[Your POV]

 

My eyes opened itself tiredly. My body got up slowly.  I sat on my bed looking around me and than at the picture inside my hand. Kikwang. It’s Kikwang! He was smiling happily while holding me from the back. I was kissing him on the cheek. We were so happy that time. Everything was right until….. last night. Everything was lost. There’s nothing more to hold on to except memories. Too important to be throw away but too painful to be remembered.

 

I look at myself in the mirror. I look pathetic. I just stare at myself. The image of Kikwang smiling appears in the mirror. “~~~~~~~~-ah! Saranghae!” He said he love me. You said you love me but why did you leave me? Why? Did I do something wrong? Tell me why? Why do you leave me?

 

I started to cry again. There’s nothing else I can do than crying. It’s effortless but that’s the only thing I can do. I cried harder when I remember what happen last night in the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flashback…..      

 

“Mrs. Lee”, the doctor came to us when we were all sitting in front of the corpse room.

“Yes….” Kikwang’s umma barely able to speak anymore.

“Do you know that you son sign up to be an organ donor?” I know. I was there when he did that.

“Yes”, I guess he told her.

“There’s a patient needing a heart right now. A car accident victim. We’re gonna use Kikwang’s heart.”

“Use it….” I said blankly. It is his wish. I know he would want it.

“Like my daughter-in-law said, use is….” Kikwang’s umma always taught I was her daughter-in-law even before we got married.

“Thank you. Ah! And this. It’s Kikwang’s belonging”, the doctor was about to hand over his belongings but Kikwang’s mom won’t accept it.

“This doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to my daughter-in-law. Gave it to her”, she could just smile at. I nodded and took his belongings into my hand. Few second after that, two police officers came to us.

 

“Mr. and Mrs. Lee. I’m sorry for your lost”, the two police officers send their condolences.

“Thank you”, Kikwang’s dad could only say that.

“Who was the last one with your son?” One of them asked.

“Me”, I answered. And than they started to interrogate me. I just answer everything like what happen that time. I tried to hold back the tears when I tell them what happen but still, tears runs down.   

 

“Thank you for your cooperation Ms. Jang”, finally the interrogation is done.

“I’m sorry for you boyfriend lost.”

“Thank you.”

“Be strong. We still need to find his murderer.”

“I know.”

“We’ll update you if there’s any lead on the suspect”, and the two officers walked away.

 

I just looked down trying to calm myself down. I just realized that Kikwang’s stuff was with me that time so I opened the plastic wrapped and looked at the stuff that’s with him when he dies. There was his wallet. I took it out and see what’s in it. Credit card, student ID card, library card, driving license, identification card, money and picture. My picture inside his wallet. There was also writing on the picture. It says….

 

 

The love of my life, Jang ~~~~~~~~~

 

 

I was about to cry again but I kept it inside. The more I cried, the more painful it gets. I just putted back his wallet. Than I found his car keys, house key and a few name card. I stopped searching when I found a little red heart shape box. He was purposing me. And I was going to say no. if only I didn’t go to the bathroom. If only I would stay there and accept it. This would never happen. It was all my fault.

 

Slowly I opened the box. “OMG!” There was my dream wedding ring inside it. The same one I’ve been dreaming off all these years. How did he knew about it? I took it out and my sobbed were getting louder. Slowly I wear the ring on my finger. “I’m sorry….” I could only whisper that to myself. Everything was my fault.

 

Again I get a grip of myself and looked inside Kikwang’s stuff again. I found the same stuff I found earlier and a letter. I opened it. The words were written with pieces of word in the magazine or newspaper. My eyes widen when I read its content.

 

 

Lee Kikwang. It’s your third year anniversary right? So it’s been three years you stood me up for that you’re dating now. If you don’t dump her the minute you get this letter, I will kill you. I really will. It’s between her or your life. hahahahahahaha!!!!!

 

 

 

OMG! So it was my fault. If only he dump me. If only he would listen to the person. This wouldn’t have happen. Now I know why he said stuff like he was going to live me. It’s because he knew that his time is up. He knew someone will come to kill him. It was my fault after all. I’m such a bad luck for him. If he didn’t know me, none of this would have happen. He would still live his life with smiles on his face. Why? Why did I have to cause all of this?

 

“Mian…mianeyo…..” Finally I gave up living and cry even more.

“~~~~~~~~!!” Junho came up to me and hold me.

“Junho-ah…. I was the reason he was killed. It was me!”

“What are you talking about?” I handed him the letter. He could only read it with a shock face.

“Aniya! It’s not you. God loves him more. That’s why he took him to be on his side.”

“It is my fault. It’s my….my fault…..” And everything went blank after that. The last thing I remembered was people screaming my name.

 

 

End of flashback……

 

 

 

 

    

 

 

How am I supposed to live now? He was the reason why my heart still beating and now that he’s gone; my heart will die along with him. How can I live without a heart? As weird as it is, I’m still living but heartless. There never will be a time that my heart will beat again. Only Kikwang have the power to make my heart beats again. Only he can give me life again. Until the time he’s here, I will live heartlessly inside the memories of him.

 

“~~~~~~~”, Hyun Seung oppa walked in. he can’t bear looking straight into my eyes. It doesn’t shine like it used to anymore. All there’s left is only tears and memories.

“Ye….” My throat is sore from all the crying, yearning, screaming and sobbing.

“It’s time.”

“A-aras..seo….” Hyun Seung oppa walks away.

 

Slowly, I got up from my bed and walked in the bathroom. After cleaning up, I wore my black dress that I once wear for my parent’s funeral. I tied my hair back and was ready to go. Walking down the stairs, I reminisce about our happy time. Never once did I ever think I’m going to his funeral at this time. All this time I thought we were unbreakable. Nothing could do us apart. We would fight off everything but now I know one thing we couldn’t fight. Death.

 

“Ready?”

“Ye”, we both got in the car and Hyun Seung oppa drove towards the graveyard where Kikwang’s funeral will be held.

 

When we arrived there, both of us were shocked to see where Kikwang’s grave was. It’s precisely next to our parents. What a coincidence huh? I tried not to cry even when my heart touched by that fact. I don’t want to cry in front of Kikwang again. He wouldn’t like it. Let him see that I’m going to be just fine so he could be happy up there. Kikwangie, can you hear me? Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. No matter where you are, please be happy.

 

The funeral went smoothly. Kikwang’s parents shed tears all the way to the end. A lot of people were crying. Kikwang’s friends and other family members. The one who cried the most was none other than Kim Jakyung. The stupid queenka from high school that love Kikwang to death until now. Today, I won’t hate her. She must have felt a huge lost as I felt. Losing the one you love is really is painful. Sometime you wish you were at their place and not them.

 

After the funeral ended, Kikwang’s mom walked towards me. She looked so pale and weak. This is not good for her health. I’ve always think of her like my own mother and it hurts me to see her like this. Maybe Kikwang isn’t here anymore but I promise that I will take care of his parents until the day I die. It’s the only thing I can do for him now.

 

“~~~~~~~-ah….”

“Ye eomoni….”

“You look pale. Are you ok?” She can still think about me when she needs more help than me.

“Gwenchanayo eomoni.”

“You must be suffering now. Poor you my child. He left you just like that. He left all of us just like that….” Her voice cracks. I quickly hugged her tightly. My pain was unbearable but her pain is countless time worst than mine. Loosing your only child is really hard on someone.

“It’s ok eomoni. I’m here. I’ll take Kikwang’s place now. I’ll take care of you and abeonim”, that’s my promise.

“Gomawo ~~~~~~~-ah. Because of you, I could see Kikwang’s smile before he left me. Gomawo.”

“Aniyo. Thank you for giving birth to Kikwang. If it wasn’t because of you, I will never meet my true love. neomu neomu kamsahamnida!”

“Honey, here. Kikwang asked me to give this to you incase something happens to him”, Kikwang’s mom handed me a piece of letter after we broke the hug.

“Thank you….” I took it and smile weakly.

“If you ever need me, you know where to find me child. Live happily”, Kikwang’s mom walked away with his dad on her side.

 

I looked at the letter. I wonder what’s in it. Sitting in front of Kikwang’s grave, I read the letter he wrote for me.

 

 

 

 

 

To the love of my life, Jang ~~~~~~~~~,

 

When this letter is in your reach, probably I’m no where near you anymore. mianhae…. I wasn’t able to stay longer by your side. Mianhae ~~~~~~~. Truly, if I could turn back the time, I would so that I could be by your side once again but that will never happen. It’s ok. I’m happy as long as you are. So from now on, please be happy. Even when time gets hard, just think about our memories, it’ll get you back on your feet again.

 

I hope after my absence, you will live well baby. I never want to see you cry. Please don’t cry. I want you to smile. You know that your smile shines the world so don’t ever stop smiling arasseo? Also, take care of your health baby. I’m not there to take care of you anymore. Don’t play in the rain. Wear jackets and gloves on winter. Don’t eat peanut because you’re allergic to it. Do more exercise. Stop studying till late. Sleep more and never forget to eat. You can do that right ~~~~~~~? For me.

 

Also, please take care of my parents for me. I’ve always caused trouble for them. Now that I’m gone, I hope their life will be better. Make sure umma eats her medicine everyday. Cuts appa food and make him go on diet. Make sure both of them went to check up once a month. Never let appa eat lamb. It’s bad for his high blood pressure. Umma can’t eat seafood so prevent her from eating it. Last but not least, make sure they live a happy life. Don’t let them suffer after loosing me.

 

Say to Junho, he’s the best friend a person could ask for. All this while, I’ve always troubled him. He has to take care of me, my family and sometimes even you. But never once did he complained or ask anything in return. He just smile and said it’s ok. It’s always ok for him. I wish he would find someone special like how you are for me. Can you help me up by hooking him up with any of your friends? And one more, makes sure he wouldn’t be so hard on Minzy. Let her have her freedom to hang out more with you and Yo Seob.

 

There isn’t much to say left. Only one thing left now. saranghae Jang ~~~~~~~~. Neomu neomu saranghae. In the next life, I still and only want you. No girls can take your place inside my heart. Even when I’m no longer by your side, know that my love for you will always stay strong until the end of days. You are the greatest love for me. One and only. I hope you will always be happy and live well baby.

 

                                                                                                                     

                                                              The one who love you always,

                                                                       Lee Kikwang

 

 

 

 

 

Starting from this moment, I will do everything you asked me to Kikwangie. Don’t worry. I’ll live well and take care of my health. I’ll take care of your parents, find a girlfriend for Junho and also make sure he’ll take it easy on Minzy. Everything is for you now. This isn’t the end of our love instead, it’s just starting. Lee Kikwang, I will forever live inside the memory of you. Only that will be able to make me stand up again and smile. Until the end of my life, I will always love you.

 

[End POV]