I stormed into my room again and I could hear Kai’s footsteps drawing behind me. “I can’t, Jongin.” I finally breathed out, giving up. Kai didn’t seem amused but instead took a seat on his own bed. “I don’t know what to do. About Joo and me, I mean.” I said numbly, staring into the dim light of my bedroom lamp. Kai smiled but I could see that he was looking at me sympathetically.

“It’s hard for me to talk to her.” I continued, brushing my two hands together. “All I can do when I look is her is to just stare. I’ve been admiring her from afar for so long that it’s hard to actually acknowledge that she’s now mine. It felt too good to be true. So I just spend all my time thinking about her, not acting as a good boyfriend. When she’s in front of me, it’s as if my tongue is knotted.”

“You know what,” Kai asked. I looked at him and finally sat on the bed again. “There is nothing wrong with you right now. If I don’t know any better, I would’ve took you as a bad boyfriend. But I know you, and knowing you, this is pretty much good that you actually have a girlfriend.” I had glared at Kai but he smiled at me and crawled on my bed to take a hold of my phone. He shoved it to my hand but I stared at him like he’s a new creature on earth.

“You really love her, don’t you,” Kai commented as he took out something from my closet. It was my jacket and he threw it to me too. I caught it but was still clueless with the whole situation. “Don’t you?” He asked me again.

Coming down from my confusion, I finally heard Kai’s question for real. I smiled and nodded, “With all my heart.”

Kai looked as proud as I’d ever seen him. It was weird that he was talking to me about relationships but I knew that I need them. “What’s your heart telling you to do?” I tried to think about it but nothing came out.

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe,” Kai said gently, “you’re trying too hard to hear it.”

Talking to Kim Jongin didn’t seem as useless as I thought it would be. At least he didn’t laugh or tease me any more than I assumed he would. But he indeed had set my heart calmer. I was still confused with what to do but for no particular reason, I found myself on the same path as I did when I first saw Joo.

She wasn’t expecting me so I leaned against the pole outside her café. Though there was a small crowd, but I could still see her enjoying her work. It wasn’t difficult to spot her in the busy café because she has always stood out from the rest. I smiled as the smooth distant strums of her guitar soothed me.

About an hour had passed and the crowd began to disappear. There was only a man and his little baby girl on the crib inside the café. Her coworkers were already finishing things off as Joo continued to entertain the father and daughter. Taking my hands off my jacket, I made my way inside the café. A bit sore I was from sitting outside in the cold weather for an hour but just the bright face of Joo made me a whole much better.

“This is surprising,” She called, putting her guitar aside as I sat on the corner of the stage. I smiled back at her and could feel my heartbeat accelerating. I kept my attention to the man trying to feed his girl the cake but she had spit them out. She’s about 12 months and at that age, cake probably wouldn’t be enjoyed much yet.

“How’s your day?” I tried to start a conversation. I stretched to take her guitar and she smiled at me again. I didn’t dare to even look at her face or I’ll end up melting. Positioning the guitar on my laps, I a few notes that I have learnt from Lay the other day. Chanyeol was too busy teasing me that he has no time to even teach me the basic codes.

“Well, it has been a long day. I didn’t have any class today so I stayed here, helping out as much as I can. For my lunch break, I actually forgot my purse so I had to starve—” She pouted, “but yes Kyungsoo-ssi, I have eaten after that.” I took back my frown and gave her back her guitar.

“But still, unhealthy eating disorders can bring you gastric, Joo…” I slowly mumbled, my first time dropping the ‘-ssi’ title. I could see Joo’s face changing when she heard that.

“Okay—” She bit her lips, still feeling nervous around me. I tried my best to appear perfect, trying to show her that I could be a strong boyfriend and the best match she could ever get. But the nerves in my whole body started to give away; I began to blush when Joo fixed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Kyungsoo…” She finished off. Smiling after saying that, I found her too cute and too irresistible.

I got up suddenly, startling her. Eyeing the back door, I then quickly moved my way and she trailed confusedly behind me. She shook the stares off her colleagues and managed to keep calm. I thought that I could man up once we were alone but as I took my cap off, I was still shaking!

 Finally getting control of myself, I walked towards her and pecked her lips. That caught Joo off guard as she blinked at me blankly. I smiled—finally hearing what my heart has to say—then brought my hand to her face, gently running my fingers over her cheek. I marveled at the softness of her skin, the gentleness I saw in her eyes.

“I-I love you.” I confessed. Yunjoo was quiet for a few seconds before smiling at me. In instant, I had smiled back and stepped even closer to her, wrapping my hands around her petite frame and just inhaled her cute scent. Everything about her just matters at the moment. “I love you.” I said it again, this time with more confidence as I heard Joo hummed back at me.

She laughed at me but managed to mutter a small reply, “I love you too.”

Then the realization came back at me, I began to really feel everything then. I could feel her body as she hugged me back, like every curve on her body—not that I was thinking about anything else—but it was still embarrassing. She must have noticed me being all stick so she pulled away, cupping both my cheeks as she did so.

“Why are you so awkward, Do Kyungsoo?” Her question made me wondering as well. Why am I so awkward? I was about to say something, but nothing came out. Joo chuckled, “But then again, it makes you so cute! I really love the way your eyes widen as if they are going to fall out~” She claimed.

Joo tilted her heels and supported her hands on my shoulder. Closing the distance between the two of us, she slowly brushed her lips against mine. I knew how nervous she was, looking at how shaky she seemed. It had happened so fast but by the time I realized it, I had kissed my girlfriend back. I smiled into the kiss and removed her hands, slowly shrinking down with her as I craned my neck to reach her level.

It was awkward—both Joo and I were but I know that she’s very special. And perhaps, that awkwardness might be something that bonds us even closer.

To: Kyung’s girl

From: Kai

You’re welcome ;)