“Yes?" Changmin questioned as he saw the disbelieving looks on his hyungs' faces as they entered the kitchen and witnessed Changmin cooking, "Why are you guys looking at me as though I’m an alien, Junsu hyung, Jaejoong hyung and Yoochun hyung?”

“Eh? Uh, nothing," Junsu replied, smiling nervously as he twiddled his fingers absentmindedly, "Are you okay, Changmin ah?”

Staring at the man before him, Changmin appeared to be perfectly normal. It was unlike the guilt-ridden man Junsu saw yesterday. This was one filled with happiness and cheer, the complete opposite of the man who was close to tears and despair. Frowning, Junsu continued assessing the man before him as he waited for Changmin to reply. He was curious after Yoochun revealed the mystery chef in the kitchen to be Changmin. He could not believe his ears when he heard that. After all, Yoochun was not there to witness Changmin’s break down last night. Changmin was absolutely devastated. He did not see how a man could completely transform his behavior overnight.

Alas, he was wrong.

“I’m fine, hyung. Never felt any better,” answered Changmin with a genuine smile, surprising Junsu as he laid out the dishes on the dining table, an aura of happiness surrounding him.

 “So," Jaejoong gently cleared his throat, bringing everyone's attention onto him, "Shall we sit down and eat the breakfast Changmin made for us? Unless we are going to stand and eat at the same time...?”

“Sure, hyung," Changmin agreed readily, flashing Jaejoong a quick smile as he noted Jaejoong's awkward stance, "Why did you even bother to ask?”

“It’s just...”

“Okay. It's okay. I understand. Let’s just have our breakfast for now. We'll talk later,” said Changmin as he took the initiative and sat, beginning eating as soon as the cutlery were in his hands. Staring at the maknae who was eating nonchalantly, the trio Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu followed the younger's actions and sat down. It was no use standing awkwardly when said maknae had already invited them to sit. Taking the cutlery in their hands, the trio ate in silence; none of them brave enough to speak up with the tension hanging in the room.

Finally, breakfast was over. Instead of the usual smile of contentment at the delicious breakfast consumed, all faces were stern as they stacked the plates up and cleared the dishes off the table. Junsu washed the dishes while Yoochun helped to soap them. Changmin placed the clean plates back to where they belonged while Jaejoong wiped the dining table with a rag cloth. Again, this was all done in silence. They were too afraid to break Changmin's cheerful facade that none of them spoke a single word.

The silence was finally broken when Changmin placed the final plate back into the drawer and shut it, eliciting the attention of the trio. They looked up at Changmin, all attention focused on him. Changmin faced his back towards them, his hands gripping the handle of the drawer tight. There were no delaying things now. The time had come for the truth to be known. He could hide it no longer. Taking in a deep breath, Changmin willed up whatever courage he had in him. He could not fail his three hyungs now. He would tell them the truth. The truth that they deserved to know many years ago.

“I know you have many things to ask me, right?” asked Changmin as his hands slightly trembled on the handle of the drawer, his voice shaky as it reverberated in the air, "You probably had wanted to ask me ever since I joined CJES and we formed JYJC."

Jaejoong, Yoochun, and Junsu nodded their heads in response, sensing Changmin's fear and distress. Changmin sighed.

"I was afraid to tell you at first," he whispered, "I'm afraid you'll hate me for what I've done to Yunho hyung. The words I shouldn't have said, the actions I shouldn't have performed... All those haunting memories... I'm afraid you'll hate me once you know what had happened. I'm afraid you'll hate me once you know the truth."

Then, turning around, Changmin faced them head on, his gaze determined, “But now, I'm done being afraid. I'm done hiding the truth, done living a lie. I'm Choi Kang Changmin, member of JYJC, subgroup of TVXQ. It's high time I stopped being fearful right? Surely I'm as strong as my stage name implies..."

"Changmin," Jaejoong spoke softly, "If there's anyone stronger than you, the world would collapse in terror. You're the strongest person I know. I don't think anyone would object to that."

"I know, Jaejoong hyung, I know." Changmin smiled nervously at Jaejoong with unspoken gratitude, "That's why I've made up my mind. I’ll tell you what really happened that day and some days after that. Everything that I know, I will say. The truth may not be pretty hyungs, but you of all people deserve to know it. I'll come clean, hyungs."

The trio smiled at him, egging him on as Changmin let go of the drawer handle and spoke.

"It happened a week before I came to your place and declared that I’m the part of JYJC… ... ...”

Flashback

“I understand.”

Changmin uttered as he turned away, slamming the door behind him as he cast a last look at his bowing hyung. Taking in a deep breath, he composed himself as he walked out of the apartment, a horde of crazy fan girls greeting him at once. Changmin smiled. Their screams were high pitched and piercing but they were still nothing compared to the deafening silence he was faced with from before. For once, silence had overwhelmed noise and Changmin could not help but laugh at the irony of it all.

The crowd was confused by his actions but Changmin ignored them. On the surface, he seemed to be smirking at Cassiopeia as he weaved through the crowd and displayed confidence in every stride that he took but the truth could not be further than that. He may seem fine on the outside but even he knew, that was nothing but a mere illusion, a trick of the eye. He was a total wreck inside out. He was at an utter loss.

He could not understand why Yunho did not want to go with him. The company had separated them with the people they loved the most; their friends, their family, and even a lover in his hyung's case. Why then would his pabo hyung still want to sign on with such a company? Why?

Changmin questioned himself for the umpteenth time as he got into the vehicle and drove away, leaving the mad crowd of fan-girls behind him. Why, why and why? He frowned as he contemplated the logic of it all. It did not make any sense no matter how hard he thought. Did they not share the same interests? Did they not have common goals? He thought what Yunho wanted was the same as his. He thought they thought the same, or was that the greatest mistake that he had ever made? Changmin bit his lip as he resisted the urge to curse. They both knew what he wanted was really simple: both of them leaving that wicked company, silencing their unfair contracts, and reuniting with their other three brothers. Why then was it so damn difficult for his hyung?

“Damn it!" cursed Changmin upon entering his apartment, "Damn it, damn it, damn it!"

 "What the hell is his problem anyway?" he continued ranting as he kicked the wall next to the doorway, "Why the hell can't he leave that stupid company huh? Why the hell not?"

Staring at the messy state his apartment seems to be in, Changmin's frustrations increased with every impending second.

 "Stupid Yunho hyung! Pabo Yunho hyung! It's all your fault!" Changmin screamed as he tried to pack away the stuff that were strewn on the floor. It was of no use. The more Changmin packed away, the more there seemed to be. With every object kept away, more memories arose to his mind. Yunho comforting Changmin as he cried, Yunho giving Changmin advice on Changmin's awkward dancing, Yunho laughing at Changmin's sarcastic remarks, Yunho taking care of Changmin when he was sick, Yunho's air of confidence as he reassured Changmin, both of them insecure as they made their way up their debut stage, hand in hand, together as one...

"“Stupid Yunho hyung. Aaaaarrrggghhhh!”

Changmin let loose a final scream as he gave up clearing the mess and began throwing everything that was on the floor instead, watching them crash onto his house furniture and shattering into a million pieces before his eyes. Still, the sound did not faze the angry maknae. He continued throwing, continued breaking and continued screaming at the top of his voice. Everything that he could see, he hit it, kick it then threw it. There was no hesitation in his actions. There was not even a slight pause. His random bout of violence ensued, propagated by the sounds of his belching. Even when his throat was sore, even when his voice was hoarse, Changmin never stopped screaming. With all his might, he screamed, and screamed, and screamed. For it was the only thing he could do right at that instant, he screamed, ignoring the two angry tracks of tears that betrayed him as they slid down his face in a soundless motion.

"Pabo Yunho hyung!" Changmin bellowed as he threw the vase Yunho gave him for housewarming against the nearby couch, "Why must you do this to me! Why must you leave me to do this alone? Why?"

Why?

Changmin silently teared as he watched the mess around him, feeling as wrecked as the current state of his apartment.

Why must you leave me alone?

Two days after the incident, Changmin drove back to the dorm he used to live with Yunho, determined to take his remaining belongings back. Locking the car with a slight press of his remote, Changmin schooled his emotions together and put his mask of nonchalance on. The faster he got on with it, the better it would be for the both of them. Having made up his mind, Changmin walked to the dorm in big steps, exuding the confidence every teen idol should have. Upon unlocking the door of their shared dorm, Changmin was surprised to find the dorm in entire darkness. Turning on the light, he was mildly shocked to see Yunho sitting on floor as he leaned against the wall, looking at the picture of the five of them which was hanging on the wall opposite to him. It was the only thing left after the lawsuit; the only thing of the other three that the company allowed them to keep.

“Oh, Changmin ah,” Yunho greeted Changmin with a weak smile upon noticing Changmin's entrance, “Why are you here?”

Changmin did not greet Yunho back. Instead, he ignored the man before him and diverted his gaze from Yunho to the picture he was staring at longingly.

Noticing that the maknae's attention is not on him, Yunho turned to the picture ahead, the smile still present on his face, "Sometimes it's pretty cool to stop and think about the past we shared together huh? All the obstacles we've managed to overcome, it is such an incredible feat, no? It pays to reminisce the past sometimes.”

“Reminisce the past? What the hell, hyung. Don’t you ever think? We can all make this come true! We can make our past become our future! All we have to do is just to leave that darn good for nothing company! Can't you see it, Yunho hyung? Can't you see that leaving the company is the only thing to do?”

The anger started to creep into Changmin’s heart once more, his frustrations getting the better of him.

“Changmin ah, you know I can’t do that,” Yunho shook his head vehemently, "You know I've made my choice. I'm not turning back."

“Why in the heavens can’t you do that? You never did tell me the reason at all. Hell, you never tell me anything these days, hyung! The company has made you suffer so much. The company has separated you from the people you cherish; your family, your brothers and your other half! Why can't you leave them? Do you even know how broken you were back then? Do you even know how much you resembled a living zombie in the first few years of the breakup?”

“Changmin ah, enough!”

“No, hyung. No! I have many things to say and I will not stop saying it until it all gets into your head. I only want you to be happy. Nothing else. Your happiness is out there, out of the company. If you don’t want to do that for me, at least do it for your other half! Damn it! Why can't you bloody leave the company already!”

“Chang-”

Yunho was about to continue before his statement was interrupted by the ringing from his cellphone in his jeans pocket.

“Hello. Okay. Yes. I’ll go. Okay,” Yunho answered before placing his cellphone back where it belonged.

“I have to go, Changmin ah. We will continue this conversation some time later. I hope to see you around soon.” Yunho got up and walked past Changmin, his eyes pleading for Changmin's understanding and acceptance.

“Just go. Go anywhere you like. I do not care about you anymore," Changmin answered coldly, ignoring the hurt look on Yunho's face, "And for the record, hyung, I’m not hoping to see you around soon. In fact, I'm hoping I won't ever have to see you again.”

With that, Changmin took his remaining belongings and walked out of the door way, not a single glance spared in Yunho's direction. He did not even turn around when Yunho replied his cold statement. He did not even stop at the sound of Yunho's voice.

"Good luck, Changmin ah."

The whispers of Yunho's final words to him echoed down the door way as Changmin continued walking, missing the tears streaming down Yunho's face as he watched Changmin walk away from him for the last time.

Flash back end

“And that was the last time I saw Yunho hyung. I know I’m wrong. I shouldn't have done that. Yunho hyung must have had his own reasons. I… I…”

Changmin covered his face in shame as he cried, the tears that were held back for so long finally released from its hidden dam. Gone was the happy exterior he had! Now, all that was left was a sobbing man overwhelmed with remorse as he begged for forgiveness, his soft mumbles disrupted by the occasional sobs he let out.

 “Changmin ah, shh... It's okay.” Junsu got up from his chair immediately and wrapped his hands around Changmin’s shoulder, pulling Changmin into a warm embrace, "Everything's alright. We're still here for you."

“Calm down, Changmin ah. No one blames you." Yoochun pacified the maknae as he poured a glass of water for Changmin, passing the water-filled glass to Junsu, "We all understand that you were angry at that time and although anger's not exactly the best excuse for uncalled for actions in the world, we all know that we tend to say the most upsetting things when we're mad.”

"B-but... B-but..."

"Changmin ah, it's alright," Jaejoong smiled in reassurance, "I'm sure Yunho would have forgotten what you've said by now. It wouldn't have made that much of an impact. After all, he was always one that didn't bear grudges right?"

Nodding dumbly, Changmin allowed Jaejoong's words to wash over him, unable to believe that his three hyungs did not hate him for leaving their Yunho hyung in the lurch like that.

“So," Jaejoong pressed on upon Changmin's rapidly calming composure, "Did you hear anything about Yunho after that? Or was that really the last time you've heard of him?”

Changmin smiled; a watery smile that reflected the welling tears in his eyes. Jaejoong's eyes were flustered and his fingers were crossed together in prayer as he questioned Changmin, exhibiting the signs of a very curious yet worried person. He obviously was desperate in knowing Yunho's current whereabouts. Yet, Jaejoong was trying to be considerate of Changmin's feelings at the same time by going about it the gentler way. Changmin smiled, letting the tears stream down his face. He did not know why he even cried. Truth to be told, it hardly surprised Changmin the love Jaejoong had for his hyung (and for him). Jaejoong's love for Yunho has always been unfathomable. Even if they had not met for years, even if they had lost all forms of contact, the love between them still remain, transcending through time and space, leaving nothing but the warmest feelings in their hearts. Jaejoong loved Yunho and Yunho loved Jaejoong. They were each other's halves. It was something they all knew the moment 'Yunho' became 'My Lovely Yunho' in Jaejoong's contacts list.

“Do you still remember the chaotic week after I declared I will join you three in JYJ?" Changmin continued his recollection with a smile, Jaejoong's love having given him courage to continue.

"Well, on the very next day, I actually received a text from Da Hye noona, a previous stylist of ours that me and Yunho hyung had worked with during our 10th album together. This is weird but here's what she told me: Yunho hyung was summoned to the company and interrogated for hours. By the time he got out from the room, Da Hye noona saw bruises marking his entire face. Although Yunho hyung attempted to cover them up with his hoodie, it was still outstanding and in no way concealed.”

“Bruises?" Jaejoong paled as he repeated after Changmin's words, "What? Why? What happened? How could this be? My Yunnie in bruises? What?” Jaejoong slumped on his chair, his heart sinking upon hearing Changmin's confession.

“I don’t know, hyung. I don't know exactly what is going on either. Da Hye noona met him in the lobby as she was about to leave S.M. entertainment building. That's when she saw the bruises and questioned Yunho hyung about it. Yunho hyung told her that the bruises were a result of him falling and bumping into a table recently but Da Hye noona obviously couldn't believe it. Beside the fact it would be a near impossible to garner such bruises after a collision with a table, she also saw Yunho hyung being dragged by two bulky and muscular guys to the director’s room prior to the appearance of those nasty bruises on Yunho hyung's face. She thought they beat him up. That was the last she saw of him. Yunho hyung was never seen in the company again.”

“What? This is important news! Why didn't you tell us earlier?” accused Yoochun as he glared at Changmin angrily, "Yunho hyung was being beaten up and left to suffer but you didn't bring the matter up at all because of your damn pride? Changmin ah, how could you? I'm really disappointed in you right now! You could have told us earlier!"

“It's not about that. It's not about pride at all," Changmin shouted as he sobbed harder, the dam of tears broken once more, "If it was pride, I would have swallowed it up and found him a long time ago. I wouldn't have let my pride interfere with my interests in saving my best friend and my brother! Not now, not then, not ever!"

"Changmin..."

"You don't understand, Yoochun hyung," Changmin whimpered in Junsu's arms, "I was simply being fearful not prideful. I was afraid of barging into Yunho's life again. I mean, what right do I have now that I've left him when he needed the most? What right do I have to even face him?

"Changmin ah..." Yoochun gently whispered, unable to bear the sight of Changmin's remorseful face.

"You have no idea how guilty I felt towards Yunho hyung, Yoochun hyung. You have no idea. It wasn't that I didn't want to save him, hyung, it's more that I don't even have the right to do so. It’s all my fault this has happened after all. If not for me, would Yunho hyung still have been in that company? If not for me, would Yunho hyung have been left helpless and alone? It's all my fault, Yoochun hyung, can't you see? It wasn't that I didn't want to speak up about it. It's all because this is all just my mistake! I should have forced him out of the company, dragged him if I needed to, but I didn't. I should have stayed together with him, fight that darn company together but I didn't. I should have encouraged him, whispered sweet words of endearment when he was surrendering but I didn't. I should have protected him, healed his wounds, bandaged his heart, but I didn't. All those things that I should have done, I did not. What right hyung, may I ask, do I even have in saving him?"

"I let him down when he needed me the most. I pushed him into the lurch when he was reaching out for my hand. I ignored him when he was screaming my name. Tell me Yoochun hyung, how can I turn back now and tell him I love him? How can I forgive myself for even abandoning him in the first place?"

"Changmin ah, I'm sorry," Yoochun hugged Changmin as Changmin continued crying, screaming in Yoochun's arms now that Junsu had let him go, "I should have never doubted your love for Yunho hyung. I should have never..."

"Sorry?" Changmin scoffed with a bitter smile tugging at the ends of his lips, "What's there for you to be sorry about? You aren't me, Yoochun hyung. You aren't the big ed up that abandoned his brother when he needed him the most. You aren't the traitor who broke his promise even though they promised they would stay together forever. You did nothing, Yoochun hyung. What's there to be sorry about? You're innocent. Your hands are free of blood."

“Changmin ah,” Jaejoong gasped abruptly when Changmin sank his knees in front of Jaejoong, his face filled with remorse and repentance, “Get up, Changmin ah. Why are you kneeling down? Changmin! Changmin!”

"I'm kneeling to pay for my sins," Changmin announced as he looked up at Jaejoong, eyes watery with tears, "Yunho hyung isn't here right now so the only other person I can ask for forgiveness from is his other half Kim Jaejoong hyung."

"Changmin!"

 Junsu shouted as he tried to pull Changmin up while Yoochun sat dumbly next to Changmin on the floor, his arms still around him in a half embrace, "This isn't your fault. No one blames you. Please, get up this instant."

“No. It’s my fault, hyung. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Changmin kept muttering his apologies as he knelt in front of Jaejoong, head bowed down to the ground, "This all happened because of me. It's all my fault Yunho hyung's getting beaten up. It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I wish that I could take it all back but I can't. I'll do anything you ask me to do. Please, forgive me."

"Changmin ah..." Jaejoong whispered, staring brokenheartedly at the kneeling maknae before him, "Why do you keep insisting this is your fault when it isn't?"

"N-no! It is. Can't you see? If not for me Yunho hyung would have-"

"I see nothing," Jaejoong interrupted Changmin with a smile, his hand lightly Changmin's hair, "I see nothing but a maknae who loves his Yunho hyung so much he's willing to shoulder all the blame and responsibility on his shoulders."

Fortunately, Jaejoong's kind words caught Changmin by surprise and Junsu succeeded pulling Changmin back to his chair during that temporary pause of time. Now, Changmin is currently being cuddled by two of his hyungs on both ends with Junsu being on Changmin's left and Yoochun being on his right.

“What should we do now?” Jaejoong rubbed his face with his hands as Changmin struggled to regain his composure with the help of Junsu's and Yoochun's words of encouragement. This whole situation had utterly blown Jaejoong's mind and he was not sure of what to do anymore. Hell, he could not even think straight right now.

"Hmm... Do you still have DaHye noona’s contact number?" suggested Junsu, taking care to speak gently with Changmin to avoid startling him, "We can start by asking her. She might know something about what happened to Yunho hyung.”

“Yes, Changmin ah. Do you still have it? Can we contact her?” Yoochun asked Changmin while he smiled at him.

“I still have it on my phone,” answered Changmin weakly, his voice still shaky and hoarse from the sudden outburst previously.

“Good. Let’s contact her. We have to find out what really happened and why Yunho hyung disappeared.” Jaejoong concluded, the grim look on his face speaking of worst times that is to come.