(Kyuhyun’s Pov)

Before it’s too late.

Why do I have a feeling that it's already too late?

"Seohyunie... I--"

"Please, oppa. I think he's still in the park. He had nowhere to go." She pleaded. "You are the only who could pull him out from all of these. He's alone, misunderstood, and broken. Fix him, Kyu."

I immediately nodded and took my phone. Seohyun left after giving me an encouraging look and smile.

The glances I'm stealing when he's not looking, the crazy beatings of my heart, the shivers he sends to my spine, all of my extra caring, my over protectiveness, my unexplainable jealousy whenever Beige hang out with him and whenever he spends his time with others...those were because I love him...?

I don't know.

I really don't know.

But I don't want to lose him.

I couldn't lose him. I need him...so bad.

I don't even know how I survived those months without him by my side...maybe it's because I hear his voice through the phone every night.

Is that the reason why I always call him at night? Using the day with Seohyun just to hear his voice?

I love him?

I love him...

I love him!

I love him goddammit!! Why did I become such a jerk? Why didn't I notice?! Why did I get blinded on Seohyun's beauty when the real perfection was on my side all along?

“Darn…Why is he not picking up?” I panicked again. I want to hear his voice right now. I want to say I’m sorry. I wanted to say how dumb I am. I wanted to say how I miss him. I wanted to say how I love him and show it to him now and then.

God, was I an idiot!

I ran to my bicycle (yes I don’t have to borrow from Henry anymore) and went immediately to the water park; the most memorial place of all time of my life. On the way, I kept on calling him. But he doesn’t pick up.

To: Wookie yeobo
From: Kyuhyun

I love you, I’m sorry too…

I sent the message.

                Arriving at the place (though it took me hours), I looked around to see Ryeowook. But no sign of him could be seen. Where is he? Seohyun told me that—hey!

I ran at a certain bench; the bench where he usually sit on. There lies his bag. It was my birthday gift for him last year. It was a bag pack with giraffe print on it. I still can remember how he smiled so bright and sweet when he received it. His smile never left my mind. I just never noticed that I treasure it so much.

The bag was slightly open, revealing the edge of a thick, purple notebook with again, a giraffe drawing as its cover. I chuckled at his giraffe obsession. It was one of the cute parts of him that I came to love. But I think I love all of him.

I still couldn’t believe on how stupid I am not noticing these feelings… so idiotic… such a jerk…

I took the hard bound, purple notebook and opened it. It was his precious song note. The songs were written on the right side of the notebook and the left side of the pages contains his entries. More like diary entries. I hesitated at first to read the left side so I focused on the songs first.

He was a genius. A composing genius. He had so many songs, most of them were shared to me but the latter part contains the songs I don’t know about.

I noticed that every diary entry connects with the song. It made me discard what I said earlier. I have to read the diary entries.

I Love You

So bad..a person a like you..
Why did you take my heart without my permission?
I’m living with so much difficulty
But you don’t even know.
I know.. that it’s not me
That I’m not worthy enough for even a blink of your eyes
But sometimes can’t you share your smile with me too? Even if its not love

Please turn back just once sometime
If I wait endlessly like this today
Again its the one word in my heart that I cant keep inside
I love you.

Yesterday, I layed my head on my desk
And I think I fell asleep grieving for you
When I opened my eyes, the tears had smudged your name and hopeless doodles

Please turn back just once sometime
If I wait endlessly like this today
Again its the one word in my heart that I cant keep inside
I love you.

As I look at your back image
which I got so used to
I say those silent tear-like words,

I love you.

Kyu… I’m suffering so much. I am so in love with you… but I don’t want to love you. I never wanted to. It hurts…And I’m not expecting you to love me. I am contented with this close relationship as best friends. But there is no salvation from this pain. My heart is calling for you. I know this is really dramatic… But I really love you so much. I will write those three words I never have the courage to tell over and over again. I love you, Kyu. I love you. I lo