"I call dog on this one" Baekhyun declares "There's no way that is true"

"But it is" Yixing laughs

"Are you sure you didn't just dream it?" Sehun asks

"Or hallucinate it?" Tao adds

"Leave him alone" Jongdae defends "It could be true"

"Ha" Luhan snorts "You're only saying that cause you love him~"

"Shut up" Jongdae says, pushing Luhan off his chair.

"It's true" Yixing says "You believe me don't you?" he asks Chanyeol.

"Uh" he says "I don't really know you"

Yixing frowns "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It's just that I've..." Chanyeol starts, stealing a glance Tao's way "heard things"

"What kind of things?" Yixing asks innocently.

"That's not important" Tao cuts in before Chanyeol can rat him out "Apparently there's a monkey in a tutu running around the office"

Unfortunately he says this as Kris rounds the corner, catching the very end of the sentence

"Tao?" he calls, turning around to face the group

"Yeah?" Tao answers

"Is it time for another psych evaluation?"

Tao pulls a disgusted face "It's not my sanity in question here"

Kris sighs "Chen, if you brought a monkey into this office I swear..."

"Whoa" Jongdae holds up his hands "First off, I wouldn't even know where to get a monkey, and second, I hardly see the humor in it"

Kris frowns "Baekhyun..."

Baekhyun scoffs before Kris even has the chance to accuse him "This is all Yixing's imagination; I had nothing to do with it"

Kris sighs "Just get back to work" he says before walking away.

 

"You know, I never said anything about a tutu" Yixing says once Kris is out of sight.

"Because the tutu is what makes your story unbelievable" Tao snarks, rolling his eyes

 

* * *

 

"So how are things?" Joonmyun asks

"Good" Yixing replies "Although, I haven't been put on any missions in a while"

Joonmyun smiles, sweet and placating "I'm sure you'll be on the next one"

Yixing returns the smile "Is that all you needed?" he asks, wondering why he'd been called into his boss's office just to answer how his day was going.

"Yeah" Joonmyun says "I guess I just wanted to check up on you, see how you're doing, or if you were on any medication we should be aware of"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Yixing frowns

"Asking you what?" Joonmyun's smile is so sweet and bright it takes the thoughts right out of Yixing's head

"I don't remember" he says, because really, he can't

 

***

 

"Uh" Jongin clears his throat "What are you staring at?"

"The wall" Yixing answers truthfully

"I can see that"

"Then why did you ask?"

Jongin raises an eyebrow "I guess I just wanted to know why"

This time Yixing raises an eyebrow "Then why didn't you just ask that in the first place?"

Jongin puts his hands up defensively "Woah" he says "You've been spending far too much time with Chen and Tao"

 

* * *

 

"Listen" Jongdae says from behind his desk "You know I love you and all your crazy, right?"

"Uh" Yixing drawl's out "Yeah?"

"And you know I'd defend you and shoot a cap in anyone's who so much as makes you sad?"

"Yeah" Yixing says confused

"And you love me too, right?"

"Of course" Yixing answers immediately

"Great" Jongdae smiles "now as someone you love and who loves you, I have to request you stop telling people there is a monkey running around the office"

"But" Yixing cuts in sadly "There is a monkey running around the office"

"I believe you" Jongdae says quickly, not liking the frown on the elder's face "It's just..." he pauses "I don't want you to get carted to the mental asylum...again"

"That was a joke" Yixing frowns

"Yeah" Jongdae says slowly "I don't think Tao was joking"

 

***

 

"Hey Xing, why the sad face?" Kyungsoo asks as he comes across a melancholy Yixing sitting alone in the break room.

"No one believes me that there is a monkey running around the office" Yixing informs "Well, except for Jongdae but he told me to stop talking about it before I get thrown back in the mental asylum"

"Yeah" Kyungsoo says "I don't know what Tao was thinking. That wasn't even a fuuny joke. And the paperwork to get you out was a ...wait, did you say monkey?"

"Yeah"

"In the office?"

"Yeah"

"We should probably call animal control or something" Kyungsoo ponders out loud "What if it bites someone?"

"Bite someone?" Minseok questions as he enters the break room for his mid-morning snack before lunch "Whose biting someone?"

"A monkey" Kyungsoo informs

"Monkey? Minseok stops dead in his tracks

"Yeah" Yixing answers quietly

"In the office?"

"Yeah"

"OMG we've got to get the flame throwers and nets. You guys know I hate monkeys. I'm gonna kill Chen for bringing one--"

"It wasn't Jongdae" Yixing cuts in before Minseok stomps off to pistol whip the younger male

"Baekhyun" Minseok growls

"Not him either"

"Then who?"

"It was probably Tao" Kyungsoo sighs

"Tao is too sweet to pull something this horrible" Minseok defends "Plus he knows how much I hate monkeys"

"Yeah" Kyungsoo says "I think you're the only person in the history of ever who thinks Tao is sweet, with the exception of Sehun. But those two are ing so his opinion doesn't count"

The trio burst into laughter

"Good one" Minseok smiles when the laughter dies down "But seriously, go grab your guns so we can shoot this monkey"

"Slow your roll John Clayton*" Kyungsoo teases "Now where was the last place you saw the monkey?" he turns to Yixing and frowns "Why are you crying?"

"You guys believe me~"

 

* * *

 

"Why the hell are you in my office?" Jongdae asks with a raised eyebrow "are you trying to proposition me for a foursome? Because I'm not entirely against it"

"I thought you were straight" Yixing laughs

"I'd bend over for you" Jongdae winks, to which Yixing cracks up

"That's disgusting" Minseok states

"You're just jealous" Jongdae smirks "but don't be, I'd bend over for you too"

Minseok can't help but laugh "You're depraved"

"Why thank you"

"If we're quite done with Jongdae's closet homoual tendencies, could we please get back to the matter at hand?" Kyungsoo asks

"Hey" Jongdae pouts "My homoual tendencies only stretch to Yixing, Minseok, Joonmyun, you, Kai, Kris, Tao, Sehun, and the new kid, Chanyeol...maybe Baekhyun too, if he was mute"

"You've basically just named the whole office" Kyungsoo rolls his eyes

"Don't forget about that barista you said you'd marry if he made coffee for you every morning, noon, and night" Yixing adds with a sweet smile.

"Oh yeah" Jongdae says dreamily "him"

"Homo" Minseok fake coughs "Now about that damn dirty ape"

"Right" Jongdae snaps out of his gaydream--daydream, I meant daydream--"Why are you guys in my office again?"

"Well, the people in this room are the only ones who believe me about the monkey" Yixing informs

"Right" Jongdae says slowly "I thought we agreed not to speak of that anymore"

"Oh yeah" Yixing smiles, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head

"I can never stay mad at you" Jongdae frowns "You're just too damn cute"

"I'll take that as a compliment" Yixing smiles

"Don't" Jongdae says "It's a pain in my "

"And thus concludes our segment of Things Kim Jongdae never says when Joonmyun s him" Yixing jokes

"Ha" Jongdae snorts, pulling out a lollipop from his desk and handing it to Yixing "Good one"

"Do I even want to know what is happening right now?" Minseok asks as he eyes both Jongdae and Yixing skeptically.

"I guarantee you don't" Kyungsoo deadpans

"Chen has been teaching me how to be more assertive" Yixing answers, gleefully on his reward.

"Yeah" Kyungsoo says "That's not being assertive, that's being a sarcastic little "

"It's the same thing" Jongdae defends his teachings.

"As sad as it is" Minseok announces "I'm going to have to agree with Chen on this one"

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at him.

"I know" Minseok agrees with Kyungsoo's silent question "I never thought I'd say that either"

"Right" Kyungsoo says slowly "So about this monkey situation"

 

***

 

"What are you doing?" Jongin asks his lover, who was currently sporting one of those jungle adventure outfits "Is this one of your weird ual fantasies you refuse to tell me about?"

Kyungsoo just glares at the younger male

"Am I supposed to act like Tarzan right now? Do you want me to take off my shirt?" Jongin is starting to get excited, pulling at the edge of his shirt, ready to lift it over his head at a moment's notice.

"You remember when I told you we should hold off on telling each other our ual fantasies until our life started to stagnate?" Kyungsoo asks

"Yeah" Jongin answers

"I'm beginning to think you should keep your ed up fantasies to yourself"

And with that said he walks away, leaving behind a blank faced Jongin.

 

"Yeah right" Jongin scoffs when Kyungsoo is no longer in his field of vision "He's totally gonna love my ed up fantasies"

 

* * *

 

"What took you so long?" Minseok asks as a glowering Kyungsoo enters the conference room

"I'm dating an idiot" he answers

"We all knew that" Yixing retorts "but it doesn't explain why you're so late"

"OMG you are just flying through all the steps to becoming self assertive" Jongdae laughs, handing Yixing another er he pulls out of his pocket.

"Whatever" Kyungsoo rolls his eyes "Why are we dressed like this anyway?" He points down at his own attire. The four of them are sporting similar jungle explorer outfits. Frankly, Kyungsoo thinks they look insane.

"I think it's like some unwritten rule" Jongdae says "When hunting a monkey, dress like a dickhead"

Kyungsoo stares at him for a moment "I guess I can't argue with that logic" he says. Because really, every single ing movie he's ever seen about monkeys, some is always dressed in this exact outfit.

"The time for talking is over" Minseok says, cocking his gun "Let's go murder a "

"Who gave him a gun?" Kyungsoo whispers as he watches Minseok saunter over to the door, Yixing following closely behind him.

"Its department issued" Jongdae sighs before following the other two males.

"I swear the person giving the psych evaluations for gun licenses is a ing sadist" Kyungsoo states before also following the other males

 

***

 

They start their search in the evidence room, as it was the last place Yixing had seen the monkey.

"You think it's still in here?" Yixing asks in a whisper

"I'm not sure" Minseok answers "How the hell did it get in here in the first place?"

"I don't know" Yixing says "maybe it crawled in through the vents?"

"Just perfect" Minseok moans "Not only are we hunting a monkey, but it just had to be an Ethan Hunt* wannabe as well"

"Look on the bright side" Jongdae says

"What bright side?"

"If we extract Ebola we'll take Baekhyun with us"

"That's not really a bright side"

"It is for me"

"That's kind of mean" Minseok reprimands

"I'd have to disagree" Kyungsoo finally speaks up "It's what's keeping me going"

"What did he do to end up on both of your lists?" Minseok asks out of curiosity.

"That lives on my list" Jongdae informs

"Let's just say it involved a blown fuse, soju, a screwdriver and Jongin's stupidly blind faith in his partner" Kyungsoo informs

Minseok can only nod his head; he has an idea of how much damage the two probably caused, but it would be better for everyone if it was never mentioned again. As Minseok thinks this over he hears an odd sound.

"Did you hear that?" He asks

"No" Yixing says "What was it?"

"I don't know" Minseok replies, but before he can lead the way to investigate, the door to the evidence room is swung open.

 

Luhan stares at the four questionably dressed males standing in front of him. He's not sure if this is a joke, or some elaborate scheme he wishes he'd been let in on, when he notices the bulge in Minseok's pants.

"Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Luhan jokes

"It's a banana" Minseok states, and to Luhan's shock Minseok actually pulls a banana out of his pocket.

"I cannot believe that just happened" Luhan says in a daze. He turns around only to walk right back out the door, mumbling to the universe and god and any other deity he knows. Consider his mind blown.

 

"Well that was weird" Minseok states

"He's always weird" Yixing says "You'd realize this if he ever pulled his out of your "

Jongdae doesn't even say anything, just hands over the lollipop with a proud smile on his face.

 

* * *

 

"Why the hell haven't we called animal control?" Jongdae groans "This is going to take ages"

"I tried" Kyungsoo informs "but Minseok grabbed my phone and chucked it across the room before I could even dial. Something about those bastards letting the abomination run free to bit off poor father's fingers, and with the general public"

"He's been watching Planet of the Apes again hasn't he?" Jongdae sighs

"Probably" Kyungsoo agrees "I thought we told him no more monkey movies?"

"It's probably Luhan's fault"

"Probably" Kyungsoo sighs. He and Jongdae are just leaning against one of the shelves, watching idly as both Minseok and Yixing scour the evidence room for the mythical monkey.

"Did you guys find anything?" Minseok calls out

"No" Kyungsoo answers automatically.

"How about you guys?" Jongdae asks in fake interest.

"No, it must've gotten out" Yixing says

"Oh that's good" Jongdae says without thinking, without really listening.

"How is that good?" Yixing questions

"He just means that it's good because now we know the monkey isn't in here" Kyungsoo covers

"True" Minseok smiles, ruffling Jongdae's hair as he walks by "you're so smart"

"As if I didn't know that already" Jongdae smirks.

When he's sure both Minseok and Yixing are out of earshot he sends a small smile Kyungsoo's way "Thanks" he whispers.

 

***

 

"As fun as it was playing Jane Goodall* with you all day, I just received an emergency text from Kris" Kyungsoo says after pocketing his phone "It's a code: -ho"

"Wait, I thought I was Jane Goodall" Jongdae says "There's no way in hell I'm Dian Fossey*"

Kyungsoo just laughs as he gather's up his things (a coffee-courtesy of Jongdae, a lollipop-courtesy of Yixing, and a packet of crisps-courtesy of Minseok)

"Bye guys" he says "good luck"

As soon as he shuts the door Jongdae turns to the remaining two men "he's joking" he says "obviously I'm Jane Goodall, I'm clearly better looking than him"

"Sure" MInseok says, turning away from the younger man.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jongdae questions, Minseok had said it in that drawn out, placating tone.

"Kyungsoo's way hotter than you" Yixing says with a smile "Deal with it" holding his hand out expectantly.

Jongdae looks down at the appendage, then back up, into the eyes of the older male.

"You've got to be out of your ing mind if you think I'm going to give you a treat for that one" he states before stomping away.

 

"Geez, when did he start acting like such a ?" Yixing asks

Minseok bursts into laughter, pulling out his wallet, fishing out 1000won and placing it into Yixing's hand.

"At first I thought this whole self assertive bull was just that, bull, but I have to admit, that was totally worth it" Minseok snickers.

 

* * *

 

After five hours of searching and coming up cold, Yixing lets out a huff.

"Forget it" he yells "I must have just dreamed it or something"

"Really?" Minseok asks happily "There is no monkey?"

"I guess not"

"Oh thank God" Minseok hugs the taller male "I'd never be able to sleep or come back to work if we didn't manage to catch it"

"I'm sorry I wasted your day" Yixing apologizes

"Don't be silly" Minseok says "I totally had fun; I mean it was scary, but it was fun"

"Yeah" Yixing smiles "You're right, it was fun"

 

"So any luck finging your monkey?" Tao asks as he spots Minseok and Yixing back in normal clothes. It's the end of the day and everybody is packing up to go home

"No" Yixing answers with an embarrassed smile.

"I would have helped you but I was extremely busy" Tao says with a laugh

Just as Yixing's about to laugh it off and say that it's okay, he spots Jongdae pumping his fist in the air and mouthing fighting!

Taking a breath, Yixing turns his attention back to Tao and says

"That's okay, I'm sure getting ed by Sehun took up a lot of your time" before walking off.

"You know i hate it when anyone's mean to you" Minseok says to a stunned Tao "But that was a sick burn" he laughs before walking off to go find Luhan.

 

***

 

"So how was your day?" Luhan questions in a condescending motherly tone.

"It was good" Minseok's not sure what's more pathetic; the fact that Luhan is always treating him like a kid, or that he actually responds to it. It's probably the latter. God, he seriously needs to find his self respect. Maybe he left it at the bottom of a yogurt cup?

"That's good" Luhan pets Minseok's hair "I'm sorry you had to spend the day with Yixing, and even worse, Chen"

"Don't be" Minseok laughs, pushing Luhan's hand off of his head, he's a grown man, just because he looks like a child doesn't mean he needs to be treated as such "I had fun"

"Really?" Luhan asks skeptically "weren't you searching for a mythical monkey?"

"Yeah" MInseok answers "but it wasn't too bad"

"Don't you curse monkeys to the darkest realms of hell or something?"

"Yes" Minseok states darkly "but in the end it all worked out"

"What do you mean?" Luhan asks curiously

"Yixing said it was probably just a really vivid dream that trickled into reality" Minseok explains "So no monkeys!"

"That's good I guess" Luhan says distractedly "hey, do you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"That scratching sound" Luhan says, pointing to a potted plant a few feet ahead of them.

"If this is a joke, keep in mind I do have a gun and I will shoot you" MInseok says as he looks pointedly at Luhan.

"Yeah, yeah" Luhan waves him off as he approaches the plant "I think it's coming from over there"

"Maybe we should just forget about it" Minseok mumbles as he hides behind Luhan, fists clenching the younger male's shirt.

"Don't be such a baby" Luhan says, taking another step forward.

As soon as he's a foot away, Tao jumps out from behind the plant and screams "MONKEY ATTACK!!"

After an embarrassingly girly scream that Minseok's not sure he's ever going to let Luhan live down, he stalks up to the now laughing Chinese male and swiftly punches him in the .

"" Minseok mutters before stomping away.

"" Tao cries as he falls to the floor and wraps himself in the fetal position.

"Serves you right dickhead" Luhan says after kicking the younger male "You know how much he hates monkeys"

"It was just a joke" Tao whimpers

"Yeah, well, I hope it was worth it" Luhan says "because you've just pissed off the only person who actually thought you were a decent human being"

"I still have Sehun" Tao mumbles

"Only because you guys are ing each other" Luhan says before stomping off to find his baozi.

"We aren't ing" Tao calls out weakly, but it's too late, Luhan is already too far away.

 

By the time Tao manages to pull himself off of the floor, 15 minutes has passed by.

"At least they could have waited for me" Tao pouts as he notices the entire office is empty, the lights turned off, and an eerie quiet settled over empty desks.

He limps his way over to his desk and flips on the lamp before starting to gather up his things and putting them into his bag.

Just as he's put his phone into one of the compartments he hears the sound of metal being scratched.

"Very funny" Tao calls out, ignoring the sound completely as he places a manila foldr into his bag.

As the sound continues, only seemingly getting closer, Tao rolls his eyes

"Luhan you are so lame, this isn't even scary" he states.

The noise continues.

"Knock it off"

It gets closer

"This isn't funny"

And closer

"I'm not ever scared"

It sounds like the noise is coming from right behind him. But Tao, being Tao, would rather be brutally murdered in the most horrific way he can think of then dignify Luhan's piss poor attempt at getting him back by turning around.

"You are so stupid" Tao says before something jumps on his shoulder, nails scratching lightly at the side of his face.

"What the Luhan?" Tao screams, trying to rip whatever the hell Luhan had thrown at him off "Get it off of me"

Tao turns around as he continues his struggle, only to find the office completely empty.

Feeling a little more frightened then he had been moments ago, he turns his head slowly to the left and comes face to face with beady little black eyes on a fuzzy white face.

"KYAAAAA" Tao screams, desperately swatting at the beast on his shoulder "I'm being attacked by a ing capuchin monkey"

 

After 17 minutes and 36 seconds of girlish screams and frantic swatting--that the capuchin manages to escape by jumping from shoulder to shoulder--Tao gives up, plopping himself heavily into his dest chair.

"I suppose this means I have to become an organ grinder now" Tao tells the monkey, who looks curiously at Tao with its head tilted to the side.

"Don't look at me like that Abu*" he says to the monkey "What the hell am I doing?" he questions his sanity. He stands back up and grabs his bag only to fish his phone out.

 

"Hey Sehunnie" Tao coos into the reciever when the younger male picks up the phone "What do monkey's eat?"

"Is this a set up to a joke?" Sehun asks

"No" Tao sighs sadly "But I wish it were" he eyes the monkey on his shoulder with distain.

 

* * *

THE NEXT DAY

 

"Shots fired, shots fired" Joonmyun is screaming "is everyone okay?"

The whole office is in a shambles. Minseok had taken one look at Tao as he walked into the office, sporting a very real, very living monkey on his shoulder and calmly pulled out his gun and fired two 'warning' shots right past Tao's head. It really was quite lucky Minseok just so happens to be the best shot in the whole office. Or Tao probably would have lost his head.

Tao was cradled in Sehun's arms, clutching onto his ears and screaming about how they were ringing and how he couldn't hear Sehun's beautiful voice. Luhan and Kris were in the midst of trying to restle the gun out of Minseok's hand.

 

"I told you there was a monkey in the office" Yixing announces with a giant eating grin on his face.

"I shall never doubt you again" Baekhyun says as he watches, amusement playing in his eyes, as Luhan kisses a crazed Minseok in hopes that is will stun him long enough for Kris to pry the gun away from the baby-faced lunatic.

 

"It's Tuesday" Jongdae calls as he exits his office, completely unfazed by the chaos in front of him "And we all know what that means" he smiles his cheshire smile.

"TACO TUESDAY!!" Baekhyun yells excitedly as he pulls his attention away from the pandemonium to focus on the younger male.

Jongdae nods his head enthusiastically.

"Tacos?" Chanyeol asks, poking his head out from underneath a desk.

Jongdae nods again

"Can I have one? or twelve?" he asks hopefully

"Of course" Jongdae smiles and it's all the invitation Chanyeol needs as he quickly scrambles out from under his desk to join the two older males.

 

"Hey" Yixing calls after the three males excitedly making their way out of the office "Don't you care that I was right?"

Jongdae turns around to face him, eyebrow raised in question.

"About the monkey" Yixing elaborates

Jongdae looks thoughtful for about 20 seconds befoer he states "That was so yesterday's news" he grins "It's Taco Tuesday. Join us?" he offers

Yixing sighs, deciding to let the whole being right thing go. With this group of s being right about something was the quivalent to showing up at the office with brown eyes. Everybody had them and nobody gave a if you did too.

"Sure, why not" He says walking over to the trio "I'll drive"

 

 

 

A/N: First off lets start with the references you may not have gotten (1) John Clayton is the villan from Tarzan (2) Ethan Hunt is Tom Cruz's character from Mission Imposible (3) Jane Goodall is a famous researcher who worked with chimpanzee's (4) Dian Fossey is also a famous researcher but she worked with Gorilla's (5) Abu is the monkey sidekick from Aladin.

Now that that's out of the way, let me just tell you this is NOT what I was intending to post. The other chapter that I was working on just wasn't funny. In my head I thought it would turn out hilarious, but from head to paper it just didn't hold up. So I threw this together...It's not that much better than what I had originally wrote but at least it was a little bit funnier. So I appologize if it seems rushed and all over the place. Hopefully the next chapter will be funnier.

Anyways, I'm in a super good mood. Did you guys see SHINee win the Artest of the Year award? OMG it was like the cutest thing i've ever seen. I laughed, I cried, I wanted to punch somebody. I was happy that EXO won as well, but it wasn't as touching as watching SHINee.

(P.S. I am not going to check if there are any typos, sorry, but I just can't be bothered at the moment :D )