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I needed to get away from this; the stage, the lights, the roaring of fans. I just wanted to be away from it all. Seoul felt like a trap to me and left me wishing there was a way to change my life.

And then finally something was brought up. A vacation.

A chance to get away from the fans, a chance to get away from my stage name and finally be myself. I didn't have to be Niel anymore; I could be plain old Ahn Daniel.

And there was only one person I could think of to share this wonderful vacation with. You.

Ever since the day I met you that was all I could think about. I felt like myself when I was around you, I felt like I didn't have to be famous to be happy, I just had to be by your side.

So I pleaded for this vacation, I pleaded for them to leave me alone, allow me to travel 'by myself' and be alone for a while. All they needed to do was give me a car and I would be good. I could take you with me and we can start where we last left off.

When I left you.

What if you don't want to be with me anymore? Did you find someone new? Did you finally get over me? I left you standing in that vacant area and didn't even attempt to keep you by my side; why would you ever want to take me back?

But I had to take this chance for us to be together once more. We'd have no one but ourselves and we can finally get to know each other away from the restaurant where we first met.

Talk about our passions, our dreams. We can talk about things that have been bothering us or the things that will be bothering us.

We can be a normal couple.

I had a dream once, of the two of us. We were out where no one could find us; where the only lights for miles were that of the glowing fireflies around us. We spoke sweet nothings to each other and sat up all night knowing that our time was short. Even my dreams are sad when you are a part of them. They always end with us saying our final goodbyes and moving on in life.

You would find someone better than me who could support you in ways I could never. And me, well I would just continue to sing and love you for the rest of my life.

All at once I didn't want to be on vacation, I didn't want to chance my dreams becoming a reality but I didn't care at the moment. I just wanted to be with you, even if for one last time.

I looked for your address only using your name and some information I got from knowing you. I didn't care about the consequences at the time because I only wanted you.

And when you said yes I was in near tears. We met up secretly the night before the start of our happiness together and held each other for as long as we could. Nothing seemed different about us, but I knew there was. I knew it the second you showed up with him.

The sadness in his eyes proved to me his feelings for you and I almost wanted to drop everything in my life to continue to hold you so that he could not.

You introduced him as your best friend, someone who knew all of your secrets and promised to keep them that way. He winced at the word best friend but said nothing about it. He merely shook my hand and said it was an honor to meet me; I knew he was lying through his teeth.

He was competition. And I was not going to let him have you.

The next day we left the city in the car they allowed me to rent. We drove long and far away from all of the city lights and people and got away from everything. I just wanted this to be about you and me.

But the whole time you just talked about your life from the second I left it and how it has been since I've been away. You spoke of Chanhee a lot and always seemed to smile the most when mentioning the nice things he has ever done for you or the things he said to you. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to stop the car and get out at that moment, but I didn't. I knew he made you happy and that was probably what angered me the most.

I knew he was meant for you, but I never wanted to admit that to you.

Instead I just let you continue talking about the life I wish I was a part of and continued driving until we finally reached a small place out in the middle of nowhere.

It was exactly where I wanted to be with you. No one knew who we were and no one cared to figure it out. We rented the place out for a few days and just stayed together the whole time.

By the last day I knew it was the end. It didn't matter how much we whispered sweet 'I love yous' to each other throughout our time spent together because the decision was made before that. Maybe this was a way to finally say our last goodbyes and part on good terms. Maybe I was ashamed of myself because of how I left you that day.

I told you to never acknowledge me. I told you to forget about me, and yet here I am clinging on to you like we were inseparable. I never wanted this moment to end and I never wanted to go back to being Niel. I wanted to be Ahn Daniel together forever with Lee Byunghun.

"I love you Byunghun."

"I love you too Daniel."

Those were the words that I wanted to exchange with you that night while we drove back to the city. I wanted to lay with you and give you everything that I have and will ever have.

But instead when I dropped you off at your house and walked you to your door. I had to force myself to finally tell you the words we both did not want to hear.

"This is my final goodbye. I can't be with you Byunghun and I don't want you to hold on to me. Go and be with Chanhee, I know you love him too but don't want to let go of me."

You were speechless and couldn't even muster up any sort of sentence. I saw the tears forming in your eyes and I just sighed and wiped them away. "Be happy, for me."

And with that I left your life forever.

I just wanted you to be happy.

And that meant you being happy with someone else.