Receiving a call from her he begged his manager to spare him a few hours.

She sounded desperate. Her voice thick. Far from her usual soft and melodic soothing voice which was his lullaby. Her words sharp and straight to the point; not like the shy and delicately picked roses of verses she honestly lets out. And worst of all, she ended the call. She never did that. Not to him. She’ll wait ‘till he was the one to press the red button cutting out their conversation.

Something was wrong.

They need to talk. She said. And he can hear the despair in her voice. When was the last time they did? He can’t remember. Grunting- his manager softened at the mention of her name.

“That’s new,” His other members snickered but he didn’t care.

After a few calls made by their manager here and there he apologized for he only got half an hour to push things back. Accepting what’s left of the offer, he darted out and ran to her pad.

Arriving- he knocked a couple of times before finally seeing the girl he was living for.

As he took a step forward a huge wave of pain panged behind him. Making him twitch ever so painfully; knowing that she won’t like seeing him hurt, he briskly walked in biting at his tongue to avoid whining and making her worry. Helping himself with a glass of water he explained his situation and he can’t help but notice her face fall.

"As always." She said.

She understands.

"You just seem to have no time for me anymore…. For us… I mean…"

Having that statement said he recalled the last time they talked.

It was a few weeks back.

She called him in the middle of a filming break. As usual she checked up his health and said some other things in life. But he was just tired. He rolled his eyes and hummed out answers nonchalantly. With this he earned dirty looks from his team and even from his manager. Thinking that he was letting everyone down fir the lack of work focus he ended the call rather too quickly and went back to work.

Little did he know. They were rolling eyes at his behavior towards his kind girlfriend.

She understands.

“I thought you’d understand no matter what."

The fanmeeting- She ought to understand that he needed to stay cool to avoid controversies.

And she ought to understand that it was part of his job. It was his image he was protecting. It was his career he was risking. But he was so tight with himself that he didn’t even bat an eyelash at his girlfriend’s thoughtfulness.

She walked away clearly disappointed at his lack of reaction but still with a compressed smile.

She understands.

"This understands." She pointed at his brain.

Logically he knew that she did. She was smart enough. Wiser than the ordinary.

She understands.

"It understands." His eye twitched at the sound of her breaking and his stomach knotted when he knew he was the one causing her pain.

"But this hurts."

And for the first time he was the one who understood.

I had a lot of things I want to achieve in life not only for myself. I wanted to make everyone proud of me. But somewhere in my hard strife I lost control. I lost balance of things.

"My brain understands but this burns."

I have my passion inside burning- to the point where the smoke fogged up everything else.

"I understand you but I love you."

At that moment he knew that the person whom he treasured the most was slipping away.

He knew he lost her.

"I-I understand that you love what you do and I understand that you value your career. But at the same time I understand that you have to give up some things in time. and I at the same time understand that we have to drift away and I completely understand that it’s time to let go."

By then he knew he had hurt her too much. He understood the situation perfectly and he could do nothing.

"2 years. We had 2 happy years. I guess that’s enough for me to hold onto? Yes?"

He felt lost. Defeated by his own pathetic self.

He can’t answer. He can’t move. What was he supposed to do?

"Now I understand that you have another schedule waiting and I understand that you have to leave. I’ll let you be, then….. Jongin-ssi.. "

Figuring that it was the end he buried his head in his hands out of shame.

It was his fault. It was his mistake. He took all the blame.

She fought for it. She fought. But he did nothing. He took of the advantage because he knew she’d understand- no matter what.

But he left out the fact that feelings can’t be controlled.

Knowing what’s best he stood up,

"I love you." He said honestly. He did. He really did. REALLY.

"But If I hold on- I’d only hurt you more. I’d probably try to be better but we know that in the long run- the pain I could cause you will only get worse…"

Feeling a sour sensation up his chest he let out a shaky breath.

"I’m really sorry. I hope for the last time- you understand."

He then walked out and away without looking back. For if he did, he knew he’d only hurt her again.

Is this the end? His subconscious asked him.

Only God knows.

But one thing was for sure…

He will never stop loving her.

--

Thanks for reading. :)