This is the last chapter of this story I promise. This was also inspired by something that tintap made but this time I won't be making a poster out of it. Honestly people of AFF she is a fantastic person who is amazing is so many ways. If you have the chance please drop by her page and check her stories out they're wonderful! Now enjoy the last chapter of this small series and maybe...just maybe I can actually continue my other stories for once!

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You had to have made a mistake when you talked to me that night. I stay up late some nights just remembering that scene and replaying it over and over again in my head. I usually fall asleep crying but that never stopped me from thinking about it again the very next night.

You told me to be happy. You told me to move on.

But I can’t.

Why did you tell me Chanhee would be there to make me happy? Why did you want me to give up what I had to be with him? We’re only best friends, while we were lovers—or I wanted us to be lovers.

I should be mad at you for what you did. I should be balling up my fist and slamming it against the wall in anger. I should be throwing away the albums you released and the memories I created with you.

But I can’t.

I can’t be mad at you; I love you too much to ever be mad at you. You’re a star, someone who’s becoming quite popular in our country and even outside our country and you made the choice to leave me to do what you’ve always wanted to do. It’s my fault for not getting over you and moving on like what you want of me. You want me to be happy with Chanhee, to be happy without you.

I think I’d give you another chance. If you deserve one that is from me after leaving me twice. I’d let you beg for me back and wait for you to be truly sorry for ever even thinking about leaving me behind.

But I know what you are.

You’re just a mistake in my life. Someone who shouldn’t be in it and who’ll only drag me down. I shouldn’t give you the chance to take me back because you have already shown signs of wanting to leave me every time we’re together.

Maybe I can find love in Chanhee, the kind of love I had for you and only you. Maybe I can find it in my heart to finally leave you and have your memory just be a scar on my mind.

That’s what you want, isn’t it? For me to be happy with someone else, for me to be away from the star life and to be safe away from you.

I’m torn between what I want and what you want for me. I want to ruin my life by waiting for you; I want to be alone forever as I remember what we once had. You were worth it, you will always be worth it.

But as I look at Chanhee I see what you mean finally. I can see it after so long of disregarding his feelings.

He listened to everything I had to say whether if it benefited him or not. He always believed me and never once thought I was lying about you or anything we’ve done. He was by my side when you couldn’t be and brought me out of a depression that I was in when you first left.

Maybe over the months of being with him I developed feelings for him as well and only noticed them now. Maybe I never wanted to give him a chance because you were always in the back of my mind.

But now that you’re gone I feel like I’ve cheated him. I feel like I used him to bring back a happier me and only when you fully rejected me is when I’ll jump into his arms.

I know if you were here speaking to me you would tell me things like,

“Don’t let those thoughts bring you down!”

Or,

“He’ll always be there for you, I can’t. Please be happy and I’m sure he’ll take you with open arms.”

Those kinds of thoughts depress me because it’s true and it saddened me to know that you’d push me towards someone else and not towards yourself.

I love you, Ahn Daniel. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you even if you despised me.

However it is time to move on, it is time to finally let myself be happy without you. Will I continue to buy your albums and attempt to go to your concerts? Most likely yes, but this time I’ll be a dedicated fan and not someone who once knew the man up on stage.

I’ll be a different person to you when I see you on the streets or glance your way in time for you to glance in my direction as well.

You’ll forever be my first love, but now it’s time to try out this ‘second love’ thing and see how successful it is.

I’ll give Lee Chanhee a chance and I’ll do it not only for you but for me. I’ll do it and be happy with him and he’ll be happy with me.

So this is my final goodbye, I might not speak about you much anymore or even to you again. Maybe I’ll send this letter to you, maybe I’ll show you the feelings I have sorted up inside of me that I can’t seem to let go of, but more than likely this letter will be thrown into my desk and will gather dust as I grow older and live my life.

Thank you for showing me love and allowing me to experience not only happiness but sadness as well.