Alex has found her way to the basement of the building back to the cell she was locked up in back when she had her mental breakdown. She is angry, sad, heartbroken and losing her mind all at the same time. She isn’t even sure how she ended up back in the basement and feels like she may just be having another meltdown but if that is true she sure as hell doesn’t want to be alive to put her family through that. She yells out for Ali in hopes for some sort of advice but gets no response. “What the hell?!” She snaps and stares around her “Now you choose to disappear?” she is angry with herself and the words that idiot said is still ringing in her head. A part of her wants to go back and seek out that son of a who made her snap in front of her kids just so she can finish of what she started but she is worried about having to face not just the twins but YongGuk as well and Kwan for that matter.

“!” She snaps and hammers her right fist into the wall. She breathes out grits her teeth and then punches the wall with her left fist, then the right and the left again and again despite the pain becoming worse  and worse. When she finally stops and glances down at her knuckles they are scratched up and blood and the wall as well shows where her bloodied knuckles collided with the concrete. She huffs and staggers a couple steps backwards. She hasn’t gotten her frustrations out like that in a long time. It used to be something she did all the time when she felt powerless but she thought she was past it by now. Letting out a chuckle Alex shakes her head and looks around. Being back in that basement looking at the cell she was living in for months makes it hard to believe she ever really got out.

She slowly walks over to the door and looks in seeing herself sitting in the corner curled up and pathetic. As she looks she can see her own reflection lifting her head and stare straight back at her with eyes Alex can hardly recognize. Minutes pass as Alex and her reflection looks at each other without moving but then the version of her in the room starts to smile, first it is just a twitching of the corner of the lips but slowly the corners move up and a smirk forms on the pale face. The blue eyes looks almost mad at the Alex she could have become if she had stayed in that room let’s out a laugh and starts moving little by little. First she moves her head up and then her hands moves to the floor beside her supporting her as she shakingly tries to stand up with her back against the wall for support. When she stands up her arms hang down her side, her head is slightly hanging and with her messy hair and shaking body she just looks mad as she smirks out at Alex. The reflection starts moving closer, one little step at the time till she is right in front of Alex. Alex notices that she seems smaller and almost acts like an animal as she moves in small jerks.

Alex’s reflection doesn’t speak but the way the stingy eyes moves from Alex’s face down to her hands makes Alex look down as well and she sees the same marks on  both their hands from when she hit the wall just before. The reflection turns her head and looks over at the wall in the cell where Alex sees the same kind of marks as she just made on the concrete wall.

“Come back” the reflection suddenly whispers and looks back at Alex while slowly gesturing for Alex to come closer.

Alex looks through the door and frowns. There is something about returning to that room that is so enticing, the state of nothing with no fears, no pain and just giving into whatever is in her head… her right foot moves a little closer and the reflection smirks even wider and motions again for Alex to come closer. As Alex slowly moves closer to the door she starts hearing the voices again and a strange feeling starts coming over her that seems so familiar.

“Yes, yes, come back to us” the reflection smirks with her stingy eyes widening and now using both hands to gesture for Alex to come closer.

Alex isn’t really sure why or how but she keeps moving towards the cell without being able to stop. She is only feet away from the door when a faint sound of a door makes it through the sounds that are already starting to take over in her head and her own thought to turn and look doesn’t seem to get through.

“Mom?” a small, scared voice manages to cut right through everything else and Alex turns her head and sees her sons by the door looking scared as they huddle together and looks at her with a frown.

“Boys…” Alex stops approaching the door and stares at the two

“Noo!” in an instant Alex hears all the voices in her heard screaming and yelling and in shock she looks back at her reflection who has turned into something so mad and obscure that it doesn’t even look like her. The creature lashes out for Alex who jumps back and stumbles till she hits the wall and drops to the floor while she stares at the door to the cell horrified. Bloody arms, obscure faces, screaming voices and her own distorted reflection is reaching out trying to grab her and she feels fear, real genuine fear that she doesn’t know how to handle.

“Mommy!” Alex hears the two boys call out and she turns her head and sees them running towards her but when she looks at them they stop and take a step backwards again “No no no” she shakes her head and reaches out a shaking hand “Please don’t be scare of me” the screaming and the voices is not quieting down and she can still feel them pulling at her but she doesn’t want to get near it again. “Please” Alex pleads to her sons who a little cautiously moves closer step by step. “I’m so sorry” Alex can’t hide that she is scared and she can hardly hear her own thoughts with the screaming in her head. A scream, louder and painfully sharp, rings through Alex’s head with such force that she let’s out a shocked shriek and covers her ears while shaking her head “No no no” she cries and pushes herself further against the wall. She can feel the delusions coming closer and the voices and the screaming becomes more and more intense. Her whole body is shaking and her vision goes blurry and all she can do is shake her head and repeat no over and over again.

She gets a huge shock when she feels someone touching her but she quickly knows that it is something different from what is scaring her and when she looks up she sees her sons still looking scare but even more worried. They both quickly hug their mom. Yongho sitting on her lap and Namsok staying right next to her. Alex immediately moves her arms around them both and hugs them close while closing her eyes tight and just prays for the delusions and voices to disappear.

“Mommy you are scaring us” Yongho desperately whimpers but holds on tight along with his brother “Mommy?”

Alex can’t answer, she is trying so hard to hold focus on the boys and blocking out the screaming “I’m not the devil” she whispers through her teeth “I’m not. I can’t leave…” she is trying to convince herself and the delusions in her head but the twins seem to think she is talking to them and holds onto her tighter “No you are mommy” Namsok says confused and pulls at her collar in order to get her to look at him “You have to stay with us. Mommy?” she shakes her slightly worried about her being so unresponsive while Yongho just clings to her on the verge of tears.

“Mom!” Namsok yells at the top of his lungs and Alex opens her eyes and looks at him. “Stop it!” He yells and sniffs “You are scaring us” he can’t hold back the tears but keeps on yelling at her “Stop it! What are you doing?!”

Alex breathes out and stares at her first born son looking completely out of it as he cries and pulls at her shirt. The sniffing and quiet crying from Yongho starts becoming more and more dominant along with Namsok crying. The poor thing can’t even yell anymore and is just sobbing violently.

She starts the boys’ backs softly while she breathes in and out still not quite okay but the screaming is dying out and even though she can feel the eyes from her distorted self glaring at her from the cell she can focus on the twins and feels like she can relax. She hugs the boys and kisses them on the head one by one “I’m sorry. I’m okay now” she keeps comforting the two till the stop crying but the keep clinging to her and the sniffing seems to have no end.

“I’m sorry I scared you” Alex whispers calmly and runs a hand over Namsok’s head “I’m sorry”

“What happened mom?” Namsok asks and looks up at her with eyes still sparkling from the tears he shed moments ago. Alex sighs sadly and smiles as she his head again “Mommy… is a little sick in her head” she starts and looks down at Yongho who is pouting big up at her. “When she get’s very very angry she does really bad things” Alex is not really sure how to explain it to the girls but she has to try.

“Like hurting that man?” Namsok asks cautiously and looks a little nervous to even bring it up. “Yes, like that” Alex nods “That was very wrong of me”

“Did he make you angry?” Namsok then asks with a frown but not quite looking as nervous as a second ago. Alex nods softly and Namsok’s back, just feeling the twins is such a relief “Yea. He said some bad things…”

“Like taking you away from us?” Yongho mumbles without looking up at her and instead hides his face against her.

Alex hugs him a little closer and kisses his head “Yea like that… you heard that?”

“Yea” both boys mumble and Alex lets out a sigh as she leans her back against the wall. She looks over towards the cell where she can see the reflection of her still glaring at her and looking pretty pissed to be honest.

“Are you okay now?” Namsok then asks and tries to look where his mom is looking but he doesn’t see anything. “Yea” Alex smiles a little and nods “I think so”

“We have to be careful not to make mom that mad” Yongho mumbles and Alex can’t help but laugh as she pats him on the back.

“Do you go crazy when you yell at people?” Namsok suddenly asks and Alex doesn’t really know what to reply, she has been extremely careful about how she acts in front of the twins and she only really yells at the people at the firm when she is annoyed with how weak they are or something like that but the twins aren’t even allowed to be in that area. When her and YongGuk argues he is usually the one yelling and not her so why Namsok would say that makes her wonder “When have you heard me yelling at people?” she asks and looks from one twin to the other.

“Uhm…” Namsok and Yongho glances at each other and Alex knows right away they are hiding something “Boys?”

 “Uncle Kwan is really bad at hide and seek” Namsok mumbles “Sometime we sneak away”

“You sneak away?” Alex can hardly believe her ears and looks from one boy to the other “You sneak away from Kwan and go where?”

“We don’t touch anything and no one knows we are there!” Namsok tries to defend himself but Alex just gives him a look to tell him that he better speak up.

“We like to watch you work” Yongho speaks up and looks up at his mom “Everyone bows to you and do everything you say. You get really scary when you get mad at them!” Alex really isn’t sure that is good but there is pride in Yongho’s eyes and when she looks at Namsok he has a slight smile as he nods eagerly “And then you just woosh woosh and then bang and then…” Namsok starts waving around with his hands “No one can beat mommy!” he finishes with big eyes and looking just a little too excited.

“Except for daddy!” Yongho joins in with an excited voice “When daddy sees you are mad he hugs you and then you smile and isn’t mad anymore”

Alex shakes her head and sighs “And how often do you sneak away from Kwan so you can spy on me?” She is quite confused to why Kwan hasn’t said anything and a little worried about not having any clue that the twins were sneaking around like that. The twins seem to pick up on Alex not being too thrilled about their little secret and then look down “Uhm…” Namsok lifts his shoulder and glances quickly up at Alex before he looks down again “A lot”

Alex bites her lip but she can’t help but laugh and pulls them both into a hug “You really are my sons aren’t you” she kisses them both on the head and can’t help but smile as she lets them move back again “Dad is going to mad when he hears about it. You know you are supposed to stay with Uncle Kwan”

“But we are big boys now!” Namsok complains “We want to be with you”

“It’s not good for you” Alex sighs “What mommy and the others do…” she isn’t really sure how to make it clear that they aren’t being bad but that fighting and hitting is a bad thing “You know that Mom has a lot of scars right?” Alex tries a little different approach. “You got a lot of scars” Yongho nods and points at her arm where she has a scar from being shot in the arm. “Yes” Alex nods and smiles a little “Do you know why I have a lot of scars?”

“You get hurt a lot” Namsok says like it is perfectly natural and nods “Uncle Fuji says you are reck…reckless” he struggles a little with the words but then continues unhindered “Daddy used to yell at you because you got hurt so much”

“Fuji told you that?” Alex frowns and looks from one twin to the other. She sure as hell has not been telling them that herself and she is pretty confident that YongGuk hasn’t either, they agreed to wait till the boys got a little older to tell them that their mom used to be a suicidal maniac who almost died several times.

“Are you mad at us?” Yongho asks carefully but when she thinks about it she really isn’t. She is almost a little relieved that they know at least a little about the things she isn’t proud of and doesn’t seem to dislike her because of it. “I’m not” Alex their heads and smiles softly “I’m gonna have a word with Uncle Fuji though” she pauses for a moment and then breathes out “But don’t hide from me anymore. I don’t want you sneaking away from Kwan”

“Can we be with you then?” Yongho asks “We’ll behave!”

“Let me think about it” Alex smiles caringly. It hasn’t really hit her yet that it is strange that the boys are there alone and that they might be missing like she is. She has no clue that just about their heads her husband is getting more and more desperate as no one has any clue where Alex or the twins have disappeared off to and YongGuk is becoming quite a mess. Alex running off he has had to deal with before but he has never liked when it happened and now with his two young sons disappearing as well he can hardly think straight. The entire firm has been search but somehow no one even considered checking the basemet and at this point YongGuk fears that both his wife and his sons aren’t in the building and he has no clue what he’ll do if they aren’t found soon.

Was this chap too confusing? I wanted it to have the feeling of Alex's... demons trying to get her back into the hell she was living in when she had her mental breakdown and that it isn't easy for her to deny that part of her... Luckily her twins could get her to fight it xP I personally liked this chapter. A little crazy but when it is regarding Alex most things goes xP My bad title was supposed to symbolise chosing between her little demons Namsok and Yongho and her inner demons xP.. I didn't want to give too much away. . .