2/2
Yongguk's Hatred
---
I felt warmer than usual. I tried unwrapping myself from the blankets but there was still something kicking off hear like a radiator on me. When I opened my eyes I noticed limbs splayed all over me keeping me pinned down on the bed.
"But I'm not hungry umma..." That irritating voice floated into my ears as if it was right next to me and then I was finally able to piece everything together. That whiny teenager had found his way into my bed for some reason and I wasn't just going to lay there and wait for him to wake up.
The room was still dark and I couldn't see anything more than a few inches from my face. It must be early morning... I could send them all out to practice now. Ideas began forming in my mind and when everything was set I shoved the giant baby off me where he landed with a rather loud thump on the floor.
"WHAT!? WHO'S TRYING TO KILL MY BABIES?!" Himchan was the first one on high alert from the loud noise that the maknae created. He opened up the curtains closest to him letting in a soft stream of light from the outside world illuminate the room, trying to find out what was going on.
"Hyunggg that hurt~ why did yo-" I leaned over the bed and grabbed his shirt, forcing him close to my face so he could understand my words.
"DON'T... call me hyung." I guessed that I had successfully gotten my point across when I heard him gulp as he averted his gaze. "Now that everyone's up," I let go of the runt and looked around the other beds that housed shocked, half awake people "I think it's time for some early morning practice." A chorus of groans followed and I couldn't help but feel content in the fact that I'd made them somewhat annoyed.
"Leader it's not even 4am can't we just start practice at 8am like we normally do?" Daehyun had been quick to catch onto the fact that the only group member I liked was Himchan so he knew to leave me alone and speak with respect to me. I guess that mornings weren't his thing though as the only respectful thing to come out of his mouth was the word leader, and even then it sounded forced.
"No. Practice now. You all need it with our debut only being a week away and your dancing is terrible, why TS thought you were all ready to be in the public eye, I will never know. Now get out of-" I noticed that two of the six beds were empty, Junhong being on the floor accounted for one but the other bed shouldn't have been empty. "HIMCHAN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN JONGUP'S BED?!"
"I like to hold things when I sleep." The visual said nonchalantly as if he wasn't hugging Jongup like a Koala underneath the cover right at that moment. "I think the question that SHOULD be asked is why was Junhong in your bed? Did you start to feel lonely? Did you drag poor little Junhongie out of bed so that you could snuggle up to him and feel someone else's heartbeat as well as your own?" He tried to tease.
"Ask the stupid kid why he was in my bed, not me. I would never ask him to come anywhere near me." Himchan's once devious eyes turned confused the moment they landed on Junhong's figure still awkwardly positioned on the floor.
"I- I was lonely... I had a dream about my parents and I miss them so much so I thought if I slept next to Yongguk I might feel better. I tried to wake him up but he just rolled over mumbling something about ramen and then started snoring again... I didn't want to wake anyone else up so I though that hyu- that Yongguk wouldn't mind."
"Aww Junhongie~" Himchan cooed "Don't worry Yongguk's normally a softie and he would love to give you cuddles and kisses when you're sad but he just doesn't want to admit it at the moment! Come here and let me cheer you up instead!" He said lifting up the covers that he and Jongup were under giving everyone else mental images that would scar them forever.
"HIMCHAN PUT THOSE COVERS BACK DOWN! THE REST OF YOU, I EXPECT YOU ALL TO BE READY IN THE LIVING ROOM IN TWENTY MINUTES TO HEAD OUT TO DANCE PRACTICE." The all dashed out of their beds bar Himchan and Junhong to go and get ready, ultimately creating chaos between the three half asleep kids. I looked down at Junhong and raised an eyebrow. Is he going to cry? His eyes were welling up and his little Adam's apple was bobbing up and down, the tell tale signs of someone who was trying to stifle their weeping. I wouldn't put it past him, being the big baby he is, to start crying just because of a few words but to my surprise, as soon as we made eye contact, he just got up off the floor and headed out the bedroom door not uttering a single word.
Not too concerned about Junhong's current situation I started grumbling to myself about the kids and the trouble they put me through, something that had become an everyday thing for me to do, but Himchan decided to pipe up when I started grumbling about his current situation.
"You know I sleep Gukkie... There's was no need to yell at me..." Himchan pouts.There was no way I was having that conversation with him that early in the morning. "And as for Junhong that wasn't very nice of you. He's only young and me must be missing his family so much... We need to step in and be his parent figures, you can see that's what he wants by what just happened," Himchan then proceeded to lift himself out of Jongup's bed and walk around the room trying to find his clothes. "Just hurry up and get off your high horse in time to realise they aren't as bad as you think they are."
---
Thirty minutes later and the group were waiting around in the living room still trying to comprehend the time of day and trying not to just fall back to sleep.
"THAT'S IT!" Himchan announced, startling Jongup and Junhong who were sat next to each other with their heads connected trying to find sleep. "I'm going to find Yongguk and haul his to the dance studio.You guys should just go on ahead okay?" They all meekly nodded and watched Himchan's retreating figure walking towards the bedroom.
---
As soon as I noticed Himchan standing in the doorway I knew that his blood was boiling. He was slowly grating his teeth together, clenching and unclenching his fists by his sides as he took in the sight of me sprawled out on my bed playing Angry Birds to pass the time.
"What are you still doing here?" I ask taking my attention away from the game I was playing to the guy who looked like he wanted to pounce on me and physically hurt me in every way possible.
"WE WERE WAITING FOR YOU! I was just about ready to fall asleep on that sofa and if I hadn't of gotten up to find you I'm pretty sure I would have woken up on that damn thing with a bad back! And of course I come here to see whats taking you so long and you're just lying there on your bed like the amazing leader you are." It must have been too early for him because he didn't seem to notice that his hair was practically sticking up in every which way making me grin like a Cheshire cat. "AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SMILING AT?"
"You look hilarious Himchan. You should look at yourself right now, your hair's a mess, your nostrils are flared and your teeth are showing, can I get a picture?" I quickly swapped my game to the camera and snapped a picture of him before he could do anything. "New screensaver for sure." I mumbled to myself before looking back at Himchan.
"ARE YOU DONE BEING AN IDIOT NOW?"
"Nope."
"Look the rest of the group have already left to make their way to the studio... Can we just go and get this over with? It was you're idea for us all to be up this early anyway." I rolled onto my side to face Himchan and smirked.
"I have to write up some songs. The managers been on my case about it for a while now and he said that if I didn't hand in at least a few songs by the end of today... Well he said I wouldn't want to know what would happen. So you guys will go and practice and I will be over there in a few hours to check up on you." I turned away from him, intent on getting another few hours of sleep before even starting my tasks.
"You had this all planed out didn't you Yongguk." I didn't even have to look at Himchan's face to know that I had pushed him too far, the use of my full name was enough. But with my pride standing in the way of apologising I scoffed instead.
"I have no idea what you mean Channie." I said using his little nickname sarcastically. "Now hurry up and make sure the kids don't get lost."
"Well done jackass you've just lost your only friend left in this group." The bedroom door slammed shut as well as the front door before I drifted off back to sleep.
---
Looking at the clock and seeing the 10.30 numbers glare back at me I knew I had to make a move to check on the kids. I'd woken up only a few hours ago but had already written three songs to please the manager, I liked to leave things until the last minute, something that the company had tried to stop me doing as it was such a bad habit. I was trying to write a fourth but my mind kept wandering to those damn kids, my mind just couldn't stay away from them.
For one thing that Junhong kid had been getting to me for a while now. I didn't know what I was doing anymore and with the kid in my life I had changed slightly, but it seemed that I wasn't the only one to notice this with the looks that I had been getting from Himchan consistently. If anything I was distancing myself from the youngest more than any of the other members, there had been nights when I dreampt of the first day we met, but I would look after his sodden state instead of ignoring him like he didn't exist. I was snappier at him than any of the other members and yet he still seemed somewhat determined to solidify a place in my life, although he seems to be giving up more as the days go on.
There had been times when I wanted nothing more than to walk up to our manager and just say "I quit." I could say "I'm done being an idol. It's stupid to make children into idols and I don't want to be around that filth anymore." I could go back to working underground where I'd made a name for myself already, I could go back to only caring and looking after myself without a care for the reputation I could get. I could go out drinking whenever and be seen with a different girl every week and it wouldn't do anything to my career, unlike an idols life.
But then the thought of leaving the kids made me feel some sort of pain inside of me. They weren't terrible after all, they listened to me, they made Himchan laugh, they just seemed to bring a sense of life into the dorm. as much as I didn't want to think about it maybe i was starting to like them all, I'd noticed that whenever they were out I didn't seem to like being in the dorm and I could never seem to be happy without them around causing chaos.
Take now for example, I was just worrying if they'd had enough food that morning to keep them going for practice. I was worried that they were being overworked to the point of slavery, I was used to the pressure of packed schedules and I knew that Himchan was used to it as well but the kids had probably never experienced something like this before in their lives. What if one, or more of them, passed out from exhaustion? It would all be blamed on me. As much as I could cope with the blame I dont think I would be able fo cope with the guilt in knowing that I could have prevented it.
Sighing I knew it was hopeless staying in the dorm anymore so I grabbed my jacket and shoved on my shoes, not forgetting my wallet, and dashed out of the door planning on making a quick detour before I checked up on the kids.
---
An hour later and I was outside the dance practice room watching the group laugh and joke among themselves, Daehyun being the loudest out of all of them which came as a shock to me. He never really spoke around me. Was this what he was normally like? Was I really that bad that he had to change the way he acts around me? Youngjae was even managing to put in a witty comment or two into their conversation, I never even knew he liked talking the other members. Jongup was just staring into space but that didn't surprise me at all. And then I noticed Himchan holding onto Junhong life he was a life support or something and much to my disgust Junhong was actually smiling and laughing. I tried to push back the horrible confusing feelings that were rising in my chest and pushed the dance practice door open, striding in I heard the conversation die down instantly.
"I brought food." I said holding up a plastic bag filled with treats trying to ease the tension. "I was worried that you might not have had much to eat this morning... I finished writing the songs so I decided to go and buy us all some food." There was still silence in the room as they all eyed the bag like I'd filled it with rabid dogs. Luckily though Himchan broke through the awkward silence.
"FINALLY! I've been starving and this choreography is intense!" Himchan being the big mouth as always strode over to me and snatched the bag out of my hand before ducking his head into it to see its contents. "Guys!... It's lunch time!" He said once he had deemed the food acceptable. Me and Himchan had fought numerous times before and we had gotten into a routine that consisted of me going out and finding food and if he forgave me, I was always in the wrong, then he would accept the food.
They all walked over to the table at the back of the room and once Himchan had emptied the bag onto it they all dug in like a bunch of wild animals.
They must have been hungry.
With my group leaving me on the other side of the room I took to watching them with an amused smirk while they picked up their conversation from earlier again, just in hushed tones, with only Himchan looking over to smile at me in a form of thanks I guessed. Sighing in content I sat down on the sofa just behind me and rested my head back just merely taking in the happy atmosphere.
"Thanks... Leader." The meek voice called me out of my thoughts and I cracked an eye open to see an awkward Junhong in front of me. I couldn't help the smile that painted my face which seemed to transfer to the youngers face as well.
"After all the hard work you've been putting in I thought it was only right to try and get you lot some junk food before the company put you on a strict die-"
"AND THE GUY JUST TURNED AND RAN! WE NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN!" They all laughed at the end of Himchan's story and my concentration returned to the little group on the other side of the room. As much as I though I hated ALL kids I was starting to think that these guys were a special exception. Noticing a weight on my calves I looked down to see the back of Junhong's head, his back resting on my legs as he sat on the floor. I didn't have any time to get mad at him as the bundle of curls quickly started making noise.
"I'm glad I got picked for this group." He murmured not making it clear if he was talking to himself or confessing to me. "Most of them are cool but I think Himchan hyung has some issues... He's so touchy feely and emotional... He sort of reminds me of a girl." A bark of laughter escapes my lips as I look down at the boy, staring over to the rest of the group as I was a few moments ago, seemingly oblivious to my laughter.
"Yeah Himchan sure is something different." I casually replied to him, slightly shifting my leg to get more comfortable. Junhong's head whipped round to face me as soon as I'd said those words and if his wide eyes and beaming smile were anything to go by, I'd say he was thrilled to hear me reply.
"Hey Junhong come and get some of this food before fatty over hear eats it all!" Himchan said pointing over in Daehyun's direction. Junhong however craned his neck so he was facing me yet again.
"Don't you want any leader?" Staring down at the boy my head began to feel fuzzy.
"No,no it's alright Junhong just go and get something for yourself yeah? If you're lucky I'll order out for finner tonight as well but shhhh." I whispered the last bit so that only Junhong would hear it and catch on that I didn't want the others to know. His smile became impossibly wide as he said a quick thank you before scrambling up to his feet to go and join the group on he other side of the room.
My head was feeling bad now, the fuzziness completely taking over my brain, and I leaned my head on the back of the sofa in hopes that it would pass. My head was bursting with all of the memories I had with Junhong, the times I pushed him to his dancing limits, when I ignored him outright during dinner, when I had physically hurt him to get past him just so that I wouldn't have to be in the same room as him, and of course when I ripped his gaming console out of its socket and hid it away from him, I still had that damn thing under my bed. All of that and more I had done to the poor boy but still he sat with me, he had shown off his smile just because of something I had said, he had asked me if I wanted food as well, he was still making an effort.
Guilt.
That was what was making my mind fuzzy. Guilt. I felt guilty for treating him so wrong in the past. He didn't deserve it in the slightest and yet he never complained about it. And the smile he wore when he was sat next to me was something I had never seen on his face before.
"I know you said you didn't want anything but I picked up a chocolate bar for you, you need your strength with all the work you've been doing for our group." Taking the chocolate bar from him he sat back down in front of me, spreading my legs so his back was resting on the bottom of the sofa instead of my legs.
"Thanks kid." I said to him, opening the wrapper to, what he might know or might not know to be, my favourite chocolate bar.
---
Our debut had been pushed back again.
I needed something to take my frustration out on but I just couldn't, not with the way things had progressed in our group. I was finally one of them, I was a part of the laughter instead of watching from the sidelines. They were all finally showing their true personalities to me instead of hiding away from me, but they still called me leader. That much hadn't changed from them.
But my friendship with Junhong had progressed differently from the others, I allowed him to call me hyung just to see the smile it would put on his face as I would ignore the reaction in my gut that it gave me, I gave him his gaming console back and whenever we could we would be found sat down in front of the television with a controller in hand, I would buy him his favourite treats whenever I could to just to see his whole personality light up as he ran away with said treats, and most of all I never said anything when he climbed into my bed almost every night on the verge of tears, I simply held him and whispered him promises of seeing his family soon.
"What if they forget about me while I'm gone? What if they move house and don't tell me? What if the company decide to get rid of me so I'd have no where to go? What if-" This was what I got for trying to get an early night. I left the group in the living room to finish watching their movie that the were all engrossed in, sat in their pajamas clutching pillows and eating popcorn like little girls, in hopes of getting a few extra hours sleep. What I didn't expect was for a certain teenager to scurry into my bed the moment I'd gotten comfortable under the covers and start spouting off nonsense.
"You're really that worried about your parents?"
"Yes! Hyung... What if I never see them again?" He started shaking under my touch and muffled sobs could be heard escaping his mouth. If he'd have started crying like this a few weeks ago I would have easily called him weak and pathetic and looked at him as if he was the most disgusting thing on the earth. But I wasn't going to do that now. I'd heard him cry out in his nightmares for his parents, I'd seen the look in his eyes whenever he had the opportunity to phone home, I'd seen the hurt when he was denied visiting his family because of our schedule, and I had also seen the determination and dedication he put into our group. He may have been young but in my eyes he wasn't one of those annoying kids, he was someone wise beyond his years.
"... Junhong we have a free day tomorrow right?" Sniffing a couple of times he quietened himself before speaking.
"Yes. The group have planned a shopping day right?" His words muffled as he refused to lift his head from the crook of my neck.
"How about we let them go shopping and we can take a trip to your parents house?" The shopping trip was really only for the five of them, the manager gave me more thing to be done and handed in by the time they got back from shopping in the evening so it wasn't technically a free day for me.
As soon as I'd said those words I felt tremendous pain in my jaw where the kid had whipped his head up so fast from it's spot under my neck that it caused the both of us pain. Clutching the top of his head with one hand while beaming through his pained expression he sat on top of my stomach, his free hand furiously patting away on my chest.
"Really!?! You really mean it hyung? We can go and see my parents? Can we spend the whole day? I'll get up early I promise! I wont complain about being tired or anything!" I laughed and grabbed his hand pulling him back down next to me holding him tightly looking him in the eyes.
"Of course I mean it kid." He signed into my neck slowly relaxing his body in my hold as he drifted off to sleep. He must have been exhausted with all the practicing we had been doing and it wasn't uncommon for him to easily fall asleep during car journeys, when we were sat watching movies, and even when we took breaks from dance practice.
As soon as I thought he was out for the count I wriggled my way out of the bed and padded over to the little desk in the corner of the room. Pieces of paper were scattered everywhere with half finished lyrics on, inspirational quotes and some of my own motivational sayings scrawled on them. I pushed some of the papers aside as I sat down looking for a suitable pencil that hadn't felt the wrath of my anger during my uninspired times, once I had found one the blank piece of paper in front of me was soon plastered with lyrics and names assigned to those lyrics in my scrawly handwriting. Although it was a first draft it was already one of my favourite songs and even if it wasn't produced I would try and keep it around, maybe pin it up to the wall in front of the desk.
Tapping my pencil against the paper I debated in my mind the title. It took a while but finally with just a few more I was done.
'비빌연애'
I looked at the clock, I'd been working on the lyrics for a good hour, the time just flew by because I was just so engrossed in it. Smiling to myself I deemed it enough for the manager to get of my case for a while and padded back over to my bed lying back down next to giant taking up 3/4 of it. I curled up as best as I could next to him so that I wouldn't fall out in the middle of the night as I looked down at the boy that had managed to change my view on kids in just a few weeks. He really was something different. I moved my head a few inches closer to him so that my lips came into contact with his forehead, the only way I could think of to thank him for everything he had done to my life for the short time he had been in it.
Immediately fits of giggles came from the giant as he snuggled up closer to me and pressed his lips to my collar bone. "Thanks hyung."
---
So ermmm... Yeah. Happy birthday Alice. The ending but I tried. And there will be a TINY little add on to this in the form of another chapter for anyone who's interested.
I will be editing this story maybe tomorrow? cleaning up any mistakes and all of that. I checked through befote I posted it but it was 12.30am...
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