“You’re awake?”

Kyungsoo covered his mouth as he yawned. His eyes were teary and red. Kris was piggybacking Chanyeol when he heard Kyungsoo’s yawn. Kris was on duty that night. He forced Kai to take rest at home after stayed up for two days. But that wasn’t just the only one reason. Kris felt awkward around his ex boyfriend since both stayed at Kai’s apartment. He thought it was better for Luhan to stay at Kai’s apartment because he’s better at cooking and taking care of household. Kris clearly remembered Luhan’s awkward relationship with Kyungsoo. Even though they often hung out together, Luhan often felt like he was with stranger. He felt insecure, even at the day Kris and Luhan broke up nine years ago, Luhan brought up Kris’ friendly acts towards Kyungsoo even thought it wasn’t the main problem that he had with Luhan.

“Is Luhan with Kai?”

Kris nodded as he laid Chanyeol on the couch and wrapped him with blanket. “I spoil Chanyeol too much.” Kris laughed said as he placed a kiss on his five years old son’s forehead. “Chen could sleep alone and get along with new people very well even though he’s only four.”

“How it’s like to have kids?”

Kyungsoo amazed on how Kris took care of Chanyeol. The first time he met Kris in 7 years was couple days ago. Kris was young when he married his wife; Kyungsoo remembered how nervous Kris was when he had to walk on the aisle.

“You know that I got a very conservative wife that put family first above all her desire. I respect her more that anyone in this world. I told her that I don’t like girls, but she insisted that she would accept me as long as I accept her and her strong idea as a conservative woman. The day I found out she’s pregnant with Chanyeol I hugged her until she threw up on my shoulder.”

“Your wishes come true. Are you that happy?” Kyungsoo asked Kris as if he couldn’t conceal his envy on Kris. Kris didn’t notice it; he kept talking how excited he was to have two kids. The moment he found Kyungsoo sobbed, and hid under his blanket, he approached him. Pulled his blanket and wiped his tears. “Mianhae…”

“I just wish to have some more time with him...” Kyungsoo said between his sobs. “I have two amazing fathers. Even though I had a bit crazy life when they raised me, I felt so happy to get a lot love from them. Even until now, they still support me.” He explained. “I keep asking myself if it’s fate. Fate that I could only receive love from amazing people around me without giving love to others.”

“Hey, hey, stop it.” Kris cut his words, placed his finger on his lips. Kyungsoo looked away. “My kids will spend their summer holiday here. I knew you really like them, so I told their mother to let them stay. Their mom will come to Seoul right after her mother gets well.”

“Kris…”

“I was busy with my business and unable to introduce you my kids when you still have strength to play with them…”

“I wish you could get me some morphine to reduce a little bit of pain. I’m tired of being tired.” Kyungsoo said as he stared outside his windows. Kris saw Kyungsoo as if he was in terrible sense of desolation. “I prefer die a long time ago than bear this bereft feeling all alone…”

Kris looked at Kyungsoo in dismay. He held his hand tight. “You are like a brother to me, you can trust me if you want to talk about certain things you couldn’t tell Kai.”

“He moves on, living as a single person for the past six months. It feels like he excludes me from his life.” Kyungsoo burst in tears. “I do tell him to prepare for the worst, I do tell him to make himself busy, but I… ”

“Kyungsoo, Listen to me!” Kris tried his best to make his voice a bit low. He didn’t want Chanyeol awake and heard all the things Kyungsoo and him talked about. “Kai loves you with all his heart, and would do anything for you.”

“What if he already found another person?”

“He loves you! Trust me!”

“What if that person is Luhan?”

Kyungsoo cried in despair. Kris words couldn’t console him at all. He also shocked to hear that Luhan was approaching Kai. It was like Kyungsoo was pouring all burdens, worries, sadness, and even his fears he had been hiding for years. Kris couldn’t say anything, moreover after he heard about Luhan. He stood beside Kyungsoo and let him cried on his shoulder.  

“Kyungsoo-yah!”

Kyungsoo stopped his steps. He turned around and saw Kai was running towards him. He formed wide smile as his hands waving at the taller guy. “Morning!”

Kai didn’t smile back at him. His facial expression was really serious. “Let’s just skip today’s classes.” Kai said between his panting breaths. Kyungsoo frowned. He knew something bad happened. “Wait, what happened?”

“Ppali!”

Kai wrapped his hands with Kyungsoo’s and pulled his hands. They ran towards the nearest bus stop and got inside the bus immediately. They went to Cheongdam, to Kris’ apartment. Kyungsoo had no clue on what happened. Kai didn’t tell him why it was an urgent matter.

Kyungsoo, Kai, Kris and Luhan became friends for the past six months. They often hung out together, but Kyungsoo and Luhan’s friendship was more awkward. They seemed really not suit with each other.

“Kris!!”

Kai opened Kris’ apartment with his key. Kris’ apartment  was really messy. It was like someone robbed his apartment last night. Kris was watching a movie, ‘Titanic’, with a huge bowl of popcorn in his hands. “Ssup??”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes at Kai, but Kai ignored him. Kai approached Kris and touched his forehead. “Dude! I thought you’re dead!” he hugged Kris tight until Kris barely able to breathe. “Let… me… go…”

Kai shook his head. “No! You should move on!”

“I’m… All… right…” Kris started to cough.

“Really?” Kai released his hands from Kris’ neck. Kyungsoo sighed and started to tidy up the mess. “What happened?”

“He’s broke up with Luhan Yesteday.”

Kyungsoo stoned. He dropped the glass in his hands, and ran towards Kris to comfort him. “Gwaenchanha? You’re not trying to commit suicide right?” He asked him.

“I’ve tried,” Kris said. “See those pills?” He pointed at ills on the coffee table. “I thought it was sleeping pills. Turns out those are my nephew’s candies.”

Kyungsoo let out sigh of relief. “But why?”

Kris pressed play button in his remote and continue watching the movie. “He was the one who chase me, but then he dumped me when I think about growing old together with him until death separates us. It was my fault actually. Scared him with my plan for our future. Luhan said, he never wants further commitment. No more than boyfriend-boyfriend. He said that live in one place for his whole life wasn’t his dream. He has dream to reach and pursue. He decided to call it out. We broke up yesterday.”

“What’s important now is you. How’s your feeling?”

“I really wanted to jump from the balcony, but when I saw the ground…  I found that I had fear of height.” Kris said as he ate his popcorn.

“You didn’t put poison in your pop corn right?”

“No.” he said. “But I put too much salt in it.”

Kris and Kyungsoo looked at each other for a while before Kris ran towards the toilet and threw up. Kris back to his seat and got a hug from Kai. “You know you’re idiot right?”

Kris nodded. “I hate men. I’ll never date man again.”

“But you’re a gay Kris!”

“It’s better to marry a girl who will spend her life with me, build a family with me, and be my bestfriend for my whole life. Raise kids and grow old together.” Kris explained. Kyungsoo saw it on his eyes. Kris was just a man in love who wanted a happy ever after live with someone who is important to him. Kyungsoo was like him. He has the same dream as Kris, but He could never be with Kris. Kris was like a brother to him, and he fell in love with other guy.

“But no girl will devote her life to you. Unless she has a very ‘interesting’ view on marrying a gay.” Kai explained. “But I will always pray for your happiness. I’m sure you’ll get the one.”

“Thanks…” Kris said as he stared at Kai’s eyes. Kai smiled and opened his arms widely. “Teletubies hug!!”

Kris hugged him, so was Kyungsoo. They laughed as Kai groaned in pain when he fell from the couch. “OUCH!!!”

Kris was in his room, having a peaceful nap with Kyungsoo and Kai. Kai and Kyungsoo didn’t sleep. They just tried a new method to make Kris fell asleep because they knew Kris didn't sleep at all last night. The method was a big success, so they decided to let Kris have a peaceful sleep then they continue the movie Kris watched earlier.

“Kris is a good person. He just wants a happy ending with Luhan...” Kyungsoo said as he laid his head on Kai’s shoulder.

“Luhan wants the same, but he’s an ambitious person. He has to pursue his dream as a soccer player, before he decides to have a strong commitment with someone.” Kai explained. “We have to look everything from many sides. We cannot blame Luhan for what happened to Kris.”

“I know…” Kyungsoo nodded.

“I know Luhan very well. I understand him more than Kris sometimes…”

“Yea…” Kyungsoo said as he crossed his hands. “After I see Kris suffering like this, I become afraid in having a relationship with someone. I’m afraid that the person I love will leave me when I’m deeply in love with that person.” Kyungsoo explained.

“I will never leave you,” Kai suddenly said. Their eyes met. Kai got closer to Kyungsoo’s lips and gave those pink plump lips a dry peck. “I’ll give you guarantee if you need.”

Kyungsoo blinked few times. He stared at Kai and touched his lips. Kai laughed and pushed him until Kyungsoo laid on the couch and Kai was on the top of him. Kyungsoo blinked again before Kai made out with him.

“What are you doing?” Kyungsoo pushed him away. Kai fell from couch and felt rejected. “I was just…” he said bitterly. “I love you Kyungsoo…”

Kyungsoo dropped his Jaw; Kai got up and took his bag as if he would leave Kyungsoo with Kris. “Wait, where are you going?”

“Back home, perhaps…”

Kyungsoo laughed. He got up and pushed Kai until he fell to the couch. Kyungsoo sat on his lap, touched his cheeks by his two hands and gave Kai peck for more than three times. Kai didn’t do anything. He was shocked, but enjoyed every peck Kyungsoo placed on his lips. “Wait, what do you mean with those pecks?”