't have a cool Americanized name like Ryan or James, remember? But I told you that I loved your name, that I thought it was adorable."

Sitting back, Jieun placed the bouquet of pure white roses she had purchased earlier in front of Luhan's framed photograph.

White roses... because that's the type of flower Luhan had used to describe Jieun- white, his favorite color, and a rose, beautiful and delicate.

It was December 8th today, one year after the accident. Snow was very common in Korea, yes, but it had only snowed a few inches the night before; this left a soft shallow blanket of white on the cemetery grounds, and it matched perfectly with the color of the roses.

Jieun sighed once more as she reminisced in her past memories shared with Luhan, smiling contentedly whenever a favorable one resurfaced and scrunching her nose up whenever she felt embarrassed.

“Oppa... I miss you. You know that, right? I miss everything about you. I just can’t-” her voice faltered, so she stopped to take a deep breath. “-I just can’t live without you.”

From her pocket, she pulled out a small pill.

“I didn’t think that I’d actually do this, but... I have no choice now. I’m coming, Luhan. Wait for me.” Shutting her eyes tightly, she shoved the pill down .

At first, her pulse slowed down. She could feel every organ dying, every muscle constricting, but this pain was nothing compared to losing the one she loved so much.

Within seconds, she was no longer able to breathe.

I love you, Luhan.