Kira’s P.O.V.

Afraid… of Amber? I didn’t think it was possible for me to even feel anything remote close to negative feelings towards her. Before I could process this new emotion, she stood up abruptly, glaring at me. Why was she so troubled?

Again, a pang of pity made me stretch my arm out to touch her, to comfort her, regardless of how terrifying she was in that moment. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” She shouted outraged, shattering what little hope I had left into pieces. She backed away from me until she could no longer, due to the bench preventing it.

I took a few steps back too, my mouth wide open in astonishment. “A-Amber…” My voice cracked, “What’s happened to you? Why… Why did you do it?” The shock from before started boiling inside me. “Why did you do that TO ME?  The one who loved you most of all, the one you saved! I cherished you, and loved you way more than I ever did myself! I lived on because of you. I kept my life, just to meet you!” By now, my tears had spilled over and my heart was racing.

A sudden burst of anger flared in Amber too. “SHUT UP! I don’t wanna hear you damn sob story. Don’t lie to me! You’re just like all the others. Don’t you know who I am? What I am? Are you completely blocked by the media? Its liars like you who made me this way. The little girl I used to be, is dead.”

“You really don’t… remember?” I asked in a whisper. “You used to call me… Kiki, because I was so overtaken with you, I couldn’t speak right. Remember? We were both just little girls then. You smiled at me… so sweetly, and gave me that money…-” I couldn’t finish. My voice cracked as I tried to continue and I could feel my heart giving up, so I gave up. Looking at her face, nothing had changed.

“I… did something like that… once, I think. You couldn’t possibly be… - Look, I once was probably a good person, excited by life and saddened by those less fortunate, but that was a long time ago. I promised things, and helped many, that I don’t even remember hardly anyone; they all blur together. But the life I once loved has made me bitter. Fame has made me this way, and everything I hear and see is all fake, lies, to try to get my money… You really don’t know who I am?”

“Amber…” I started confused. “I’ve told you who you are to me.  how could you be anything different?” She looked so sad… I had forgotten my anger, my hate, and stepped toward her. “To me, you are…”

“Please. Don’t say it.” She whispered dropping her eyes.

“You are my destiny.” I said reaching for her.

“Don’t.” She whispered, freezing my hand in place. “Not until you know who I am. Don’t tell me you love me, until you know the me as I am now.”

Saddened and tired, she slumped back down onto the bench. She chuckled a deceitful laugh when she saw my face. “…Wanna hear something? If I don’t do it now… I don’t think I ever will…”

Defeated myself, I quietly nodded and sat a whole 3 feet away from her on the bench, then the most beautiful sound filled the night air.

“I want to erase all of my insufficient former self.
It seems like someone like me has nothing to give to you.
The side of me that I kept hidden, the one that wants you, my sincerity;
Not even once was I able to show it to you so,

Just once, look back at me.
It seems you’re still not standing too far away.

Do you still remember, do you believe that it’s only you for me?
Do you know how long you can keep me by your side?

In this large world, there’s only one person (I only want you)
Did you know this about me?

Before the seasons roll by, before even time fades away,
I try to convey my heart to you but it’s too late.

I hesitate and stop and then you’re crushed.
If you’re still there, I’m an idiot, forgive me.

A little bit, walk a little bit further, and then I’ll be there.

Do you still remember, do you believe that it’s only you for me?
Do you know how long you can keep me by your side?

In this large world, there’s only one person (I only want you)

The night I wanted to cry goes by, and in my forgotten dream,
My wandering self…
If you hold me tight in your arms
I won’t stray anymore

Do you still remember, do you believe that it’s only you for me?
Do you know how long you can keep me by your side?

In this large world, there’s only one person (I only want you)
Did you know this about me?”

…Amazed, Dazed, Astounded by her beautiful voice… I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I didn’t even want to look at her, for fear that my tears would set her off again. My heart was beating so fast… did she really mean what she said? Or was it just in the song? Why did she sing it to me?...

So many questions all answered in one.

She stood up, and left.

Me, being useless, pathetic, and beaten, didn’t even flinch. I stayed put, exactly where I was, and cried.

As soon as I entered the place, I could tell Hyuna was gone. No loud noises, no TV, no music… good. It was better this way. Though I hated it, I just couldn’t get Amber out of my head… What the hell did she mean ‘the real her’? A sudden spark inside me gave an idea.

“She- She….” I dashed to the computer, searching for her face, her name, anything that would give me a clue…

“Amber Liu. Famous Korean Pop singer in a band called F(x). Victoria, Krystal, Luna, Sulli… Hot summer, Pinocchio, Lachata, Chu… I’ve heard all of these, Hyuna listens to them. Amber… is famous? And she sang for me… --The lies… what she said… she thinks I’m trying to fool her? Oh Amber… Do you really not remember me?” The tears had come again for the billionth time tonight.

My whole life… I kept myself going, kept myself alive just to see her, and she truly doesn’t remember me. Well, she is famous after all, of course she wouldn’t. I’m.. a fool. Who am I to ask her to stay with me? She has changed so much… she’s not the same. She’ll never love me.She probably has other, really beautiful fans out there a whole lot better than me. It’s as she said, she was just helping a stranger in need. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t deserve her. Only I kept her in my heart… I need to find her. I need to apologize… and I need to let her go. Let go of everything. Even if the pain kills me; for her, I cannot hold on.

I heard the front door open and close. Wiping away the tears, I stood to go meet her. “Kira…” She said, anger subsiding. “Were you crying? Never mind- Why were you gone all last night?? I don’t believe your bull story!”

“H-Hyuna…you remember… my savior right?” “Ah…Annabelle?” “No—Amber-” “AH right! Continue.” “…Well I met her, so we were just catching up… but she’s going home now, so…” Hyuna looked at me concerned, but soon was distracted when she peered around me to see what I’d been doing. “Oh! F(x)! Do you finally like good music now?” I chuckled at her stupidity. “Not really.” I whispered. “Just Amber.”

The next day I went to work, dreading the time when I would have to find Amber and talk to her. It all came too soon.

“Annyeonghaseyo!” I heard Hyuna greet our customer. “Annyeong. Table for one please.” I continued sweeping, thinking nothing of it.

“Kira, I have an order for you.” Hyunah yelled from the kitchen. “Hyunah, why can’t you? It’s your table!” Hyuna looked at me like I was stupid. “She asked for you! She’s really… handsome.” Handsome?

Hyunah shoved past me and out the door, leaving me to make the food. Two dishes for one person? Once the food was complete I made my way to table 7, almost dropping the plates of food. “A-Amber?” I squeaked. “A-Annyeong… I’m sorry for last night, I was really upset…”

I set the plates down in front of her. “Oh, that one is yours.” She said pushing a plate across from her. “Mine?” I asked confused. “I thought… I’d treat you to lunch.” “I’m working…” I said bluntly, slightly amused at her fail attempt to apologize. “O-oh right…” I smiled a bit. “I’ll see in I can take my lunch break early.” Her eyes brightened. “Okay.”

Sure enough, I was sitting across from her 5 minutes later, eating the Japchae she bought me. “Like it? I didn’t know if you like spicy things or not…” I smiled. “Yes, its good, thanks.”

Awkward silence.

“So…” she ventured. “Do you… know yet?” My smile faded and I put my chopsticks down. Looking at her solemnly, she knew my answer. “I’m sorry Amber, I really didn’t know.i didn’t even think for one second that it was like that, not even after you sang for me. Did you really mean what you said?...”

Looking at her plate, she suddenly looked up when I asked that question. “Of course. Couldn’t you tell?” She seemed sad at the fact I doubted her intentions. Taken aback at her abrupt answer, I wasn’t sure how to respond. “W-Well I just didn’t actually think that you could ever like me that way… You used me. It really…broke my heart.” I couldn’t even describe the feelings I felt in that moment. Blushing, I looked away.

“About that…” She started, causing me to make eye contact again, “I knew who you were. The moment I stopped here, I knew you. How could I forget that adorable little face? And come to find out your name is actually Kira… I just needed confirmation it was you. After meeting with you outside the bar, I knew. And I couldn’t help myself. I wanted you so bad… I’m sorry, Kira.”

As I looked down, I whispered,“Don’t…”, Trying to repress a smile. “I’d much rather you keep calling me Kiki.” As I looked up to meet her gaze, my blush grew on my cheeks, and she was smiling. Smiling the widest smile I’d ever seen on her face, even wider than that day…

My heart skipped a beat. Her smiled faded a bit as she asked, “Is it true? You really waited for me like that? All these years…” “Of course!” I said a bit too quickly, causing her to chuckle. “W-Well, I mean, you did tell me to come back and meet you…” Then it got sort of quiet and my eyes trailed down to my plate. “Why didn’t you come back?” I whispered.

“Because the day we met, my mother and I left for Seoul. I had auditioned for SM Entertainment and that was that. Besides, I knew if I ran away to find you, I wouldn’t be able to stay with you, and you would be in trouble. My mother would have hunted me down eventually. Besides, I would have only been a burden. Something to weigh you down and up more money we wouldn’t have. So I made a plan in my head. That one day, my fame would reach you. That I would find you eventually, and make you mine. Now, I have a really good job. I did miss you though. I though about you often, saying ‘one day, I will meet you again… I will find you.’ I just didn’t know it would be like this…

She smiled warmly, those brown eyes sparkling at me like they used to. Then the reality of what she said sunk in. “A-A-Are you implying that…You want me to… l-Li-” “KIRA! Dishes! Your lunch has lasted more than a half hour!” My boss shouted. I jumped at the booming voice. “A-Araso, Araso!” I shouted.

Amber laughed a bit. “I’ll meet you outside after work.” “B-But I don’t get off till 10…” “That’s ok, I have time this time.” She said as she stood to leave. “See ya.” “A-Annyeong…” I managed as she disappeared through the doorway.

I gathered our plates and hurried to the kitchen. Amber was… waiting for me. <3

I got off at 10:30 after cleaning the floors. Outside it was dark and a cold breeze was blowing the trees all around. I adjusted my scarf around my neck and looked around. No Amber, no Amber, no Amber… Amber? Nope…

It felt all too familiar. She… had left me. she promised she’d come, but she was nowhere to be found. Everyone had left me. even the stars hid behind the clouds. “Again…” I muttered. “I’m a fool.” I choked through oncoming tears. “Fool, Fool, FOOL!” I shouted feeling the unbearable pain of loss, much worse than before.

Frantic, and searching, I ran towards my home. She’s not at the bar, not here, not there, there was only one place left.

But as I arrived at the park, I could already see she wasn’t there either. The bench was cold and empty. She really had… gone.

Tears would not stop falling. Crying had always been a thing id done daily, but lately, I had been my life. My life… pathetic. I made my way over to the pond nearby and walked out onto the dock. I sat myself down at the edge and peered in the water at my terrible reflection. I’m pathetic. Worthless. A fool. She would never love me, of course not. She just felt bad about she used me, a crazy rambling girl. One sided, always one sided. Useless… I’m useless, unwanted, unloved.

Go home?... No. Hyuna wouldn’t be there anyway. She wont listen, wont care, wont understand. Friends? I don’t have any… Then…

Looking at the black water below me, my mind also went blank. I… let go. Let go of her, let go of love, let go of life. And I fell forward towards the dark abyss.

“HEY!” A scream was heard just before I hit the water, only dropping in waste deep due to something preventing my fall. It was someone I’d never seen before, just a passerby, and he had saved me. “Stupid girl, what the hell where you doing?!”  He shouted pulling me up and taking me away from the dock.

“L-…LET GO OF ME!” I shouted outraged, crazed. He gasped at my sudden reaction and dropped my arm. “FINE! Crazy , go kill yourself then!” He shouted as he walked away from me. But the felling was gone. The waters were no longer lulling me into hypnosis, so I simply started to wander numbly about.

As I wandered the streets, I passed by millions of lifeless faces in the night air. Before I knew it I was standing in front of that god forsaken bar I pass by everyday. This would be my first time entering.

As dancing bodies pushed and shoved and bumped me, I made my way to the bartender. Upon sitting on the bar stool, a older man approached me. “Hey babe…” He smiled. “C-Can I buy ya a drink?” He stuttered, drunk, and ordered me a shot. “Here Hun, bottoms up!”

Cup after cup after cup disappeared and appeared again in front of me, but all I noticed was the pounding music in my head, shocking my heart into rhythm and beeping my brain some-what focused, at least, enough to keep me awake.

Out on the dance floor I went, disregarding all people and the man from before. Just dancing. Dancing to forget, drinking to forget, just letting go. All these years gone, wasted.

I don’t know how it happened, but eventually I sound myself outside, lamed against a wall, someone’s tongue down my throat and his hand between my thighs. I wasn’t even me. I was loosing contiousness… my eyes were closing, and my ears were ringing. I could hear or see nothing as I slowly dropped to the ground, but surprisingly, it didn’t hurt.

Must be all the booze.

My head was pounding as I gained continuousness and began to move my limbs. The sheets rustled beneath me. they were so soft… where am I? Then my nose recognized a particular scent of the sheets and immediately I thought, “Am I… In heaven? This isn’t for real is it?”

A low chuckle boomed through my head. “No this isn’t heaven you dork.”

I in a deep breath, be it shock or relief, and slowly opened my eyes to see her. But she wasn’t there when I opened them.

I shot out of bed and looked around the room until I settled down with the knowledge she was on the bed next to me. “A-Amber…” I managed before I burst into tears. “You left me again…” I wailed, still drunk. She grabbed me and held my head against her chest, resting her chin on my head.

**Do you remember when our eyes met?

I remember when my heart fluttered for the first time.

Though it may not have been a fateful meeting like in the movies,

But you approached closer and made me dream.**

“I know.”  She whispered. “I’m sorry it took so long to find you. I looked everywhere ya know? I was late because my boss called along with my mother, giving me hell, well- anyway, by the time id got there, you weren’t. I even looked in the park.”

For some reason, I started laughing uncontrollably. “You…looked…in the park… too?” At this she smiled. “I know you well, Kiki.”

**People tell me that nothing stays the same.

Promise me that you won’t let go of my hands.

You can promise me that, right?**

My laughing stopped, and so did my tears as she peered into my face. “I’m really sorry Kiki Yeobo. I didn’t mean to scare you like that, and I’m so glad you never gave up on me.” “… I did, countless times.” I whispered. “But what can I say, I just couldn’t let you go.”

She leaned down slowly, kissing me with vigor and passion unlike anything I’d ever experienced. “Now… she whispered as she broke away. “Sleep off the beer.” I chuckled. “Mmkay.”

“Seoul? With you?” I asked amazed. “Why are you so shocked?” she laughed. “You already live in Seoul!” “W-Well, not quite in town- like where you live- A-and you’re a singer, and rich, and famous, and what will you tell your group members, boss, friends, mother…-“

**people tell me that nothing stays the same.

Promise me that we will be together forever.

You can promise me that, right?**

She cut me off by placing a finger to my lips. “Don’t worry Kiki Yeobo, everything will be just fine. Your with me, and I’m here for you now. Please stay with me. I love you.” She kissed my forehead, removing her finger from my lips.

**you are the only one I need.

It rids the reason for everything else.

I am fine with everything as long as you are beside me.

Even if the seasons or world changes,

I will always love you,

Cause you are my destiny.**

Mesmerized by her beauty, confident in our love,  and so- soooooooooo happy, I nodded. “Okay.” I agreed. “I love you too, and by God I’m NEVER letting you go again.”

**Are you listening to my confession?

This song is meant for you.

I am going to walk to you, and tell you a little more softer and sweeter that,

I Love You.**

Again we kissed, hot passion boiling within us. “See?” I chuckled as we broke away. “I told you.” She looked at me confused, then smiled her bright beautiful smile at me as I answered.

**you are the only one I need.

It rids the reason for everything else.

I am fine with everything as long as you are beside me.

Even if the seasons or world changes,

I will always love you,  cause

 “You Are My Destiny~.”

--Love you Kiki!! Hope you liked it!

                --Via~

Songs: "Your Eye's" - Super Junior Kyuhyun and Yesung

AND: "You Are My Destiny"- F(x) Krystal and Luna