Responses
Living in the Corner of his Eye
Key was relieved beyond words when he plopped down on the hard wood floor of the empty dance room and leaned back on the wall, Minho still being out with Taemin.
He really couldn’t care less about them right now however; there was a much more important matter at hand.
Key had never really been a big fan of literature, whether it was reading it or writing it himself, it just wasn’t his thing. Maybe he could call this particular situation… a unique moment of inspiration.
He let out a light chuckle, if only his high school English teacher could see him now.
Slipping his hand into his rough canvas bag Key dug around for a moment before gently grasping the object he desired. He pulled it out of the bag with a sense of fragility, careful not to scratch the cover of the small blue notebook.
He sat back a bit, opened the notebook to where he left off, and froze.
For a few seconds the boy stared at the page, internally fighting with his own mind to build up the courage to flip the thin pages.
His fingers finally found the edge and he carefully turned each and every one as to not rip it, or get an unwelcome reminder of what had happened that morning.
About ¾ of the way through the journal he stopped, coming to rest at the first empty page.
Key took a deep breath and pulled out a small pink object that Jonghyun had just handed him a matter of minutes ago: his pink Pen.
Now remember, Key wasn’t one for writing. But if there was sort of magic in this world they lived in, he believed it at that moment. Because no matter how strange it sounds, the pen in his hand seemed to have a mind of its own as it glided across the smooth paper. Not one mistake was made, and he wrote each and every word in a pink script almost as beautiful as his own red tinted face.
Was he… blushing? Just from writing in a notebook?
The time after that was a blur to Kibum, it seemed as though the pen had found it’s home on that very piece of paper, and never wanted to leave. It was all so natural, it almost didn’t seem real.
He sat there for a couple of hours most likely, reading and writing, never wanting to leave. Eventually he felt his pen hand getting heavy, as well as his eyelids, and decided he would have to call it a night. There was still homework he had to get done as well.
The boy carefully closed the journal and returned it to the place in his bag.
With a small groan he forced his legs to uncross and carry him up, using the wall for support. Wow he was tired.
A small yawn escaped his lips as he walked out of his silent sanctuary, closing the door behind him. He would be back there in a couple hours anyway; dance practice was every morning after all.
The hallways were pretty much empty, being after dinner time and most people were in their rooms or out with their friends.
Still, Key could have sworn that as he turned around to head back to his room he saw a shadow disappear behind a corner.
He shrugged it off as just his imagination and continued on, though he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching him.
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Jonghyun sat there for probably an hour before he finally got the strength to move. He had just had a conversation- a-a a conversation- A CONVERSATION WITH FREAKING KIBUM- I MEAN KEY.
Okay so they had only spoken for like, 5 minutes, but IT WAS STILL A CONVERSATION OKAY.
He couldn’t believe it, he really couldn’t. And it wasn’t even really the fact that it had happened that was so extraordinary, it was that he was still contemplating the fact that he hadn’t fainted from the absolute terror that was still circling in his mind from being that close to the man he loved. He should be a dead log on the ground right now, and he was unbelievably happy at the moment that he wasn’t.
But putting dead logs aside, Jonghyun shakily stood up on his own two feet and continued to let the thought sink in, he had a real conversation with Kbi-Key.
Now he wasn’t exactly ecstatic about that new half-pint nick name… but if it was coming from Key then it would have to be okay.
However a dark thought poked up in the back of his mind, a fact he desperately wanted to forget.
Retrieving Key’s pen had reminded him of a certain journal he had misplaced yesterday… one that held his deepest secrets.
He could only hope that the sky blue cover of his most precious item had been kicked into the hallway’s incoming traffic and trampled by the many students rushing from class to class, or maybe dropped off at the schools lost and found. Either way, he prayed to God no one had it in their possession.
At least he had had the last thought to rip out his name from that last page, in fear that someone may have found it one day.
Though he wrote that he had given up, that he was done chasing Key, deep down he knew that was not true. And it never would be.
He would never give up, not as long as he lived. Even if he had to continue watching from a distance, seeing Key happy was all that mattered. And he would do everything in his power to keep that promise.
But he did wonder about that weird tall guy: Minho was it? Why did Taemin want to go with him so badly… if him and Key were dating, it just didn’t make any sense.
Jonghyun pushed his chair in before walking out of the library, passing the few people who were left. The occasional couple looking for a quiet place or some nerds mostly, it was already dinner time so almost everyone was long gone.
His footsteps echoed in the hallways, the silence eerie but comforting at the same time. He rounded a few corners, passing his writing class room on the way. There was no rush really,he didn’t need to be home for a while. Plus he enjoyed just strolling through the halls and thinking, letting words and phrases pass through his head like drifting ghosts in the back of his mind.
He passed another classroom, this time on he didn’t recognize, before he turned yet another corner and came face to face with the hallway he had stood in that morning.
He froze, his gaze finding the wooden door on the left hand side, the one that tall boy had been looking through, the one where he saw Key and Taemin smiling and laughing behind its boundaries.
He approached it almost uncertainly, each step bringing him closer and closer to the memories from before. He leaned forward and looked in, his chocolate brown bangs shifting over along with his head as he peered into the small square window.
The room behind was dimly lit and much emptier than before, but other than that it was pretty much the same as before. Same wooden floors, same mirrored walls, same- wait. What was that, in the back?
Jonghyun leaned in a little closer, not trusting his own eyes. Key was sitting there, leaning against the wall, reading nothing else but- his own journal.
It took every ounce of his will power not to barge in there and take it back, hope he had never read any of it, erase it all from his memory. Because really out of anyone who could have found it, it had to be the very person he had written it for.
At least it was anonymous; Key still wouldn’t know who had written it. But still… he would know every last thought Jonghyun had about him every encounter, every fantasy.
He would think the author was a freak, a stalker or something. He’d probably hate him if he ever figured it out, Jonghyun was just out of luck. Key would despise him, and that was a fate worse than death.
He forced himself to look a little harder, not really sure what he was looking for but wanting to see something. Anything.
And what he saw was anything other than expected
Key wasn’t reading, he was writing. That small pink pen was moving so fast it was almost a blur, gliding back and forth in a way Jonghyun could almost call beautiful.
He watched him until time was lost, until he couldn’t care less if he got home or not, until all the world revolved around the two of them, separated by a closed door but conjoined by a small window.
Jonghyun ignored the burning sensation growing in his thighs from standing so long, he couldn’t care less.
The way Key would bite his lip or furrow his brows as he moved across the page, it was amazing. His expressions said everything, almost like Jonghyun could read his writing just from the way he stared at the page.
Finally, Key stopped. He stayed still for a moment before placing the cap on his pen and returning everything into that shoulder bag of his.
It wasn’t until he had already stood up that Jonghyun realized a very small but important detail: he was still standing at the window.
He practically sprinted away, just making it around the corner before he heard the door open and close behind him.
Key stopped for a moment, looking around as though he had seen a bit of Jonghyun before he had vanished from sight.
The older held his breath, hoping Key wouldn’t come to where he was scrunched up on the wall around the corner, only letting it out softly when he heard retreating footsteps.
He peeked around the corner, watching as Key retreated from sight. He took a deep breath. The good news was he hadn’t gotten caught, but the bad news was that Key had his notebook.
And he needed to get it back.
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Oct. 10, 2013
I can’t believe I’m writing this. Aish, what are you doing to me here? I’ve spent who knows how long reading through entry after entry of yours, I can’t seem to stop. I don’t usually say this but I want to know more about you. I want to know who you are, so I can knock some sense into you, idiot. You think so low of yourself, you don’t give your own thoughts any credit. I couldn’t care less about what you what you think, I think you deserve more than how you’re treating yourself. And you can’t argue with me, if you know as much about me as you seem to, you know there’s no use. So shut up and believe in yourself a little, it won’t kill you, I promise.
But putting that aside, why the hell was that page ripped out?! Who are you Pabo, I want to know, I really do. And not only so I can knock some sense into you, but also so I can say something else, something I don’t normally say. I- Well- I want to say thank you okay?! You’ve done so much for me and I never really- alright screw it I can’t be sappy. Thanks.
Is it possible to come to like someone so much just from reading what they’ve written? If you had asked me that yesterday I would have said no. No way. But now… Now I’m not so sure. Look. Right now I’m, well, “dating” someone you could say. I know you’ve seen us together and I’m sorry you went through that. But I want you to know something. Hopefully if you ever read this you’ll understand. None of that is real. It’s all a lie.
Now don’t go thinking I’m some jerk who fake dates, that’s not it. Taemin’s like a child to me.
That kid, I want to take care of him. So naturally when he came up to me and asked if I would pretend to date him so he could make someone jealous, I said yes without thinking twice. If he needed help I’d be there to give it to him. Plus, who doesn’t want a little fun, you know? Wrong. All wrong. Now I feel so guilty- which is really weird for someone like me, you know- but it just feels so wrong. Like I’ve been looking the wrong way this whole time, like there’s something I’ve been missing.
And then there’s boy, Jonghyun I think was his name? I just call him half-pint. He’s.. well, he’s kind of like you. He seems familiar somehow, but I just can’t place it. He’s really nice though, and actually kind of cute. His eyes remind me of a puppy’s really. And his little shy smile is really nice, when he shows it of course. He doesn’t talk much, but his expressions say everything. And- okay, sorry I’m getting off topic but… I want to like, well, love him. I really, really do. There’s only one problem though, I already love someone else. You. The writer of this journal. I would give anything to meet you. I can’t allow myself to like anyone else, not until I meet you. And I will find you, no matter what. I am Kim Kibum, and you of all people should know, I don’t give up.
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