For a couple of moments I can do nothing at all except stare at him. The shock of seeing him on my doorstep has actually caused a sharp pain in my heart.

Then it kicks in.

"Jongin!" I scream, dropping to my knees. "Jongin what's happened?"

He isn't in any state to reply of course, his skin is sweaty and his head twitches slightly. My hands travel towards the sleeve of his right arm in search of his injury, but soon my hand is covered in his red blood. So much is coming out that it’s a wonder he’s even breathing.

I start heaving great sobs and my fingers fumble for my phone. I punch in the numbers nobody ever wants to dial.

"Hello, what's your emer-"

"AMBULANCE!" I scream, "I need an ambulance."

The operator calmly asks for my address and my voice is shaking so much that I have to start again twice. Finally she has it and assures me that the ambulance will be here any moment.

I drop the phone on to the ground and focus on Jongin again. I can barely stand to look at him; I can't even explain the panic and fear in my heart. The boy I like so much and have been waiting for for weeks is now on my doorstep, about to leave me again.

This time forever.

"Jongin stay awake," I sob, cupping his cheeks and bending close to his face. I press a desperate kiss on his forehead my eyes closed tight and then smooth the hair away from his face. How I felt when he wasn’t here is nothing compared to how I feel now, the sight of him it feels like a huge weight on my heart, all I want to do is keep touching him, making sure that he’s real and actually here, that this is actually happening. "You cannot die Jongin, you can not do this to me."

I kiss his lips, dry and cracked from the shivering breaths his body is emitting, willing so hard for his lips to move against mine, willing for his beautiful brown eyes to open. Willing for his cheeks to stretch out into that killer smile.

He can not die.

This is not how it will end.

I rip a big section of my shirt off and tie it tight around the sleeve of his shirt, putting pressure to stop the blood. I can barely see what I'm doing through the river of tears in my eyes. I hear a terrified chocking sound in the hallway and it takes me a moment to realise it's the sound of my own sobs.

I remember something vague from a first aid course I did ages ago about the recovery position, so I push Jongin on to his side and carefully raise his head.

I lift one of his eyelids and see that his pupils are blank and dilated. It scares me to see nothing in eyes that are usually so expressive and I bend over and press my face against his neck.

'Jongin it's me Ara, please stay with me," I cry, "Don't leave me, please please don't leave me."

A buzzing sound comes from my apartment and I realise the ambulance is here.

I sprint to the answer phone and press the button, unreluctant to leave Jongin for even a second. There are loud footsteps on the stairs and then the paramedics burst into the hallway, carrying with them a white stretcher.

"Come on sweetie," Says one of the paramedics, trying to pull me away from Jongin.

"I need to stay with him," I protest. I feel as though I'm the one thing that’s connecting him with this world and if I leave him...

"Just let the paramedics do their job. He'll have the best chance that way." She says. "Is there anyone you can call?"

I nodd blindly taking out my phone. My fingers are shaking too hard to even press the numbers so she takes it off me and asks who to call.

"Suho," I say. "His number is in my contact list."

I try to peer around the paramedics but they're all surrounding Jongin like a sheild. They're shouting numbers and medical terminology that scares the hell out of me.

The paramedic passes the phone back to me just as Suho answers.

"Hey Ara, where are you? Me and Baek are waiting-"

"Suho!" I scream and then for a moment I can't even continue, my body is so overwhelmed with crying and the sight of paramedics surrounded by Jongin.

"What's happened?" He gasps, "Where are you?"

"It's Jongin," I sob, "He's dying Suho, there's so much blood I don't know, I just,"

There's only the sound of Suho's panicked breathing.

"What do you mean he's dying?" His voice is a pitch higher from raw fear. In the background I hear Baekhyun saying 'Hyung what is? What's happened?'

"You need to come to the hospital Suho," I say, "All of you."

There's silence on the phone. I can tell Suho's just sitting there in shock from Baekhyun's worried questions 'Hyung what's happened? Tell me!'

"SUHO!" I scream, needing him to get a grip.

"We'll be there," He says, sniffing hard. The pitch of his voice is all over the place from fighting to stay calm "We'll meet you there. Stay on the phone Ara,"

"I will," I say tearfully. But just then there's a great movement and the paramedics lift Jongin on the stretcher. Suho's request to stay on the phone disappears out of my head and I push my way in to the huddle of paramedics, grasping Jongin's hand. He has an oxygen mask stretched over his face and on his hand a tube is connected to a bag that a paramedic is holding high in the air. I press his hand to my lips and his cheeks.

 My tears fall steadily on to his face.

I wonder if deep in his unconcious state, whatever is happening in his mind, he thinks it is raining.

As soon as we step in to the Hospital, Jongin is loaded on to a trolley and pushed away at the speed of light through metal double doors. When I try to catch up, I'm held back by a nurse.

"You can't go through there," She says.

"What?" I look at her wide-eyed, "What do you mean I can't go through? I need to be with him,"

I wrench my arm out of her grasp, but she's obiously used to this because she easily grabs it back.

"Why are you doing this?" I sob, "I need to be with him, he needs me there."

All I can think of is all the different doctors handling him, forcing tubes into his veins. I imagine all these foreign hands touching his skin, brisk and buisness like with no individual care for his beautiful body. Because after all he is just another patient.

All at once I sense the worried presence of the other boys.

Suho, Chanyeol and Sehun are running towards us with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun close behind.

"What's happened?" Suho gasps. His skin is ghostly pale.

"I don't I just opened my door and he was there lying on the floor," I cry hysterically.

Sehun looks like he's about to be sick.

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol keeps saying, “I don’t understand-”

“I don’t understand either,” I shriek, “I was opening the door so I could leave my apartment to meet Suho and then there he was.”

“On your doorstep?” Sehun whispers, horrified.

Kyungsoo looks like he’s about to faint. The contrast between his pale face and his wide dark eyes is startling and he’s so shaken that Baekhyun helps him into a chair.

Suho paces up and down the hallway, his face buried in his hands.

“Hyung,” Chanyeol says helplessly, trying to lay a hand on his shoulder.

“How could this happen,” Suho cries, “I should have looked after him more, I should have tried to look for him every single minute of the day!”

“Don’t beat yourself up Hyung,” Sehun tries to grasp Suho by the shoulders.

“I should have been there for him!” Suho says, “I should have known something like this would have happened,”

“How? How were you meant to know something like this would have happened?” Baekhyun says. Kyungsoo’s head is on his shoulder and tears are dripping slowly down his nose as he stares straight ahead, as if in a trance.

“I sat there that night on the car park roof top and I told him I’d be there for him. I knew something was wrong but I told myself he could handle it, that if he wanted my help he’d have asked for it,” Suho looks around at us all, his eyes bloodshot and full of tears. His voice is full of so much self anger and self hate. In that moment I see how seriously Suho takes his job as the leader. He’s not just a friend to these boys; he’s almost like a father figure. And the fact that one of them is now lying on a hospital bed , with nothing he can do to help, is tearing him apart.

“Stop Suho,” I say firmly, unable to stand here and watch him berate himself any longer, “Jongin made the decision to leave, there’s no way you could have known this would happen. Don’t treat yourself like this, Jongin wouldn’t have wanted it.”

Suho looks at me. It really really hurts me to see his normally calm brown eyes, watery and tense. I use the cuff of my shirt to smooth his cheeks free from tears.

“She’s right hyung,” Chanyeol says, “You need  to give yourself a bit more credit. You do an amazing job of looking after us.”

“Kai will be fine,” Sehun says firmly, “He’s in the best place. The Doctors know what to do with him.”

“We should just wait for them to tell us something before we jump to conclusions,” Baekhyun says.

Chanyeol takes off his jacket and wraps it around my shoulders, zipping it right up. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo are sitting on the only available chairs outside the metal doors, so I sit right in front of them on the floor, leaning against Kyungsoo’s legs. Chanyeol sits beside me and lays his head in my lap like a big kid, and I bring my fingers up to play in his fluffy hair.

“Sit down Suho,” I say softly. He slowly sinks down to the floor to sit on the other side of me. I rest my head on his shoulder and take one of his hands. He gives it a grateful squeeze. Sehun sits with his back against Suho’s shoulder, legs drawn up and chin resting on his knees, his small dark eyes fixed permanently on the door.

 And that’s how we all sit, in silence and taking up a large percentage of the hallway, while we wait to hear news of Jongin. Sitting like this we’re all physically connected in some way, whether it be someone’s head on someone else’s shoulder or two hands joined together. I like to imagine we’re one big strong life force, willing Jongin to be okay.

After hours of sitting and watching doctors and nurses leave the metal door and walk straight past us, one of them finally walks towards us.

“Are you here for Kim Jongin?” He says. He’s an intelligent looking man with glasses and short brown hair.

Immediately we all jump to our feet.

“Y-yes,” Suho stammers, “We’re here for him.”

“How is he?” Sehun asks urgently.

“He’s okay right?” Chanyeol asks desperately.

“He’s sustained a bad injury to his left arm and the blood loss has been a very large amount,”

“Please,” I beg, “Please just put us out of our misery. How is he?”

The doctor’s eyes soften as he looks around at us all. Taking a deep breath, he opens his mouth.

-------------

A/N: DON'T KILL ME GUYS.

TIS THE SEASON FOR CLIFF HANGERS.

-hides