Namjoon  - Mar 3 – Mar 17

Jeongguk can still see blood when he bathes. The red liquid had planted its roots between the baby blue tiles, making the hospital seem much more like a horror movie. He could see Seokjin curled up in the corner, fingers gripping onto the blade tightly, hopeful that this is the end. He could see the skin on Seokjin’s hand tear apart as the blade danced over his skin. A moan, or maybe a whine, escaped his lips as the blade went in deeper.

And then there were tears. Jeongguk’s. He couldn’t bear it. He didn’t want to either.

-

“Taehyung,” he whispered into the phone, afraid. “Could you come visit me?” his voice broke. He hadn’t slept in days, not since Seokjin left. He was afraid of what was left behind him. He was terrified to sleep knowing that he’ll dream of it.

Taehyung hesitated. “Is everything alright?” he asked, sceptic.  He didn’t know. No one really knew about what happened. They wanted the media to stay in complete darkness until the family was ready to face the world, and most importantly the fans.

Could he tell him? Could Jeongguk actually tell Taehyung that his idol was dead? No, he couldn’t crush him like that. He wasn’t supposed to; he had no right to do it. “Don’t come, I’m fine.” There was no way it was convincing. His voice cracked and he was sure Taehyung could hear he was crying. He broke the call unable to talk anymore. It was overwhelming. Everything just came crashing down on him.

A squeak of the mattress startled him. He wasn’t alone. All this time someone else was in the room.

What if it was Seokjin?

“Sorry,” the other said, smiling at Jeongguk while he tapped his way over the space between the beds. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” Half of his face was covered in scars, burns. “I’m Namjoon, new roommate.” His hands tapped around the space looking for the chair. “Hoseok said I should take this room. He said you need someone to talk to.” when his fingers wrap around the back of the chair he sits, eyes flickering around the room, unfocused.

Jeongguk waves his hand before the elder’s face. He doesn’t even blink.

“Great,” he spits under his breath, hoping the elder doesn’t catch it.

Namjoon laughs. His lips curl up, revealing two rows of pearly white teeth. The dimples on his cheeks make him seem so much more childlike than Jeongguk thought he was. “You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to.” His whole face is smiling, even his eyes that have finally focused on something behind Jeongguk’s shoulder. “But it helps.”

Something about Namjoon seemed so peaceful. His whole existence seemed to calm Jeongguk down. The way he talked, slowly and in the same tone; the way his lips would curl up at the ends even when he wasn’t smiling; even his flickering eyes made him seem so peaceful.

Jeongguk was shy to talk. He didn’t tell anyone he blames himself for Seokjin’s death, except for Hoseok who managed to figure it out himself. His mother only hugged him for full ten minutes, telling him it’ll all be alright.

“You’re out in only about five days. Don’t let this get you.” She looked like she could cry, but not because a man died, but because Jeongguk had to see it.

“I feel like I could have done something,” his voice was small, quiet, “like I could have said something that’ll change his mind. I feel like I am responsible for not noticing that he’s about to kill himself. I feel like I’m the one who should take the blame.”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Namjoon whispered, fingers neatly placed over Jeongguk’s. “No one blames you for his death, don’t be the only one who does.”

Namjoon’s voice soothed Jeongguk, his words made an awful lot of sense too.

“Hoseok told me that they hospitalized Seokjin because he slashed his wrists badly. He said that the singer threatened him to do it again if they don’t let him leave the hospital. He told them they were choking him.”

The whole story behind Seokjin seemed like a movie. Jeongguk never would have thought that the cheery singer hated himself, hated his life so much he’d be able to end his life. He never thought that someone could be so miserable that they couldn’t see any other way out.

Namjoon turned his head to the doors. Anticipating. He seemed to have a better hearing than Jeongguk because the moment his lips curled up at the corners, Hoseok walked in.

The doctor’s eyes shifted quickly to Namjoon, he smiled. “Hello,” he murmured and placed both of his palms on Namjoon's shoulders.  “How are you Jeongguk?”

Jeongguk briefly nodded his head and tried to smile. “I’m good.”

Hoseok’s fingers traced a line along Namjoon’s collar and he allowed himself to rest his chin on the other’s temple. “Great, your mother signed all the papers this morning, you’re going home tomorrow.”

Jeongguk eyes lit up, he’s finally going to go home. “Taehyung,” he whispered under his breath and felt the tears in the corners of his eyes.

“What?” Hoseok questioned, moving closer to Jeongguk and taking his cheeks between his palms.

“I’ll have to tell Taehyung Seokjin died.”

The look Hoseok gave him back was compassionate, he knew oh so well how hard was it to tell someone a person they loved, admired, was dead.

“Take your time. Don’t rush into it,” Namjoon said from behind the two. “The news will be all over the news once the family agrees to make it public. Be by his side when he finds out, but don’t be the one he’ll connect with his death.”

Hoseok nodded his head and moved back to Namjoon whose fingers found Hoseok, threading his through Hoseok’s. A faint blush spread over the doctor’s cheeks.

Hoseok took in a deep breath. “Ok, you two, bed now.” He pulled Namjoon away, pushing him into his bed. “You both need rest.”

Jeongguk smiled at him. “Thank you.”

Hoseok smiled. “I’ll come back to say bye.”

fifth chapter done, two to go.

i enjoyed writing this chapter. 

i added the dates next to the titles.

gif cr: x