The more I ran, the more I felt my tears flowing out. It seemed so sunny just minutes ago. But suddenly the weather turned gloomy and wet.

Perfect.

I looked around for a taxi, but there was none. I just stood at the side of the road with my hand held up, hoping anyone would give me a lift. The sky cracked with lightning followed by the thunder's growl. I was beginning to get worried. Worried that I had to stand alone in the rain. Worried that noone would even know I exist. Worried that things will never get back to normal again.

Finally a car pulled over and the driver tuned down the window to see me. I had never felt so happy to see someone I knew.

"Need a ride?" Minho asked me kindly. I nodded. He gestured me to get in, and so I did. I carefully sat inside so that my clothes wouldn't wet his car.

"Thanks a lot, Minho." I said sincerely. But suddenly he looked at me with a confused expression. "You know my name?"

Great. So he doesn't know me too? I looked at him blankly, not sure what to say. Then I thought of something. 

"You're a famous singer from SHINee right?" I said calmly, trying to act normal. "Everybody knows your name."

He smiled and nodded, claiming how he often forgets that many knows his name. "So where shall I drop you?" He asked me. I gave him a street name close to my mother's house. Minho just nodded silently. I looked at him, hoping that he might suddenly remember me. But I guess he sensed me looking and felt a little awkward, so he tried to start a conversation.

"So where are you from?" He asked.

"I was brought up here in Seoul." I replied. 

"I see."

Then another awkward silence. I had to break it.

"If you don't mind me asking, what happened to the fifth member of SHINee?" I asked curiously. If anyone could answer the millions of questions in my head, it could be Minho.

But Minho just frowned in confusion. "Sorry? There was never a fifth member. We were always just four in the group."

I nodded. My face was calm, but my insides were screaming and banging walls. There was never a fifth member? I'm right here!

"So, who is the main vocalist?" I swallowed and asked.

"Onew hyung sings most of the high notes and all." He explained. "Key and Taemin sings and dances while I am totally in charge of the rap." I went into a daze, trying to understand the new roles of the SHINee members. They seemed to be doing well, even without me. It made me wonder if I was important to the group, to the company, or to anyone.

"And... We're here!" Minho announced as he gently pressed the brakes and looked at me. "It has been nice meeting you-" He paused expecting me to continue. 

"Jonghyun." I faked a smile and held out my hand for a shake. "Kim Jonghyun." He took my hand and shook it. 

I rang the doorbell in front of my own home. I saw my mother's and noona's slippers on the shoe rack. They must be home.

I heard footsteps coming towards the door. Suddenly I remembered what happened at the dorm. Dejavu. The environment, the situation, the expectations. What if things turn out the same way as how it did in the dorm? Fear trickled down my spine as the footsteps got closer. Then the door opened.

Eomma.

"Annyeonghaseyo." My mother greeted with a sweet smile. The sweet smile that I had missed for such a long time. I felt my eyes build up with tears again. I couldn't take it. Seeing my mother in front of me, I just need to let out all my pain.

I collapsed on my knees and started to cry infront of her. "Omo!" She cried. "Are you alright dear?" She bent down and patted my back. I felt so relieved seeing her. So happy that I could still feel her love, even though she didn't know me. She led me in the house and sat me on the couch. My clothes were still a bit wet from the rain, but I didn't care. I was so comfortable being with her, the only person who understood me.

I kept crying and telling her what a horrible day I went through. She listened to me patiently, occasionally soothing me with sweet words. A corner of my mind wondered if she knew me after all. The way she was treating me, it felt as if nothing had changed. But by the way she addressed me, son, I knew she didn't remember me.

After a while, she gave me a towel and some of my dad's clothes to wash up and dry myself. I thanked her and went upstairs to the bathroom.

Suddenly I heard a light bump followed by a squeal, "Owww!"

I chuckled to myself. Clumsy noona...

Jonghyun's noona's POV:

I heard eomma talking to someone from inside my room. I thought it was the neighbor, but the voice I heard didn't sound normal or familiar. Sounded like a man, either crying or laughing extremely strangely. I peeked out of my room to see who it is. Since I was upstairs, I could only see shadows and hear eomma comforting someone.

"I just don't know where else to go. I feel so lost." I heard the male voice cry. Is he crying to eomma?

"Don't worry, it's going to be fine. Just calm down." Eomma comforted him soothingly. "Now stay here while I get you something to dry yourself up." 

I could hear eomma walk to the guest room downstairs, leaving the visitor sniffing on the couch. I crept towards the staircase, passing by the bathroom, to take a peek at him. As I struggled to look through the staircase rails, eomma came back and told him to go upstairs. I quickly stepped back, failing to see his face, and hurried back to my room. Unfortunately, I slipped on the bathroom rug and fell on my . 

"Owww!" I squealed, trying my best not to sound to loud in front of the visitor. I was so sure he heard me.

"Are you okay?" A voice, obviously the visitor, asked me.

"Y- Yeah. Sorry, this happens a lot." I replied, my face turning red. I got up quickly and turned around, only to see a young man, almost my age, with red eyes smiling weakly at me. He really looked like he cried a lot, but somehow still managed to look good. I bowed politely and hurried back to my room. 

I closed the door and leaned my back on it with a sigh. A strange feeling came over me. No, not love, I already had a boyfriend. This feeling was different, more complicated. It was like I've seen him before, maybe in a dream or somewhere else. The strangest part was, the moment I saw him, only one word came into my mind. 

Brother.

Jonghyun's POV:

Seeing noona was so relieving. Knowing that she is okay. She looks exactly the same, only that she doesn't know me. I walked into the bathroom for a wash. Everything felt the same, everything looked the same. I turned to the corner where my stuffs would usually be, but it was filled with noona's things. 

After changing into dry clothes, I went down to see eomma. She was sitting on the couch, watching her favourite drama with noona beside her. Usually the three of us sat there and watched together while waiting for appa to come home. Suddenly, I missed all those moments so badly. 

Eomma heard a creak sound as I walked towards them. "Ahh, please come. Are you hungry?" She asked. I smiled thinly and nodded.

The three of us sat on the dining table, eomma serving us some homemade Kimchi Bokumbap. I immediately dug in, happily enjoying and savoring the home-cooked dinner. The last time I ate eomma's food was last year. I almost forgot how delicious her cooking was. Eomma chuckled when she saw me eat hungrily. 

"You look like you could eat a horse." She joked. "Enjoy." I smiled at her with my mouth full, making me look like a hamster.

"I will eat well." I replied happily. After a while, I looked up to eomma, who was eating silently. "Sorry, but.." I spoke in the midst of our dinner. Both heads perked up to look at me. "is it okay if I call you eomma?" 

Eomma and noona looked at me surprised with my strange request. She faltered a little, then weakly smiled. "That would be nice." She looked back down on her plate. "I always wanted to have a son." 

Noona looked at me curiously and asked. "What is your name by the way?" 

"Jonghyun." I answered confidently. "Kim Jonghyun."

Suddenly eomma's spoon fell down with a clink. I looked at her face, her eyes tearing up starring at me. Noona too, starred at me wide eyed.

"I'm sorry.." I hesitated. "I hope I didn't do anything wrong." Without warning, eomma got up and walked out of the dining room and into her room. I sat in silence, afraid of what I might have said that hurt her feelings. I looked at noona hoping for some explaination, but she didn't say anything.

"Seodam noona?" I muttered. But noona just kept silent. Only the sound of our chopsticks and spoons could be heard.

Noona was probably trying to script a way to explain eomma's strange reaction, because it was just a few minutes later when she spoke.

"I used to have a brother, not much younger than me." Then she looked at me. " just like you." 

I started to get nervous. Something told me that this wasn't going to be a good story. "He was very cheerful and caring." She continued. "A kind hearted little boy who cared so much for his family. He was the light of our family. No matter what happened, how tense or complicated a situation was, he always managed to make us smile. Such a sweet boy.." Her words faded as she looked down trying to hold back tears. 

Clearing , she continued again. "Years ago, when he was about eight, my parents took him out on a trip. I didn't follow them because I was at my friend's house. According to eomma, appa.. lost control of the car.. when he was trying to avoid some stupid man cross the road.." Her voice trailed off again. She quickly looked down so that I wouldn't see her tears. 

"He- He.. My brother. He didn't make it-" She tried to speak while choking back tears. I quickly got up and wrapped my arms around her neck from behind. I never liked seeing noona cry, it hurt me so much. She started to cry in my arms, saying things about how she wished they never went and how she felt. I couldn't help but shed a tear myself, seeing how painful it must have been to lose someone so dear.

After she calmed down, she looked at me and smiled, "Thank you." I smiled back at her and nodded assuringly.

She cleared again. "We really loved him, and losing was.. hard."

"I can imagine." I responded apologetically. She pressed her lips and swallowed. "It was the hardest for eomma. But eventually, she came to accept it." Her face expression started to falter again. "J- Jonghyun."

I looked at her expectantly. "Kim Jonghyun." She continued. "That was the name of my brother."

I froze. What? Does that mean..That means- Don't tell me. Oh my god..

My eyes grew wide. I looked at noona, shock and worry filling up my eyes. She must have thought that I was surprised because we had the same name. But that's not all. I knew something that she didn't. In my mind, everything made sense now. The puzzle pieces started fitting together. Why nobody knew me. Why I felt like I didn't exist. The answer hit me and that sent chills down my back.

I'm dead.