Chanyeol always came around a couple of days later when he knew the older male would be back to himself. Baekhyun smiled his usual small smile and Chanyeol would always return it with the force of a million little suns that lit up Baekhyun’s life. He’d be taken out to lunch and dinner and maybe even breakfast if Chanyeol was having a good day with money. He was paid from other people commissioning him to do small videos projects and he was commissioned quite often to Baekhyun’s surprise. He even had days where he couldn’t hang out because he was working.

               Though it wasn’t a conventional job, Baekhyun still admired his dedication and the quality he put in it. It was always something that Baekhyun thought he could watch forever until Chanyeol’s next project came out. It was always new and innovative and amazing and every positive word Baekhyun could think of. He really was a master with a camera and while Baekhyun had never asked to watch him work, he knew that like most arts it needed a certain audience (no one) to do.

               He knew that he was nervous when he was composing a score or singing a tune on front of someone. He knew it made him feel sick to his stomach and like he was going to choke on air when a professor asked him to play something based off of a 30 second clip they were shown in class a few days before. He would rather drown in the coldest and darkest ocean waters then share something that came straight from his heart. No matter how much he liked it, there was always an open forum for criticism and someone always mowed him down. He bet no one ever said anything bad about Chanyeol.

               “You’d be surprised.” Chanyeol said one night after Baek expressed that. Chanyeol chewed on his eraser as he glanced over a script. He smudged out a line and rewrote something in it. Baekhyun didn’t care to look on the page and he just trusted Chanyeol’s good judgment.  Baekhyun looked at him though like he had six heads and all of them had extra facial features. “There are a bunch of kids in my class who think my work is complete and utter . I had one tell me that every time he watches my videos he thinks about how I would have done better had I just filmed a trashcan because that’s where all my tapes belong.”

               Baekhyun flinched. He could never imagine being in a film class if the people there were that cutthroat. He was glad he was in the small land of music where everyone’s confidence was lower than water levels in the summer and no one had the balls or the s to tell off another person. There might have been a few interjections, but it was always followed up with “but that’s just my opinion”. Damn right it was. Baekhyun took pride in most all his work and had anyone told them they were less than great otherwise, he’d blast it through their room and make it their ringtone and make sure that was the only think they heard for a good solid week. Other pieces he kind of thought that it was amazing that people’s ear didn’t bleed.

               “You sure? I mean, you’re you, and I don’t think anything bad could ever come from you.” Baekhyun said in amazement, but Chanyeol rolled his eyes and put down his pencil.

               “I hit you a few days ago and demanded you gave me a . I seriously think you might want to reword that statement.” Chanyeol said, but Baekhyun gruffly put up his nose and shook his head.

               “Nope. I think that maybe on the inside you have an evil Chanyeol named like, Loeynahc or something and he makes you do those things.” Baekhyun said, laughing to himself over the ty joke. Chanyeol laughed along at the ridiculous name and nodded.

               “Yeah, that’s definitely it Baekhyun. Sometimes I think you maybe have an alter ego named Nuyhkeab that makes you say stupid things.” he kid back, and Baekhyun nearly spat out the water he was drinking. The two laughed at how absurd the things they were saying were, but once the laughter died down, Baekhyun looked at Chanyeol seriously.

               “Then can we agree to just be Baekhyun and Chanyeol in front of one another? I really don’t like getting into fights or saying stupid things. So let’s quell our egos and just be us, okay?” he asked to Chanyeol, who was back at writing something down. He looked up from the paper though and smiled weakly.

               “Loeynahc is a part of me though, and if you can’t accept him, what about all the other parts of me?”

               Christmas break seemed years away as the two boys trudged through classes like they were the only things in their lives aside from each other, and it seemed like it. Baekhyun had become more irritable and Chanyeol was tired more often, and on days they switched and Chanyeol would go off like a gun and Baekhyun would yawn when the younger yelled, which made him more angry. It was a cycle of never ending annoyance from both parties and it got to a point where even Jongup had to jump in and tell Baekhyun he might want to leave the house. At that, Baekhyun called up Luhan and they went out to get some coffee.

               “I don’t get it. We were so happy and now we’re slipping away and we’re trying to hold on to cracks and I just want us to let go for a little while maybe but I don’t in the same breath. He means so much to me but school just sits on my shoulder and it taunts me and my happiness. You don’t get it, and I don’t mean that offensively but it’s horrible Luhan. Isn’t Sehun in school too?” Baekhyun asked.

               Luhan sipped on his coffee and abruptly pulled it away from his lips because it was still scalding hot. He wiped at his mouth and opened it to fan at his tongue. Baekhyun rolled his eyes at him and whacked his forehead with his palm. How clumsy could this kid get? He waited while princess regained his composure.

               “Mhm, yeah, he is, but I have work so it’s bearable. We text almost all the time and since we’re still in the beginning stages of our relationship, we’re still in puppy love and we’re just all over each other. By the way, I never got to thank you for giving me a push. Without it I would probably just be staring at him all the time still.” Luhan said. Baekhyun waved off a thank you, but the other wouldn’t let him off.

               “If you can Chanyeol aren’t doing well, tell him you need a break. Just tell him to not talk to you for a couple of weeks and sort things out.”

               “A couple of weeks?” Baekhyun said as if Luhan had just told him to move to Mars. Luhan nodded and shrugged, blowing over his coffee and having the steam roll into Baek’s nostrils. It smelled nice and warmed his body, but it didn’t calm him like it should have. “That seems like forever though. What if he finds someone else in those weeks?” he asked. The face he made was pathetic in Luhan’s eyes. He thought he might as well have kicked him while he was down.

               “I know it does, but would you rather have it feel like forever than have it be forever? I mean, I don’t think I can really help you much here since your relationship is well, yours and mine is mine, but I do know that the both of you really love each other. Have you told him you love him?” Luhan asked. Baekhyun swirled his cup and took a meek sip.

               “I guess so.” he replied, and Luhan gave him a stern look.

               “No, I mean have you told him directly, ‘I love you’? Have you said the love word yet or is that still too heavy on you?” he asked. Baekhyun again shrugged and put his cup down.

               “He’s the only boy I’ve ever been with that I’ve gotten this far with. Hell, I love cooking and music and sunlight but I haven’t even loved a girl-“

               “That doesn’t matter. Loving a girl isn’t a rite of passage to love a boy, you just do or you don’t. If I were Chanyeol right now hearing this, I would think you were stupid and an idiot and I wouldn’t want you to love me at this point to be honest. Do you even hear what you’re saying? How long have you been with him? You’ve had countless times but you can’t even bring yourself to say you love him? What kind of boyfriend are you?”

               “A ty one! You don’t know what our relationship is like because like you said, it’s ours! I don’t think I’m ready to say I love him yet because I can’t even love myself and I don’t want to burden him with my heart. I’m as good as stone when it comes to loving someone because I just don’t feel things. I know that when I’m with him I’m on cloud nine, but I don’t want to tell him I love him and have that safety blanket be ripped from me. You know I’ve never been good at conveying how I feel.” Baekhyun yelled, but Luhan finally took a sip of his coffee.

               “That’s a lie, because I just got that you’re a coward loud and clear.”

               Baekhyun sat in his room, a blanket over his head and the lights turned off. His hands shook as he clutched his phone. He was careful to watch how hard he was squeezing because he thought he might crack the screen. It was scary thought. He was going to call Chanyeol over to tell him the words that he needed to say, but he just wasn’t prepared to say it. What if Chanyeol didn’t love him back? What if he up and left and transferred schools and moved away? What if he scoffed and then asked for a break himself? Baekhyun couldn’t handle those thoughts as he threw off the blanket and chucked his phone at the wall, yelling. He hated being in his skin. He wanted to rip it off.

               Airways began to close off as he choked through tears at Luhan’s words reverberating in his head. He didn’t want to be a coward. He wasn’t one, he knew he wasn’t. He just was slow with everything. Baekhyun’s slow style life caught up to him and now when it needed to speed up it wouldn’t at all. He wanted to move as fast as Chanyeol drove. He sighed though, getting up out of the bed and retrieving his phone. If is boyfriend called or texted him, he didn’t want to miss it even though Chanyeol and him hadn’t texted in days. They would maybe throw a wave if they saw each other, but nothing else happened. They just didn’t want to talk.

               Baekhyun’s shakes started up again as he went to his contacts and stared at Chanyeol’s name. It shone up at him like a light from heaven but he didn’t want to die just yet. He was more scared about this call than anything else he’d ever done in his life. He’d rather read papers in front of the entire world than call him and tell him that he loved him. Baekhyun choked back his fear and pressed dial, putting the phone up to his ear and waiting. After three rings, Chanyeol picked up.

               “Baekhyun?” he asked. He sounded tired. He should hang up. Baekhyun should hang up, but his lips quivered with the words waiting on them.

               “Can you come over? We need to talk.” he said. . He should have worded that differently. Now it sounded like he wanted to break up. There was a sigh on the other line.

               “Can’t you just do it over the phone?” Chanyeol asked his voice shaking. Baekhyun shook his head, but Chanyeol wouldn’t see. He ran a hand though his hair and place the stray hairs that he pulled out on the bed.

               “It’s not what you think. Come over please.” Baekhyun asked, and then Chanyeol hung up. Moments later, he just walked in and into Baekhyun’s room where he sat on his bed. He looked up at Chanyeol, whose chin was shaking and his eyes were glistening.

               “What is it then? Surely you hate me, right? You want to break up? Take a break? You don’t want me, do you?” Chanyeol asked, wiping furiously at his eyes with his arm. Baekhyun patted the spot beside him on the bed, and Chanyeol sat, but as far away as he could. Baekhyun scooted closer, but then Chanyeol stood up with his fists balled at his sides and his shoulders up and tensed like some animal that was ready to defend. Baekhyun stood up too.

               “Look me in the eyes Chanyeol.” Baekhyun said, but the younger bit at his lower lip.

               “No.” he replied.

               “Please.”

               “I said no.”

               “Don’t do this.”

               Tears fell down Chanyeol’s cheeks. “Do what? I’m not letting you break up with me.” he said. Baekhyun laughed.

               “Why would I want to break up with you?” Baekhyun said, trying to make his voice come out steadily. This was it.

               “Why else would you call me over?” Chanyeol yelled, and Baekhyun took one long stride to hold Chanyeol in his arms and stoke his hair, kissing his cheek and smiling.

               “Because Park Chanyeol, I love you, and I think you need to know that. I love you. I love you just like I love music and cooking and like you love movies and… and Skittles and ICEEs. I might like you more than all of that stuff even.”

               Chanyeol stiffened in Baekhyun’s arm, but he let out a sigh of relief.

               “Well, I love you too, but I don’t think you can compare to Skittles and ICEEs in my books.”

               “It’s too damn cold.” Luhan said as he walked into Baekhyun’s apartment. Chanyeol was in the kitchen cooking something up while Baekhyun lured Sehun to come in to. He was nervous since he had never been over, but Baekhyun assured him that there was plenty of food to go around. Sehun looked at Luhan, who yanked him by the coat to get inside. It was starting to sleet and soon snow would fall, but Baekhyun wanted to have his closest friends over since it was Christmas break already. After Baekhyun had told Chanyeol how he really felt, it seemed to sneak up on him a lot quicker than anticipated.

               Chanyeol walked out of the kitchen and threw off his apron to the side, waving at Luhan energetically while he nodded towards Sehun. He hung out with the guys that didn’t like him, even though he knew that Sehun wasn’t like that, it was still hard to be around someone who didn’t mind being with people who didn’t like him. The least he could have done was told him that they made fun of him and thought he was creepy and crazy so he didn’t have to be nice to them. No need to hide it behind his back. Chanyeol didn’t like putting effort into friendships he didn’t need to keep alive.

               “I hope you’re all hungry because I made a lot of soup and Baekhyun has the stomach the size of a pea.” Chanyeol joked, and Baekhyun shot him a look.

               “I do not!” he defended, but everyone laughed, Sehun included. Chanyeol gave him a wink and a thumbs up though and invited him to join him in the kitchen. Luhan pushed him off and let the two talk alone for a while.

               “So how are you and the little twinkie?” Chanyeol asked, picking up a spoon and stirring the pot Sehun choked a little on his spit but laughed nonetheless, covering his face from showing that he was blushing like mad.

               “We’re good, and you have no right to call Luhan a when you have Baekhyun.” Sehun said, but Chanyeol tossed a look over his shoulder and smirked.

               “Did I ever say he wasn’t? Easier to completely ruin that way, right?” he asked, and he put up his hand for a high five, and Sehun took it, laughing to the point that his cheeks hurt. Chanyeol was still stirring the soup that smelled like a mix of heaven and paradise. Sehun’s mouth watered as he leaned back against the counter.

               “Can I tell you something?” Sehun asked. Chanyeol hummed, but he knew the premise of what he wanted to say already. “Well I just want to say that I’m sorry for what everyone says about you. Kris and Kai are the worst, but I think it’s because they get teased too they want someone to take back all of their troubles. I don’t want to defend them, but I think that at least is an explanation. I mean, I know now that I’m around you more they won’t say anything but, it’s just, not right. I’m sorry.”

               Chanyeol sniggered, clapping Sehun on the back and ruffling his hair, grinning.

               “You don’t have to apologize. It’s more than okay. I promise you, I haven’t let them get to me since I’ve been with Baekhyun. As long as he makes me feel like I can do no wrong, than I’m good as gold. Thank though, bud. Now do me a favor and go into that cabinet and get me some bowls out, will you?” Chanyeol asked, and Sehun smiled.

               Out in the living room, Luhan was telling Baekhyun how proud he was that he managed to tell Chanyeol that he loved him, and Baekhyun told him to keep his voice down because it was embarrassing. Luhan didn’t see how it was, but he sat back on the couch and kept his voice a little lower for the sake of being the guest.

               “So does Chanyeol normally cook?” Luhan asked as he looked into the kitchen he and his friend’s boyfriend smiling and kidding around. Baekhyun looked over at them too and was glad they could get along.

               “Not really. Him and I cook together most often than not, but tonight he said he really wanted to impress you and Sehun because you’re my friend and he wants to leave a good impression on you.” Baekhyun said. Luhan laughed.

               “Seriously?” he asked, turning his head to look out the window when he heard a clack. The sleet was picking up, and once the sound was gone, he knew there would be snow.

               “Do you think you guys would want to go to a park sometime and build a snowman with us if it snows? Or we could have a snowball fight. We could make forts too. It would be Chanyeol and I on one team while you and Sehun would be on the other.” Luhan asked. Baekhyun whipped his head around to look at him.

               “Why isn’t Chanyeol on my team?” he asked, and Luhan sniggered, listening as the sleet ceased and he got up from the couch, opening the door and looking outside.

               “Because I’m sure you two need some friendly fire on each other every so often to keep sane. Anyways, come outside.” he said, and Baekhyun got up, leaving Chanyeol and Sehun to their own.

               It was colder than he liked outside, but it was tolerable with a jacket and a scarf. Luhan always thrived in the snow. He said it was because it reminded him that no matter how cruddy life could be, every so often the earth can be covered in white. He liked how fragile it was and he said that his mom would always compare him to snow, be it his skin or how breakable he was. Baekhyun watched him look up at the sky and just shut his eyes, taking in a big breath and letting it out through his mouth, making a puff of steam. Baekhyun smiled, and Luhan turned around.

               “You know, Sehun and I are going really well. I hope you and Chanyeol are too.” he said, and Baekhyun gave him a confused glance.

               “What do you have planned?” he asked, and Luhan rummaged around in his pocket, pulling out a small box and opening it. Inside, there were three puzzle piece necklaces; one with P.C, another with O.S, and the last with B.B. Luhan pulled one up that showed a L.H., and Baekhyun grimaced.

               “Will you ever open up about your name?” he asked, picking up his puzzle piece and snapping it on. Luhan gave him a look of false innocence and tilted his head.

               “What do you mean? My name is Luhan.” he said, and Baekhyun playfully smacked him on the arm and Luhan laughed, shutting the box and putting it back into his pocket. Baekhyun looked at him.

               “Why?” he asked. Luhan looked confused. “Why did you get us these? Surely they’re expensive.”

               Luhan sighed, reaching into his wallet and opening it for Baekhyun to see. Inside, there were so many twenty dollar bills that it made Baekhyun’s blood run cold. He looked up at Luhan, who meekly smiled and put it back into his pocket.

               “I have more money than I know what to do with. It’s terrible. I save and save because growing up I was told we didn’t have money even though we did. Now I’ve saved up so much that I’m scared to spend. I’m actually literally scared to spend money, so I thought if I don’t spend it on myself and I spend it on my friends, it won’t be so bad, right? It wasn’t until I left the store did I realized I got four engraved and not three. I don’t even remember picking a fourth out, but I guess that was the fear blinding me.” Luhan explained, the charm around his neck. He scraped his nails across the engraving and felt the dips in chilled metal.

               “It was a drop in the bucket, and as odd as it sounds, could I have your help with learning how to spend money? I’d never think it would become such an issue, but I can’t seem to buy things for Sehun and I’ve lost so much weight because buying food gives me anxiety. And you always wondered how I kept so thin. That’s my secret. Money starves me.”

               Luhan held a pair of gloves in his hand and looked at the price. They were five dollars, and Chanyeol, Sehun and Baekhyun all stared him down.

               “I’m cold, but I’m not five dollars cold. Isn’t there something cheaper?” he asked, putting the gloves down before Sehun picked them up again and shoved them into Luhan’s arms.

               “No, now buy the gloves. We’ve been here for fifteen minutes while you sweat out the price. With the amount of money in your wallet, you could buy the whole damn bin. Now come on, you need new gloves anyways.” Sehun said, but Luhan looked at the gloves again.

               “I don’t need new gloves, but I want them. Why should I spend-“

               Baekhyun took it upon himself to hit Luhan in the back of the head with another pair of gloves he picked up, and then he tossed them to Luhan, who caught them in a frenzy.

               “I think I need a pair too, so why don’t you buy me some along with yours? Ten dollars total, not including tax so pull out a ten and five and let’s go to the self-checkout. There, we’ll guide you through everything, okay Luhan? After this, we can go and play in the snow at the park. How does that sound?” Baekhyun said calmly, and Luhan looked at the gloves in his arms. The pair he picked up had little snowmen on then while Baekhyun’s were plain and blue. He nodded though, and they walked to the checkout and went through it with little problem. When Luhan took his receipt, they all said they were proud, and he smiled bigger than any of them had ever seen. Eagerly, he ripped off the cardboard that bound the gloves and he threw them away so he could put them on, feeling how nice they were around his hands. He moved his fingers around, smiling and then running to the outside so he could pick up some snow for the first time since the gloves he had were old and worn and it hurt to pick it up.

               Sehun thought it was the cutest thing as Luhan excitedly packed a snowball and threw it upwards, kicking it when it came back down and watching it burst into a bunch of little pieces. He smiled, laughing at the white chunks that coated his shoe now. Sehun gazed on at him until Baekhyun put a hand on his shoulder.

               “Take care of him for me, will you?” Baekhyun asked. Sehun glanced over at Baekhyun before returning his gaze to his boyfriend, who was trying to wipe his hands on Chanyeol.

               “I suppose, but only if you’re there to talk stuff out with him on the occasion. I don’t do the whole sympathy thing well as bad as it is and I know Luhan can be touchy.” He replied. Baekhyun hummed.

               “Well I guess it’s a good thing we didn’t date then.”

               “Okay, here’s the plan.” Chanyeol said, crouched down behind a poorly made snow fort no thanks to Luhan’s enthusiasm and poor craftsmanship. “We’re going to hold back for a bit while the other two try to knock down our wall. In the meantime, pile up as much snow as you can behind here and mass produce good, solid snowballs. Make sure they’re small enough to really lob, okay? Do you have a good arm?” Chanyeol asked. Luhan raised one eyebrow and grinned.

               “Every man has a good arm don’t you know.” he replied. Chanyeol nodded and high fived Luhan, who then peeked over the wall. Baekhyun and Sehun were whispering something too while they pointed here and there. He guessed that Sehun was telling him about appropriated wind velocity or something boring like that since Sehun really did like math, but he didn’t like it enough to take a career over it.

               “Do you have any idea what to do against them?” Baekhyun asked as Sehun moved his arms around, looking like he was explaining something.

               “Not at all, but I know Luhan well enough to know if that I look like I’m saying and doing something smart, he actually thinks I am. I was doing a kid’s Sudoku puzzle a few days ago and he thought I was a genius. Anyways, his tactic is always pile up snow and then make snowballs. It’s like an assembly line and I’m sure Chanyeol had the same idea since you don’t hear him screaming.” Sehun said. Baekhyun looked at him and nodded and then pointed off over to their fort again to act the part.

               “Should we just bombard them or?”

               Sehun snickered, picking up some snow and pointing to it before crushing it in his hands.

               “Wait until they run out of snow on their side. Try to catch as many snowballs as you can and return them. Make sure you throw them hard though. Luhan is a little when things come at him fast and hard. Trust me, I would know.” he said, winking. Baekhyun gave him knuckles and nodding, turning to face his opponents. Luhan and Chanyeol were on the other side, looking more cute than menacing. There was a thumbs up from Luhan, then a wave from Sehun, and the war began.

               Sehun dove behind the fort, dragging Baekhyun with him while starting to pile up snow. Chanyeol seemed to drop to his knees and scoop up snow rapidly while Luhan packed snowballs and opened fire. Baekhyun caught it with his off hand and switched it to his dominant one, lobbing it back quite hard and nailing Chanyeol in the . He let out a small yelp of surprise and while Baekhyun was busy celebrating, he narrowly escaped being pegged in the cheek by Luhan had it not been for Sehun covering his .

               This went on for a while until the fire from team boyfriend seemed to die down. That was Sehun and Baekhyun’s cue to start piling up snowballs of their own and take turns running and throwing, trying to knock down the other team’s poorly built wall. Luhan began screaming the instant Sehun threw a snowball his way and Chanyeol laughed, but not before being hit by his boyfriend again. He grimaced, picking up more snow from the back of their wall and hurling it back his way. No thanks to Chanyeol’s genius, the wall got thinner and thinner, and soon, it collapsed.

               Sehun ran over to where they were without a snowball in hand and opted to just jump on Luhan. He squealed, but both of them were laughing on the ground, wrestling each other while Baekhyun and Chanyeol watched. They smiled at the happy couple. Chanyeol wrapped his arm around Baekhyun’s side and kissed him on the cheek, smiling so it could be felt on the skin. Baekhyun still watched the two other males roll on the ground while Chanyeol got close and whispered hotly into the older’s ear.

               “I know a way we can warm up. What do you say?”