Title (5/5):
It’s simply beautiful. Upon seeing your title, I thought it was rather unique and I could already tell that your story was going to be a sad story. The way it related to the story was amazing. Serendipity is, I quote, “the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way”. I also read in your forward that you would use serendipity as luck, both good and bad, and I could see how that was used throughout the story as well. I thought it had a nice ring to it. In my interpretation of the title, dead heart signified Jongin’s and Kyungsoo’s heart. And the serendipity part just added that much more meaning to it. Jongin had everything, the luxurious lifestyle, fame, praise, cars, mansion, love from the kids, etc, but the one thing that he didn’t have was Kyungsoo. The way they fell in love was by chance, and Jongin seemed to be on the better end of serendipity but he ended up dead, getting the not so great end of the luck. As for Kyungsoo, he wanted freedom, to love when he wanted, to be happy most of all. He didn’t want to be bound by the contract his parents set up and get caught up in the greed. I thought there was a bit of irony as Kyungsoo got the better end of serendipity ultimately with Jongin’s possessions, but his heart definitely did not feel that luck or chance. Thus, they both held a dead heart as they both had differing views but shared the same love, ending up with their heart dying whether it be physically or figuratively, and it was really just through a series of event that occurred by chance, serendipity. This is just my interpretation..iono haha I liked it though and it was an awesome title.

Appearance (5/5):
I had nothing to say about your appearance. I really liked the poster with the splashes of dark red and blackish bluish tints with the small messages that describe Kai’s and Kyungsoo’s lifestyles. The overall color scheme with gray in the background was great. Your fonts were consistent except in places where it deemed necessary. I really liked how you highlighted the unfamiliar words that actually describe hues of color when I later looked up the words. I thought this was very creative on your part. Overall, the appearance was flawless and definitely added to the story.

Foreward/Description (7/10):
I thought the description did its job. Short, simple, but has enough substance to stand on its own. Your forward was a list of songs that we, as readers, were to listen to as we read. However, call me crazy but I listened to the entire thing before I read your story. Actually I listened to it while I was studying for a biochemistry quiz, aha. I just thought since it is in the forward, it should tell me the gist of the story and in your case, it was in the form of song, so I did listen to it as I would read the content if the forward was in writing. And it did its job. It set the mood, I saw the transition from song to song, and it gave me a preview into your story of what I should expect. Umm…one thing I would recommend though is to compile a playlist with the song and have a link that directs to the playlist if you want the readers to listen to it while they are reading. I did also listen to them while reading them, since you told me that it would enhance my reading experience. It did, when the song played. But I either often forgot that I was supposed to continue listening to the next song and read in silence, or it became a bit annoying to have to flip back and forth. So..on that part, I’d have to give my opinion on that, but again, these are just my opinions. Other than that, it was a pretty good description and a solid forward.

Plot/Storyline (18/20):
There was a LOT of substance and a LOT of meaning but that also made it REALLY dense. This could have two effects: scare readers away as your story is not meant for inexperienced readers or attract readers who want to read a REAL story. Reading your story was like reading a literary classic, which I found beautiful. There’s a LOT of details, almost too much that readers could lose track of the story just by getting caught up with the details. I won’t lie because there were times when I got lost reading your story, but as I surpassed that little obstacle, it’s such a beautiful story. From the prologue to the final chapter, this story was rather very original. I really liked the plot, the change in motives, all the way up to the ending. The way you introduced a new aspect of the story was phenomenal and the fact that there was reason behind the introduction of such parts was even more astounding. The build up of angst, one event after another, was just amazing. As we transition from one chapter to the next, there is just an insurmountable load of angst that’s just piled on top of one another. From Jongin’s and Kyungsoo’s arranged marriage, Jongin’s lung condition, to the care of the children,  Kyungsoo’s care for Jongin with the hospital scene, Jongin’s overall view in revealing his condition, all the way to the very last scene with the prologue repeated in Kyungsoo’s POV and Jongin’s ultimate goodbye, the story had its set order that transitioned really well to build up this wonderful, powerful story.

Character Development (30/30):
As character development is just so important in my opinion, thus being the section with the largest amount of points, you managed to get all 30/30 on it. Since I really don’t have much to criticize here, I might as well compliment, right? Haha

Kim Jongin. I already revealed some praises of character development in the title section but I will say it again. He has everything. Money, praise, fame, love for and from his children, anything and everything the normal people could ask for. The only thing he had no control of was the supposed arranged marriage with Do Kyungsoo. The transition from his urge to kill Kyungsoo to the unexpected turn of falling in love with the very one he wanted to kill was a bit shocking. The change in his view, the love that he developed for Kyungsoo was so real. Meeting Kyungsoo officially as Kai, Jongin used his alter ego for the while until the right time, until Kyungsoo admitted that he was to marry someone, who inevitably was Jongin himself. What are the chances, right? Haha. But the chain of events that led up to that point and the events that followed there after made everything realistic and not just a “cliché” buildup. In addition, the beauty of irony. In the beginning, Jongin thought Kyungsoo was the hindrance of his life. Who knew that the situation would turn where Jongin himself became the hindrance in Kyungsoo’s life? I just thought it was beautiful how the development of Jongin’s love for Kyungsoo, how when he actually wanted the marriage to occur, it all just became a hindrance in the other’s life. Or so he thought. You portrayed that Kyungsoo had other thoughts and hinted it, but you seemed to leave it a bit open-ended.

Do Kyungsoo. The guy who just wants happiness, over love. He had the same idea as Jongin in that arranged marriage was not the way to go. He went from the average office employee to a significant other of Jongin’s, even though they weren’t officially together. He loved Jongin, as much as Jongin loved him, but he didn’t want to be bound in a circle of greed and selfishness. Getting married to Jongin was basically tying himself and Jongin down. With his family still alive, Kyungsoo was very aware of their motives to take hold of Jongin’s luxury. And I really love how you put the fact that he still cares and loves his family, but had the conscience to reject this ordeal of arranged marriage and sacrifice his selfishness for Jongin to actually save Jongin and himself. It was really painful to see Kyungsoo struggle through this decision. He cared for Jongin, enough to try curing him and making him well, and definitely enough to reject Jongin from this arranged marriage that his family had set up.

And of course the minor characters that added tremendously to the story. From the maid in the morning that attended both Jongin and Kyungsoo, the interviewer left in dismay and embarrassment, and Kai’s manager to the doctor, the kids at the orphanage, and even the staff members, each character had a spot in the story where their words and actions contributed tremendously to the story.

In addition, I honestly liked how even though there were a daunting amount of details, they were all details that pertain to the story. What I didn’t see in your story that I normally see in a lot of other stories are extraneous details, details that have little or no effect on the overall story. Like, for example, the little focus on either family of the characters. Though it is mentioned, it’s mentioned at just the right amount to reveal certain things but not to extraneous amounts. Enough to show the greed awaiting in Kyungsoo’s family and the importance of the business in Jongin’s family. Extraneous details would be like how Jongin’s family died, or how Kyungsoo’s family lived, etc etc. I thought that lack of detail actually did your story better and it’s refreshing to actually see such a story. Outstanding job with this section.
 

Use of Language / Mechanics (17/20):
Your writing was ultimately so amazing. With tremendous use of imagery, artistic use of personification and metaphors, and a lot of figurative language, your writing is without a doubt beautiful. You must have spent a lot of time just writing such a beautiful piece as it shows in the story itself. However, there were a lot of grammatical and some spelling errors ranging from inconsistent tenses, run-on sentences, and some rewording phrases. These can be easily overlooked, but there were a lot of them. Regardless, I really liked the repeats presented throughout the story and I felt my heart drop when I saw the prologue repeated in Kyungsoo’s situation at Kai’s place. With similar actions, similar thoughts (of their mothers), similar situation with the papers, but being two different people, it just made a huge difference and a tremendous impact. The placing of the scene was just utterly perfect. I thought I was going to cry…and I was close. Also the vocabulary used throughout the story, both the familiar English we all know and the unfamiliar words to describe the shades of colors, made the story that much better, making it a piece of art that Jongin painted in the story. And it shows insight into the writer of the story as well ;) You must have either done a lot of research into these terms, studied art and its history, or is an artist yourself. I can’t imagine how much work this piece would have taken but it’s complete and it’s phenomenal. :)
 

Flow (9/10):
In the overall sense, the flow was great. With the amount of detail put into it, I could see readers getting lost in the details, but it adds to your writing style in a very positive way. I don’t believe anything was rushed. There was actually very little happening between scenes as most of writing was filled with detail. The story only had four chapters including the prologue and I can see that you preferred to focus on the main scenes of the story rather than fill in every blanks with unnecessary transitions and filters, which is never a bad thing. I personally thought you did great on that part. Like I said, the flow is awesome. Great job.

Reader's View/Enjoyment:
It definitely took me a while to read as I really needed to situate myself to sit still. Each chapter was very long, a bit too long for my liking, but it is to your preference and either way the story was really good. I really liked the overall story, it was very sad and like you said, Kaisoo is a beautiful couple. It was just really sad when Jongin died in the end. I felt my heart drop x.x died a little on the inside when the situation flipped to Jongin thinking himself as a hindrance when originally it was Kyungsoo who was the hindrance in his life. Gah, such a great story. It’s freaking amazing and I just loved it.

Final Score: (91/100)

Additional Comments:
I am so sorry for taking forever with this review. Let’s just say that I mindlessly started reading your story on my breaks between classes only to find out that the chapters are too long to finish within the breaks. I usually hate reading up to somewhere in the middle of the chapter, only to stop and come back to it. So I really set myself to sit for a good 2-3 hours to actually take time to read your story. And my God, it was just so beautiful. My Kaisoo feels were just all over the place and I didn’t cry…because I’m a heartless person, LOL jk, but it’s so beautiful! My eyes did water though, haha, so there’s that. Anyways, I really hope this review helped you. I apologize that it wasn’t too much criticism, but your story is just that awesome as it is that there wasn’t much to criticize other than the use of language and mechanics. Please comment after you have picked up and CREDIT the shop. Also, if you feel that I have done a good job, please help me out and upvote this shop. It will be very much appreciated. Thank you SO much for letting me personally review and read this story. It’s an amazing story and what do you know, it’s featured! Congratulations! ^^ 

Review Credit to momodays09 from Midnight Sonata Cafe