“Are you sure you’re alright?” Sungmin asked Donghae.

“Yeah, it’s just a sore throat. No biggie.” Donghae shrugged his shoulders, although his throat really did hurt and it was difficult for him to talk.

They had just gotten back from the hospital twenty minutes ago. It had taken all of the brunet’s willpower to not just go running for his sanctuary, but unfortunately for him, he was immediately smothered by his roommate and co. to make sure that he wasn’t “dying” anymore. It took even longer for Sungmin to send Siwon back home because he was withholding ual activities until the other was forgiven. It was also getting pretty late – or early – and they should all be turning in for the night. Especially the brunet, although he didn’t think he’d be able to sleep after everything. They had explained what had happened to him in as much and as little detail as they could. Since they didn’t know the whole story, all Siwon could say was that somebody called him asking him to get Donghae because he was really sick and they didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t very helpful for the sick boy, but he was able to fill in some of the pieces, although he didn’t tell that to his friends. He didn’t want them to worry any more than they already were.

“What I meant was, shouldn’t you be sleeping instead of going there?” His worried friend rephrased what he had said earlier, and pulled that look where he placed his hands on his hips and raised an eyebrow. It was a very motherly gesture, but the brunet didn’t appreciate it in moments like these. He just wanted to be left alone.

“I’ll sleep a little there…” Donghae cleared his throat, grimacing at the pain. “Don’t worry about it.” The brunet shrugged off the older boy and walked down the hall towards his sanctuary.

Sungmin attempted to make several more complaints, but they fell on deaf ears. The brunet opened the white door and entered the room. As soon as he was inside, he let out a huge sigh of relief and his shoulders sunk comfortably to their sides. The brunet grabbed a blanket that was neatly folded on one of the chairs and brought it over to the seat by the window.

He sat down, propping a pillow up behind him and covered himself with the blanket. He was beginning to feel increasingly better already. Donghae rested his slightly feverish forehead on the cool glass pane and looked out the window into the pitch black night. He could barely see anything ahead of him, even the usually bright white gazebo was obscured by the ever consuming darkness. The brunet looked upwards, straining his eyes to search for the stars, but all he saw was the midnight blue of the sky, and if only it wasn’t for the light pollution he might have been able to see a wonderful view. A view that would have made him feel even the smallest degree better.

Donghae closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, trying to calm himself down and will away the pain he was feeling. It wasn’t just the pain in his throat or his fever that he was trying to ignore. It was also that dream that he desperately wanted to get rid of.

He knew that it had to have been a dream, but there was a shred of hope, or something, telling him that it wasn’t just a dream. Maybe he wanted to believe that it wasn’t a dream, because then it would mean that there was a chance, a chance that things could possibly go back to normal, or at least that they would be better than they are now. The brunet squeezed his eyes together tightly and a few drops of tears fell silently to the blanket as his mind went back to remember that dream.

He was lying in an uncomfortable bed that smelled like sanitizer. He groaned and tried to open his eyes, but it was far too bright for him to focus on anything in specific.

“Damnit, is he waking up?” An agitated voice spoke and it made the boy freeze in his place. He knew that voice. “I guess not…. , Hae, what have you gotten yourself into now?”

He relaxed his body in the bed and slowly opened one eye. His fist clenched the bed sheets as he tried to withstand the pain that was coursing through his body. He could finally see his surroundings, and when he did he realized that this must be a dream. A really vivid dream.

“H-Hyu…” The boy tried desperately to speak, but his throat felt like someone had set his throat on fire and were making him swallow knives. Tears rolled down his face and he stretched his hand out to the apparition standing beside his bed. If this was a dream, he figured that he could do anything.

“, is he awake?” The man turned to leave, but his shirt was caught tightly with weak hands. “Uh… Hae…?”

The boy didn’t want much. He didn’t want much at all. He just wanted to hear it again. He only wanted to hear that sweet voice say those wonderful words again because he knew that it would make everything alright. Because he knew it was a dream he was asking for it all.

“I love-” He coughed sporadically and then swallowed heavily. “I… love you.”

The man didn’t say anything for a while and the boy in the bed had closed his eyes again, although he was beginning to regain most of his consciousness even if he still thought this was a dream.

The man suddenly ripped the hand from his shirt and he looked away, biting his lip in frustration. “I ing hate you, you moron.” He whispered, his voice beginning to choke up, and he swiftly left the hospital without another look back.

Donghae opened his eyes and reached for a box of tissues that was sitting close by on a table. What was that? He asked himself, blowing his nose and throwing the dirty tissue into the trashcan. The brunet shook his head and smiled sadly. He decided to forget all about it and lifted the blanket up so that it covered more of his body. His eyes closed again and this time he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

He wanted nothing more than to return to the life he once had, but he knew very well that that life was long gone and impossible to return to. All he could do now was plant his feet and grit his teeth and hope with all his might that he could get through this. He calmed himself with the sweet words that enticed his sensations. Telling himself that it would all be over soon, that he needn’t worry for too much longer because it was almost over. And when it was all done, he would look back at this moment with fondness and now that he had enough sagacity in his older age, he would be able to understand that his life is better because of this cruel and wretched past.

But how hard it was for him to act out on those words, even harder still to believe them. He couldn’t imagine this life anymore. To him it wasn’t a matter of how much longer he had to grit his teeth for. To him this was like standing in a mud pile that came up to his waist and he wasn’t allowed to move or even make himself more comfortable. To him, he wasn’t even allowed to scratch his nose if it was itchy. And he’s supposed to stand without complaints like this for how many more years? He didn’t think that he had the willpower to do it.

He was weak, and he knew it. He was faltering under these new advancements because it reminded him of how life used to be once long ago. He desperately wanted to go back. But he knew he couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed.

So he went back to the life he was living. He grudgingly lived through each day with the hope that maybe things will get better. When he was honest with himself, he would recognize that there was no hope and the life he was leading was more of a half-life. One not worth living.

What could he do though? What were his options that were so better than right now? Kill himself? He wouldn’t do that. Even if he wanted to end all the suffering and get out of life the easy and quick way, he wouldn’t have the guts. He couldn’t be able to do it. Because in the smallest cracks, in the smallest crevices, there was some glimmer, some broken piece that resembled hope and beauty, he couldn’t do something so permanent like that because that little piece was there.

What choice did he have? None. So he continued to live like this. He was glad though, for this short time that he was able to be alone, secluded, away from all the noise and horror of school. He could sleep all day if he wanted. He could eat all day if he wanted. He could stay in his special room and do nothing and everything if he wanted to. Or at least that’s what he thought if it hadn’t been for a certain roommate that was concerned about his health, and would not leave him be. The guy had even gone so far as to stay home from school to oversee proper healthcare. This limited his options a little as there was someone who he could just picture in a nurse outfit checking up on him every 20 minutes.

“I brought some of my famous chicken noodle soup,” a sickeningly familiar voice called from the other side of Donghae’s closed door that swung open for the fourth time that hour.

“Greeat,” Donghae sighed, sitting up in his bed and pushed the covers down a little.

Sungmin set a bowl of hot soup on a wooden table that folded out to stand on the bed with the brunet’s legs in between. The wannabe nurse put his hands on his hips and grinned widely.

“I put in some herbs that are great for sore throats,” Sungmin handed Donghae two small pills and a glass of water. “It’s also time to take your medicine.”

The brunet groaned and grabbed the medicine from his nurse. “You are such a good person that it annoys the hell out of me,” he swallowed the pills and then took the spoon from his soup and sipped on the broth. “You can leave now,” Donghae glared at Sungmin as he left his room and closed the door gently.

Donghae appreciated what his friend was doing for him, but he really just wanted some peace and quiet for once. Everything was just so confusing right now and he didn’t want to think about it really, he just wanted to sleep for a few days and then when his throat doesn’t hurt and his fever is no more, he can go back to school. He can go back to normal and forget all about that weird dream – if that’s what it really was. The more and more he thought about it, the more it seemed plausible that it could have actually happened, although he doubted some parts of it. Even if it were true, he didn’t know what it would mean, he didn’t know if he wanted it to mean something if it were real.

While Donghae was mulling over all this, his phone suddenly started to vibrate on the dresser beside his bed. He reached over, careful not to spill his soup, and answered without looking at who the caller was. A big mistake, apparently.

“Yah! Lee Donghae! What the do you think you’re doing?! Not coming to school for three days!?” A very angry voice sounded through the static from the other end and Donghae had to pull the cell phone away from his ear to be able to withstand the sheer volume of whoever was calling him.

“Um, who is this?” Donghae asked carefully.

“Who is this?! HA! You must be ing insane to be asking that. It’s your drama teacher, your homeroom teacher, your theatre teacher, ringing any bells, kid?”

“Mr. Kim? Is that you?” Donghae asked. “How’d you get my number?”

“Details, details, what’s it matter. What really matters is where the hell you’ve been.”

“I got strep throat; I’m recovering.”

“Oh, strep throat, right… WAIT A MINUTE! No, no, no, no! You can’t have strep throat. Your precious, precious throat simply cannot be in any jeopardy! You need to be in tip top shape for the play, oh and we haven’t even had you come for rehearsals yet because of this and now you may NEVER ACT AGAIN if you have no voice. Oh no, what a terrible turn of events, A TRAGEDY, what to do, simply horrible.” Heechul ranted on the other line, most of which the brunet tuned out.

“Um, it’s just strep, I’m sure in a couple more days I’ll be back to normal. There’s nothing to worry about Mr. Kim.” The sickly student attempted to calm down his teacher, which worked to a point.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right. It’s just strep, it’ll get better soon enough. He’ll be all good, our star actor ready for action. Yes, okay, I can see it all coming together again. Phew, glad that’s taken care of. OK, we are A-Okay. Well then, get your rest, drink fluids, don’t do drugs, and we’ll see you at rehearsals once you’re all healed up.” There was an audible sigh on the other end as Heechul summed up his thoughts.

“Um, see you then.” Donghae was about to hang up the phone when he heard his teacher shout for him to wait a minute.

“Sorry, I just remembered, the main actress has been cast as well, she’ll be in almost all of your scenes, so just think about if you know her and get ready for working with her. Her name’s Seohyun, she’s a sweet girl.”

“Okay, sure, goodbye now Mr. Kim.” Donghae hung up the phone without waiting to hear his teacher say his farewells, he was pretty sure that he’d drag it out anyway and Donghae’s throat was stinging after straining his voice to speak so much.

The brunet then thought about the girl Heechul had mentioned. Seohyun… wasn’t that…? He faintly remembered that they had been in the drama club last year, and she was the girl that he had bumped into after seeing her talking with Hyukjae and his group… I wonder if things will turn out alright. Maybe I can ask her about him again. Although, the last time that he tried that, the meek girl ran off saying something about how she wasn’t supposed to talk to him, which would make doing an entire play as the two lead roles a little difficult. Donghae assumed that all that was in the past now. Although there are a lot of things in the past that not everyone has accepted and moved on from. It might be easier said than done.

Hoppy Easter ♥