I love her so much.

She is so beautiful.

How could she leave me knowing that I love her more than anything else? I would do anything for her. She's everything to me, and nothing matters more. She's what kept me alive to this day. She's the definition of perfect, she's the most perfect lady in this world.

But she left me, twice.

-- 1 year earlier

"Sehun-ah~," my lover called me as I wasn't paying much attention to her. "Yes?" She leaned in and pecked my nose. "I love you." I smiled. "I love you more, baby. Don't you ever leave me." She giggled a tad bit and whispered, "I can't promise that.. But I can promise I'll love you until the very end."

I wish the past would come back. I would treat her like diamonds. I should have kept her locked in my heart, but I didn't because I trusted that she would stay. I wish so badly, I could be with her once more..

A few years later, I receive a call. 

"This is Oh Sehun, am I correct?"

"Yes, the one and only, Oh Sehun. Why?"

"I am calling from ***** hospital, could you please head over here to pick up your wife?"

I stutter. Wife? What wife? "I am sorry. You must have the wrong person."

"No. The spouse of the young lady is written Oh Sehun, and you stated just now that you are him. Please come, quickly."

Could it be her? Why am I written as her husband? My thoughts travel in circles..

"Hello?"

I snap back to reality. "Yes, I'll be there. Thank you." I put on a jacket and drive. Driving to you as rapid as my car could speed; the police ignored my racing. My heart raced as maybe, just maybe you needed me. Maybe you remembered me. Maybe you wanted me back. I rush out of the car, forgetting to lock it. It doesn't matter, since I'll be able to see you again. Stepping in to the hospital with careful steps, tip-toeing to your room, opening the door...is how I planned it.

Frustration, anger, stress and unstableness builds up inside of me as I see you on being carried across the room in a wheelchair. I slowly walk towards you in fright, grasping your hand tightly. "She has cancer in her lungs, and will not live much longer. I suggest you take good care of her before she passes away," the doctor declared. Your body, that used to be strong and wild, is now fragile and weak. Your reddened eyes stare at me with no emotion, hoping for me to say something.

But I'm speechless.

"Sehun-ah," you whisper to my hand that you shakingly hold. "I've always loved you, and I'm sorry I left. It was because of this, and I didn't want you to fall under depression. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you earlier."

I sigh. "I fell in to much deeper depression. It wouldn't have been as bad if you just told me. You know, you really know how to make me feel concerned.. All the time." We both laugh, but you cough right after. "Ah..sorry." I caress your back. "Don't push yourself, alright?"

You nod and smile. "Please take care of me once again, Oh Sehun."

You smile back. "Yes, baby." I lean down and hug you tightly, and you wrap your arms around my neck. I kiss your lips gently, and chuckle.

"I love you."

You decided to stay with me until you disappear forever. In my-- I mean our lovely home, filled with a strawberry scent and now a hint of lemon because of your new perfume. You prepare meals for me everyday, and it was always delicious, but a bit bland because of your diet. Days pass by while you and I chat carefree as a bird. I blurt all everything I have felt and done over the years while I missed you. You confessed to me all that you have done, what you have done, seemed worse than what I have. We sing together, our old song, so nostalgic yet sweet. Your voice was much more quiet this time but still the beautiful voice I knew.

"You are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, 

beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, girl.."

One day, in the midst of our speaking, your eyes get watery.

"Sehun-ah. I don't want to die.. I want to stay alive and be your wife. I want to hold a wedding, raise children and die with no regrets. But I will die with so many regrets, and it's all my fault for leaving you.  My stupid lungs are filled with my tears and it's hard to breathe. Everything is so painful and of course I wished to die, but I really don't want to. I want to protect you, I want to get jealous when you speak to other women, I want to kiss you when you're stressed from work. I definitely love you so much, I promise. I just won't be there until the end, but please..remember. I love you."

My eyes get red. I feel like crying, but that would be feminine of me, and I want to be a strong man for you so I hold my tears in. "Baby, you know that I love you so much more. My love for you is for eternity. I would do anything for you. This entire cancer thing is so dumb and I wish I had it instead of you. I love you, okay? I love you."

We kiss passionately for a long time, until you run out of breath. Your lungs couldn't take it anymore. You cough harshly and my mind is full of terror. I quickly place you in my car, but gently. I drive like a crazy, mental man. My steering is improper, yet we made it to the hospital. The nurses take you in the emergency room at the speed of light, before I could blink. I run after them but I got locked out. My hair starts to fall out and I sit outside the room. Of course.

You are dead.

Today was the "due date" of your expiration.

You left me.

Forever.

I wake up from my sleep, which felt like a million years. 

A million years that was really just a slumber. A slumber that was equally painful as a dynamic stab to your heart.

A heart full of nothing. Nothing happy. Happiness never ceased to exist. Existance was the soul alone.

Alone was I.

I chuckle quietly as I sit up from my bed. My bed reminded me of her. She smelled of fresh strawberries. 

Strawberry scented shampoo. The shampoo we both used when we were together. Together was long ago.

Long ago when we were innocent lovebirds. Lovebirds as one.

But I don't need to worry anymore, I don't need to stress over you anymore,

I don't need to drink over you anymore, I don't need to take pills,

I don't need to cry.

I took the last resort, I'm happy with it,

and I hope you are too,

because we are together, 

in heaven.